The Hard Way (My story)

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Avatar for Princessbusayo
1 year ago

"Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from".

Al Franken

One thing I love about @Olasquare is how he writes his life´s experiences and most of them are similar to what I have experienced too. As I was reading his article last night, I was inspired to share my story because it was similar to what has happened in the life of my Father. I wouldn´t want you to pity me or feel for me because I believe we can learn from it too because I have learned, still learning and will continue to learn especially from him. It´s just so sad that this is happening around me. If you haven´t read his article, please do because you will have something to take with you (The Hard Way)

Learning is part of life and if we don´t want to learn willingly, life will teach us and plan everything for us with no option again, that is if it is too late. We have the choice to choose. Either we learn the soft way or learn the hard way, but know that learning the hard way is always regrettable and by then, it will be too late to correct your mistakes but you can change the errors if you do not want to continue living such a life. 

According to Olasquare, his mom didn´t take her business seriously until her husband died and there was nothing to fall back on. Same with my Dad. He had many opportunities right from when he was a youth, but alcohol addiction took everything away from him because he depended on his wife for everything. Our mom was an industrious woman and very hardworking. She had many businesses before her death. Dad never was serious about himself. Though they had a good marriage life, not until after 20 years, did things begin turning the bad way through his addiction to alcohol. 

My Dad was a popular life band singer and every money he got from shows, he would squander on alcohol until there was nothing left to take home for mom. Mom never complained but would keep talking to Dad about how he was spending lavishly. If he had known, he would have been saving or invested in businesses but he was fully dependent on his wife. 

I use to imagine the kind of family he has because they cared for their elder brother so much that they never left him alone in such a condition he was. His siblings have sent huge amounts of money on different occasions thinking he would spend it wisely, but he didn´t. Still, his wife never complained but acted as a good wife to him. 

Life dealt with him in the hard way after mom´s death. I pitied our father then because he struggled to feed us which made me go for a teaching job to support him. Life became hard through his unseriousness in life and it affected us so much. He began to sell everything in the house just so he could have money, but my Dad never listened to us after begging him to stop alcohol. 

Dad still didn´t learn from his past mistakes even when a woman was interested in marrying him. He went to the US for the first time to meet her, but things didn´t turn out good. Before he went to US, this was another chance for Dad to be serious with everything in life because he got over a million naira from this woman but never invested or saved it. He squandered all on alcohol and when they separated, that was when life decided to deal with him. Dad expected everything to fall on him and fully depended on those who were willing to help him, from my mom to his siblings and the woman who wanted to be serious with him, but he ruined everything.

According to Ola´s words here;

If you don't step out of your comfort zone and plan your life, life will plan it for you just as you have chosen and it would be painful.

Life planned everything for Dad but right now, he has no choice. Thank God for his children because the little we have, we send to him in the village. I don´t think he is ready to do anything again because he is already 64 years and staying with his mom. 

It´s really so sad and painful for his children especially me because Dad had a lot of opportunities to make use of then, but he decided not to learn but depended on his wife and everyone. 

What if his children were wayward right from time or hadn´t tried to go to school, what would have been his fate today?

I learned many things from him and this made me say that if you don´t learn in a soft way, you will learn the hard way. 

If you think depending on your partner is the way, remember death is inevitable and can happen at anytime. Making use of opportunities now that you have the time and strength is the best for you so you wouldn´t start regretting and blaming every steps you took when you will have no strength to do anything. 

Dad is now stuck in the village since he has nothing to do. The little we have, we send to him and many times, he eats whatever is being prepared at home without complaining. At this moment, life is teaching him the hard way. 

If he had stopped drinking alcohol then and diverted the money into something productive, he wouldn´t be where he is today and this serves as a big lesson to us because I am always reminding my siblings, especially my brother to take some lessons from his life and be careful but to always save and invest so in the future even if anything happens, he would see something to fall back on. Dad never expected his wife would die soon but it did and he had no control over it. 

In conclusion

Life is in series and for every series, there is something to learn from because if you think you have everything working for you especially as a rich child, depending on your parent´s properties, things may not be the way you envisaged them because life will come to you in an unplanned way and you will be wondering how it happened. For you not to be caught up in the web, it is better to be prepared for every stage in life. 

Thanks for reading

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[May 08, 2022] (No 128 article for the year)



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1 year ago

Comments

Damn, am speechless.... I know how it feels to be addicted to something, though its hard to get out of an addiction... Well just like you said life is a series so we have a lot to learn even from other peoples mistake

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1 year ago

Damn, this is brutal. Addiction to any kind of vice (be it alcohol, gambling or women) is one of the short cuts to a disastrous life. Your father messed up lots of opportunities because of his love for alcohol and now it has cost him greatly. Thank God for your mom who has been a great pillar of support and also you guys, his children who are smart enough to fend for themselves

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1 year ago

That is it! What would have happened if we didn't take things serious too and were wayward? Things would have been so tough mehn but thank God for today.

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1 year ago

You are so right when you say life is all about learning. He he refuses to learn will be dealt with by life and will end up learning at the end but this time from the mistakes he must have made already.

