I don't hate Mondays

I don't hate Mondays or Tuesday's only Saturdays and Sundays. I don't like is being home. It's better to go to and stay at school even if it isn't great to be. there. The breaks I don't like if no one talks to me, plays with me but it's better than being scold at or hit. If the weather is fine I can sit in the sun or watch other children play. At times we have the lessons outside on the schoolyard.

Mathematics I don't understand and I cannot draw either. If it comes to drawing it's the same as with essays. I never know what to draw (or write). Most of the time I stare at the white paper. I don't understand how the others can draw so easily or write down what the teacher wants them to. There's nothing I like to share with the teacher or anyone else and I cannot make up anything because I am not creative. Do they expect me to draw how my mother beats me with a belt, whip or shoe? Should I draw blood and bruises, how she pushed me off the stairs or locks me into the shed?
Each drawing shows the same, nearly the same. Happy families. I don't think all those happy families only exist. There are children without a dad, Hans his mom is dead, at least I think she is, and his dad has no time for him and there are bullies. Richard is a bully. He is the big boy who lives close to school and his mother doesn't look friendly either. She stands behind the window and watches everyone. She looks like an old mom and as if she doesn't like children. 

Tuesday
April 27, 2021


Ellen asked me if I came over to her. I felt happy she asked but worried my mother wouldn't allow me. It all depends on her mood. Not if her mood is good but if she is angry with other people and wants to punish me for it, wants me to do house chores, wants me to listen to her complaints because no one does, wants to get rid of me or a million other reasons she can think of. Even if she says yes it can be a no a few minutes later. So if I am asked to play at someone's house I feel nervous and don't know what to say. I don't know if Ellen noticed it. I said I will ask my mother and have to eat first.
At 12:15 school was over and I went home. The housekeeper said my mother left to work and I could go. Ellen lives nearby and as I went over to her home I saw her in the parking lots. First, we played outside, next we went to her home. Her mother gave us something to drink. Ellen is an only child. Her father looks old and has many wrinkles. He is thin and smokes a lot. She says he has diabetes but I don't know what that is. I think it's serious because he looks ill and can hardly walk. He walked along with us to the bully's home as we went outside to play again. There were more children in the parking lot and we played a ball game till I had to go back home.
I was in time. The housekeeper didn't leave yet and my mother wasn't at home. I went to my room. It's better to stay there so the house remains clean.

Wednesday
April 28, 2021


The teacher gave us a piece of paper. She said I had to give it to my parents. They need to fill it out and sign it. It's about a day out with school. They call it a school trip. I am not sure if I can go, what happens if my mother doesn't allow me. I think she has to because it's during schooltime. The teacher says we go to the Zoo by bus. A doesn't like to be on a bus but I like to see the Zoo. It's a two hours drive. I cannot remember I have been to a Zoo before. We have to take something to drink and food with us and a raincoat. The other children sound happy. They are noisy and talk loud till the teacher told them to be quiet.
If you talk in the classroom she writes your name on the blackboard and you will be punished. You have to stay after school and write "I am not allowed to talk" 500 times. You can go home after it is finished. If I write long my hand always hurts.
I had gymnastics in the afternoon. That teacher talked about a new tournament and gave a paper for a gymnastic camp. It will be in summer and we go to a place I cannot remember. We sleep in tents and have a gym everyday and fun. We leave on Saturday and come back on Friday. I need a sleeping bag and other things. I am not sure if my mother will buy it and I'm also not sure if I like to sleep in a tent with bullies.

I hope the hiking club will not give me a paper too. A part of the Summer vacation I stay with my grandmother. I don't know if that will happen again if I go to a gym camp. I haven't seen granny for a long time. Perhaps she is back in the hospital.

Thursday
April 29, 2021


It's Friday so I have to be out of bed at 5:30 a.m. I want to sleep longer because I feel tired but it is not allowed. School starts at 8:30 a.m. and it takes me 5 minutes to get there but I have to clean first. I need to clean, fo my tasks before the housekeeper arrive to clean.
I gave the papers to my mother. I can give them to dad but that will make her angry because it's her money. I should ask her first. She didn't say anything and I didn't ask. I will not ask or beg if I can go because she will punish me for that too.
I took the sheets of the beds and folded them. My mother will count them and write in the booklet how many there are. Sheets, pillowcases and tablecloths go to the laundry service and her white coats. They use starch and I think it smells nice.
I polished the shoes, wiped dust, set the table and made tea. My mother will check what I did. If not good she lets me do it again. Even if I am late for school. Dad left before me. He drives to the railway station with his scooter and goes by train to somewhere. I think it's the hospital.

Today it's Queen's Day. At school, they gave me orange lemonade and we played games. In every classroom where different games and outside too. Mothers of other children came to help. My mother never visits the school or helps at school but I don't mind. She is not a kind person and would scare the other children.

Friday
April 30, 2021


I went out with the hiking club again. We walked somewhere and at the end of the day, I came back home. I have a medal again.
The teacher said I walk too fast but I cannot walk that slowly.

Saturday
May 1, 2021


After Sunday school we went to visit my granny. My mother made a fight, threw me off the stairs and my parents left. My granny stayed with me and I cried. She didn't say my mother is a bad person but I think she is. I helped her with the dishes and we played a game.
Later my parents picked me up. They said nothing and back at home I was sent to bed.

Sunday
May 2, 2021


It was a Monday like always. The teacher told a story, we prayed and the lessons started. I no longer play the recorder. I am not good at it.
Next year I have a different teacher, no Miss Mulder anymore. She will leave. Some children went to another school. The classroom is big enough for all of us.

Monday
May 3, 2021


The weather is more like summer now. The pavement and schoolyard feel warm underneath my feet. I like it most if it's warm.

I had to brush the dogs. It takes a long because I have to brush them till there is no hair left behind in the brush. It's impossible because there's always hair in the brush. It's hard to take it out. The brush feels like needles.
I brush although my arms hurt and stayed outside as long as possible. I put all the hair in the bin. It's emptied yesterday and my mother will check it. Monty doesn't mind but Soot is jumpy. He wants to play but has to be on a chain because children bully him.

Tuesday
May 4, 2021

A kid's diary

She made me count thrums

She pushed me

I don't know when 'later' is

It's too crowded

Carbuncle sounds ugly

#kittywu #diary #childhood