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Love Is Not Enough Again.

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Written by   395
4 days ago

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Everyone knows I am a firm believer in love and would always tell people to wait for it because it is worth waiting for. The cure for a broken heart is still more love and we can't do without it. There are varying kinds of love but there is joy in knowing that the person you love also love you the same.

It's shameful that for some, love is never enough and it is about strategy these days. Most parents are not helping matters either but really, what do I know? Everyone would make decisions they feel is best for their family and to secure their future but I am worried, does that mean the happiness of these children means nothing to the parents especially when they find a strategic partner for their children rather than allow them to find the love they think they deserve?

This also brings me to another issue and that's the inability to develop ourselves. I noticed that most parents are forceful especially when their child has proven himself or herself incapable of making better decisions. They noticed the pattern and then enforce things because they know that child can't think on his or her own.

As children, it's not as if we are striving to seek their approval but we need to take a stand and gain the trust of our parents so they can learn to let go of some control. Most parents wouldn't let go because they can't even trust their child to make the right decision, after all, that child has proved incapable of growth without being forced. It's quite sad because it's never a function of age but of maturity and when you have shown that you are not mature enough in certain areas, then the I-know-it-all parental instincts would kick in even if their decision isn't what we wanted.

I am not happy because a friend of mine called me about the lady I linked him up with. They have been together for 2 years now and he has always been finding time to travel to the U.K to see her. She is almost done with her studies and they were already talking about taking it a step further. Her parents now told her she can't marry this guy and I know it's more strategic because they wanted her to marry someone who is already resident there just to guarantee her stay. It's more strategic and she allowed it to get into her head.

She used many ways to sabotage her relationship with this guy to the extent of having bedmatics encounter with another guy. She managed to tell the guy hoping he would tell her he wasn't interested anymore but the guy held on strong. He forgave her due to the distance and he tried to be understanding but I guess he should have just used that as an excuse to let her to.

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She has obviously fallen in love with the guy she had a bedmatics encounter with (I am being careful not to use NSFW kind of words, permit me, but you get my point there) and she even put this new boyfriend up to a trick to message her boyfriend and even herself the same message, coming from a spiritual perspective that they shouldn't be together. It was obvious she had a hand in it because the new guy made the mistake of calling him the name only this lady knows him as, and calls him by, through the WhatsApp message.

How did he get the number? How did he know this guy's full name and also the secret name only she calls him? The answers are clear and I am appalled, to say the least. She would go through all these lengths just to hold on to a new guy she just started dating all because she wanted to please her parents? Sometimes you ask yourself, is love really enough?

When that plan didn't work also and the guy ignored the message, she came up with a new trick which is, she said her mummy specifically kicked against the relationship and she just called her recently. She said she wouldn't give her blessings if she went ahead with it. I am not saying the mother didn't say it or not, but there is no smoke without a fire. She decided to play the parent card. After all, for any reasonable person, you have to let go when that card is played because you wouldn't want to start your marital journey by being at loggerheads with your in-laws.

In my early years too, I was dealt with that card. Everything was going on with myself and my then-girlfriend until I lost my dad. I guess she sensed things might not be as rosy as she felt it would be again, so she played the parent card too by telling me that her parent's pastor said we can't work out, particularly her mum's pastor. They always come from the mother's side... Highly predictable. She even asked me if I believed her and at that point, I knew she was lying because it wasn't up to 6 months, she married another schoolmate of ours but it started with a confession as this lady also confessed to my friend hoping he would call it off.

Back to the previous story, she didn't want to look bad to my friend and that's why she keeps asking my friend what they should do. She wanted him to be the one to call it quit right now when it's obvious she wouldn't go against her parents. The table has been set and she's playing emotional trauma card when we all know that she just wants him to say it so she can move on. It's quite sad the extent some people would go just to have their way.

Thank you for your time.

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Written by   395
4 days ago
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Comments

My Dad told me his story with my mom. When he first took her home, the only question his mom asked was "are you sure you love and want to marry her?" which he said yes, They allowed him.

I know this would be the question he would ask me when it's mine time as he used to say he learnt many things from his parent.

Though it good for parent to be there and guide their children but when the children themselves do not know what they want and using their parents to cover up, they will regret it.

I think your friend should not get worried about this. God will bring someone better for him and if it's still her, God has His way of doing things.

