Comparison and Failure

I don't understand why other parents compare their children to other kids just because they find the other parent's kids more talented, more genius, more handsome/beautiful, more kind, etc. Seriously? In how many years that they are living here at our Mother Earth, they can't even put into their mind these words that: "Not all Kids around the world are the same." At the same time, "All Kids around the world are the same." as well.

What i mean is, Not all the kids around the world are have the SAME ways, plans, goals to their life not because, your kumare or Friend's child accomplished something, it doesn't mean that your child need to accomplish that too and or not because they are pursuing to be a Doctor, Nurse, Engineer, etc. It doesn't mean that they will get that too just to brag and be proud that you have a Child like them too. But, i told you that all the kids around the world are the same as well because, even though, it didn't manage your expectation that your child didn't accomplish like the other children did, it doesn't mean that they did nothing to make you proud.

You know, as a parent you should learn to appreciate the things that your child does just for you- to make you proud as their parent. Being jealous to other parent's kids will just make your child suffer more because you keep expect for more, and you don't appreciate their efforts.

Don't you remember the role of a Parent to every Children's lives?

• As a parent, You should guide them if you think that they needed some help to pursue their dreams and follow the path that they will take.

• As a parent, You should support them to the things that they wanted to do because their happiness is the most important but bad habits or things that will make their life in danger is exceptional.

• Accept the decisions they want for theirselves. As a parent, deciding some plans, goals, or for your future of your child will never be your decision. You should never meddle if what they want to take, if what will be their plans next, if what to do.

These three things are the most important and what a child need from their Parents.

1. GUIDE

2. SUPPORT, and

3. ACCEPTANCE

especially to their first step in the battle to pursue their dreams.

Why I am telling these to you right now? Because, Since when i was a kid, I was always compare to other kids. They always compare me because they disappointed and i was keep saying sorry for not being enough.

I am just always a top 2 before or sometimes rank 4 or 5 then at the end, because of their behaviour of always comparing me to the other kids, i discountinue to be in a honor lists and just enjoy my youth without pressuring myself from studying. I lost my motivation and i lost my energy from being active studying because they keep telling me what to do and even though, i have only 3 wrong marks in my quiz they still want me to have perfect score or my grades are still line 8 and 9 they still wants higher grades and asked the rank of my classmates and they want me to be on that spot if it's higher than me.

I always heared and they always start their sentence with "You should be like (name of my friend)." and it's always hurt my ears that everytime it will bleed if they keep telling me those words.

Anyways, I haven't heared those in the a very long time year now. I never compared to other kids again for how many years and i am thankful for that but yesterday and today, my mood was changed because they started again to compare me to the other people.

Yesterday, I read the post from my former School Fb Page that My Classmate from Senior High School recognized as a Cum Laude and her course is AB Mass Communication. I told my grandma about it because that person is the one who always going here in the house before. She always dyed my hair back then and my Grandpa knows her parents too. Then my Grandma told me this, "How about you and your Older Sister? Kulelat padin?" (I don't know what is the kulelat term in english but it's means that we are still in the low or below rank). I did not expect to what she will tell next or reaction after seeing the post because i thought that she will just happy and congratulate her. She even told me that, she is only have a lower rank than mine during shs days and here she is, became recognized as a Cum Laude.

After a years, those words came back again. Then, I thought that it will stop already but today, just in the morning, she saw another post again from my former school and it was said that I have another batch mate that recognized as a CUM LAUDE but she was BS in Business Admimistration major in human resource Management. I expect that to happen already because she is really a genius one since we are elementary school until SHS she is our valedictorian.

But you know what? After hearing some negative words again from her mouth, I didn't expect that my mind will think something bad on my mind. She's my Grandmother but i am k!ll!ng her on my mind already that time for what reason? She also said to me that I should not go when they have some trip when they are planning to go to travel as a celebration for their Graduation. I asked her why and she said to me that I didn't study college and i am not like them and she also said that, they will just laughed at me there little thing that they didn't know, they are not like that. We still bond together when we have some time and we support each other's career and plans to our life. Besides, i am not the only one who are not studying right now.

I don't know but, I envy my friends for being supportive when it comes to my plans and goals into my life. They really give their supports always and cheer me up when i am down or have some problems and at the same time, i am so very disappointed because my Family are not like that to us.

It hurts that, i hide my disappointment in front of her. I want to talk back to her and laughed at her but, i am thankful that i controlled my emotions instead, i just laughed and smile and go with the flow to the negative words that she is saying that time to me.

My depression attacked again. I am okay for a very long time already but because of her words, I became weak again. I don't like to be eaten by madness and darkness just like what happened to me last month so,

I stop my depression to attack again by:

1. Cleaning and organizing my room again.

2. Swept outside (in front of our house).

3. Wash my clothes.

4. Clean the whole house.

To distract my thoughts and not to cry again because of the same reason but at the end of the day while typing these words from the beginning until this word that you are reading, I can't stop crying.

They told those words to us without even thinking if what we have gone through after all these years. Why they are easy to compare us to them? Without knowing that we are being like this right now because, my Mom during that time, after i graduated, my Sister is studying college and she can't able to make us study at the same time because she is just the only one who are working and we don't have a father unlike those kids that they managed to study because the first one has a 3 sisters that working for her. They can able to give what she wanted just so she can study. The second one has a complete family: both parents are working just so she can finished studying.

Seriously?

I am doing what i can naman to help our Mom. That's why i am here and i am 1 year old user here now. I am giving them the things that theh wanted: Grocery? Paying bills? Yet, they can't still see my efforts.

A long time ago, until now.. I still saying sorry for myself because, i can't study at the same year like my classmates. I am sorry for myself because i can't able to become the person that i wanted since i was young.

I also have a dream! But...how can i pursue that dream if my mom is starting to be old already? That she will retire soon from working yet, we still don't have our own house. It's hurts that they speak as if, it was easy for us to do what they are expecting. That we are not struggling and it was just easy to live in this kind of world.

Do you know what is my thoughts right now? I'm sorry to say this but, i think, I need to rest. I already fell jealous, i envy my classmates for graduating college, I felt sad and at the same time, I feel useless.

If only...i know that my life (future) will be like this right now, I would like to stop myself from growing up.

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