10/03/21
Single does not always mean ready to mingle. It may also mean, happy being on one's own, enjoying things alone. Being alone, but not really lonely.
I remember specific times when mom reminds us of what kind of qualities should we look for our future partners in life. She goes around the same lines everytime: someone who's responsible, has faith in God, without vices, honest, and does not hurt us in any way.
Of course, I always appreciate her, but there are times my immature self gets the best of me, and I get annoyed. There are instances I'd tell her, "I am not even close to thinking of entering a relationship, so you can now stop worrying about that now."
She would always answer me this:
"No.. For sure, in the future, that time will come. You will meet someone, and you'll become a mother, too. You'll become a wife.." and bla bla.. with that as the main thought.
I never really talk back at her, but in my mind, I have lots of thoughts, always. Like these thoughts: What if I really don't want to be in a relationship? What if that thing is really at the bottom of my priorities? Is that abnormal?
Some of my friends ask me why I still don't have a boyfriend yet, and when I tell them that I just really do NOT want (yet, maybe), they'll tease me like crazy. Stuff like, maybe because there are really no people that open up his feelings, nor confess to me so I give that reason. I'd always raise my eyebrows at them and say, "I am thankful no one dares to, because talking them to stop would be another problem!"
Actually, there are some. And I won't explain it in detail. Not too many, though, as I do not consider myself in that level, and I don't want to sound like I am just assuming things. But whenever I feel that these guys are trying to open up some other kind of a comversation to me, I have my own strategy to block that energy. I start letting them see the limits I set, and I would even avoid them, if necessary. Seriously, for me, dealing with it is hard. And I don't want to experience rejecting someone. Maybe, just yet.
Why did I suddenly talk about this again? The same discussion with mom happened again recently. I am even scared if mom would really try to refer me to a guy she knows—goodness. Just thinking of it gives me chills. No, please.
I enjoy being single, a hundred percent fact. And I don't see myself being in a relationship in the near future, at least as how I see it. It's still in the darkest alley of my future, I guess.
Maybe one of the reasons my friends won't believe me is the way I look like a sad, single woman. That, whenever I'd see their partners fetching them after work, for example, I am one of those who acts annoyed and says "Sana all.." (Filipino expression of wanting what the other person has) in a joking manner. Or the fact that I have lots of crushes in the Kdrama world. LOL. They might have always seen me change actor crushes every once in a while, and hear my fangirl moments like saying "I would be really lucky if Lee Do Hyun was my boyfriend!" stuff like that. Yeah, sounds ridiculous, but I do these things. So, I would understand why they'd be surprised when I say I don't wanna be in another status aside from being single yet.
I just look like a lonely single woman, for fun. Can't I do that? Maybe I should not, so I won't give them the idea. What do you think? Okay, I would not do these things anymore.
You might ask, is it perhaps because I have high standards for a man? My answer is, not really. I don't think I'd be a person like that. I have this personality of "If I like it, I like it. Period." No matter the appearance, the flaws, and the issues with it, I just like it. And I think it also applies to my principle when it comes to people. Even if you are as handsome as Park Seo Jun, if I don't like you, that's it. End of story. I also would not want someone to force me to chnge myself just to meet his standard, so I won't do that, either.
I don't also wanna come across as a man hater. Heck no. Men did not do anything to me for me to hate them in the first place. I heard only ONCE from this one friend that I seemed like a girl who's allergic to men. And I was dumbfounded, for real. I thought about it for days, because it really bothered me. Do I look like the type to really avoid all men? I don't think so! I have a few male friends I can confidently say I am comfortable with. Just because I am no comfortable with my friends' male peers does NOT mean I am allergic to men. All of these thoughts ran around my mind, then I remember, it was only that ONE friend who noticed that, so she's probably wrong. I did not think much about it after that.
Back in college, I remember asking my three friends, slash classmates, slash dorm mates back then, what they think of me, specifically their own guess, of what age I'd have a boyfriend. Guess what they all said?
I heard from them that, among the four of us, it was I who would possibly not have a boyfriend ever. Because they see me as a boyish type of girl, with other priorities. I did not dare question their opinions, because, after all, they've bewn my friends for four whole years, two of them even being my classmates since highschool. I just laughed it out, and did not let it bother me. After all, they might be right.
There were times I stopped for a bit and tried to figure out myself, am I ready for a relationship? Will I be able to let another person in my life? Until now, these questions are answered with a semi-agressive shaking of head in disagreement. A big NO, for now. I am not yet ready.
I do believe that a person must be ready in ALL aspects before entering a real relationship, not just out of whim, nor pressure, nor fleeting emotions. A person must have a prepared mentally, emotionally, physically, and even spiritually for the new world he/she is going in. It is not just about the heart fluttering, nor sweet little gifts o Valentines. A relationship is more than that. There will be fights, adjustment of differences, getting to know the best and worst sides, managing time for each other, restricting habits, resisting temptation, and a lot more. Why am I talking as if I am an experienced person? The truth is, I also don't know. And I accept if someone more experienced will tell me I havale foolish ideas because I know I haven't been in it yet. It's okay.
I also want to clear something today. A fact that everyone must understand. Relationship nor marriage is NOT the end goal of everyone. Normalize thinking and reminding ourselves of this fact. A person's own path does not always end up marrying someone, having a family, growing old together, and same process happens with their children and so on.
Not everyone has the same ideals of how they'd want their lives to be lived. Others see themselves staying single for the rest of their lives. Others pursue paths that prevents them from getting married. And are these people weird? Definitely not. Just because I do not plan on looking for someone I'd spent the rest of my life with, does NOT mean I am about to live a boring life without a purpose. Being in a relationship, getting married, having a family, are NOT the purposes of this life.
Whenever mom would tell me that I'd somehow become a wife and mom like her for SURE, I always had the urge to tell her that I just do NOT see myself in that path. I am making a disclaimer, as this mindset of mine MAY OR MAY NOT change in the future, but for now, it's still a big, fat, NO. (Unless you are Lee Do Hyun, or Taehyung from BTS. Just kidding!)
Writing this, I remember the topic/challenge here in read.cash a few minths ago, "Why are you single?" or something similar to that. Maybe, this is my overdue entry tothe challenge. I think fellow writers @MissJo , @Ruffa and @Jane participated here, as far as i remember. I think I read their own entries. LOL, please correct me if I was wrong. Some updatez about the Singles Club? Is it still open? Haha! Just kidding, let me know of it will be open for members, I'll definitely join. 😂
Ending this with some questions I hope some of you would answer.
Are you a single person too? And are you happy about it?
When is the time you think a person would be ready to be in a relationship?
For people in a healthy relationship: Do you think single people are not happy, somehow? Be honest.
I want to get your opinion on this, so I would really, really appreciate if I could know your insights. Your input matters a lot to me. So don't be shy and drop those answers now!
That would be my article for today. I hope you enjoyed it. Love you all, Darlings, and until next time!
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To God be the Glory.
Now everyone is supporting being a single as 100% platform for happiness LOL. Remember there's always advantage and disadvantage Attached to an action. I'm not saying that being in a relationship is more sweeter compared to singleness but there's a feeling that comes via relationship that pilots someone to heaven🥰, It's unbeatable when you know someone you have intimacy with have your back always (not that other intimacy 🙏). Anyways, i like my singleness for now. 🚶🚶🚶🚶🚶