10|01-02|2021 ❣
Annyeongg, awesome souls!
Yesterday, I did not write anything because I thought of giving up writing articles. Yes, you read it right, I decided not to write anymore. I have so many on my plate. I can't focus on doing things that I used to love and enjoy. In a snap, I feel like doing nothing. I am tired. I wanna rest forever.
I even thought of quitting my job. It's been months since I feel this burden inside. My heart feels so heavy every day that I always cry a lot because of it. I don't know what to do anymore.
I am trying to convince myself to think positively and wish that everything will be okay. I am tired of pretending that I am fine. Oh God, I'm crying again. I am so sorry for all this drama. I just want to let it out.
The rain is pouring so hard outside and the thunder is so loud and wild. Before, I used to enjoy the rain. I love it because the raindrops seem to be music to my ear that I want to listen to forever. It calms my soul but now, I don't know. I don't know what to do anymore.
People would say that I am doing great because I am working, that I can support my family, that I can buy them things that they want and need. I am happy to support my loved ones. I will do everything for them. I would sacrifice everything for my family, that's how I love them.
I would agree with them that I am doing great. It makes me happy hearing those compliments from them. But there are times that I can't say that I am. It is maybe because I am not feeling good. I feel so weak.
The enthusiastic side of me is gone. While working, I can say that I am doing no good at all. Everything is affected. I can't work properly. I remember one of my customers saying that I sound so weak while assisting her and even ask me if I am okay. Upon hearing those, I burst into tears with her on the line. She comforted me even though she doesn't know me at all. I failed to finish the transaction we had and she asked me to be transferred to someone else instead.
I am supposed to have a meeting with my mentees after my shift but I didn't make it. I just wanted to jump into my bed and sleep. I feel so drained. I feel tired of everything.
I am really sorry for all this nonsense. I have no one to talk to at the moment. I don't want to bother other people as well. I choose to write it down instead.
Thinking about all my problems is like I am killing myself from sadness. I am now alone in my room with the lights turned on. I wanna cry out so loud but I am afraid that my Nanay and siblings will hear me. God, help me. Why am I like this? Am I the only one going through this? My sight is so blurry while typing this. I can't help myself but cry in silence.
Should I give up?
I apologize again for everything I said. I just. I don't know. I don't even know why I am saying this all to you. But thank you to those who finished reading this. I appreciate you all so much. I hope and pray that I will be okay soon.
I am glad that you did not give up, BreadChamp 😉 I think we all have been in that situation. You were just burned out maybe that's why you were feeling and thinking about a lot of things.