Why do adults behave like bullies?

Does a smile really make up everything? At school, some children talked about a television program. Adults fool strangers to see how they react. It's no April Fool joke but a reality television show. If the person gets angry they say "Smile, you are on candid camera!" and suddenly that person is no longer mad with them because they are on tv. I think that's weird. Angry is angry and bullying is bullying it's not just joking around if you hurt people on purpose, not if you do it in public. Tv is in public.

Perhaps this program is made by bullies. Bullies who grew up and didn't change. Not everyone thinks this is funny. Most children did not laugh as they heard about it. The truth is many do laugh about someone else's misery. They never admit it but they do. It's why people gossip too.

My grandmother has a gossip magazine. It's called "Privé" but nothing is private. There is not much text in it. They show pictures of famous people and there are a few words in them. Big and bold words. I never saw my grandmother read a book so perhaps she cannot read or not spell so fast. She never reads the bible so it makes sense why she has the magazine. Now she can look at the pictures and make up a story on her own.
I do not smile frequently. I can smile but not in front of a camera, not if people try to make a fool out of me, not if my mother is at home plus I am not surrounded by funny people. You need to be with funny people to have fun. Good things make you smile, happiness and good jokes make you laugh but fear and punishments do not. 

I never saw my teacher smile. Perhaps because she is really very old. If there wouldn't be so many children she could have stayed home and I would have the nice, real teacher.
The headmaster never smiles either. Not at school. He has a huge belly and is bold. I am not the only one he yells at or hits. There's only one girl in my class who dares to laugh out loud. She doesn't smile or giggle but laughs. She has a sweet face and lives in my neighbourhood. If she laughs a bell of snot comes out of her nose. It doesn't make her stop laughing which is good. At school everyone is serious even the bullies are although in a mean way. At home everyone is angry. Perhaps the dogs and fishes are not but my parents and I think the housekeeper is too. The antique cupboard is still white. It needs more oil, a lot more.

Why do adults behave like bullies? Everyone says it's wrong but there are not many kind people. My grandmother told me about her brother, how he treated them. She's still angry with her parents too. She says if you get older you become wiser and you get milder but I don't think so. If your head doesn't forget what happened it's hard to smile again. You can pretend and fake it but it's not real. If your heart is broken your eyes can not smile, they won't sparkle.

Thursday
March 3, 2021


School was okay. Okay, means no one bullies me and they leave me alone. Alone feels better because this way I can do what I like. In the afternoon we had handcrafts which I like. The mother of a boy in my class taught me how to use a fretsaw. I like to make something and it was easy and fun to do. The mother is very tall and kind not like the teachers.

Friday
March 4, 2021


We went to my grandmother. It's better to stay there as at home. She doesn't look happy but does not hit me or yells at me. My mother screams at her though. My dad went to the orchard where my grandpa's geese are. I am not sure what he did there.
My granny baked a cake. She is good at it but never eats it herself. The egg of the goose is in it. The old bookkeeper was there too. He is really very old. He o
stayed in my granddad's office and my mother and grandmother too. I waited for the "Mainzelmänchen" and hoped my aunt would come to visit us but she did not. She's a teacher and can tell stories but she rarely smiles. Not if we are there too. I hope she smiles without us.

Saturday
March 5, 2021


We didn't go to church. The church is not far just across the road. I watched the people outside. It's not our church but my grandparents theirs. My grandmother's cleaning lady goes to that church too and my grandmother's brother, the one she is angry with.

Grandpa his bike is on the ceiling. It's new. I never saw him use it. It's too big for me. Grandma has a bike too. She can't drive a car so she walks or goes by bike.
If I am staying with her I walk too. Sometimes when I stay with her I can sit at the back. She has big panniers on her bicycle. I put my feet in it. It's warm and my feet won't get hurt.
After dinner, I helped her with the dishes and after that was finished they all drank coffee and we went home.
I had a piece of brown candy and she gave me two pieces of liquorice. They look like tiny kittens.

Sunday
March 6, 2021


I don't want to write today. Later I will or one day again if I feel better. Today I feel sad and I am tired of being sad. I don't care I was sent to bed early as long as they leave me alone.

Monday
March 7, 2021

A kid's diary

No dirty laundry outside


If your parents don't want you


She hoards and yells


Same old story, same old song


I hope she won't hurt her


So mixed up

#kittywu #diary #childhood