On the dark side of the World in Space
Mag-isa! Ee ano?
Mag isa man pero masaya
Kung masaktan man, pero dahil lang sa talsik ng mantika.
At kung lumuha man, ay baka napuwing lang o maaari ring napagod ang mata kaka titig kay Oppa
Mag isa? Mag isa oo pero mahalaga ako sa "kanila."
"Kanila" dahil di lang sa isa kundi buong aking pamilya
Maaaring masaya yong may "siya"
Pero mas pipiliin ko pa rin yong "ako lang" saka "sila"
Hindi, hindi ako takot magmahal
It's more like sawa na akong masaktan
Mas pipiliin ko nalang yong sakit na galing sa malalim na tusok ng karayom
Kesa galing sa "kanya" tapos ang epekto mag iisip ako ng malala
Maaaring malungkot mag isa pero para sakin lang ha, mas masakit yong nagmahal ka tapos iiwanan din pala
Di naman sa wala na akong tiwala
Wala namang gumawa ng masama sakin para mawala yong aking tiwala
Sadya lamang na ako'y sawa na sa kahit anong may involve na "siya" tapos sa dulo ako lang din ang maiiwang "mag isa"
Sa advance kong mag isip daig ko pa yong character sa anime na kayang mag predict ng future
Esper ba tawag dun, basta yong may psychic ability
Hindi pa nangyayari pero sa isip ko sampung beses ko ng naranasan
May bonus pa, iniyakan ko kahit di naman totoong nangyari, ganyan ako kalupet mag overthink
Pero sa totoo lang, gusto ko na yong ganito
Nag iingat lang naman ako kasi baka maloka ako ee di matutuluyan na si parot na maloka kung nagkataon
Imbes sa lalaki at kwarta lang maloka ang ginawa ay ni-literal na
Ewan ko ba, isa't kalahating shunga lang kasi ako na maganda (self proclaimed B)
Alam nyo bang bukod sa mag imagine ng mga pangyayaring imposibleng mangyari ay magaling din akong manakit ng sarili?
Walang involve na kutsilyo o blade dito pero yong sakit tagos sa kaluluwa, luluha ka talaga
Walang tutulong dugo sakin pero luha marami
Sa galing kunh mag emote baka pati artista akin ng matalo
Ang yabang ko no?
Sa ganito ko lang kayang mag yabang kasi diko namang kayang mag yabang na sakin "siya" ee
Maigi pa nga flat chested kapag gusto nilang kumapit ang bra sa kanila may mahahanap silang solusyon
Pero ako, yong pag asa ko wala talagang makakapitan na.
Hahahaha, I wrote this last July 1 when i'm already about to sleep. Off phone, I already hide it under my short and put it away to my hands. But then while I'm trying to sleep, that first 2 paragraph on this article suddenly came into my mind. It is just a thought because I am thinking again that, I don't want anyone in my life like a boyfriend a partner or whatever. There are really times that this thought will suddenly appear in my head even before.
So before that I was saying sorry to myself like this "Sorry self if I don't want a man in my life. Sorry if I can't make you happy because I want to stay single for a very very long time and sorry that you won't experience the feeling of having someone again in your side." I am also like consoling myself because I feel like I am getting on my own way to feel happy and all, lol. Do you think I'm normal? Hahaha this kind of thought that I don't know where is coming ,lol.
I'm like a crazy gal tryna console my own just to stop myself from getting there lol. But seriously speaking, I'm happy with being like this. This is really what I want. But therr are really times that this thought is keep on bugging me. I even said "just a few more weeks and i'll be turning 28 years old already. But you don't even have to plan to get yourself a man and experience Love." But as what I've said, myself is my own enemy here stopping me from having that again, lol
Maybe the reason that J am having this thought again is because another year will add on my age soon, lol. And also I think it is my way to stop myself from thinking about love and everything. Coz to be fvcking honest even if I don't want to think any of this, it will just suddenly occur to my mind. I mean, why I have to think that right. Bigla nalang susulpot kala mo'y maiiwanan ng tren kung magpa alala, lol. My inner self is excited to have a juwa while me? Pass!
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
July 05, 2022
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yung self proclaimed dun ako nagwala kakatawa eh hahaha...walangya...mag madre ka nalng baby gerl baka tumino ka pa