$ 0.05
3 days ago

I totally agree with you, KP. I told him not to get worried too because God just helped him to dodge a bullet right there from a lady who can't make up her mind. She doesn't have the strength to cope even in marriage when it gets tough so it's better now than later. He is in his healing phase and it's better for him to heal well too.

Thanks dear.

$ 0.00
3 days ago

It felt like an incomplete narration. What was the guys decision after all? Did he have it in mind to end up. Thought right no I don’t think he is left with any option.

And love is just at times complicated when it has to do with families. But I think true love would come when we encounter with the right person.

$ 0.02
4 days ago

The guy is left with no choice especially when the lady's heart showed it's not with him anymore. You can't force love.

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4 days ago

Parents choose what they think are the best for their child, so I have this friend who's marriage is canceled because his parents arranged him to another girl who's not his fiance. His parents doesn't agree to his relationship with his fiance. He really love he's fiance but he choose to obeyed his parents and just canceled the marriage. I was so sad for him that time because he really love his ex fiance but sad because he let her go. Now he's soon to get married to the girl he doesn't love. Ps the girl is a business woman and her ex fiance is just a cashier in some supermarket near our place.

$ 0.05
4 days ago

That's the problem with some parents...they have reduced love to materiality because once you are not rich or known, they don't think their child should get married to you. It's sad.

$ 0.00
4 days ago

No hay nada mejor que un amor puro y sincero entre dos personas que se aman :Pregunto hay que perder un amor para darnos cuenta de lo perdido ..Como se dice en mi barrio uno no sabe lo que tiene hasta que lo pierde.

$ 0.02
4 days ago

Espero que sus padres no la lleven a perder más cosas y que pueda aprender a tomar mejores decisiones por sí misma. Gracias.

$ 0.00
4 days ago

Incapable of making decisions can cost us many loss. This is why parents do come in to intrude in our personal lives. We still have many out there who still think just like children. They don't think straight and cannot do things on their own. So, parents helping them to fulfil their decisions are just there to cut short the incapabilities in their children.

Sometimes parents are not helping issues, but instead will lure you from taking your love seriously. They would be the ones to dictate whom you should get married to and also will have full control of your live. This is not the best as we children should learn how to make decisions and how to reject some things we felt can cause serious set back to our daily lives.

$ 0.05
4 days ago

I love your view of this and how you perfectly explained it. Thank you.

$ 0.00
4 days ago

If I were your friend, better let go of the girl, though I understand why he can't as of the moment. Its hard to let go someone who dearly loved. But I think he too martyr as it is okay with him that his girl had that "bedmatics" to other man? Another is, it simply shows that that girl loved to him what somehow shallow.

$ 0.03
4 days ago

Very true my friend. She never really loved this guy as she claimed which was why it was so easy for her to move on. The guy has let go already because she has made her decision too.

$ 0.00
4 days ago

That good to know ,.hope your friend find a woman who would truely love him. I don't know what with other women why they often goes ,.chooses men that could provide for them financially. Could not it be chose someone they really love and work hard together to become rich?

$ 0.02
4 days ago

I think most women feel they can't provide for themselves. The sell themselves short and think less of themselves.

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4 days ago

I pity me, or maybe they have a different upbringing and even culture. The reason why they had that thought.

$ 0.00
4 days ago

That's right... upbringing matters.

$ 0.00
4 days ago

Parents are trusting there children if they're enough to stand on their own and know how the right decisions. It is the parents responsibility to take care of their children but not in a long period of time. Parents are out guidance especially when we are naive ...And I thanks to them

$ 0.02
4 days ago

Yes, when a child shows she is responsible, the parents would only help in providing oversight. The issue is most people can't make decisions for themselves and that's why parents force decisions on them.

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4 days ago

Parents are caring My friend Olasquare thats how they showed love to us. That's why they keep intervening our decisions because they want a perfect decision that could make our lives good

$ 0.00
4 days ago

Sometimes they think they know best but they don't. Sometimes they allow their personal agenda to cloud their judgements.

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4 days ago

Yes it might happen they don't know what's the best for their children . That's why they all judgements to others

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4 days ago

Yes.

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4 days ago

It sometimes happen when you are dependent to your parents ..

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4 days ago

Exactly.

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4 days ago

I don't know why nowadays the relationships are becoming toxic. It’s hard to believe.