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1 year ago

When one doesn't learn now, he will be forced to learn in the hard way and this is why we must never take life for granted.

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1 year ago

Everything is unexpectedly happens in life. We should be prepared for the worse time and no one is going to stay with us always so stop depends on others

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1 year ago

That is the exact word. Thank you 😊

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1 year ago

Reality + useful insights. This is gold. Thanks for being responsible children even with a father like that. he surely learned the lesson the hard way, and at least things are better now. :)

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1 year ago

I wish things are better with him too because we are ready to take care of him but he is still putting up such habit of drinking.

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1 year ago

Your life might have been better if he was only responsible. My father may have treated us strictly but never fail to support us financially. He's probably a pain in the ass of your grandmother 😅. And to you his children lol. Is he still drinking alcohol now that he's already old? Did he even regret doing those things in the past?

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1 year ago

Perhaps he is regretting but he still spends money we send to him on alcohol and it's really a big problem.

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1 year ago

Opportunities never stay forever, so we shouldn't let it go waste. Feeling sad how your mother was used to do hard work but never complained her husband, who was addicted to alcohol. He ruined every opportunity because of this addiction. But I am happy you all are now providing him something to live a better life.

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1 year ago

Thank God for the children he has though and it's because we were determined to be successful so as to help ourselves. Thank you 😊

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1 year ago

That's a tough one. He didn't take things serious too and he leveraged on the fact that his wife had things going for her. We often feel too confident when things are going well for one side that we fail to do something on our side too. Life has its way of dealing with us if we won't take the initiative to do things better.

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1 year ago

Rightly said! We shouldn't think one person is doing fine and we have to depend on them, instead of planning our own lives too because we don't know what might happen in the next minute.

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1 year ago

Anything can happen... exactly. Planning can get us out of the jam and give us at least a soft landing.

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1 year ago

This is a wonderful story with valuable lessons to be learned; if only he had used the money he had at that time for something better, he would have had something to fall back on.

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1 year ago

Exactly. He was too dependent on his wife, my mom. It's really so sad though.

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1 year ago

This is indeed true. We must plan our life or else life would be the one who will plan for us and expect that things won't go the way we are expecting. It would be hard as it is not us who made the plan, we are just waiting for what's next as we are not doing anything for change. Life won't change the direction of our lives, but us can change our own direction, we just need to step out from our comfort zone.

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1 year ago

You are very right. We need to get out of our comfort zone and if we do not, life would plan for us.

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1 year ago

Wow, very touching and there is something to learn too. Sad to hear about your dad though.

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1 year ago

Thank you

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1 year ago

Thank God things are now much better for you and your household. I don't blame your father at all. Sometimes, things like this have some spiritual undertones. Some evil people with a third eyes had might have already seen the great opportunities lined up for your dad at a young age, and decided to thwart them all.... That's why we have got to be very prayerful

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1 year ago

My thought too most times and we keep praying always hoping for the best. Thank you for your comment.

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1 year ago

You know everything you said is true. That quote is so correct. I believe that after rain, comes shine. It just time

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1 year ago

Well, we will keep waiting for the right time when everything would become normal.

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1 year ago

This is what life teaches us, often time life present its examples in a hard way for us to see. Seeing and knowing the possibilities of facing these challenges, will make one to plan and stand firm to be able to withstand challenges When they come

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1 year ago

It's always ideal for us to get prepared for the worse anytime because life will show its ugly face.

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1 year ago

Sorry to hear that, you are right it's better to plan what we want in life so we won't regret it

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1 year ago

Yes, we should plan our lives and never think someone is there for us always.

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1 year ago

Depending our partners are not good princess. We must have our own mind. We must be awake that we should do our things right. We shouldn't wait that we felt regrets. I'm sorry to hear about what happened to your father princess.

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1 year ago

You are right my friend. We need to be awake and also be prepared.. Thank you 😊😊

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1 year ago

Whata waste, he really didn't take and grab all the opportunity that comes to him. If only 🥺. Do you think he's regretting now what he did before? Some, if you asked this question if they will do it again if given a chance they can turn back the time. Did you ever ask him that?

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1 year ago

I have never asked him that but I can see it in his action and he isn't even ready to change because he is still drinking alcohol 😔😔

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1 year ago

I can truly relate and life has Always been a struggle for me and learned a lot but seriously never knew when bad time comes up being prepared for what we don't know is quite hard and happened to me many times.

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1 year ago

That is why we need to always plan and get prepared for whatever that will happen so we aren't caught unaware.

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1 year ago

There are people who never learned despite many chances had given for them to learn..then it's too late for them to realize that they have wasted their time on nonsense things.

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1 year ago

Definitely! By then, there wouldn't be anything to do again because it's too late.

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1 year ago

Mistakes of our past are an assured corrections of our present life, so I feel it's sometimes very nice to have such experiences and then later end up learning from it

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1 year ago

You said well. There are still those who do not feel like learning and keep making mistakes.

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1 year ago

we can learn from mistakes because when mistakes happen in our lives then surely this experience will always be remembered not to repeat the same thing.

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1 year ago

Exactly. You are right. We learn from mistakes.

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1 year ago