Commitments

Commitments, commitments, commitments. No, this is not a continuation of my labelling article. As much as I wanted to be committed to him before, I cannot. Let's move on from that. The commitments that I am going to talk about are the things that you commit to do something or give to someone.

Couple of nights ago my brother video called me and my mom. I think it was mother's day when they last visited us and it was probably 2 weeks ago when he video called us. All I know is that the last talk we had was about their business. I forgot to ask him about it because what I was eager to know is if they would be here for our mom's birthday and he said yes. He asked what the menu would be and I said that I still do not know since the financier (our dad) has not yet said anything about the food that we would be ordering. However, my brother already knew what we were going to have and he guessed that it would be from one of the restaurants of our dad's acquaintance. Then after that my brother asked if I will be ordering a cochinillo. A cochinillo is a roasted piglet or suckling pig or a baby lechon.

They did not know that I have already saved one seller of cochinillo on Instagram but I was really planning to have that for Christmas or new year this year for a change. After my brother mentioned the cochinillo, I told him about the Instagram account that I saw a few nights ago. I thought it was priced at Php5000 (around $100) but when I saw it the following day, it was priced at Php8000 (more than $150). So I said that I would not be able to buy that since our mom's birthday is this month and I still have to work for that cochinillo so I told them that we will be having cochinillo on my godson's birthday and my birthday as well since I know that we will be having a joint celebration. When I saw that it was priced at Php8000, I felt a slight tightness on my chest. LOL.

I know that I still have a few months to prepare for the cochinillo. I should not be thinking about it BUT what if I would not be able to have that amount of money by my birth month? I have already committed to my brother. I have told them my word. I know that my brother will understand if there would not be any cochinillo since he knows that I do not have any source of income. He is already used to me whenever I would say "ok, I will buy it" or "ok, I will give you that" but I have not bought nor gave him/them anything in years. Except this year since I have gave them a little something for their birthday.

Again I remembered my conversation before with @ARTicLEE on @QueenRay's article, Yes I can. I have already learned how to say no but often times there would be some instances wherein I would have to say yes because I think I can do it. A few months ago I know I have told my mom that I will buy a robot vacuum and a dust mite vacuum cleaner by June and July. However, I had to prioritize on buying a new phone because my phone suddenly gave up on me. Now, I have commit to my brother with a cochinillo but given the circumstances that I am currently in right now, I am not sure if I would be able to buy it. I was telling @Firenze and @bbghitte yesterday that I would just buy a bread that is shaped as a suckling pig. LOL. Although I have not yet searched where to buy it but I saw it on TV last year just before the holidays.

Have you ever committed to someone about something? Were you able to accomplish what you said you would?

Was it wrong for me to commit to do or give something but was not able to do so when the time comes? Or should I have just said no right away and settled for something that I know was attainable? I know that it is not about how much we give rather it is the thought that counts. But should we also think if the receiver will like it or not? Do you think our commitments define who we are as a person? Am I already considered as a person who does not keep her words? Or am I already considered as unreliable?

Do you think I am giving people false hopes when I told them that I would give them this or I would buy them that or I would do it? Honestly, I did not commit to those things just to give people false hopes nor did I want to gain their likes and trusts. I did commit to those things because I know in my heart that I will be able to give it to them but some times things would take a big turn for me to not do what I said I would. Though there were also some tasks that I have said that I was able to accomplish. Yes, there were also a few instances where I was able to keep my word not just to someone but also to myself.

I feel sorry to the people that I have committed to (not romantically) and I feel sorry for myself because I was not able to do what I committed to do. Committing to something is easy but it is accomplishing it that makes it difficult. We can say yes or no right away but know that there will be times that we would disappoint them. Just like in any relationship, we also disappoint our partners even if both of you are committed to each other. Let us commit ourselves to do what we said that we would and if in case we cannot, we should tell the person that it would be impossible for us to do it. I know that we have good intentions when we commit to someone and for sure that they would understand if we would just tell them right away that we cannot do it. I think I would tell my brother a month before my birthday if it is really impossible for me to buy that cochinillo. For now I will just try my best to save up for that.

P.S. lead image was a photo of my during the time when I was so committed in losing weight.