This is my toxic desires and I am fighting it
I felt so happy looking at my HIVE account. The journey was not easy, but it would become easy as others help me to continue moving forward. I published a story blog about an alien introduction prompted by the community of Weekend Experiences. Honestly, making that story was smooth for me. My mind was not clogged and heavily weighted by anything so I finished it early. When I was writing it, I was checking the word count from time to time. That's my usual routine.
However, this time I didn't bother and I ignored the word count because I wanted to write wholeheartedly. As a writer, sometimes I restrained myself from writing long because I am afraid that others may skip it. Be honest with me, you feel the same thing too, right? Yet, for some reason, I wanted to give my best in writing a story. That's my forte. That's what I do and I write it without reservation. And I am so happy about the feedback I received from it.
In all these things, have you ever had toxic desires? Based on Merriam Dictionary, a desire is a conscious impulse toward something that promises enjoyment or satisfaction in its attainment. Meaning, it is your strong desire to want something and it could be good or bad. Either of it, I will focus on my toxic desires, how bad it is, and how I fight for it. I cannot imagine that those desires are becoming unhealthy.
What's my toxic desires?
One of the toxic desires I had was wanting more than I could understand. I don't particularly understand what I wanted so the basic response I need to do is get it all. For example, I am exploring a new genre of book. Since, I don't know what's the exact thing to get, I would get as many as possible so that I have many choices. I don't know if you understand it, but for me, it's not really good.
To put it simply, I am getting many things to have many choices, and in the end, I would just read only two or three books out of 6 or 8. So, the rest of those books will be left unread in my bookshelves. The thing here is that I spend too much money on books that I will not read. No, I will read it, but it will take time for me to do it since there are ongoing books. It's becoming a toxic desire to buy many books.
I don't recommend people to buy something that more than you can afford or you can use. Just buy a specific book or thing you really need so that you can save money too. Many times it happened to me, and I cannot control myself. When I visit a bookstore, I see many books that suit my taste. I would really buy it for the sake of feeding my desire. My desire to collect books.
What's my solution to my overbought books?
After several times of meditation, I found out that the root of my desire to collect books is my passion for reading and writing. My basic impulse whenever I see a book is to get it and read the back page. Skim the book, read chapter 1 and make an impression. The result of my meditation is to keep myself away from the bookstore. As much as possible, I really don't want to go near them since my money will be drained again.
Each of us has a toxic desire and that depends on how you would overcome it. I don't know how you can overcome it since you are the only one who knows the root cause of it. I think meditation and self-reflection helps me to pinpoint what's the cause. Then, the moment I find out what it is, I will try to eliminate and minimize it by time. Don't force yourself to stop it since it's your desire. It becomes toxic because it has too much excess.
Also, it's Sunday and another new week tomorrow. I don't know, but I already felt tired just by hearing the word Monday. My schedule flashes on my mind and goodness! All the things I wanted to do tomorrow must be met because if not, I would be lazy and procrastinate about it. No, it is not my nature. I wish I could have a good weekday and our health would be better.
Image sources
Photo 1: Pixabay by Pexels
Photo 2: Pixabay by Kollinger
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I read a blog written by shadowspub saying that if you don't feel reading the book, then leave it.
I think buying books is not bad (although you're not reading some of them).
Possible way to turn it to productive:
On the other hand, yes, just buy the books that you want to read hahaha.