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The 4 What If's of my Life

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Written by Β Β 306
2 months ago

Staring at the window of my room with a lot of thoughts to my head. I can't think a topic for today since I woke up in the morning. My mind is still travelling somewhere around that I don't know if where. Lol I just take a bath this afternoon because of my head is so very itchy, It is really hard when you get sick because you can't take a bath and your body is uhm, nevermind. So, don't get sick like me okay? You better take care of yourself so that you can always take a bath and you will be smell so so good.

Anyways, while I am at the bathroom, taking a bath I can't stop my self from thinking the past. Even when I sit on my bed and looking at my window right now staring blankly thinking the what if's to my life, I decided to grab my phone and start to type my thoughts.

Seriously, since I graduated to Senior High School, that is the start of my regret. You know I don't know when I already told you this but when I graduated to Senior High, I don't have dreams. You read it right, I envy my classmates before because they can already tell what they want to be. They also grab the opportunity to have a free tuition and excited to enter college, while me? I don't know if what is really my dream. And that is the start of I think the What if,

What if I also grab the opportunity of having a free scholarship?

Can I think a course that really suit me? That I can enjoy to pursue until I graduated? That can really help my Mom? On the other hand, I also think the other what if, What if I will passed? Can I really pick my course that I want and I can? Can I really do well? Do i also experience the things that my former classmates experiencing now?

Another what If that I also think is my 18th Birthday Celebration, Last July 14, 2018. My Mom came back home to celebrate it. You know, I don't like to celebrate it because it will just cost a total amount of 5 digits. But my Mom really want to celebrate it because I am her second daughter and her baby, The thing is...

What If I didn't celebrate it?

The money that we buy for decoration, for foods, to my gowns and many more should be spend for things that we can able to use it right? We can also have our own small house beside of my grandma's house which is a free space. If my Mom didn't just spend the Money for my Birthday, maybe..Maybe my earnings here will be goes to our savings.

And again, Last 2019, I also have this thing that I am thinking right now. I tried again to get some free scholarship to school that I want to go to. However, I just failed because of this reason; During my Examination, my pencil broke at that time and I don't have a extra pencil. Showing the results after days, I almost passed the examination but because of my Score just 67/70 and the passing score is 70 plus and I thinking this what if,

What if I have a extra Pencil that time, Will I be passed my examination and Studying right now?

What if I have a pencil that time right? For sure, I am continuing answering the questions of my paper. For sure, I am already a fourth year College now just like my former classmates that they are now near to their dreams. While me, I still right here. I still didn't achieve anything but to stay at home and just lay to my bed thinking a lot of thoughts.

Another thing that I regret it last year is to stop Writing here this is really my most regret decision that made and it's really hurts me thinking about it until now that's why I think the

What if I didn't stop Writing here 8 months ago?

Do i also experience the other old writers achievements right now? If I didn't stop writing, My BCH earnings will be the same like them? And for sure It will be not hard also for me to copped up all of the months that I wasted before right now. If I didn't stop writing maybe I also have a lot of subscribers here and toy noise.cash too. I didn't lost all the opportunities that they got and during that time, that I spend nothing...Maybe that time, I already starting helping my Mom to pay the things that she was paying like our electricity, Foods, and my grand parents medicines.

In 4 years, I have a lot of regrets. I failed a lot that I feel envy to those people who continue doing the things that I also want to do. But I remembered that dispite of those failures, regrets, and I still have a reason behind of it.

Why I think that I choose the right decision not Studying at that Time?

At first, I think that..That year is a waste because I am just staying here at our house. I think that I lost the opportunity of studying but later on, I think that not studying is still a good decision that I make at that time. You know, studying is not really a rush and we are at K-12 curicculum. I think at that time that I need to rest my mind too, I don't pressure my self esp. when it is really hard to think and make decision for yourself. Like, I don't like to be my Classmates who are easy to choose their course that they will study and later on, they regreted it taking the course that they choose. My plan before is to think it well if what course I will really study before. Because my future is on that decision.

And about my birthday. I really think the What if my Mom didn't spend the money that she saved for my birthday. But later on I think that flashing back all that memories from that Day is memorable.

My 18th Birthday Celebration is the most wonderful day that I experience at my teenage life

I appreciate my Mom's effort because when my Older sister's 18th birthday, she can't attend to my older sister's birthday while for me, she really treasure me as her baby. She really makes my day memorable and happy at that time and I felt like I am her princess for a night.

