I Wanted To Stay But...

Sometimes, no matter how much we want something so bad, there will always be a time that we have to let go. Even though it hurts, because you've spent so much time and effort to make things work, you have no choice but to end things up before it ends you. It won't be easy but a decision has to be made for you to grow.

Oh, just so you know, I wasn't talking about a shitty relationship here. You know I don't have one but the sentiment I'm feeling right now is quite similar to those who are about to break up with their partners. Anyways, I'm referring to my scholarship in AxieBCH. This is something I have thought about for quite some time now and, though, my heart wants to stay, my brain doesn't feel it right.

For those who didn't know, I have been an AxieBCH scholar since September. Since then, I have dedicated myself to the guild and helped them grow in my own little ways. I published articles about AxieBCH, urged people to join the community, and wrote some useful tutorials for my fellow scholars who are new to crypto. All these I did for the love and appreciation I have for the guild.

For the past 7 months, my journey has never been easy. It was so bumpy I almost quit after 1 month of trying to sustain my scholarship. I would have been long gone if it wasn't because of coach Nazko's words of encouragement. He had said so many wonderful things that uplifted me and gave me hope amid the struggles I experienced.

Within 7 months of my stay, I also felt blessed to be appreciated by them. You see, I'm not a high-ranking scholar and probably one of the weakest, but I have been given the privileged to be one of the first to enjoy the so-called perks. I was one of the first to receive a Pega, the 10,000 $GAME token for free, upgraded my teams twice, and got my articles upvoted several times by Gramps himself. Indeed, despite the stressful moments while playing Axie, I've got more good reasons to stay.

But the time has come for me to make my final decision. This time, I will have to let go. It's just that playing Axie is no longer healthy for mental health. It keeps stressing me out no matter how much I tried to fool myself that it's just a game and that as long as my MMR is still safe, I shouldn't be worried at all. The stress I experienced every day has changed my mood big time to the point that I would get instantly mad at my 2-year-old nephew just because he wanted to sit beside me or watch him dance.

All of a sudden, I have become a beast to my boss baby and that saddened me because he is just a kid that needs some attention. He wants to play with me or be around me all the time but all I did was get mad at him. I felt guilty whenever I saw him crying and after playing Axie, I would apologize to him countless times so he would feel loved again.

Another thing that made me decide to quit is that I need to lessen my activity in using gadgets. Seriously, racing Pegas is already time-consuming, even though I only play the ones from the guilds. Since it's something I cannot just let go of since I have invested quite a lot in this game and with the recent update in Pegaxy, I want to commit my time to play most of my Pegas by myself. I also want to focus on writing and get myself a client to help me sustain my needs. I can't do a lot if I have so many things going on in my head. Oh, and there's Dracoo Master that I need to grind as well because this is also part of the scholarship, which also added to my bags of stress.

And so, I have made my decision to let go of the scholarship and focus on the other things. I know letting go means I won't be able to enjoy the other perks anymore but as I've said earlier, I need to end things up before it ends for me. I can't handle the stress anymore. Despite my decision, I will still be committed to the guild by supporting $AxieBCH and $GAME tokens as well as their upcoming BCH Reborn. With or without the scholarship, I am still bullish on these three and will not stop promoting them just because I will no longer be a part of their community.

To Gramps, coach Nazko, coach Rovlo, and coach Cajger:

Thank you for the opportunity you have given to me and for trusting me since day 1. I truly appreciate everything you have done for me and all the help when I needed some coaching back then. Also, for making my first scholarship journey worth remembering and a fun experience as well.

I may no longer be one of your scholars, but rest assured that you will always have my support. I wish for the guild to have more success and may you have more scholars to help. Just so you know, you guys are blessings to many of us and for that, thank you.

Closing thoughts

I think of this decision countless times. I weighed things in to see if this decision will be good for me and yes, I believe it will.

If only we are given an option to either pick just 1 game or all games, I could have stayed in the guild; however, as what @Eybyoung has said in her article, Axie is the key to keeping the scholarship. No Axie, no scholarship.

Yes, giving up 1 game means giving up everything, but that's the price I have to pay to lessen the stress I experience every day. The decision is final, not unless they let me stay without playing Axie, which is too impossible to happen.

Entry 13: April 14, 2022