Several topics are swimming across my mind. Every fiber of my body is telling me to write but for a reason that I can't really tell, I am feeling down and I feel like all the motivation from my personality is slowly but steadily being sucked away by this mood and the weather that I am under.
I know that this is just temporary, I feel that I can recover from this if I try hard enough but trying is not on my plate as of the moment. It takes every bit of me to even move a muscle. I wonder how long I could last before all this tears flow out and all the screams I am holding inside burst into a huge and loud roar.
Sweat. I am sweating more than usual. The air-conditioning as of the moment is not working. Just like my mind and if I could exaggerate, even my heart. I know I am sad, I know I am mad and most of all, I know that I am filled with guilt. Did I really brought all these upon myself? Am I that naive to think that everything was going to be okay?
It's just a small thing. A small thing, a petty thing many people would say. But am I that foolish that that small thing was not a significant thing, enough to make everything around me crumble? I thought it was okay. I thought it was gonna be. But I guess not. Now I think not.
The past. I always thought that the past is non existent. It should be over, it should be irrelevant. It may be a little part of the present but it shouldn't hold much weight compared to today. Am I right? Or was I fooled again by my own mind?
Appreciation, gratitude. It's only natural to appreciate and be grateful when someone gave you something. A favor, a gift or just any small thing. But as a giver, what should you expect in return? Is it in the value of what you gave? Should you expect a grand gesture to show the appreciation and gratitude of the recipient? And as a recipient, how should you react, what should you say? Are there any standards or criteria that should be met for you to be called appreciative and grateful? Isn't being forever in debt to the giver enough? How should you react?
Writing. I am writing freely, I am writing inhibited because I could not organize my thoughts, I could not organize my feelings. I am letting them all out I am letting my fingers run through my keyboard and letting them form words that my mouth could not speak.
Message? What message? This one has no message. This one has no meaning. This may not be a cry for help but this is what I am feeling. Raw. Uncensored and unfiltered. Everything that I just wrote down just came on top of my head and to the tip of my fingers. I did not even think twice about any of this. I just wanted to let it all out, I just wanted to breathe.
Okay? I am not okay. I know I am not. Far from it you can even say. But that's fine. I know I will be. In time, it may take a whole while, or maybe a lot of time. But I know I will be. Someday, some year. I don't know when, I don't know how. But I am hopeful somehow, that this pain ends and then maybe, just maybe I can smile genuinely again.
Words. Phrases. These may just be ramblings to you but let me express my thanks. This time it's in letters. Thank you for lending me an ear or in this case your sight. Thank you for taking a bit of time scanning over this text. And thank you for keeping it a secret.
And with all that, let me end this one with a dot.
Hey there!
First off, let me apologize for this article for this is just my poor attempt at freewriting. It was fun and cathartic. I've set the time, started it and began typing. I had no idea what I was gonna come up with, or what direction my writing will be going. But overall, not bad, if I do say so myself. It's really fun to freewrite, bounded by nothing but your free spirit. Try it some time, I definitely had fun, and for sure I will definitely do it again.
Lead image : https://vinaire.me/2017/04/24/word-clearing/
How this comes so perfect. 🤗😍 You nailed it dear. No doubt you're good at freewriting. Sana all ganito kagaling magfreewrite e.