It was Sunday in the evening, I was bored so I decided to download a dating app called Tantan. My friends introduced this to me way back when I was still crying over my ex for almost 3 months. Yes, I was dumped with his reason that he couldn`t handle LDR. He was my first love and I do hope he`s my last, but things didn`t just went well. So here I am, feeding myself with more self-love and self-care. Finally, I`ve done all the required information for Tantan`s approval. It was my first time using a dating app, so I was not really familiar on how this thing works. My friends told me to just follow the swiping rules until I match myself with someone. I ended up sleeping at 12 in the midnight waiting for someone to match with me.
The next morning, I was too busy doing my summer job requirements, I decided to apply a job and save up money for myself. So, I don`t have time to visit the app and check any messages. I finished working on my files at around 2PM and decided to take up my lunch. I reached for my phone to check if there is any notification.
Notification: Someone matched you. Say hi to your soulmate!
Okay, that just sounds so cringe for me. But still, I opened the notification to see his profile.
Alexis Ramirez. 21 years old. Student
I looked for some of his pictures to see what he looks like. What? I`m just making sure he`s a decent person.
“Hey, you`re from AdamsonU?” I was shocked when he messaged me first, I was still in the process of thinking how to respond on his question when another message popped. “It was nice seeing a schoolmate here, I`m Alex.”
“Hello, I`m Hana. Yes, I`m currently studying in Adamson. What are you taking up to?” I replied trying to open up a topic. “Mechanical engineering, how about you?” He asked. “Accountancy. So, are you like graduating?” I replied. We ended up talking about our school and how are courses worked. How did we end up choosing our paths. I found out that he was the same year as mine, 4th year student. He likes music and movies. He found the app through his friends and boredom too. He said it was also his first time using this app.
“You know what, you sound like a bubbly person. I want to know more about you.” This was the last words I read before I fell asleep.
Days passed, and the consistency of us talking with each other continued. I suddenly felt myself looking for him most of the time. My friends started to become curious about Alex. They were piling up too much questions about him whenever we meet. Alex sometimes message me with some cute pickup lines, and I`ll admit it, he makes me smile with his little ways.
“You look so cute.” So, I sent him a photo of mine with my best friends. And there I received his comment, oh right why am I feeling this? “…cause you`re the shortest hahaha!” I forgot to tell you, he teases me a lot like every time we talked and he`ll just laugh all day when he succeeded teasing me. “From now on, you`ll be my smol bean!” Oh, please Alex. Stop being like that, I might not still ready to fall.
So I finally told my friends about him, they kept on teasing me to date him. They told me he`s the perfect guy for a brokenhearted girl like me. Oh jeez, somebody stop them. For the update, we continued talking and even call through voice call or video call. Yes, we do video call after a month or two, I think. The last time we did a video call, I was left dumbfounded that I never messaged him after he told me these words.
“You know what`s faster than the speed of light?” I was suddenly confused with his question like is he asking some help about his engineering stuffs? "I`m sorry but I don`t know any engineering stuff.” I replied. “My heart.. when I think of you.” That was the line I`ve last heard before I ended the call. I never messaged him for a day, and maybe he thinks I got mad. But the real reason is that I`m afraid and I don`t know why. I felt guilty for not talking to him, and I admit I missed him too.
“Alex, I`m sorry. I thought you were just tripping on me the last time. Sorry for making you worry.” I typed and send it to him. I was hoping that he was not online, I`m not still ready to see his reply. Should I delete my message? “I`m sorry too, but I`m not making fun of you.” I felt sorry for what I acted and was about to send an apologetic message. “I`m sorry, Hana. I`ll be honest with you. I was not believing my friends about this app. I just tried this because I was bored. I never intended to hurt your feeling. I don`t know if this will work but at least I gave it a shot.” I was too confused with what he is trying to say. “I like you, Hana. I like everything about you. I tried to stop this feeling I swear. For almost 3 months talking with you, starting from March, I found myself looking for you more.”I was stunned,I didn`t see this coming. I mean, yeah, maybe we`re like friends but sometimes exchange flirty messages? But, the moment I have read his message, I suddenly felt the mutual feeling with him. “I like you too, Alex.”
And that`s how we ended up being in this so-called “mutual understanding relationship”. I told him I was not yet ready to enter a new one. I also told him I`m quite afraid after what has happened with my ex. I told him everything about my ex and how our relationship became so toxic that we ended up drowning ourselves. Alex only listens whenever I tell him about my past, sometimes he will try to cheer me up with his cute pickup lines and oldies` jokes. I can feel how sincere he was. I just missed this feeling. The feeling of someone making you feel secured, making you feel comfortable and making you feel special. I love the way he calls me “smol bean”. Funny, how I was irritated back then whenever he teased me about being the shortest.
But things aren`t always perfect. It became hard for us to handle some fights given the fact that we still haven`t met ever since we talked and I became busy too since I started working on a summer job. It became hard for us to control too much emotions, it became hard for us to comfort each other in front of the screen. I suddenly felt tired of us. I know it was wrong but I started to compare him with my ex. And maybe, it was really my fault.
“Hana.” It was Summer. Sunday night, dimmed lights in my room.
“I don`t want to lose you.” It was Alex. I typed my reply and sent it to him. “I don`t want to lose you either.” I know that moment something was not right. I tried to distract myself but I can`t.
“..but I think you need more time, more time to think.” He continued, I was slowly feeling the pain. "What do you mean, Alex?" I replied trying to calm myself for what might have happened.
"I know you still linger in your past. I know things were not still clear for yourself. I`m trying to fit your ideal, but I found myself filling up your ex`s characteristics. It pains me to see you crying and I can`t even do anything to fix you. Or maybe I did the best I can, but didn`t still worked." I never think I was too much. I thought we were perfect, that we will never changed. I was too much that I tried to make him too perfect to match my ex`s personalities. I felt sorry and broken. It was my fault for losing everything, for losing him. And for losing the possibilities of us. I thought I was already fine, not until I realized everything when Alex speaks up.
Alex was a great guy, an ideal indeed. He was caring, very understanding. And I found consistency in him. But, I ended up losing the person who calls me smol bean, who never leaves me behind and was always there to lift me up. Alex was always there, he was always there but I still look for someone in the past. And, I was so wrong. So wrong for losing my summer happiness.
End.
Here is the link of its Part Two
https://read.cash/@annyeongkleopatra/summer-2-39f3ac25
ষড়ঋতুর মধ্যে অন্যতম হলো গ্রীষ্ম ঋতু। গ্রীষ্ম ঋতুতে প্রকৃতির রূপ দেখা যায় অন্যরকম। বিষয়টি লেখার জন্য ধন্যবাদ। গল্পটা খুব ভালো লেগেছে।