@Bilqees
Consoling the bereaved. I couldn't see the mother of the late young man among the many people I met in the sitting room. I had wanted to see her and give my condolences but I was told that she was in her room with her loved ones. In the middle of the big sitting room stood a table where sympathizers go to sign a condolence book. Everyone had something good to say about the deceased. Unlike the lavish burial ceremony that is held for a person who had died at a ripe old age, the funeral of festus was kept simple. Since he was still a young man, his death had been unfortunate and there was absolutely nothing to celebrate about. As soon as the coffin of the deceased was lowered into the earth, his mother sprang forward in an awful run and was about to leap into the grave before she was restrained by other mourners. This was not the first time I would be seeing such a scene at a burial ceremony as it's quite common in my side of the world. Sometimes, I wonder what would happen if a grieving mother or wife is not restrained . Would she just shut her eyes while crying and holding the coffin and let them bury her alive with him?
**Image source** https://www.nairaland.com/6300425/meet-ghanas-professional-mourners-get#96811662 **The loss of a dear one** could be one of the most painful experiences a person can ever pass through. Sometimes, it's quite difficult to know what to say to such a person since you can't even pretend that you know what they are passing through. They are mostly inconsolable during this period and one might feel awkward around them. But you wouldn't leave them alone in that state as they need all the support and care they could get so that they could be able to cope with the pain. There are different ways people might grieve. Some are able to bottle up all the emotions even if the heart are shredding to pieces. While others just have to let it all out, screaming at the creator, chastising death and the deceased for abandoning them or even fuming at other mourners who try to console them as they cry for hours nonstop. There's also no set period for grieving over a loved one. For some, the period of getting better could spend up to a year while fir others, it could take a longer or shorter period. In such situations, don't try to persuade a saddened heart to get over it or make them look as if they are mourning longer than necessary. You would only succeed in making things worse by reopening old wounds. Instead, express genuine concern by listening to the bereaved. Allow them to talk and think about the deceased for the meantime since they never see them again. Don't feel uncomfortable or afraid of bringing up or referring to the dead person in your conversation with the bereaved do long as you keep saying pleasant things about their memory. Nice things about them, the impact they had made in the lives of others and how they would continue to be remembered for a long time. This would definitely lighten the heart if the breaved knowing that their loved one had lived a honourable and admirable life. Don't forget to always check up on and be there for the bereaved. Do not hesitate to offer a lot of unsolicited assistance as possible. Thank you .
30 comments
This just reminded me of the death of one of the promising talents in the faculty of Law in my school. He died today. It was a really painful and unfortunate death🥺. May his soul rest in peace.
OMG...may he RIP, sudden death?
Reminds me of my late uncle. Nice post, by the way.
Maybtgecsoul of uncle rest in peace.....You're welcome
It's so sad, that those who hadn't been in the same situation, won't understand them. The picture looks familiar
That's true, may bad thing never happen to us
I have always been one to be short of words to tell a bereaved person who had just lost a loved one. I think this is partly because I may make a joke that will be inappropriate at that moment. So I spend a lot of time thinking about what to say and rehearsing it in my head too 😅
Even me am sometimes short of words. I would just hold their hands for a minute or two
Be thier shoulder to cry on, ear to listen and comfort them in the best way that we can
That's true mommy Adrielle. It's really not easy for them in these times
It's tough dealing with loss. Sometimes we do drastic things that we don't even think about ourselves anymore because of too much sadness. Always be kind to others and be there for them in anyway you can at a time like that.
Hmm! It's not easy to control oneself after losing loved ones to death. I could remember when my uncle died some years back, his wife felt like jumping into his grave as they wanted to close it up.
The sorrow is inexplicable
The loss of a dear one is really painful, it takes a lot for one not to breakdown as a result of it
That's true.I Don't think the paincoulf be compared to anything in the world
Thank you for your tips on how to console bereaved families. I always find it hard to say anything so I just stay quiet and listen or hug and pat their backs. It's hard to find the words during such difficult times.
That's another perfect way of communicating with them ma'am. Such warm embraces could mean a lot more than words to them
Exactly my dear Bilqees, the loss of our dear ones, could be the most painful experiences in our lives. It's always very difficult for me to say something to be able to calm them. I always try to be by their side, and help them to cope with their pain.
That's the least we could do for them Ellen. Their heart is already in pieces
I can't even imagine how someone that has lost someone very dear will be feeling because I have never been in their shoes. The only person I have lost is my grandmother and although it was quite painful, I know it's nothing compared to losing someone that is in the immediate family like a mother or sibling
It's a very terrible feeling my dear. May you never experience such in the near and distant future. May God continue to keep all your loved ones
Amen o 🙏
Dr. Adeeb, is that you? Oh God, you say the same thing that the psychologist told us in the previous lecture. He told us that we should allow the family of the deceased to cry and grieve, and we should not tell them the opposite. He also told us that some people avoid talking about the deceased, but this is wrong. Rather, we should talk about it and allow his family to talk about him and get sad for losing him, you are good in the principles of dealing, my dear, well done
I am highly honoured 😆😆😁😁
We grieve differently and I am always against those who tell people to be strong and not cry. Like seriously? Please, let them cry. Let them get it out. Let them get better. For our own selfish reasons we don't want them to cry so we won't think we have failed to consoled them. Consoling them means allowing them to feel and come to terms on their own. I also don't fancy those who say, "I know how you feel." Hello? You can't know how that person feels because: *Have you lost someone before? No? Keep quiet. Yes? You have? Good...but still, it's not the same family, it's not the same circumstances, it's never the same discussion and events are different, so no, you still can't understand. We need to allow them grieve. All we can do is to give them emotional support. We have been used to wanting to do something major for those grieving. If all we can do is to hold their hands while they cry, that's more than enough...for the time being...
I agree with all you words sir and thank you so much for the brilliant analysis
Always an honour, dear. Thank you.
Grieving is one of the most painful things that anyone can go through. I usually hate paying condolence visit to other people because I usually don't know what to say and it is always so sad.
You shouldn't feel bad about it dear. Judy your presence could go a long way in showing that you care
As a human being I don't look to see tears in any human eyes. I want to see and pray for all creation happiness.