Let's end my Depression with...

For how many months that I'm suffering with depression and stress. There is this one thing that i needed to do just so I can end what I feel everyday. Those pressure that i always felt and dealing with them everyday because of it makes me feel sick. I always tell to you that I should end it with this plan but i'm not yet prepared if How or what they will reaction. I'm scared of their disappointed face and emotions to me. Tha thought that for for sure they will be mad to me and they will throw some hurtful words too.

Today, I haven't eat anything since in the morning. The same as yesterday. I'm sorry if my life is so dramatic but I really don't have appetite. I feel shy and or embarassed to be with them in the table and eat with them. Because every time that i face them, i don't like to disappoint my self from expecting something good from them.

The feeling that I always do things so that they will not mad. I still work here in the house, i still spend my time working and doing chores so that they will not mad to me even if I am reading and writing here. However, they still didn't see my efforts. I always give them some money, buying groceries, paying the current bills, I even spend my money to buy for the christmas and new year so that they won't feel sad. Yet, in just a reason that I can't give them money this time because of the BCH is still not pumping and another reason is, I spend a lot of BCH last November and December. I promise to myself that I should focus and continue to save for our House first but they don't understand that.

Just like what my problem to them, they think that is easy for me to earn a lot of money. They didn't know that the BCH prices every time is not stable. Every time that I explain to them, they always being like this and that. Just like they have a mindset like this, 'It's okay to spend because you can changed that in just short period of time.'

Yesterday, I should it a food but I ended up drinking red wine and drink them all in just a short period of time because no one can understand what I felt everyday. I cried silently in the bathroom and I burst all my anger to the wall and spank my head a little using my arms because of how the pain that i felt. I once dream and wish to sleep just like to be in a coma. Because of this neverending thoughts. Sorry but, I'm tired.

My Sister is living her best life. I mean, I am so very disappointed because they can appreciate what she always do. While me? I feel like i'm a ghost. She can cook, yes. But what they will cook if I did not bought some groceries right? Yes she can do the laundry, but she can't use the washing machine without paying the current bills. And they always brag that everytime when I am laying to my bed after doing my chores. I'm laying to my bed because I'm reading to articles just so I can earn money for them. It is bad to lay and relax? I'm not using the electricfan too because I like to save current.

Meanwhile, my Mom wants barrowed some money because she will use it to build for my Sister's room in front of the house. Like what? I'm earning money here and saving some money to use it to help her to build our house and here is my Sister. Want's to build her own room and wants my Mom to do it and when i said, No because I should earn it for building our House and not for my Sister's wants because I like her to work hard to pay what she wants but I just recieved the words that make me disappoint, that I am selfish. Just because of that reason? She is willing to do what my sister wants meanwhile they didn't even think that we still don't have money to build our house and we will use the money that I earned to build for my Sister's OWN room.

Because of that reasons, I don't have a choice but to tell to them and I made my decision that I should keep my earnings privately. I mean, I will still save some bitcoincash but I would never tell them that I'm still earning.

I decided to do the plan that I made months ago and that is to tell to them tomorrow that my BCH wallets was hacked

So that they will never make me stress anymore because they always wants me to pay everything but they never see my efforts. All of what I just always recieved from them was hurtful words and they always make me feel the pain. I don't like to suffer anymore. I feel sorry to myself because I always doing my best but they always give a reason to be like this.

So by that plan of mine, I just hope that i will never experience and feel the pain. I can now live peacefully and I don't have problem anymore. I can breath properly because it was so very hard for me to live everyday with this kind of situation.

Final thoughts...

I will do this not because I like to do it. They give me a reason to do this. Don't worry because I will not be a palamunin because I give them a cavans of rice already. It is my share to this house. I should also teach my Sister to earn some money, to be a hard working so that she can feel what I always feel everyday and do the responsibility to everything. I need some rest too. I'm doing this because if I will keep giving my BCH to them, I will not earn money for our House.

I like to spoil my self too and take a break from those reasons why I am stress and depressed. Just a rest for a month I think? Because my virtual friends are right, I'm still young and I should enjoy my life and never be stress and depress because of these things.

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