Love Is Not Enough Again.
Everyone knows I am a firm believer in love and would always tell people to wait for it because it is worth waiting for. The cure for a broken heart is still more love and we can't do without it. There are varying kinds of love but there is joy in knowing that the person you love also love you the same.
It's shameful that for some, love is never enough and it is about strategy these days. Most parents are not helping matters either but really, what do I know? Everyone would make decisions they feel is best for their family and to secure their future but I am worried, does that mean the happiness of these children means nothing to the parents especially when they find a strategic partner for their children rather than allow them to find the love they think they deserve?
This also brings me to another issue and that's the inability to develop ourselves. I noticed that most parents are forceful especially when their child has proven himself or herself incapable of making better decisions. They noticed the pattern and then enforce things because they know that child can't think on his or her own.
As children, it's not as if we are striving to seek their approval but we need to take a stand and gain the trust of our parents so they can learn to let go of some control. Most parents wouldn't let go because they can't even trust their child to make the right decision, after all, that child has proved incapable of growth without being forced. It's quite sad because it's never a function of age but of maturity and when you have shown that you are not mature enough in certain areas, then the I-know-it-all parental instincts would kick in even if their decision isn't what we wanted.
I am not happy because a friend of mine called me about the lady I linked him up with. They have been together for 2 years now and he has always been finding time to travel to the U.K to see her. She is almost done with her studies and they were already talking about taking it a step further. Her parents now told her she can't marry this guy and I know it's more strategic because they wanted her to marry someone who is already resident there just to guarantee her stay. It's more strategic and she allowed it to get into her head.
She used many ways to sabotage her relationship with this guy to the extent of having bedmatics encounter with another guy. She managed to tell the guy hoping he would tell her he wasn't interested anymore but the guy held on strong. He forgave her due to the distance and he tried to be understanding but I guess he should have just used that as an excuse to let her to.
She has obviously fallen in love with the guy she had a bedmatics encounter with (I am being careful not to use NSFW kind of words, permit me, but you get my point there) and she even put this new boyfriend up to a trick to message her boyfriend and even herself the same message, coming from a spiritual perspective that they shouldn't be together. It was obvious she had a hand in it because the new guy made the mistake of calling him the name only this lady knows him as, and calls him by, through the WhatsApp message.
How did he get the number? How did he know this guy's full name and also the secret name only she calls him? The answers are clear and I am appalled, to say the least. She would go through all these lengths just to hold on to a new guy she just started dating all because she wanted to please her parents? Sometimes you ask yourself, is love really enough?
When that plan didn't work also and the guy ignored the message, she came up with a new trick which is, she said her mummy specifically kicked against the relationship and she just called her recently. She said she wouldn't give her blessings if she went ahead with it. I am not saying the mother didn't say it or not, but there is no smoke without a fire. She decided to play the parent card. After all, for any reasonable person, you have to let go when that card is played because you wouldn't want to start your marital journey by being at loggerheads with your in-laws.
In my early years too, I was dealt with that card. Everything was going on with myself and my then-girlfriend until I lost my dad. I guess she sensed things might not be as rosy as she felt it would be again, so she played the parent card too by telling me that her parent's pastor said we can't work out, particularly her mum's pastor. They always come from the mother's side... Highly predictable. She even asked me if I believed her and at that point, I knew she was lying because it wasn't up to 6 months, she married another schoolmate of ours but it started with a confession as this lady also confessed to my friend hoping he would call it off.
Back to the previous story, she didn't want to look bad to my friend and that's why she keeps asking my friend what they should do. She wanted him to be the one to call it quit right now when it's obvious she wouldn't go against her parents. The table has been set and she's playing emotional trauma card when we all know that she just wants him to say it so she can move on. It's quite sad the extent some people would go just to have their way.
Thank you for your time.
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My Dad told me his story with my mom. When he first took her home, the only question his mom asked was "are you sure you love and want to marry her?" which he said yes, They allowed him.
I know this would be the question he would ask me when it's mine time as he used to say he learnt many things from his parent.
Though it good for parent to be there and guide their children but when the children themselves do not know what they want and using their parents to cover up, they will regret it.
I think your friend should not get worried about this. God will bring someone better for him and if it's still her, God has His way of doing things.