October 4, 2021

Greetings everyone! Today's weather is as cold as your ex.(hihi kidding) Our place is at signal number 1 caused by the tropical depression named Lannie. Gloomy weather started yesterday up until now. Since the weather is cold, I love staying at our bedroom while wrapping my feet with my blanket. My daughter and partner is sleeping soundly, while me, my mind is wondering anywhere.

When I woke up this morning, I already had a heavy heart. I dreamed about my biological father. It's been how many years since I last saw him. As of this moment, he is mad at me. He didn't answer all my calls. He got mad when my sister posted at Facebook when I graduated from college. He didn't like my sister's caption. But I believe, not just I but also my siblings, that his wife was the one who ignited his anger. Ever since my father met his wife, he started to neglect us. Before they met, my father used to visit us twice or three times a year. But then, everything changed when he met her. He didn't send us money anymore for our daily needs. Whenever we asked some allowance or money for school purposes, he just said that he doesn't have. We wonder where did his salary went. My father is a sailor/seaman. He was working within the country. I heard that his salary is big. Well, I heard it actually from his mouth when he visited us and he was drunk. He boasted it to his friends. When he retired from his work, he received a great deal from SSS but we didn't receive anything from him. His wife's cousin told us that they have couples of lands bought and it was my father's money they used. In other words, they live a comfortable life while we were struggling to survive everyday. I want to hate him but I couldn't. I tried to understand him so I still contacted him.

Year 2017, I decided to visit him at Siargao. He is living there since he retired from his work. The days that I stayed there made me realized that everything we believe are all true. Though she didn't show it in front of me but the way my father talked to me, it was very obvious. I was kinda hurt also because he always compared me with the daughter of his wife. Who wouldn't hurt by what he said, he seemed like more proud his wife's daughter than us, his own children. Thus, instead of month, I only stayed there for 3 weeks.

Just this afternoon, we watched a movie with a title "Sing". It is an American computer-animated musical comedy film. There was a scene there where Mike ( a mouse ) sang the song"My Way". I was teary-eyed listening to the song. It is my father's favorite song. He used to sing it to us while strumming the guitar when we were so young. I missed him despite the fact the he seems to forget us.

CLOSING NOTE

My father may not be a good father but I can't deny the truth that I came to this world because of him. My mother (not my biological mother), taught us not to hate our parents. She said that we still be grateful because if it were not because of them, we can't witness how beautiful the world is. Thus, my other siblings and I decided to pay him a visit next year. I hope we can fulfill that so that we can be together for the first time. As of this moment, I am still hoping that we can still talk and make peace. I don't want him to live in this world hating us and him thinking that we hate him. I want us to unite and be family once again.

PASASALAMAT CORNER

A special mention to my generous sponsors @Marinov and @King_Gozie for renewing their sponsorship. I am so honored and filled with gratitude of your endless support to me. I thank you so much mem and sir for always trusting me. I hope I give justice to your trust.

Lead image is made by yours truly using Canva app.