Distance is the best option
While Growing up, I realized that my world is becoming toxic. I can't breath properly, I can't be the person like who I am before when I was still a kid. All I think is, *'It's okay, This is how our world is.'* and *'Everyone is also experiencing the same things that I also experienced'* but, In just one night that thought was erased to my head.
I would like, want, and love to be with them. The people who I get used of being with since I was born but right now, I don't know if I really still like to be with them in the rest of my life.
Starring at the ceiling of my room, there are a lot of things running to my head and everytime I think all of those sh-ts, it makes my head hurts. Maybe, that is also the reason why, my head hurts last night that I can't even think properly and read articles because of it.
I was sad, I was hurt, I feel like I just born to endure and experienced pain that I spend that whole night thinking, crying, and hold my both ears to closed them from listening the dirty voices outside until I fall asleep.
How would you deal with Toxicity around you? Because me, If they don't like to stop. I should be the one who will adjust. I love them- but I think, I need to distance myself from them
Image Source: @Nadineshaabana
and I would be the one who will adjust to stop this kind of world. I don't like to live in the world where they are. I would like to change myself because I was too kind to the people around me.
To be a sign that I will distance myself to people around me, I deleted all my photos, all of the things that I uploaded where I tag them, and it makes me feel not satisfied so I even deleted my my account in Facebook where I was friends with my Family members. Because I learned that being friends with them it just make them feel my world tiny, heavy, and hard to deal with my daily life. I even log out my other facebook account and deleted my Facebook application because I don't like to live in social media anymore. I just opened my messenger account where I communicate with my virtual friends like ate @Ruffa.
Who made me to do this?
Would you believe if my Mom is the reason why I deleted those stuffs? It made me realized that I am just existing to this home, to this Family, that they doesn't know anything about me.
If I died, maybe that is the only time that they will realized all the things from what I would love to do, what I would like to become, what are the things that I like, my favorite things.
Image Source: @millymoose7
Funny but my Mom doesn't know anything about me. She is my Mother, she should be the first one who knows everything that I share here like answering some questions about what are the stuffs that I would like to do, the things that I would like, my Favorite things. If I would set a quiz and when she will answered it, bet me...her score is less than 0 out of the questions that I write.
They make me do and give the things that I don't like. It's not that, I am a picky person and I should be thankful to them but, They make me feel a garbage or recycle bin that onced that my cousins or my sister doesn't want the thing, they will give that to me.
I still remember the day when my Aunt brought things that her daughter doesn't used it. The clothes that is not wear and brand new, she give it to my Sister and All the clothes that it can be used just inside the house, give it to me. She give it and throw to my face and doesn't mind if what I would feel. They doesn't do that to my cousins even my sister.
Sorry but while writing this my Mind is blank and anytime, I feel like, I don't like to live already. I'm sorry if I am wasting your time reading this kind of disg-sting words and you don't like to read a stuffs like this. I like to write a good article but I would like to let out all of this words first because it's killing me.
It's hurts that no one even make or consider me as important. Am I even important?
I am cold to everyone. They can feel that I don't like to talk and i will just communicate when I want to. I don't like to hear any words from them. Their voices is a melody when they will call my name but this time it makes me feel disg-st while hearing it. I prefer communicating in the whole day with my virtual friends because I feel safe, they understand me, they knew things about me.
Deleting the photos to my instagram account is satisfying. Deleting my photos and looking to my face makes me irritated. I don't like to take a selfie anymore. Every time that I see my face it makes me feel disg-sted as well.
For now, let me breath. All I want to do is the focus. Focus to all the things that I would like to do without minding the people around me and just live as if they are not exist around. Resting myself to negative things and thoughts. Taking care of my health.
I also like to spend reading to distract myself from thoughts that running in to my head.
I don't know how to end this. I just like to write all the words whats on my mind. Sorry. I promised that once when I became better tomorrow, I will not published a blog like this anymore. Thank you for being with me until in the moment like this.
My Previous articles:
Reviewing the products that I bought online
Night Swimming: Travel and Things
Just My Normal but Important things
Just fight for your way nlng and find peace nlng din at kung dinstance is one of the option then go, dont let yourself suffer jud kay life is too short para sa mga stress2 na yan. communicate with frnds nlng or hangout with them or try to live na makakasama mo mostly yung mga taong masaya ka.