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Greatwolfman: Alright, uhm, I am back to the dark place once again sitting and dining with my demons, I guess there is something really comforting about it. It almost feels like home, I drown my pain and sorrows in sad songs composed mentally with no lyrics, no word could ever be enough to fit into such a sad tune.
Daytime comes and I have to fake being happy, my face even hurts from forcing smiles. "I'm okay" is all I can say but deep down I'm hurting, it still feels like dreaming. It hurts too much.
No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to find a reason to smile, I bury myself watching some tv shows, just to make me forget but nothing works. I don't want to go out because everything I see only serves as a reminder of what I will never have again. Every happy face reminds me of what I had
Now I know I won't ever be able to recreate those memories, it hurts even more. It feels like I'm in the middle of a wide ocean with no land in sight. I just feel lost.
I still see him, I still haven't gotten used to not having him around. It feels like a dream and any moment now I will wake up and give him a big hug again. It has been a really long time since I felt this way. I wish I could have done something to save him.
Therapist: I see, that is a lot of emotions to deal with all at once, why don't we take it one by one?
What you are feeling is perfectly normal, I would be worried if you didn't feel this way after this big loss. I'm also glad that you came to me for professional help.
We all get lost sometimes, at such times we must try to find the light in the dark. Your family and friends are in a good position to help you through such times. You need to be reminded of the good things you still have. Instead of giving all your focus to what you have lost, look around you and take note of what you've still got. The loving family and the supportive friends, and hey, you got me too.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe we do not know why but God knows better. His time was up, and I'm sure he would be happy if you let him go now. Instead of focusing on the painful memories, take comfort in the happy times you shared.
We all have our unique way of dealing with losses, if you need time to do this, you are allowed but don't put your life on hold just because of a hurtful experience, we do not live forever, and time waits for no one. Life is one long roller-coaster filled with a lot of experiences. You will experience love, pain, joy, excitement, and many more.
The moment you accept that death is only a part of living, you will be free.
Here is my advice to you son, you go out there and you live your best life, do it for him and more importantly for yourself. It's time for you to move on. He might be gone but he lives on in your memory, tell his story.
Time does heal wounds. Although the scars might remain, it's not such a bad thing. It is through pain that we are able to grow and come out, even stronger than ever. Don't worry, you will come out of this just fine.
Therapist: Right on time, looks like our time is up, I will give you some time to process these thoughts and let them sink deep.
Greatwolfman: Thanks for the time, I feel a lot lighter already.
Talking to yourself might seem weird but when you've got an imaginary friend like I do who also happens to be a Therapist, a wise one, plus, I don't have to pay any fee, it sort of feels right, you know?
Well, this is me and this is what I have to say. I feel better, I hope you do too. Greatwolfman, It's time to move on.