Learning To Say No

“Can I have more candy?” 

“No!”

“Can I play outside?”

“No!”

“Can I have a pet rabbit?”

“No!”

The questions above are just examples of kids being rejected by parents with their request. 

It appears that some parents can easily answer a big “NO” to their kids with no other supporting reasons.

What if the person who requested for something is your girlfriend, wife or your boss? Will you say “NO” if you don’t want to respond to the request?

What if a pauper asks you something, will you just say no? If a police officer asks you a request but it’s against your will would you say directly no?

Today I will be tackling the “No” answer based on my own experience with different people I met.

The yes and no answer is kind of hard to say depending on who is asking. But in the first three questions in my intro, it seems that parents can easily just say NO to their kids (including me) without any hesitation. You know we, as parents, have the nature of being authoritative when dealing with our kids requests. Perhaps of course every parent wants their kids to obey and follow house rules. 

Let’s forget about answering our kids first with the big NO. 

When was the last time you rejected a request from someone? Are you the person who just can’t say no to people?

Firstly, why do we have to say no to a request? 

For example, in my current job I am receiving requests daily. From replying to email, to tickets up to approval of change of workday schedules and leaves. As much as possible I don’t want to reject a request or disapprove something because I don't want to be in trouble with other employees.

I will share a story about an incident in the office where a supervisor was agitated with me because I rejected his request.

The accounting department endorsed a task to our department and it was handed to me from a resigning employee. The task was mainly responding to requests but in accordance with the company's policy. So I have to familiarize myself with the policy and be very careful in dealing with employees who are violating the rules.

One request was from a supervisor. It appears that his request has violated one company policy so I have to reject it even if he is a tenured supervisor. It was when I was just one year as a regular employee when it happened. 

The next day he went to our department and was looking for me. My colleagues told me about the reaction of the supervisor and that he had raised his voice. He is on night shift and I am on day shift so we are not seeing each other in the office premises.

The issue had escalated and reached the upper management of both departments. 

When the task was endorsed to me, I was instructed to stick with the policy and that I should stand my ground. 

The incident was investigated and found out that he was doing it for a long time. The previous employee handling the task was just approving the request even if it had violated the company’s policy.

It appears that the previous employee was not doing his task properly or that maybe he was just avoiding trouble. He was afraid to say NO or reject a request for fear of losing a job or having an argument with another employee especially if the person is in a higher position.

So if you find it hard to deal with people's requests that your answer should be no, you have to learn how to say it or do it. If you are in the position of rejecting a request then you should be direct. 

You have to concentrate on the request, not the person. Nothing personal. You don’t have to be accountable for other people's feelings.

So the next time you have to respond to a request do not hesitate to say no if you have a valid reason to reject or disapprove.

People are hard to please and there are also dangers in trying to please.

If the person doesn't want the rejection but it was a rightful decision for you then it’s up to him at least you are sincere. 

We don’t want to create conflicts so to deal with people who don’t want to accept rejection we should just let go and move on.

When was the last time you rejected a persons request and said No? Share it in the comment.

Thanks for reading. Ciao!

Feel free to check my previous posts:

Sign Up, Post, Interact, Deactivate

Names And Labels Are Nothing But Interpretation

Falls Are Am

Transceiver Devices

Hard Habit To Break

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Lead image source

Photo credits:

Charl Folscher

Obie Fernandez