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Meaning. We all tend to look for that from time to time. It usually accompanies soul- searching. For while soul-searching evolves around the self you will end up also asking how your existence affects everything around you. What does it mean to be me being a daughter, a sister, or a friend to? What does it mean to be me being in this industry? What is the meaning of all this? What does it mean when someone says, “I matter?”
Embracing your status also means coming to terms with your weaknesses and limitations. Yes, we can be anything we want as what we always want to boost ourselves, but we do have limitations and to some that is pride-crippling. To those who found wisdom in seeing their reality are bound to bounce back with a better version of themselves. Acceptance opens options though it would make you feel massively crushed for a while.
Realizations birthed of experience can be painful but the liberation it brings can be double. “Engineering is not for you”. I remember those words from my dad when I called him from a pay phone one time after receiving my course card. It was my first failure. Why did I call him? Haha to cushion the weight and hopefully by the time I come home, he is no longer devastated. I did not get hurt from his comment. I heard his pain in his voice. I took his comment as a challenge, proud kid that I am or was. Self-reliant. Strong. The brighter one between me and my older bro. I can be anything and couple that with friends who also said, “No one quits until we get that license”. Fresh fighters, we were, oh yes! And oh we, all ended up changing courses eventually. I can super laugh about it now. But it was devastating then. It may also seem a waste to most, but I always look at my bin of trashy history and know now that it was allowed for greater growth – character building for myself, a bucket of hope to some, and maybe a foothold of “I will not go down that path” to some. Ah, yes that statement got me where I ended up, anyway. What was that? Uhm, “spoke too soon”. I got a hell lot of lessons from that failure. Oh, but hey! I’m alive so that’s not my “the end.” This is my piece at failing forward. If I may, I can scandalously also say, failure directs you.
Redemption is always possible. From the smallest twig you crack to the grandest scandal you can make; your life is not too far from getting redeemed. Because the truth is, the next step you are taking is already known by that One Person who knows you inside and out YET decided a long, long time ago that your life is worth an exchange for His.
You. You are the apple of His eye. (Yes that’s how far I can go with this one).
Change. Change is not always easy. But it is necessary for growth. From the first paragraph, that search for meaning results to change. Behavior? Plans? Attitude, perhaps?
Healing. Perhaps healing? I realized that we have all been caught up with physical and mental illness, yet we seldom tackle that need for healing in the spiritual aspect. I know, quote and quote, touchy subject. Yet it needs to be brought up at some point. Maybe in a form of this popcorn, directionless write up. Or maybe in some other form. We all go “I’m not sick”. “I am fine”. And that’s one of the sicknesses that made Him come in the first place.
Reigning in our hearts is the pride that we are self-capable of fishing ourselves out of our own (and some not) doing.
Incredibly, He’s got a wonderful plan for you. And for while I do not want to further ruffle discomfort, I will probably go for a second stab somewhere along 2021.
Sadly, not everyone is up to receive the planned proposal He is presenting.
Thankfully, it is still open for like your whole lifetime. Don’t miss out though, He’s got a ton more in store for you. It’s almost thanksgiving as well, right? I’m a little lost with the happenings lately. Gotta go do that thankful list after this.
Mumbles of a mad kid? On a weird Tuesday? Maybe.
All I know is this truth : He loves you. Like a lot to just leave you be.
So … Until my next lengthy, directionless mumbles.
I think I can end here. Treasure or trash? It’s up to you. I just threw in words and thoughts we may not see eye to eye on all points but I just greeted you an early Merry Christmas. He is, after all, the real reason for the season, yeah?
I had fun with this one. Though, If I may have held on to my attention-challenged self a little longer, I could have ended and landed this one more smoothly. Important thing is, the message is delivered: He loves you and He has a wonderful plan for you.