Understand This And Know Peace, II.

This is the second part just as I promised, from the post I made yesterday and for those who haven't seen that yet, you can check it out here: Understand This And Know Peace.

I spoke on the importance of understanding our partners and knowing that we have all had it in life differently. In as much as we expect the best from our spouse we need to understand that life would always get in the way; either from events gone through before now or the events that would still come up later in life. No one is perfect and we need to stop modelling our relationship on what others are enjoying because we all have our parts to play with a basic understanding that no one is even perfect.

In a relationship, we have to keep fighting especially when we believe this is what we wanted and of course, the person has to be deserving as well. A lot depends on the kind of effort we are willing to put in because it's easier to get swayed by the good parts forgetting that there would always be some not so perfect parts.

EVERY RELATIONSHIP HAS A DIFFERENT LEVEL OF SUCCESS:

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I hinted a bit about this yesterday where we always focus on the success of a relationship without understanding that there is a process that birthed that desired level of success. We live in an era where we celebrate success and we completely shut our minds against the fact that there was a moment or there were moments that led up to that success.

Stop comparing your relationship with others without understanding the process others went through to achieve what you now desire. If you want the glory, you have to do the work... You have to learn how others got to the level they are right now and how you can improve on yours because there is no chance that everyone can respond to the same tactics since we are all different with different upbringing and levels of exposure as well.

We all need to be better while striving to have things going for us in our way. It takes hard work on your part while your partner will do the same and with the willingness to work it through and a yielding heart, it reduces the unnecessary pressure people feel when they make unhealthy comparisons. Each man and woman to his or her race.

BE CAREFUL:

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I had to add this part because it looks like there is a battle out there the moment you have declared that you are no longer single. A lot of things would try to get your attention and you begin to reconsider your position. Have you noticed that when you are single, it looks as though you are not noticed that much but the moment you make it known that you are either in a relationship or married, the attention heightened and you begin to question why you didn't wait s little longer so you can meet those you are just meeting?

There is this attraction that comes when you have a boyfriend or girlfriend and that's why your conviction to be with your partner has to be strong. The truth is there would always be someone prettier than her just as there would always be guys way more handsome than you. This is why you don't need to pick your partner with just the looks because if it is just the looks, you would always be confused. It has to be something deeper and more. Who else picks their cereal any way based on how they look rather than taste? I pick my cereal based on taste and not by the packaging because some people are beautifully wrapped boxes of nonsense.

So many things would threaten your relationship the moment you declare your status as "not single". You will be tempted beyond your limit if your criteria for choosing your partner is nothing beyond the looks. You also need to understand that no one is perfect... This alone will help you navigate things and learn how to communicate with your partner rather than highlighting the flaws.

RELATIONSHIP IS A RISK:

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You are so sure of why you want to be with your partner but you are not sometimes sure if their intentions are real but you can only speak for yourself. You have to wait and watch out for their actions to be able to have that level of trust to know that your heart is in the right place. A relationship is a risk because sometimes you just don't know what will happen next.

In a relationship, we have the moulding stage and it's a process that takes time. This is where you need to exercise a bit of patience while the process is still ongoing. Your partner cannot hit the ground running as quickly as you would have liked. They can't take up a sudden understanding of the things they have not been used to or the person they have never dated before. So, what do you do in this process? You have to encourage, show love, communicate and correct where there is a need.

The sweet thing about relationships is that you can't predict them and that's the risk. You will always have your fears and concerns and you might never be so sure how someone would react to certain situations as well. Life would always happen and this is why I always stress the importance of knowing why you want to be with your partner.

Some might say, "Oh, I prefer slim ladies" but then how would you react when she is pregnant and she puffed up? As a lady, if you are with him because you think he has money, what happens when he is not enterprising and he loses that job? Would you as a guy also be comfortable and understanding without portraying your frustration on her when you are married, you lost your job and she had to step up for the time being to take care of the house? As a lady, would such power make you misbehave? As a guy, would you feel your sense of worth shattered? These are scenarios no one can ever plan for and that's why your reason must be stronger to overcome whatever would come. It's not a matter of if they would come but a matter of when.

GET IT OVER WITH:

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A lot of people find excuses to leave their spouse at the slightest or arguments. They prepare the ground so well that they complain about them to family and friends to give themselves a soft landing when they break things off. Arguments would come, fights would happen, you would say things you don't mean and regret things you are not supposed to say but you have to learn and get it over with. You don't have to make it a habit but you have to learn how to be better.

Most people think their love is fading because they argue with their spouse. The real worry should be when you both have nothing to argue about then it's a lost cause.

The whole essence of this post is to build our mentality to know to some extent what to expect and how to respond rather than react when some situations pop up. Invest your love and care, peace, kindness and understanding and it has to be mutual. Make it your value system in your relationship because you grow with what you train yourself with. Just make sure you are willing to pay the price. Don't sweep things under the carpet, learn to communicate more. Don't be afraid of being wrong and if you are scared of being wrong because your partner would lord it over you, then there is a problem. It should never be about who is right or wrong or making referrals to errors made.

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Thank you for your time.