Even if, I din't have the chance to dance my Father at that time, my Uncles and Auntie's messages to me at that day is still memorable to my memories. I heared a lot of words that I never heared before from my Mom. Her message that ingrave like a tattoo on my head that I still remember it. So even if she spend a lot of money, It is still a happy memory for me that I never forget till the rest of my Life.

Another reason why I am thankful that i am not passed to my Examination before,

Why I think that I am thankful not passed to my Examination before?

I am very thankful because I didn't get passed. Because I think It is better for me to work and help my Mom already. I don't like her to spend a lot of money anymore and all I want to do right now is save a money to help her build our own house. Plus, If I am studying right now It will just hard for me to study because it is not face to face classes and I don't like to experience what the students right now experiencing.

You know, I like to study when the time comes that I already saved a money for my Mom. Even if I am not right here, I still choose to work outside and get the opportunity of my Former classmate gives to me before the pandemic and that is working to Mcdo branch. For now, helping my Mom is my priority and studying is not still late for me. I still can study soon and my age is still young.

And while I think that...

Stoping writing here a months ago is still a good decision for me

is because I prioritize my health which is still a good decision that I make too. Because, if I will continue doing the things while my mind is still not on the right condition, I think I can't share a good article at that time. All i will just right is immaturity and my life negativeness which is maybe my readers will not like it. And good thing that I already decided to come back here when the time that Ate @Ruffa encourage me again to come back here. It is a fresh start for me and I can write well better than before. Plus, I have already meet you all as a new part of my life that made my life change as well and now, even if I don't still recieve and experience the achievements that they achieve, I still thankful because I learned a lot of things here that I never learned before. So, stoping writing here is not really a regret because it turns so well and good start of my life..

Ending Thoughts...

For sure, I know that all of us had a regret to the past. In making decision for our self, we are not really sure if we made a right thing or right decision. Sometimes, We also decide a wrong decision to our life which is always lead to regret and what if's right now. Nevertheless, whatever that is, you should also think that despite all of that happened to our life we still consider that as a lesson. A lesson for us and a good experience for us to become better person.

Because for me, if I didn't experience all of that, maybe I am not the person you know right now. I will still be weak, because in the past I am just living with doing nothing and it's hard for me to think my dream that right now I already know and find my dream and that is to saved, to work hard for my Mom to help her and the most and that is all in the past and the most important thing for me is right now.


My previous articles:

Hey, ober let's become better

Reacting to SquidGame Memes

Let's restart again the days that we waste

What are the lessons that I got after watching the episode 1-3 of squid game

Unboxing breylee and my review about the products: feeling bloggerist version

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2 months ago
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Comments

Let's continue even there's a lot of "what if". Because at the end of this race there's a reward at the end. We have a purpose in this world. We are all victorious.❀️❀️

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1 month ago

Awe its okay to those things happening to your life, REMEMBER ITS OKAY! Don't mind those what ifs na. Everything happens for a reason, I know there will be a great opportunity coming, just wait and pray. Always mind the Positive sistπŸ’–

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2 months ago

Correct! πŸ˜ŠπŸ’š Everything happens for a reason and okay lang sakin since sinabi ko naman na lahat ng rason time will come and alam kong darating din ang para sakin madami pang biyayang darating πŸ’š

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2 months ago

Yessss trueeπŸ’– I love the way you handle it. Keep moving and look forward the abundant blessingsπŸŽ‰

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2 months ago

Hindi tlga natin maiwasan Yung mga what if no. Dami ntin what ifs 🀣

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User's avatar Yen
2 months ago

Kaya nga ate yen. πŸ₯² Kung pwede lang sana bumalik talaga pero okay lang ang importante naman yung ngayon

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2 months ago

Let bygones be bygones.. Change your what-ifs with why not? Why not continue writing, why not study again? Why take the exam again? Your life would be better if you take why not instead of what ifs

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2 months ago

Yes ate jane, that's why I came back here again last May. Yan din sabi sakin ni ate ropa dati bakit di daw ako bumalik tapos instead iisipin ko ang mga nasayang kong panahon bakit di nalang ulit bumawi dipa naman huli ang lahat.

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2 months ago

Tama at bata kpa naman

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2 months ago

Ang saya lang po makabasa ng mga comment na ganyan. Kasi antagal ko na po talagang di nakakapag open sa iba. Ngayon ko lang po nasabi dito ulit yung mga nararamdaman ko at mga comment niyo po at advice nakakapag pagaan sa nararamdaman ko. Salamat ate jane.

