I sit in the window sill of my bedroom. My eyes droop at the sight of outside, It's cloudy and there's a little sun peaking through. Ew...Sun. Light. Happiness. Ugh. Everyone thinks I'm okay, just a bit down. WRONG. I've felt "down" for years. You wouldn't know that because you wouldn't care enough to want to know at all, huh? Right. You can't hear me. I'm in my own head after all...
I hate this. I hate this so much, with a burning passion. But... I can't get out of it because... I just can't. The thought of being happy makes me more depressed because, I'll never achieve it. I guess... Everyone is happy with their lives and Going places, seeing people and doing things. I just sit here and rot away in the sill, or in the bathroom trying to drown myself or make my body stop all together. The pain no.....THIS pain is almost impossible to get rid of, it has stuck with me since...It's just been a long time.
I'm sick of it. I don't know how to make it stop! My mind keeps spinning as the days and weeks go by, my eyes are red from crying no tears, but I still find myself wiping them off my face. It's terrible, someone please make it stop.... MAKE IT STOP! I'm gonna end up dead if this doesn't go away, I'll be dead by my own hand! I don't want that! But, who cares? No one. It's seems like they want to, but no one wants to help and talk about me and my dumbass problems. I tell myself, SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP, IT ONLY GET WORSE. And I know that thinking and feeling this way isn't good at all. I KNOW. But, I've never had a freaking therapist or a psychologist! They do, I don't!
The typical, I have depression and anxiety. Yeah, I get it, we all get it. WE ALL HAVE TO HEAVILY SUFFER AT ONE POINT, I KNOW. But do we if it's to the extent of wanting to end our own suffering when we are surrounded by people? There's only so many positive things your minds tells you, right? Having to deal with all of the shit of your self image that you hate so much, all the little things that prick your insecurities and sprinkle it with the weight of your past and BAM! You have a sad ass dish called, "depression and Suicidal Thoughts!" HOW LOVELY. I'm aware.
There's only so much a person can take. A lot of people think that they will never get depression or anxiety. OH HO HO! But when they get it, they act like they're the only fucking person to have it. Making a big deal, like EXCLAIMING "I AM DEPRESSED" *slow claps* HOLY CONGRATS. A person with depression won't go out and admit they have depression. They want to stay with themselves in a "comforting" place, curled up or laying down staring at nothing while their mind either thinks at either 1000000000000 MPH or 0.005 MPH. Not admitting you have depression is like not admitting you have a drinking problem. It's hard and takes effort to get out of. I just hope I'm brave enough to get out of this hellhole that is.... my mind.
Everytime you look in that mirror, you see a depressed person who should just die already. No. You are a warrior. A survivor. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I know you think that no one cares and that I'm just saying this. Yes, I'm saying this to get through to you. To reach out my hand and tell you it's gonna be okay. Maybe not today, but eventually. It does get better. It's worth it to live through the darkest days of your life, as a person who can relate heavily to this topic, you will leave through it. You have a strong enough soul and mind to get through this. I know that this seems like the hardest thing to do and you won't make it out alive but... By the end of the day. You are beautiful. You are loved. Even if no one acts like it. Please don't think about taking yourself off this planet, you are wanted and needed and loved to end of the Earth. Please know that... From one depressed person to another. I love you so much, don't ever change and keep moving. it's hard I know.
Stay alive. Trust me, it's worth it.
This is another Fiction story I made. I hope you like it.
To those who always upvote my articles. thanks a lot.God bless you 🥰
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It's never easy to experience depression :(. People make fun of these people without realizing tge agony that depressed people really went through.
You don't have to hide it. I wouldn't say that it's okay, because we both know that it will take some time before you become okay. Just always remember that I am always willing to listen to you and your always worth it ❤