The Hard Way (My story)

"Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from".

Al Franken

One thing I love about @Olasquare is how he writes his life´s experiences and most of them are similar to what I have experienced too. As I was reading his article last night, I was inspired to share my story because it was similar to what has happened in the life of my Father. I wouldn´t want you to pity me or feel for me because I believe we can learn from it too because I have learned, still learning and will continue to learn especially from him. It´s just so sad that this is happening around me. If you haven´t read his article, please do because you will have something to take with you (The Hard Way)

Learning is part of life and if we don´t want to learn willingly, life will teach us and plan everything for us with no option again, that is if it is too late. We have the choice to choose. Either we learn the soft way or learn the hard way, but know that learning the hard way is always regrettable and by then, it will be too late to correct your mistakes but you can change the errors if you do not want to continue living such a life. 

According to Olasquare, his mom didn´t take her business seriously until her husband died and there was nothing to fall back on. Same with my Dad. He had many opportunities right from when he was a youth, but alcohol addiction took everything away from him because he depended on his wife for everything. Our mom was an industrious woman and very hardworking. She had many businesses before her death. Dad never was serious about himself. Though they had a good marriage life, not until after 20 years, did things begin turning the bad way through his addiction to alcohol. 

My Dad was a popular life band singer and every money he got from shows, he would squander on alcohol until there was nothing left to take home for mom. Mom never complained but would keep talking to Dad about how he was spending lavishly. If he had known, he would have been saving or invested in businesses but he was fully dependent on his wife. 

I use to imagine the kind of family he has because they cared for their elder brother so much that they never left him alone in such a condition he was. His siblings have sent huge amounts of money on different occasions thinking he would spend it wisely, but he didn´t. Still, his wife never complained but acted as a good wife to him. 

Life dealt with him in the hard way after mom´s death. I pitied our father then because he struggled to feed us which made me go for a teaching job to support him. Life became hard through his unseriousness in life and it affected us so much. He began to sell everything in the house just so he could have money, but my Dad never listened to us after begging him to stop alcohol. 

Dad still didn´t learn from his past mistakes even when a woman was interested in marrying him. He went to the US for the first time to meet her, but things didn´t turn out good. Before he went to US, this was another chance for Dad to be serious with everything in life because he got over a million naira from this woman but never invested or saved it. He squandered all on alcohol and when they separated, that was when life decided to deal with him. Dad expected everything to fall on him and fully depended on those who were willing to help him, from my mom to his siblings and the woman who wanted to be serious with him, but he ruined everything.

According to Ola´s words here;

If you don't step out of your comfort zone and plan your life, life will plan it for you just as you have chosen and it would be painful.

Life planned everything for Dad but right now, he has no choice. Thank God for his children because the little we have, we send to him in the village. I don´t think he is ready to do anything again because he is already 64 years and staying with his mom. 

It´s really so sad and painful for his children especially me because Dad had a lot of opportunities to make use of then, but he decided not to learn but depended on his wife and everyone. 

What if his children were wayward right from time or hadn´t tried to go to school, what would have been his fate today?

I learned many things from him and this made me say that if you don´t learn in a soft way, you will learn the hard way. 

If you think depending on your partner is the way, remember death is inevitable and can happen at anytime. Making use of opportunities now that you have the time and strength is the best for you so you wouldn´t start regretting and blaming every steps you took when you will have no strength to do anything. 

Dad is now stuck in the village since he has nothing to do. The little we have, we send to him and many times, he eats whatever is being prepared at home without complaining. At this moment, life is teaching him the hard way. 

If he had stopped drinking alcohol then and diverted the money into something productive, he wouldn´t be where he is today and this serves as a big lesson to us because I am always reminding my siblings, especially my brother to take some lessons from his life and be careful but to always save and invest so in the future even if anything happens, he would see something to fall back on. Dad never expected his wife would die soon but it did and he had no control over it. 

In conclusion

Life is in series and for every series, there is something to learn from because if you think you have everything working for you especially as a rich child, depending on your parent´s properties, things may not be the way you envisaged them because life will come to you in an unplanned way and you will be wondering how it happened. For you not to be caught up in the web, it is better to be prepared for every stage in life. 

Thanks for reading

Image by Flash on Unsplash

[May 08, 2022] (No 128 article for the year)