10|10|2021β£
Laban lang! Fighting! Fightuuuu!
I keep missing out! I hate myself sometimes for being so unproductive. My mind and body no longer have the same enthusiasm that I had before when I was just starting here. I remember myself giving my 75% attention to this platform before. I always have time to read articles, communicating with other awesome writers, and writing my own works too.
This month, everything has changed! I just woke up one day with no interest at all in everything which includes:
My Performance at Work
Having no interest at all in work affects my performance. Before, I would always love to render max overtime for work but now I am fine with no OT at all. I am so consistent in getting good scores and surveys in the previous months but just this October, my green and happy scorecard turned into a bloody and messy one. They said that we have to free our minds from problems when working so that it won't affect our performance but jusmeyooo marimar! It's not an easy task to do. If only I can do such, if only lang talaga ,huhu diko keri mga mars! Di talaga! But I'm trying, still trying. Laban lang!
Self-care
I dunno exactly how and when it all started but all I know is that I don't care anymore if I look good nor feel good. As you all know, I have some skincare products to maintain a pimple-free face but now I don't care if pimples will stay forever on my face. I just don't care anymore. All I want is to rest and rest and rest which I can't do for myself. Also, I don't know anymore if sleeping for hours would help. Because even if I slept for 24 hrs, I would still wake up with a heavy heart. My eyes are closed but my mind is wandering around. I overthink a lot which made me worry too much. I tried to stop myself from doing it but I can't help it. Pero kakayanin ko 'to, laban lang!
Read.Cash and Noise.Cash Activity
If you've noticed me before, I always spend time here every day and every night. I love everything in read and noise. Not only do I earn money but also I get to know amazing people whom I never expected to support me in my journey. I honestly learned a lot of things here. It's too many to enumerate. I was so consistent before in writing and spending time chatting with other writers. I always have that excitement opening my bell notifs and communicate. That behaviour of mine vanished in a snap of a finger. It's hard to explain but I always feel like giving up. I believed I shared it with you already so let's just cut it here nalang hihi. I become inactive for days now and still feel so empty. I can't breathe properly. Have you tried this? Like even breathing hurts my heart. I am so tired that at times my heart is screaming and the next moment it feels numb. Pero laban parin!
Let's see how far I can go to fight this war. This battle is between me and myself alone. I always encourage people with this "laban lang" to keep them on and now I am saying it to myself.I apologize again for all this nonsense co-writers. I just can't write anything with colors for now. I promise you, one day once I am totally okay, I will create and share some inspiring and worthy to read articles.
Lalabanan ko 'to, kasi pag ako sumuko, ako yung talo.
I do nof know what the cause is but you can always talk to Him and let out that heaviness that you feel. π