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My Life became stressful because of money

I envy those people who are not struggling with money. They have silver spoon on their mouths. They don't need to work day and night with different part time jobs because they can do whatever they want. When I was still High School, I enjoyed my High school- no, my teen age life even though my parents won't allowed me to do the things that every other teen agers does. I choose the path where I will enjoy my life that time because I am aware that when I will grow up, I will end up like my parents and the olders of our Family. Because we are just poor, I know that while you will grow old you will struggle more, you will become problematic, you will become stressed because that is how i observed my Mama and Papa, My Grandma and Grandpa. Behind those smiles that they gave to us, I know that they are hiding the truth, they hide their true feelings in front of us because they don't want to show how though they are struggling is. They will hide as long as they can because they are strong and right now, I am at that kind of stage. I am not surprise when I started to became serious to my life. I am at the stage that i needed to make a right decision just like choosing a course, If what I would do when I graduated Senior High School. I already accept that, That is how our life is, **Not always we will enjoy our life we need to grow and not always we will be young** *(I think my height is just the only part of my self that doesn't want to be older).* I am just 21 years old but I am already thinking and planing for our better future . I give up my time of studying because I want to help my Mom already. That is what I choose because I don't like my Mom struggle anymore, I don't like to become a burden to her shoulders so I decided to grab the opportunity of what my former classmate offer to me and that is to take the interview to work in the McDonalds as a crew but then this fvck!ng Corona virus comes to our life and my plans ruined because of it. *If Corona virus did not come to our life maybe right now, I am working for 3 years to the McDonalds right now with my Former classmate and I can able to help to provide the needs here and my Mom would not send allowance* *How about you?* I am ashamed of my self because i'm already 21 years old already yet I didn't have some savings just like the other youth same aged like me does. They are now have their own houses, they already helping their Mom but here I am, still struggling to save for our house.

I did not expect that this is the impact of starting to be old, i mean by year and years passing by every +1 addition of my age, my life become stressful. All of what i always think is money, savings, future and I stop thinking about lovelife and unecessary things. You know, in my 8 months of writing here, all of what I always think is my Mom, budget for our house, and here. I envy the other people who has their own house, they don't need to become problematic because they are have a shelter, their savings of writing here are always spend to the things that they wanted. You know be for being 'Kuripot' but deep inside, **I do like to spend my money too for myself but I can't because I am just poor**, I don't have a right to buy the things that I wanted yet because, I need to save and save and save for our house so that my Mom can go home already. Do you know why I bought bags and shirts before? If you remember that I did bought a bag and a shirt to Shopee, That is because I wanted to released my stress instead of buying alcohol and be drank. I am so very talkative to the group chat but I became less talkative because I know that once i became talkative, I will opened my problems again, I will be ashamed of my self because there are some foreigners and other people there. I don't like to become dramatic and ruined the mood. But since I bring up this topic already, I will tell you a little peek of my life right now.

