How to improve ourselves? (V) Finale

"When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated"

Brené Brown

Wow! It's the end of the series and it feels like I should continue with it, but I would love to end it here with another interesting part of the topic above. I would like to thank you guys again for your beautiful comments which I enjoyed replying to. Thank you so much for your support since the beginning of the series and it's coming to an end today. I might start another one but that would be later though as I might want to give a little break. I believe we have learned a lot too?

If you miss the first three parts, don't worry, I got you covered 😊

How to improve ourselves?

How to improve ourselves? (II)

How to improve ourselves? (III)

How to improve ourselves? (IV)

For today's segment, it would be;

Set your own rules and boundaries. Don't let anyone break them.

What are boundaries? They are lines you set that mark the limit of something.

I read @MichaelBCH article about setting boundaries in relationships yesterday. I knew this was what I would be writing on too and I had to read to learn more. You can just visit his link to read since I would only take some points he said there. It would be worth your time reading.

Part of what Michael said was that healthy boundaries should be communicated in a way that others will respect them and not doing it in a rude manner

This means there is an unhealthy boundary which could lead to misunderstanding and turn into a fight because you refused to approach the manner calmly.

I understand that some people can be so mean to pass their boundaries, making you want to vent all your anger on them but don't you think you can do it peacefully?

We all have our rules and boundaries and not making people know would give them a chance to step on you anyhow and even take advantage of you because you refused to speak up to refuse what they keep bringing to you.

There should be a limit to what people do to you and you must let them know because they would feel you enjoy it, your emotion is involved which could negatively affect you.

I remember when we were children, I know many of us would have experienced this too. Do you know children also know what boundaries are?

During that time, when two people want to fight, a third party would mark two straight lines between us, each one of us would own a line and the next thing would be "If you are born well, cross my line" The third party, of course, is a devil between us 😄

Then with such a brave mind and knowing our strength to beat the other, one would cross the other person's line and a fight would ensue with no one separating us until an adult intervenes. It was fun then.

We understood that when one crosses their boundaries over us, they are calling for fights which would be given to them without wasting time. We never dull ourselves because we were always competing on who can fight very well.

We are grown up now and we shouldn't be seen acting like little children because we know right from wrong already and there is a way we can approach people without offending them.

Someone came into your room with slippers on and one of your rules is that no slippers should enter your room except if they put them off outside. What will you do? At first, you may take your eyes off it but would let the person know this politely is your rule and it is left for the person to heed it or not.

I love setting boundaries, especially when they do things that don't please or satisfy me. I don't like being taken for granted because I refuse to set limits to some unnecessary stuff. This is why I would let you know what I want and what I don't want. Boundaries require you to say "No" and not keep silent when they are tampering with your emotions. People would easily take your silence to mean "Yes" until you voice out to reject some things.

Let me make another example. You know ladies love to do something to themselves. When they are together, they would play to the extent that they start to play with each other's twins on their chests (I believe you understand me here?) My friends would always do this to me every time we played and I couldn't do mine because they weren't allowing me.

This continued until they took me for granted and would keep touching it while I laughed. This means I was allowing them instead of setting limits to such rough play. The next time they would do it, I spoke out for the first time and from that day, it stopped.

Another friend in my hostel wanted to try it, so I immediately stopped her and told her I don't play such games. At least if it is a man doing that, I would gladly accept 😅😅 There wouldn't be a limit when it comes to the opposite sex, but that doesn't mean I would allow dogs and cats to try it. No, it's for my man only and with that, there is no boundary or limit.

It's important to set your rules and boundaries. What do you want to stop? Let people know immediately instead of allowing it until it becomes something they keep doing because you refused to speak out.

Set limits to things you don't like people doing to you. Let them know politely. With this, you're giving yourself some respect and they should give you that too. Don't keep mute when you notice something is affecting you, say it out, kindly approach them and let them know this is your rule and no one should violate it. Your rule is like your principle.

I have my principle, you have yours. We should respect each other and not cause misunderstanding when they are trying to stop us from crossing that line. Stay in your lane and do not inconvenience another person with your nonchalant attitude.

When it comes to setting boundaries or rules, you are giving your emotions some importance. As partners in a relationship, you should have your limit to things and let your spouse know about them. Don't let them take you for granted and see you as someone who can't defend himself or herself.

I set boundaries for my friends, and siblings and they wouldn't dare crossover because they have been told. Any violation of it might affect my emotions and I wouldn't like it.

You can play, and have fun together but don't forget you are to be respected and with this, let people be aware of things they can or should do to you and not do.

The End!!!

Thanks for reading

Image by Priscilla on Unsplash designed on Canva

[May 19, 2022] (No 139 article for the year)