Keep on tapping.

Date: February 17,2022
Author: Sequoia

Have you ever reach the point in your life where all you wanted to do is just slack around and do nothing all day long? Well, it makes me wanna sing the popular song back then with lyrics that say,

“Today I don’t feel like doing anything. I just wanna lay in my bed.”

Laziness at its finest. As much as I wanted to provide you guys a worthy write-up to read, I just can’t push myself to create things that isn’t really in my heart. Basically, I don’t even know what is in my heart as of the moment. The only thing that I want right now is to have a mental rest (if that word eve exist). I mean, yes, I don’t have a job and I have no reason to be tired. However, the tiredness isn’t coming from my physical body but it came from my mind, my soul, and my heart. I don’t even know what to do. Should I go with fulfilling my physical fitness goal? Do some art? Cuddle my babies? In my perception, none of these things could help me lessen the heaviness in my heart. I already ate and drink but it doesn’t help at all.

Maybe a single strum in my guitar would help. I tried but I failed. I am just letting my restless hands to work on its own and disclose the words that I couldn’t utter. My mind is empty, yet, I feel like I am so full of something. It’s like; my brain is drained and exhausted by constantly thinking about the things that I have no knowledge about. Is that even possible?

Overthinking kills

I guess, they are right. Too many things running around our head will take our sanity away. I wanted to ignore this but I just can’t. I feel like I am being left behind, outcast, ignored and not enough. I know that these things aren’t true but I can’t stop it.

Why would I even worry about the things that are out of my control? I wanted to shift my focus and refresh my mind but I don’t know where and how to start.

Many people are suffering from the emotions that they can’t distinguish and identify. And unfortunately, I am one of those people.

What would be my future?

When I finish college, which is few months away from now (hopefully), what would happen to me? I pity our batch so much. It feels like, we are being experimented or use as a trial and error subject. We’ve gone through a lot and massive adjustments have been done in our part. Me and my classmates talked about what are futures will be after we reach the finish line of being a student. Are we competent enough to face the real world? Are we ready to spread our knowledge to the children waiting for us?

I saw a video clip about the recent SMNI Presedential Debate and one of the panelist or interviewers is Prof. Clarita Carlos. She reminded me of late Sen. Mariam Defensor, the most intelligent and brave woman for me. There’s a specific part that they focused on the education aspect of the country and stressed out, that what we really need is not investment in classrooms and other facilities in the school. It is because learning can happen even under the papaya tree. What the students need are teachers with great information and knowledge within them to share to the students. “if the teachers are bobo (lack of knowledge), learning won’t happen.” In short, government should invest on teachers.

Upon hearing that, it makes me stop and questioned myself.

Do I really want to be an educator?

Am I capable enough?

Am I ready?

Can I really educate students and provide them the knowledge that they need?

The answer to that is a big NO! I am not yet ready, not capable and competent enough. However, just because that’s what I feel and think of myself, doesn’t mean that I will already give up on what I’ve started. I choose this journey. I should continue and pursue it. I may not be ready as of now, but I will do all my best in order to be a great and effective educator. I will be the type of teacher that doesn’t just teach students, I will also make sure to inspire them and touch their lives. I will be a living example that nothing can stop you from reaching your dream, even your ownself.

It might be arduous , but it’s not impossible.

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That’s all for today everyone. Thank you for your time reading this piece of mine. I hope that you are doing great and that you are safe. Shalom!