I don't know when 'later' is

I'm still staying with my granny. The days here feel long in some way but I don't mind. My grandmother does not tell me to wake up early but I do. It is a habit. I'm not sure if I have to help her so I ask but she always sends me away. I read my books and there isn't much more to do. If grandmother needs bread she sends me to the bakery. We eat together in the kitchen and if I am not finished she leaves. I need to finish my plate before she gives me new food. The food... It is too much and my belly hurts again. She told me I have to walk the stairs so I did. I walk all the stairs from the ceiling to the basement but it still hurts.
If I haven't eaten what she gives me she places my plate on a shelf in the basement. With the next meal, she gives it back to me. Perhaps I could eat it if it wasn't that much.
I do not like cold food, cold potatoes, cooked vegetables and cold meat. Cold gravy looks like dirty ice, the ice on the lake. If I push on it breaks.
She could give it to the geese as she does with the other leftovers but she doesn't with my food. I wish people would not always force me to eat. I will not die out of hunger but because I cannot eat that much. I wish they understood but they don't.
A three-course dinner is too much. After the soup, I feel as if I explode. I like the soup because my grandmother made it. It's not like the one we eat on Saturdays which is from a can and the only thing you need to do is adding water to it.

Monday
March 29, 2021


I spoke to my dad. He called my grandmother or perhaps my mother did but I didn't speak to her. I don't care because I do not miss her. My only fear is I have to go back home. I don't like to go back where she is. I miss the dogs but not her. She didn't ask for me. My grandmother said I stay longer with her and so told my dad. He didn't say what they are doing or where they are. My grandmother said they aren't home but abroad. Marocco is abroad I haven't been there and I don't want to be with them. If my mother is home everyone is scared and she's always making a fight. The fights are about nothing but are important to her because we have to say she is right.
I asked dad about the dogs and the housekeeper and he said they are fine. The housekeeper is at her home and the dogs are somewhere else. I don't know where but I believe he said at a farm. Someone else takes care of them, someone else than my mother. Will they miss her? I know I am not and I don't want her to come back. If she comes back I don't want her to come for me. I hope she forgets me.
Dad said he will bring me a present and I shouldn't forget to help grandmother and buy her some flowers. I already bought her a bunch of flowers with the money he gave me right after I arrived. There's not much she likes except knitting and the plants she calls begonia.
She never eats peanut butter, chocolate spread or chocolate sprinkles. If she buys soda it is 7-up and she gives it to the flowers. My grandmother always eats the same. I don't think she eats chocolates. If people give it to her it goes to the cupboard where she stores other gifts like perfume. I believe she gives it away if she needs a present.

Tuesday
March 30, 2021


I asked my grandmother but she says the schools are closed and I do not need to visit school. I am worried about what the teacher will say if I stay away for such a long time. Grandmother says there's no need to because my parent can go on vacation whenever they like because they can not always go because of my mother's job. I have no idea what she means but she is sure I can stay with her. If not the school can't find me and my parents will not answer the phone. I don't like it if the teacher is angry with me or the principal is. I'm not afraid of my teacher but I am of the principal. He is scary and hits me. His belly is huge and I hate it if he stands close to me. 

We visited the main road. It is where the shops are and the post office is. Grandmother had a look at the windows but didn't buy anything. The fashion store had real people in the window. I saw it first. Grandmother thought it was mannequins she startled as they suddenly moved but I think she found it funny in some way although she seldom smiles, is never kidding or tells a joke.

She let me watch tv and I waited for Ute, Schnute and Kazimir. They are on the German tv if the commercials are shown. I don't like commercials that much but I do like those three.

Wednesday
March 31, 2021


I have family, uncles, aunts, cousins, nieces and nephews but I don't see them much. No one lives where we live and my mother doesn't like them and they don't like her. So they only visit us if there's a birthday and we do the same except if it is too far away or my mother says she can't. If she can't leave it's because of her job. Because people can call her she has to stay home and family visit us. They don't like to but do it which is brave. It's not nice to visit someone if you know that person hates you and will not be nice to you and always starts a fight.

Thursday
April 1, 2021


Grandmother says it will be Eastern soon. She bought me a stick to decorate and a rooster made out of bread. Where she lives children walk in a parade holding these sticks. The rooster is pinned at the top. She says the church organizes it but where I live they don't. At Sunday school they never did I would remember that. I decorated my stick with coloured paper and she gave me some small chocolate eggs. I only pinned the rooster at the top to see what it looks like and after that, I took it off. I don't like old bread and tomorrow morning I can eat it. Grandmother packed it in a plastic bag and put it in the box meant for bread. Brabantia is written on it. There's a board on the bottom of it where you place the bread. I don't know if it's a cutting board. Grandmother uses a knife but she has a machine too. She never uses it for bread but meat. She can cut slices of meat or something else.
Granny uses an electric knife for bread and she has a tool to sharpen knives and the pair of scissors herself.