Why I am stressed? One of the reason why I am stressed is because of the people around me here. I often heared a lot of negative words you know? Some of the words that I always recieved is, **I am ungenerous** Some of my family members thought that I am ungenerous, just because I did not give what they wanted. Last month if you remembered, the article where I wrote about cash out 10,000 for cavans of rice and grocery here. Then yesterday, While I am drinking coffee, my Grandma said these words, "Dikapa maka cash out, Wala na tayong ganto at ganyan dito sa kusina." She's telling me that I am not cash outing some money and our Kitchen was empty. When I bought the bags and shirts before, she always telling me that I can cash out for that things yet, I can't even give her for grocery. Take not that we already give our share for the house and that is the cavans of rice and I also give them for grocery yet it is not enough for them. *Not always our house is our obligation. I understand that we are living to their house but we already give them what they wanted right? And that is not enough? I think, I also deserved to bought something for me since I earned it and i didn't ask them some money to pay it. Not because I earned it doesn't mean that i always give them some money that every month is my obligation, I also need to save for our house plus, my Mom also giving my grandparents some allowance.* My Aunt requested that I will rent the resort to celebrate her Child's birthday but I declained it I declained it because I don't have money even if I have Bitcoincash to my wallet it doesn't mean that I am rich. They call me Kuripot and ungenerous because of it. Just because I declained it. I declained it because the bitcoincash is not still pumping and I don't like to cash out some money because of that. But they can't understand me. *Why it is so very hard for them to understand that? If ever the BCH is pumping I am willing to give them some however, the BCH this month is so very red market so I don't have a choice but to not to cash out plus, It should be my Aunt and her husband's obligation to spend some money for their child and not me as her cousin.* Everytime that they asked if How much is my savings already makes me fell pressure and depressed too because I know that when I will answer and explain to them that the BCH keep always changed the prices they will think that BCH is a scam and they will convinced me to cash out and saved it to the Bank already. *That's why, I don't answer them and I always remain quiet because I should learn how to be secretive to this kind of things. I should never answer or never shared to them about it because I don't like to feel pressure again.* This is hard and I don't blame them because I became get used to it. I mean, I never become secretive to my Family about what I would do, what I will buy, if what are my plans. That's why, My other Aunt scold me because of this. That I should learned how to declained some questions that it is unecessary to answer. Not always i will answer them, Not always I will keep my Mom updated to my plans of my Money, If what I will buy, where I will spend my money because it is mine I should learn how to handle my own money because i am old now. I am now at the right age and i should know how to become independent to this kind of stuffs. Being problematic because of Money is really stressful. I am not ungenerous, I am just securing the money that I work hard for, Day and night of struggling for almost months because money is not a joke because it is hard to earned it. And What I am scared of is spending it to unecessary stuffs. I always scold my self when I like something and I am tempted to buy it and I should not do that because I don't know about what will happen in the future. I mean, I am not sure if I can able to saved some money again. But do you know what I thought right now? I also like to enjoy my life. I mean, i like to be the other users here. I also like to be not so problematic of money that they are just chillin' - and they don't have problems about it. That it's okay for them to spend how much they wanted but I can't because there is this thoughts of mine, They have complete Family, they have a Father and Mother that they can secure their future, while I, Myself don't have. They are good at Cryptocurrency and anytime, they can still earned the money that they spend, while I am noob. They do have work in the real world, while I am unemployed. So my self don't compare your self to others. Because, you are lacking at everything while they can be good at everything. Ending thoughts... Right now, I am not really okay. There are a lot of hurtful words that i always heard everyday here but no matter what I always hear I remain quiet, I don't talk back but right now, while writing all of these makes me feel sad and after a long time of holding my tears, I didn't stop now because It's hurts me. My mind always blank, I am always stress because of my surroundings. There is that night that i let out all of my problems to ate @Zhyne06 because I can't hold my anger anymore. To tell you the truth, I really wanted to build a small house already. So that I can focus to my future plans. I do like to be far far far away to the negative thoughts, toxic surroundings, and I want to breath freely because this surrounding is k!lling me. If I can earn enough money, i will start to build a small house for 1 person and I will just start again to work and help my Mom to save for her house. Ah, I don't like to become stressed about money anymore. Send tips how to be like @Eunoia ? I read his article before that he don't like to become stress about money. Hays, sana all. If i just bought additional $CATS before to my 100k hold right? I wish i can turn back time, if I did not just hesitate, I will not become problematic of money anymore. lol **My Previous Articles:** **I participated to small, simple, but special competition** https://read.cash/@ExpertWritter/i-participated-to-small-simple-but-special-competition-998a2069 ****How am I as a Photographer**** https://read.cash/@ExpertWritter/how-am-i-as-a-photographer-2c249cd3 ****They are doing their best and that is the most important here**** https://read.cash/@ExpertWritter/they-are-doing-their-best-and-that-is-the-most-important-here-b0cb1103 ****Exposing something Unimportant**** https://read.cash/@ExpertWritter/exposing-something-un-important-45b6c2e3 ****My seventh day of December**** https://read.cash/@ExpertWritter/my-seventh-day-of-december-c502ab1d

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