I seemed to be lost on track again, and I did the best decision there is: A prayer.
Do you pray every night before sleep? Or when you wake up? Before and after eating? Or just in any random times of the day? If you are, then good for you. Prayer should not just be a habit; I believe it should be a vital part of our lifestyle. Take it from me. I have always experienced the disadvantages of not being prayerful.
Your Sunday may have ended already, is about to end, or may just have started, but no matter what timeline it is, a blessed Sunday, anyway. To some new readers, if there is any, I just started this last week. That I planned on posting articles about spiritual aspect of my life, of our lives. This was last week's first entry:
This one is supposed to have a part two and posted today, but I thought I will just move it to next week, as I will share what I learned personally today.
Before I got here, I washed the dishes, ironed my uniforms and prayed to God. It was not the typical prayer I do before sleeping. Rather, it was quite a lengthy prayer, which contained my honest call for help, because I know something is wrong with me, again.
Again. Everytime I start to be okay, there will be instances again that will drain me and impact my willpower eventually..It is a never ending cycle—everyday's a battle. Everyday is a never ending quest for living a satisfying life with a purpose. I am so sick of this, but it's life. It is like this always. Letting us have some time to heal, and when we recover again, it would throw us new wars, and harder ones at that. If not harder, then trivial ones, but simultaneously. Life is the busiest occupation there is, am I right?
So earlier, I prayed. I got a bit emotional, bit I did not hold back. I knew I had to release some unknown burdens that piled up again for the whole week. I knew I had to ask for His help, because I am trying to take sole control over my life again, without leaning on His plans.
I am surely aware that there is something wrong with me, but I don't know what exactly it is. It is like, the worst feeling ever. It'd be better if I only could know the root cause, but I don't know it. God knows me better than I do, so I prayed at him for this. Whatever wrong with me is, that He fix it, remove it, or do what He knows best.
Only God can understand me. No one will understand if I try to relay them the miserable feeling that I have. Why? Even I could not even grasp its source. I don't even understand myself oftentimes. Even if I just tell God that I don't know what it is, He could see through me and correct whatever it is.
Praying reminded me of many things. I realized I forgot the main reasons why I started doing what I am currently doing, that's why I am so unmotivated to work on those cheerfully. It includes writing here; working; even just looking after myself. I wrote here not primarily to earn, but to express myself. Writing here is not a job that should stress nor pressure me. Writing should be a hobby that makes me happy and energized, not something that affects my mental and physical health. Same pattern of thoughts came about work, and my self-care. I realized many things.
I let God drive my life's car. I noticed I have been leaning on my own understanding these days. Not asking for his guidance at certain times, not being able to pray properly at night. And more. God should take controp of the steering wheel of my life, because He is aware of the best path for me. With my own, I have no direction.
God holds the blueprint of our lives. I am not saying He has a pre-determined outcome for us. God is not like that. He would not give us the gift of free will if He would just subject us to a fixed plot anyway. What do you think? What I mean to say though, is God has an amazing, well-written plan for us! We are even smaller than a microscopic dot when compared to this world, but God is even bigger than the universe. He sees through everything that we cannot.
One thing I am sure of, is, God did not bring us to the world to torture us. He loves us dearly, and is always willing to hold us whenever we reach out to Him. What an amazing Father is.
I refreshed and consulted Him my plans. I remember I am still working on my BCH giving project. I said to myself I am learning and trying out more online income sources. I told Him I dream of achieving financial freedom. Even my struggle of keeping my new habits consistent everyday. I prayed for Him to help me achieve this all.
I would not be easily discouraged anymore. The BCH value is still lower, and it could be more. My wallet, I don't even look at it that much anymore. Red numbers are stressful. I know this crash is temporary. If I wait and just continie receving and giving more, I know a bigger benefit is bound to come.
This is the best thing I did today. After I prayed, I felt better. For real! I was recharged. I was able to lift those unseen burdens from me, thanks to Him. There are things I always pray for, that can't be bought with money. Two of them being "Peace" and "Joy". Peace is when I can sleep well even I have some setbacks. Joy is sincere happiness that is there even at tough times.
This has been my Sunday sharing for you. If you are feeling sleepy, but is still not praying now, this is the sign! Prayer is a powerful weapon we should have. It is our way to talk to God, be more aware of His plans, and submit to them.
Have a blessed week again, everyone!
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I find it essential to always pray. Every moment if possible.