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Staring at the window of my room with a lot of thoughts to my head. I can't think a topic for today since I woke up in the morning. My mind is still travelling somewhere around that I don't know if where. Lol I just take a bath this afternoon because of my head is so very itchy, It is really hard when you get sick because you can't take a bath and your body is uhm, nevermind. So, don't get sick like me okay? You better take care of yourself so that you can always take a bath and you will be smell so so good.
Anyways, while I am at the bathroom, taking a bath I can't stop my self from thinking the past. Even when I sit on my bed and looking at my window right now staring blankly thinking the what if's to my life, I decided to grab my phone and start to type my thoughts.
Seriously, since I graduated to Senior High School, that is the start of my regret. You know I don't know when I already told you this but when I graduated to Senior High, I don't have dreams. You read it right, I envy my classmates before because they can already tell what they want to be. They also grab the opportunity to have a free tuition and excited to enter college, while me? I don't know if what is really my dream. And that is the start of I think the What if,
Can I think a course that really suit me? That I can enjoy to pursue until I graduated? That can really help my Mom? On the other hand, I also think the other what if, What if I will passed? Can I really pick my course that I want and I can? Can I really do well? Do i also experience the things that my former classmates experiencing now?
Another what If that I also think is my 18th Birthday Celebration, Last July 14, 2018. My Mom came back home to celebrate it. You know, I don't like to celebrate it because it will just cost a total amount of 5 digits. But my Mom really want to celebrate it because I am her second daughter and her baby, The thing is...
The money that we buy for decoration, for foods, to my gowns and many more should be spend for things that we can able to use it right? We can also have our own small house beside of my grandma's house which is a free space. If my Mom didn't just spend the Money for my Birthday, maybe..Maybe my earnings here will be goes to our savings.
And again, Last 2019, I also have this thing that I am thinking right now. I tried again to get some free scholarship to school that I want to go to. However, I just failed because of this reason; During my Examination, my pencil broke at that time and I don't have a extra pencil. Showing the results after days, I almost passed the examination but because of my Score just 67/70 and the passing score is 70 plus and I thinking this what if,
What if I have a pencil that time right? For sure, I am continuing answering the questions of my paper. For sure, I am already a fourth year College now just like my former classmates that they are now near to their dreams. While me, I still right here. I still didn't achieve anything but to stay at home and just lay to my bed thinking a lot of thoughts.
Another thing that I regret it last year is to stop Writing here this is really my most regret decision that made and it's really hurts me thinking about it until now that's why I think the
Do i also experience the other old writers achievements right now? If I didn't stop writing, My BCH earnings will be the same like them? And for sure It will be not hard also for me to copped up all of the months that I wasted before right now. If I didn't stop writing maybe I also have a lot of subscribers here and toy noise.cash too. I didn't lost all the opportunities that they got and during that time, that I spend nothing...Maybe that time, I already starting helping my Mom to pay the things that she was paying like our electricity, Foods, and my grand parents medicines.
In 4 years, I have a lot of regrets. I failed a lot that I feel envy to those people who continue doing the things that I also want to do. But I remembered that dispite of those failures, regrets, and I still have a reason behind of it.
At first, I think that..That year is a waste because I am just staying here at our house. I think that I lost the opportunity of studying but later on, I think that not studying is still a good decision that I make at that time. You know, studying is not really a rush and we are at K-12 curicculum. I think at that time that I need to rest my mind too, I don't pressure my self esp. when it is really hard to think and make decision for yourself. Like, I don't like to be my Classmates who are easy to choose their course that they will study and later on, they regreted it taking the course that they choose. My plan before is to think it well if what course I will really study before. Because my future is on that decision.
And about my birthday. I really think the What if my Mom didn't spend the money that she saved for my birthday. But later on I think that flashing back all that memories from that Day is memorable.
I appreciate my Mom's effort because when my Older sister's 18th birthday, she can't attend to my older sister's birthday while for me, she really treasure me as her baby. She really makes my day memorable and happy at that time and I felt like I am her princess for a night.
Even if, I din't have the chance to dance my Father at that time, my Uncles and Auntie's messages to me at that day is still memorable to my memories. I heared a lot of words that I never heared before from my Mom. Her message that ingrave like a tattoo on my head that I still remember it. So even if she spend a lot of money, It is still a happy memory for me that I never forget till the rest of my Life.
Another reason why I am thankful that i am not passed to my Examination before,
I am very thankful because I didn't get passed. Because I think It is better for me to work and help my Mom already. I don't like her to spend a lot of money anymore and all I want to do right now is save a money to help her build our own house. Plus, If I am studying right now It will just hard for me to study because it is not face to face classes and I don't like to experience what the students right now experiencing.
You know, I like to study when the time comes that I already saved a money for my Mom. Even if I am not right here, I still choose to work outside and get the opportunity of my Former classmate gives to me before the pandemic and that is working to Mcdo branch. For now, helping my Mom is my priority and studying is not still late for me. I still can study soon and my age is still young.
is because I prioritize my health which is still a good decision that I make too. Because, if I will continue doing the things while my mind is still not on the right condition, I think I can't share a good article at that time. All i will just right is immaturity and my life negativeness which is maybe my readers will not like it. And good thing that I already decided to come back here when the time that Ate @Ruffa encourage me again to come back here. It is a fresh start for me and I can write well better than before. Plus, I have already meet you all as a new part of my life that made my life change as well and now, even if I don't still recieve and experience the achievements that they achieve, I still thankful because I learned a lot of things here that I never learned before. So, stoping writing here is not really a regret because it turns so well and good start of my life..
For sure, I know that all of us had a regret to the past. In making decision for our self, we are not really sure if we made a right thing or right decision. Sometimes, We also decide a wrong decision to our life which is always lead to regret and what if's right now. Nevertheless, whatever that is, you should also think that despite all of that happened to our life we still consider that as a lesson. A lesson for us and a good experience for us to become better person.
Because for me, if I didn't experience all of that, maybe I am not the person you know right now. I will still be weak, because in the past I am just living with doing nothing and it's hard for me to think my dream that right now I already know and find my dream and that is to saved, to work hard for my Mom to help her and the most and that is all in the past and the most important thing for me is right now.