She came back in the middle of the night. I am so tired. She yelled, kept yelling and switched the light on. Why is she scolding at me, why she uses those words? I have no idea what they mean. Later I will ask someone, someone who knows everything. My head hurts and the only thing I can do is standing next to my bed and wait till she stops. She doesn't stop someone made her furious and it cannot be me. I was in bed, even slept, this time I slept. Dad can tell her but he isn't there. He's always gone if you need him. She grabs my book bookcase and pulls it forward.
"Clean it up, everything!"
My books she hurts my books, why? I do some steps forward and like a madman, she starts beating on my head. Not my head, not with the books!
I wait and cover my face, my teeth and wait, wait till the madness is over and she leaves. She leaves, she will leave, she always leaves sooner or later she leaves.
She keeps saying these words, scolds, and yells and I can only wait. "Respect your parents" it's what they say "respect". I don't know how to respect my parents, they are not my parents, they are different from me. My dad can be nice but this woman is worse than a monster. I am not afraid of a monster, it can hide in my room, underneath my bed, read my books if it likes but she can't be my mother. I don't look like her, I am not her. I wait till she leaves and I can pick up my precious books. She shouldn't touch my books. I never touch her books or things unless she tells me to clean it up.
She slams the door and I am alone. Books are everywhere and so is my diary. She didn't see it, at least I hope she did not.
I pick them up, each book and thing I have. They look hurt, they are hurt but I didn't do it. There is a book school gave me last Christmas. It's about a girl who fell through the ice. She tried to save a black kitten. She is loved, her mother cares and she stays in bed till she is healthy again. She can keep the kitten. I push the bookcase back against the wall. It's not heavy I can do it if I push with my back against it. One by one I put every book back on it's shelf. Each book has its own place. From tall to small and books of the same author together.
She doesn't come back I think she went to bed. I see the sun wake up and get dressed. Everything is back like it was, no one will know.
Thursday
September 24, 2020
I did my bed and brushed all shoes and left to school. I am not sure if I can have breakfast. My dad is gone, there's no housekeeper yet and she is in bed. I close the backdoor and leave. I did what I always did and can't be late at school.
I am so tired but it doesn't matter. No one asks me anything and the bullies leave me alone. I can sit behind my desk and during the break on the square. I watch the other children play. I guess it is a good day. It's Friday nearly the weekend. I don't like weekends. At school is a better place even with a teacher who doesn't like me, bullies and a mean principal.
Wilma asks me for her birthday party. I don't know why but she is kind. She is quiet and always has the same apple. I don't know which apple but it's yellow with spots. I call the apple after her. I never take fruit with me. I tell her I will ask if I can. She hands me over a card with her name and address. It's far away, it's where kindergarten once was. She smiles at me before she leaves. I will ask my mother if I can go. It's on Wednesday, Wednesday afternoon after school. I can eat there and they will take me home.
September 25, 2020
A kid's diary
One cookie
https://read.cash/@wakeupkitty/one-cookie-58e6bf14
Grandpa died
https://read.cash/@wakeupkitty/grandpa-died-e1b9ed68
Breathlessness
https://read.cash/@wakeupkitty/breathlessness-66ebb3f0
Good article