No matter how hard you try you die. People do not talk about it. They talk about getting old. What is after getting old? Getting old, is it? One of my grandmothers looks old but I don't believe she really is. She just behaves old. Her hair is grey but it looks white. The hairdresser makes it white. It doesn't always look white at times it looks blue. Blue like the hair of a little elf. Her hair turned grey as she was 18 years old and she lost her teeth. It was "toothwolf," she says. I don't know if a wolf can make teeth sick and steals them. If you ask me the tooth fairy did it. She takes all teeth in the world, all human teeth and it's not true she always pays for it. Sometimes she forgets about the teeth. Perhaps it's too far flying or she doesn't like the teeth or enter the house.
My grandmother did not die.
Sick teeth make you sick but you do not need to die. Perhaps it's why her hair turned grey? People say you give them grey hair is you give them a hard time or they have a hard time. I watch my hair but it is not grey yet. My mother gives me a hard time. I wonder if I wake up one morning with grey hair. If it looks like my grandmother, so white, I will like it. Perhaps my mother will like me more if I no longer look dirty.
My grandfather died. They told me today and I don't know if it is true. It was long ago I saw him. The last time I saw his face it looked green and he was in a hospital bed. The same hospital all those doctors I visit are. They let him die. I like to know how but no one tells me. We didn't visit him since then. Perhaps my dad did since he is never at home. He could have visited him. Did my grandmother visit him? She lives far away and cannot drive a car. Perhaps she went by train and took a taxi to be with him or grandpa told her to stay away. His sister aunt C. is she dead too? No one tells me and I saw her in the hospital too. She was a sweet kind old lady. I liked her, she and her house. Who takes care of her, visit her? She is old, way older than my grandmother. I can see it at her face and see it how she dresses. She looks like those people in the paintings. The paintings in the house of my grandparents.
They look angry and I don't know why. Does the death make people angry? Who they are angry with? My mother was not close to her parents she never liked them. My grandfather only visited as my mother was angry with my dad. As she scolds at him and tried to stab him. My grandfather came. They said to talk but it was not talking he did. He gave money and for some time we were fine. Grandpa saved us, the day. Now he left. I think he left and is happy he could. There were many little sick monsters eating him just like the family did. He will never play trumpet again, eat cake, or see his animals. He can no longer drive his Mercedes or grow old. My grandfather didn't grow old he was young.
They told me I cannot say goodbye to him. I can not be there because I am too young. He was my grandfather, my family but I am not allowed to go. I look at his photo on the piano. The photo of my grandfather who left. I hope his world is a better one. Who knows he meets my other granddad. They can sleep long now without worries and fights.
Tuesday
September 22, 2020
A kid's diary
Breathlessness
Tortur
Angry mom
Awesome