$ 0.01
4 days ago

It's becoming toxic because most people have changed what a relationship should be to material things.

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4 days ago

As an adult, you have to do a lot of work on yourself to become an independent, autonomous unit. Only by understanding who you are, what you and not your parents want in life, what you love and what you don't, can you stand firmly on your own feet and separate yourself from your family. If your parents are meddling in your life you should not be afraid of quarrels (and they will be!) - it's your life, and only you decide who to be with and who not

$ 0.05
4 days ago

This is exactly what I told that lady today when she called me to tell me she ended things. I told her she needs to show she is responsible enough for the parents to trust her also, it's her life, she should decide what she wants but she is indeed still an adult baby in diapers because she is still dependent on her parent's money. How sad.

$ 0.01
4 days ago

Love is not enough, baby, come to me mo lowo,😅😅, it was a sad story, if the guy actually had money, all this wouldn't have happen, but sometimes money or no money, I really don't like the idea of parent taking their kids name to pastor to confirm if the kids are compatible, it happened to my cousin, both studied outside the country, the girl dad own two private hospital and she studied medicine, and it was obvious her dad didn't like my cousin, so he said until she finish, he waited, he said until she pass her medical exam in Nigeria, he waited, first attempt, second and he said he couldn't wait any longer, things got bad.. But now they are happily married, to different partner tho

$ 0.05
4 days ago

I've never liked the idea and would never like the idea. It's annoying to me to say the least.

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4 days ago

I just hope people realise early that they are destroying people relationship with that

$ 0.01
4 days ago

They know they just want to always control other people's lives...it gives them power.

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4 days ago

Love and ladies would always be secondary to me 🤦‍♂️

$ 0.01
4 days ago

Hahahaha what's the story behind it?

$ 0.00
4 days ago

I think parent should teach their children about decision making and develop some trust on decisions that their children made.

$ 0.02
4 days ago

Exactly...they have to.

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4 days ago

When I was about to get married, mother never wanted me to marry the man I married to, just because there was no money at that time, but what matter is that will love each other, but today my mother is thanking God for us, most parents believe as it was, in the beginning so shall it be, because at that time parents have to choose a husband for their daughters

$ 0.05
4 days ago

Thank you so much for this real life experience. Most parents think they know better but they need to stop forcing their old ways of things on their children.

$ 0.00
4 days ago

I really follow your articles too and I see how happy you are in your marriage and this is also what I look up to and pray for also because a partner in marriage is a partner for life

$ 0.01
4 days ago

Amen oo . I say amen for you too

$ 0.00
4 days ago

Thanks

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3 days ago

Apart from love, habits, character and financial strength matters in a relationship. Women mostly are most concerned with the financial strength of a guy. But for a guy a good woman is one is who make a good home.

$ 0.02
4 days ago

That's right...most ladies have lost good people because they couldn't spot a king in rags.

$ 0.00
4 days ago

Apart from love, habits, character and financial strength matters in a relationship.

$ 0.02
4 days ago

Most people focus only on the material aspect of things.

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4 days ago

This is really interesting to read and also to learn from because I really feel I don't know if my parents really trust me to make the right decisions but they'll not want to make them for me too, so I'm caught in a mixed feeling but I feel I should gain their trust more...

$ 0.02
4 days ago

Exactly...be calculative with your steps and gain their trust so they won't force their desires on you.

$ 0.00
4 days ago

Yeah, thank you very much... I'd do that too

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3 days ago

The part that kept me speechless was the cure for love😭 I can not imagine myself falling in love with anyone for now, due to the past expirence on previous relationship... Though am not at fault I decided I don't want the relationship anymore coz the love keeps getting stronger than I can ever imagine, I only wanted it to make me stronger but I never knew it would also turn me into a heartless and cold monster...

$ 0.05
4 days ago

I am sorry you feel this way. Take time out as long as you want. Learn to heal from past hurts before going into another.

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4 days ago

That's what am exactly trying to do

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4 days ago

I like that.

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4 days ago

parents always believed that they know what's best for their children . I have heard a mother advising her daughter . " Before you marry any man, make sure you weigh him first".. According to the mother, a man's financial capacity should come first before any other qualities

$ 0.03
4 days ago

That's what most people have reduced marriage and relationships into. Quite sad.

$ 0.00
4 days ago