Survivor Guilt

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Avatar for HappyBoy
2 years ago

Most of us must have experienced what we call the survivor guilt at some point in our lives. It doesn’t necessarily have to be guilt over the death of a friend or loved one. Though in most cases it is always related to a life-threatening situation. A mini example is what happened once in high school. After a test which I did together with my friends, the results came out and they failed while I passed. We did the calculation together though the teacher doesn't approve joint work. After the scripts were shared they all asked to see my script, wondering if I did something different from what they did but it was exactly the same. Here is a course that is a prerequisite to moving to the next class. I felt bad for my friends, for we discovered the mistake I made but somehow the teacher didn’t notice it when marking mine.

For days I started avoiding them, I didn’t know how to react when they are there. Won’t they feel bad that I’m happy while they aren’t? Why me? The teacher failed others but why did he make the mistake when it got to mine? Should I be grateful? Is this not cheating?… all these questions I kept asking myself.  We’ve always been in the same class for years, it will be disheartening for them the following term when they have to take the class with the juniors. This constant feeling of guilt transcends into other courses. It affected my performance and I ostracized myself from my friends. A certain day when I couldn’t take it any longer, I went to the teacher’s office with my script and showed him the mistake I made. He was shocked and asked why I decided to report myself. I told him my friends failed even though we did the same thing and I feel so bad bout it. He collected my script and gave me the right thing but said he is coming to the class to address the issue.

A few minutes later he came to class and announced that we will be having a “make up test” as a way of helping those that failed, I saw the way my friends beamed with a smile and I was happy. The teacher went ahead to tell them they have me to thank and they look at me with understanding.

The above was a mini survivor guilt case. What if it involves death? Someone boarded an 18 passenger bus and an accident happened. 17 passengers died, alongside the driver but someone from the bus survived unscratched. I’m sure everyone will take about how lucky he is, how he should be grateful that he survived, but what people fail to know is that, he might have survived the accident but something in him might be dead.

This might not show a first but when a constant nightmare starts or he starts seeing things that remind him of the accident he starts asking why he is the only survivor. He feels guilty and feels he doesn’t deserve to be alive. If one isn’t careful such a person can end up taking his own life or living a life of guilt and sorrow. The solution to this isn’t as simple as the case of my high school test school above. I reported myself to the teacher to be in the same situation my friends are because we did the same thing, but you can’t tell a car accident survivor to jump off a cliff or a bridge to feel equal to those that died in the accident.

Family and friends are surely going to rally around the victim to show their concern and care but the help of a professional is needed. The extent to which survivor guilt driven person can go to, to hurt themselves cannot be overestimated, constant nightmares and silent tears can turn them into a shadow of themselves so they should visit a therapist who will take them through the journey of letting go of the guilt and living a normal life back. Seek help!/

Thanks for Reading!😔💚😔

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2 years ago

Comments

Thank you for this piece. Survivors guilt is real and what's so sad about it is that it has driven people to taking their lives. Therapy is one's best bet to overcoming this. I want to also commend you for taking the step to do what you did by reporting yourself. It was very thoughtful of you.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

I remember when I had an accident that almost claimed two lives. Look at it, they were at fault with the wrong driving Pattern before the two motorcycles collided.

When it occured, all I was praying for was "let there be no death" because it'll forever be in my mind that I killed People even if I wasn't at fault.

This guilty conscience works in every human

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2 years ago

I survival but the trauma will haunt me down.

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2 years ago

I have also experienced that mini survivor guilt at one point in life but after a while, I didn't care anymore and just moved on. The one involving an accident and the death of everyone except one person can be very traumatizing. It's also similar to when a full squad of soldiers is wiped out by the enemy during war and only one person survives, that person will be haunted for the rest of his life and will never remain the same. That's part of the reason why many of them suffer from PTSD

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2 years ago

Oh, so this is what this thing is called. In my case, I am honest when I told my friends I did not get to review the day before the exam. I just read my notes really quickly the hour before the exam started. I got a perfect score and they did not. I feel guilty , at the same time, not because I am honest with what I said, yet, the result told them the otherwise.

Ps. It's not a big deal to them, and it was many years ago, so.. Hehe.

$ 0.03
2 years ago

What worse is that when the survivors received a blame for not bringing everyone's safe (especially if it involves death).

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2 years ago

I had started to reply here but, as happens more often here, the reply got way too long for the reply function. I made it into an article (a really long one I'm afraid) which is here: https://read.cash/@AnonSunamun/sorry-at-happyboy-i-disagree-with-survivor-guilt-8ce1c041

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2 years ago

Survivors guilt is so real especially when death is involved. The person will start feeling like they should apologise for surviving

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2 years ago

Really put myself in that shoe as the only survivor in a accident, and I don't think I can live with that image in my head. Considering I like to socialize with at least one person in the bus when travelling.

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2 years ago

This haven't happened to me but I can relate, cause it happened to a friend, and that time, I usually wonder, why did he keep blaming himself for the death of his patient, he couldn't control death.. But he blame himself

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2 years ago

The first scenario had occurred to me when in secondary school... The whole class was flogged for disturbance but the teacher unknowingly skipped me. He was about to leave the class when I called him back and said " uncle, you forgot to flog me". He looked at me for some moments and I could tell that he felt weak as he didn't see any fear my eyes. He was also probably astonished by my probity. He called me later after school hours and tolde that he was proud at my display of honesty.

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2 years ago

Yeah, the good old survivor's guilt, eh? I gotta say it is no small feat dealing with survivor's guilt. It's takes a mental toll on the victim that even their loved ones experience such toll with them. You did good writing about this, creating awareness to the fact that it's a real and serious thing people go through. This will go a long way in helping people deal it with. Thanks for sharing this

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2 years ago

I haven’t been in this kind of situation before but if it happens I’ll really thank you for being guilt and also thank the lecturer for giving advantage of Make-up test. That’s why we have to seek of help in a situation we don’t understand or seems rough.

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2 years ago

Hmmm, if I am in your shoe too, I will feel very bad and disturbed also. It takes courage to do what you did.

$ 0.02
2 years ago

If i didn't, the guilt will kill me, also i had no one to talk to.

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2 years ago