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2 months ago

Our past experiences makes us a better person and we tend to do better as we go forward. You got to stop the what if's and just let go of the past, what will be will be. You just have to focus on making the most out of the present and forging a new future for yourself 😊

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2 months ago

That's it! πŸ˜ŠπŸ’š i really like reading a mindset like this. You and ate jane's comment makes me really comfort because right now I'm still stuck to the things that I regret from the past. But like what I said, I consider that all as my lesson of my life and the most important thing right now like you said is the present.

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2 months ago

That's right, never let your past define you. All that matters is what you're doing right now to improve yourself, and in my opinion you're on the right track πŸ˜‰

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2 months ago

Yehey! Thank you so much for this words. 😊 hehe for how many months this is just the second time that i open up about my regrets hays. Good thing that I already let them all out and I read a comments like this.

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2 months ago

Feel free to always write about your feelings, you will always feel better after you do so

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2 months ago

And i know that i have older brothers and sisters to guide and give advices 😊 thanks.

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2 months ago

We may have a lot of failures or wrong decisions in our past still we learned something from it. The best thing we do at the moment is to turn that failure into an opportunity to look forward. I have many wrong decisions in my past too but that didn't stopped me from continuing and pursuing my dream. Everyday is a new day and a new chance.

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2 months ago

That "Everyday is a new day and a new chance" πŸ’šπŸ₯² aww. Yes you're right. This is not the end yet i can still make all of my wrong decisions to right decisions. Im still not late πŸ˜ŠπŸ’š

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2 months ago

True sis, hindi pa huli ang lahat para sa'yo. You still have many chances ahead. Kaya patuloy lang.😊

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2 months ago

Kaya nga mareng. At least diba sa past may lesson din ako at experiences 😊

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2 months ago

True mareng. Yan naman ang importante. Ang mga lessons na ating makukuha.

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2 months ago

Setback are part of life. We ought to constantly learn from our Experiences, that's how we become better pr

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2 months ago

Everything has a purpose mars and all the decisions you've made is good. You have a reasons for it. Yes mars don't be in a hurry. Time will come, just step by step.

Stay positive and everything will be into a brighter days. Just keep praying mars.πŸ™ Your doing great.❀️

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2 months ago

Kaya nga marengs lahat talaga may rason kung bakit πŸ’š okay lang tinanggap ko na yubg mga yon kahit sobrang nakakapanghinayang and okay lang kasi meron pa din naman akong chance para baguhin lahat. 😊

Salamat mars! I will do that πŸ’š

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2 months ago

Yes mars anytime has a chances. Still fighting mars ang bata mo pa. Don't pressure yourself mars. Someday all your dreams and goals in life will be achieve.πŸ™

You're welcome mars.πŸ₯°

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2 months ago

Sana tlaga mars makamit ko ng may maayos na buhay ang mga anak ko if ever matuloy nga akong mag asawa lol hahaha ang hirap kasi kapag di maayos buhay namin. Hays

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2 months ago

Hahahaa pinatawa mo talaga ako mars.πŸ˜„ Syempre naman. Stop thinking negativities mars. Di mo alam andyan na yung destiny mo.😁

Always think positive lang mars. Keep praying.πŸ™ Nothing impossible mars if we put it into our heart and mind the life what we want.

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2 months ago

Wahhh bat ka natawa πŸ₯² pero sabagay mare tama ka. Dapat always positive iniisip ko di laging nega kaya nadedemotivated ako eh.

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2 months ago

Oo mars. Always positive lang talaga kasi nakakatulong yun sa atin...

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2 months ago

Dami mo din what ifs but i let it go since its happened in the past and I can't change it. For now, continue doing our best.

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2 months ago

Yon nalang talaga ang mahalaga continue lang natin lahat πŸ’šπŸ˜Š ipagpatuloy padin ang buhay ang mahalaga eh naka ranas tayo at may lessons tayong natutunan sa past.

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2 months ago

Yang mga what ifs minsan nakakapag sisi pero nangyayari naman ang lahat for a reason..

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2 months ago

Kaya nga eh. May rason naman kung bakit nangyare tsaka hindi na mababago yon ang importante ngayon ay yung ngayon 😊

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2 months ago

Truth.. Harapin ang kasalukuyan.. Yun ang dapat.. Past is past na.. Hehehe

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2 months ago

If we keep on thinking and focusing ourselves to our what ifs. We will always find ourselves regretting. Marrrss may mga bagay talaga na nangyaayri kahit di natin gusto. However, life must go on. Stop asking about what ifs and start focusing to what is.

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2 months ago

Tama. May mga bagay talaga na nangyayari kahit di natin gusto at di natin maiiwasan yun. Ayoko na pakulong sa nakaraan kaya i let it go nalang and focus sa ngayon.

