If only I could turn back time

Blog No. 18- February 1, 2022

I know we don't have any power to turn our time backward but I will try to share with all of you the decisions I shouldn't make.

First of all, I am a married woman for two years now. Honestly, I thought my miserable life will end If I got married but I was wrong. My life before was way better and happier. If you have read my previous article on how did I meet my husband you will know how I ended up marrying my husband.

Before I meet my husband. My life was okay. I am not wealthy but I can provide for the needs of my daughter. yes, I was a single mom for 13 years before I got married. I was in a relationship with my Canadian boyfriend at the time I meet my husband. My boyfriend was out of the country for a month for work. I felt lonely and I wanted to have someone to talk to. I never imagine myself being involved with my husband and getting pregnant at the early stage of my relationship with him. Well, honestly I really prayed to be a mom again but didn't wish to be married. After my Canadian boyfriend knew that I was pregnant with my Filipino boyfriend He was a bit mad but he totally understands me. I was longing for love and happiness.

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My Canadian boyfriend loves me but not the way he loves me before. (I have a story to tell about us).

My Canadian boyfriend wishes that I got pregnant with him but he knows it's impossible to happen. He can't get me impregnated unless it's through artificial insemination.

While preparing for my wedding with my husband, we always had a fight. Usually a terrible fight. My husband is too pasaway that's why we always had a fight. I used to tell my husband that he still have the chance to back out on our wedding. Honestly, he was too immature. He's not a father figure to my eldest daughter. I once told my ex-Canadian boyfriend that I don't want to pursue the wedding. My relationship with my husband won't work. My ex-boyfriend said I have to pursue the wedding because I am pregnant. He knows I am not happy with my husband.

If I didn't try to find love and happiness I won't end up miserable this time. Though I was happy with my husband when we've just started our relationship it doesn't last long. He's not sweet anymore. He doesn't express his feelings anymore. He doesn't show affection anymore unless he wanted to f*ck. Yes, I can determine the difference between making love and having s*x. I know when a man respects you. When a man values your opinion. When a man considers your feelings.

If I just decided to stay a single mom and just raise my two children alone my life would be more peaceful this time. Having an irresponsible husband is totally useless. He still doesn't know what's his priorities.

Needs vs wants

Last January 18, we suppose to celebrate our 2nd wedding anniversary but ended up I was upset with him. Knowing that we are on a tight budget this time as I can't still go back to work and he is jobless He chooses to spend his money on buying pieces of stuff for my motorcycle. It's not really needed but just to show off. At that time our son is sick and needed medicine now my husband doesn't have money anymore. Glad I still have enough money to buy medicine for our son.

Addiction

Now after being addicted to mobile games and finally stop it. He is not addicted to cock fighting. I already told him not to get involved with that kind of vices because I don't want it to cause trouble in our relationship but he doesn't listen to me, well nothing new he really doesn't listen to me. Last Sunday He started the engine of the motorcycle and I ask him where he would go He just told me that he will just be in the neighborhood but then he was gone for a couple of hours. When he was home I ask him where he was been and he said he's just in the neighborhood watching a cock fight. So I felt disappointed with him for being so irresponsible. That was lunchtime and I told him that I was busy and I didn't prepare food for lunch. He was just out doing nothing. So he bought food for lunch but I lost my appetite so I choose not to eat. I decided to wash my laundry and take a bath. To my surprise, my husband takes my son with him going to the neighborhood just to watch a cock fight. I was fed up with what my husband doing. He doesn't listen to me. I tried to calm myself but I can't stop my tears from falling down. I was so down. I don't know what to do. I don't how to approach my husband. I was so mad that I wanted to leave my husband but I was afraid that my husband would commit suicide again.

As of writing this article I still didn't talk to my husband. He never tries to initiate the talk and I don't care anymore.

Closing thoughts

I know I made a mistake but I think I don't deserve to be treated this way. I did everything for our family. For our relationship to work. I know I did my part as a wife and a mother. I work hard for our family but my husband didn't appreciate it. I hope one day he will realize and see my importance. As much as I can I will try to fight for our family for the sake of our son.

Thank you for reading

I'm not sure if it's worth to read but I just wanted to share my experiences with you might you can get any lesson from it.

God bless

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