Survivor Guilt
Most of us must have experienced what we call the survivor guilt at some point in our lives. It doesn’t necessarily have to be guilt over the death of a friend or loved one. Though in most cases it is always related to a life-threatening situation. A mini example is what happened once in high school. After a test which I did together with my friends, the results came out and they failed while I passed. We did the calculation together though the teacher doesn't approve joint work. After the scripts were shared they all asked to see my script, wondering if I did something different from what they did but it was exactly the same. Here is a course that is a prerequisite to moving to the next class. I felt bad for my friends, for we discovered the mistake I made but somehow the teacher didn’t notice it when marking mine.
For days I started avoiding them, I didn’t know how to react when they are there. Won’t they feel bad that I’m happy while they aren’t? Why me? The teacher failed others but why did he make the mistake when it got to mine? Should I be grateful? Is this not cheating?… all these questions I kept asking myself. We’ve always been in the same class for years, it will be disheartening for them the following term when they have to take the class with the juniors. This constant feeling of guilt transcends into other courses. It affected my performance and I ostracized myself from my friends. A certain day when I couldn’t take it any longer, I went to the teacher’s office with my script and showed him the mistake I made. He was shocked and asked why I decided to report myself. I told him my friends failed even though we did the same thing and I feel so bad bout it. He collected my script and gave me the right thing but said he is coming to the class to address the issue.
A few minutes later he came to class and announced that we will be having a “make up test” as a way of helping those that failed, I saw the way my friends beamed with a smile and I was happy. The teacher went ahead to tell them they have me to thank and they look at me with understanding.
The above was a mini survivor guilt case. What if it involves death? Someone boarded an 18 passenger bus and an accident happened. 17 passengers died, alongside the driver but someone from the bus survived unscratched. I’m sure everyone will take about how lucky he is, how he should be grateful that he survived, but what people fail to know is that, he might have survived the accident but something in him might be dead.
This might not show a first but when a constant nightmare starts or he starts seeing things that remind him of the accident he starts asking why he is the only survivor. He feels guilty and feels he doesn’t deserve to be alive. If one isn’t careful such a person can end up taking his own life or living a life of guilt and sorrow. The solution to this isn’t as simple as the case of my high school test school above. I reported myself to the teacher to be in the same situation my friends are because we did the same thing, but you can’t tell a car accident survivor to jump off a cliff or a bridge to feel equal to those that died in the accident.
Family and friends are surely going to rally around the victim to show their concern and care but the help of a professional is needed. The extent to which survivor guilt driven person can go to, to hurt themselves cannot be overestimated, constant nightmares and silent tears can turn them into a shadow of themselves so they should visit a therapist who will take them through the journey of letting go of the guilt and living a normal life back. Seek help!/
Thanks for Reading!😔💚😔
Thank you for this piece. Survivors guilt is real and what's so sad about it is that it has driven people to taking their lives. Therapy is one's best bet to overcoming this. I want to also commend you for taking the step to do what you did by reporting yourself. It was very thoughtful of you.