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2 months ago

Totoo yan mars

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2 months ago

Lesson learned sa amin na laging magdala ng lapis tuwing exam hehe joke lang. Kinakabahan tuloy ako ate sa college hehe di pa naman ako kagalingan hehe

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2 months ago

Hahahaha 🀣 Di ako nakapag dala noon kasi nga rush tsaka biglaan lang yung pagsali ko sa exam na yon and nawala na sa isipan ko kapag kinakanbahan. 🀣

Eh, wala namang ganon. Lahat tayo magaling 😊 may kanya kanya tayong kakayahan. Kaya mo yon!

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2 months ago

That just means mare that everything happens for a reason. πŸ’— Good thing, you got a question to all your what ifs.

btw, always magdala ng extra pencil. Hahaha

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2 months ago

Kaya nga mare buti nalang talaga naintindihan ko din if bakit. Hays dati kasi diko pa alam if bakit nangyari mga yan, sunod sunod na magulo ang buhay ko eh hays

Tsaka yon nga, di ako naka dala ng extra kasi biglaan pero okay lang. Tapos naman na yon bawi nalang ako kapag gusto ko na ulit mag aral.

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2 months ago

Laban lang tayo sa life, mare. I know you can make it. I can feel that you are a brave lady. πŸ₯°

And hopefully, you can go back to school soonest.

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2 months ago

my birthday's a day later than yours. Anyways, we do have many regrets in life. I do have mine too. For which I am immensely ashamed of.

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2 months ago

Hindi para sayo ang scholarship nako mare pero wait nalang ng scholarship na galing kay God super nakakaamaze. Experience to din yan pero I believe if Ibibigay yan ni God sakin, para talaga sakin ya.

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2 months ago

Oo nga mareng, siguro that time hindi pa talaga para sakin. Hindi pa yon yung panahon tsaka lahat ng bagay may rason and happy padin naman ako kahit di ako nag aaral now. Sobrang hirap kaya mag aral kapag di F2F ang class. Saka nalang ako kapag nakapag patayo na ako ng bahay nila mama

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2 months ago

Sobrang hirap talaga ng onlineπŸ€¦β€β™€ laban lang mare kaya mo yan i achieve :)

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2 months ago

Kahit ako naliwanagan rin sa mga what ifs mo haha. Ayos lanh yan, atleast may mga maganda parin na ngyari kahit sa tingin mo mali naging desisyon in the past, bata kapa naman madami pang panahon para ipag patuloy ang pag aaral, kaya yan mare keep fightingπŸ’ͺ✨. ❀️

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2 months ago

Opo ate. 😊 Mas may madaming darating na maganda sa buhay ko at alam kong bibigyan pako ng chance para mabago nga yung mga bagay na diko ngawa non hays. Salanat po ate kaya parin natin to kaya magsulat lang po tayo always.

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2 months ago

Things happen for a reason po, sometimes there's a blessing in disguise na kahit na d ganun ka ganda ang nangyare may plan pala para sa atin si God. Noted po I will always bring extra pencil with me hahaha. .lesson learned is also important para sa future references

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2 months ago

True. Yung mga yon lesson lang sa buhay, maraming sorpresa na darating satin malay natin diba, swertehin din tayo sa oras natin.

Tsaka oo, dapat talaga may extra pencils πŸ₯² sa sobrang kaba ko non nakalimutan ko magdala

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2 months ago

Madami din akong what if's mare pero ni let go ko na sila alam kong mas maganda pang dadating, mag tiwala lang ako kay god at magsipag..

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2 months ago

Kaya nga mare eh. Wag dapat tayo pakulong sa pagsisisi gumawa dapat tayong paraan para mabago πŸ’š

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2 months ago

Wag mo ng isipin yang mga what ifs bata. Marami din ako nyan pero I set aside it muna kasi plano kong gawin anh lahat para sa hinaharap ko. We can do it for sure. Let's make our future a better one para wala ng what if sa sunod πŸ’ͺπŸ’™

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2 months ago

Ayon nga ate. Mas magandang gawin yung kaharapin yung ngayon. Kasi yon ang importante kung papakulong ako sa nakaraan, walang mangyayari

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2 months ago

I am product of scholarship πŸ₯°. I had 3 scholarship when I was college. CHED scholarship, Provincial Scholarship and School scholarship. Whahaha.. we survived in fourth years via scholarship. So yeah looked for available one, madami diyan...

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2 months ago

Sana all andami. Hahaha di pa naman ako nag hahanap now kasi gusto ko muna tumulong kay mama bago ako mag aaral ulit

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2 months ago