Friday
April 2, 2021


I played with the marble game. My grandmother doesn't have many games or toys. This game isn't very exciting and marbles don't roll over carpet and rugs. There are cats painted and you need to roll a marble between their legs. I tried it on the table. It's a bit easier on the tablecloth than the rug although both look the same.

I watched tv and that was it. I don't understand much of what they say on German tv. Just a few words like 'rucksack' because it sounds nearly the same as the word we use. I don't have one only a suitcase and I packed it myself before dad took me over here. I forgot when exactly it was. It feels as if every day is the same. Only Sundays are different.

Saturday
April 3, 2021


Today it's Sunday and Eastern. People visit church I see them pass by but grandmother stays home and so do I. I don't care because the church is cold and today it's crowded. I don't like crowds and I don't understand what is talked about or why the man up there always shouts. People who shout hurt my ear but most people don't care. I know because I have been in church. It's the place where people fall asleep.
The radio was on and grandmother listened to it. Later she switched on the tv to watch a church service and next to the pope. I don't know why she watched him because she isn't catholic and the pope is. Tomorrow it's Sunday again because of Eastern. I don't know why there are two Eastern days, and Eastern is Sunday but for some reason it is.

Sunday
April 4, 2021


Today it's Monday but because it is Eastern it's Sunday too and there's no Monday this week. So it's Sunday, Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday.

There's no chocolate egg this Eastern because dad isn't home and I am not home. No one came to visit grandmother it's just the two of us.

Monday
April 5, 2021


I thought I have time to write but somehow I have not, not if I want to do so unnoticed. I'm not sure if grandmother would ask me what I'm doing but I don't want her to find out. She will tell my mother and my mother will tell her to read it or destroy it just like she did. So I only write if I am sure I am alone and will not fall asleep. Sometimes I do because I am tired or I feel cold and go to bed because of the cold. This house is big but it's hard to hide a diary it's easier to hide me.

Tuesday
April 6, 2021


I still have boils but they do not hurt as much as they days ago. Grandmother washed my hair with egg in the morning. She told me my parents will be home tonight. Later they will come for me. I don't know when later will be. I didn't feel well as she told me. I felt dizzy and my stomach hurt. I tried to focus on knitting. She said it will be better if I keep practising. I cannot knit if I am home there's no time. I leave it with her so I can knit if I come back. It's safe in the black cabinet. No one will open it.

I don't know when later is but I packed my suitcase. It's better to be ready because if my mother decides to drive over here there isn't much needed to make her angry. If she's angry and yells "pack your stuff we go home" I'm ready and won't forget anything.

Grandmother bought me a small bag it's more like a backpack. I will not take the risk my mother throws it away if she sees it. I put it underneath my clothes in the suitcase and now I only need to find a way to keep my diary out of her hands, this diary, not the other one I keep so she has something to read.

I went to bed at 7 p.m. I don't want to go back home. Don't let me go back home please, God I can't go back home.

Wednesday
April 7, 2021


Today was not the later. My parents did not come for me. On Thursdays, I have gymnastics but not today. All those things I have to do at home I don't need to do if I stay with my grandmother.

Grandmother gave me the key and sent me to the letterbox. It's green and close to the front gate. The postman no longer walks to the front door she said because it's too far. I walked through the snow. It was hard because the path is full of snow. Now my shoes and socks are wet and my feet feel so cold.
Grandmother says it's because 'April has its own will'. One day it's Summer and the next day Winter again.

Thursday
April 8, 2021


Tomorrow they will come for me because they have things to do. It's what my grandmother told me. My parents didn't phone with me. Grandmother received a postcard from them. She showed it to me. There are sand and camels on it and the sky is blue. She placed it on the mantelpiece. Only here April has a will. Abroad April shines and it's Summer.

Friday
April 9, 2021

A kid's diary

It's too crowded
https://read.cash/@wakeupkitty/its-too-crowded-f5377622

Carbuncle sounds ugly
https://read.cash/@wakeupkitty/carbuncle-sounds-ugly-6bd0a0b5

I am sloppy
https://read.cash/@wakeupkitty/i-am-sloppy-0ace3610

Why do adults behave like bullies?
https://read.cash/@wakeupkitty/why-do-adults-behave-like-bullies-38915abe

No dirty laundry outside
https://read.cash/@wakeupkitty/no-dirty-laundry-outside-b1f30f2b

#kittywu #diary #childhood