Letter To A Concerned Lady.

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I wrote this letter to the lady who asked the question above. I tried so much to keep my cool so I won't look like I was attacking the guy even though he deserved to be attacked. I hope the texts in the image I inserted are clear enough so we can understand them. Sorry about the abbreviations she used as well and if there is a part in her message you don't understand, kindly ask me in the comment section and I would explain it. For the fear of plagiarism that's why I choose not to write the words out. I screenshot the text as it is.

Here is her question:

Here is my response:

Dear Concerned Lady,

It's with delight that I read your letter even though I understand how confused you are at this stage but you shouldn't be confused but rather you should be happy because you got to know the kind of unsecured person you are about to get married to.

This is a straightforward answer even though I understand that for you it might not be straightforward because you have vested your heart, emotions and resources in this relationship which is why you needed a second opinion to know whether all those efforts and investment has gone to waste if you decide to call it quit with this young man.

There is no need to beat around the bush because from your letter I can see that you are a goal-driven young lady and this guy is the type that would slow you down or make you feel worthless for every achievement you acquire going forward. You are a young lady and you don't need to force yourself into this drama especially when you can get yourself out of it now.

You have done your introduction between both families and it's okay as long as you have not done registry marriage with him you still have a chance to pull out and you owe nobody explanation by sticking to your choice to end it. I believe if you explain to your family members they would see reasons why you shouldn't be with someone who can't genuinely be happy with your achievements and would rather want to water it down by making you transfer your hard-earned labour to him.

A real man would and should never feel threatened with your achievements because you are both one. It should be a thing of pride to him and I don't understand why he would think because he hasn't achieved as much as you that he is failing. This shows his mental state and capacity and he is just a man wrapped up in clothes but he is still a toddler with nappies under his shorts.

You have done well for yourself as a lady and you have done all these without any man to validate you so I don't think you need another person to do that for you right now. You have done well before you met him, did well after you met him so if you let him go, trust me, you will still do well. You will find another man who wouldn't feel threatened by your achievements and would rather push you to achieve more because your success is his as his own should be yours.

Most people don't understand the value of marriage and they think marriage is about the man showing superiority and dominating and unfortunately, your to be husband is in that category and you don't have to be the one to suffer for that. If you threaten to leave and he promised to change, trust me he won't change because he has already told you what he would do when he finally calls you his own through marriage. He lacked the basic understanding of what marriage should be about and unfortunately, he would find his kind but you are at the stage where I don't think you want to have anyone slow you down. He would find someone who will have the same mentality as him but don't let it be you. The fact that you asked for an opinion about his shows you know it is not what you want, so please, let him go.

There are warning signs that must not be ignored in a relationship especially during courtship because most of the things you see would be your reality going forward and there is this weird thought that you would change him but you won't be able to change him. He grew up with this mentality and you can't expect him to change that mentality in just a year or even 10 years because he met you. He needs to find himself in a place where he unlearns and then relearn but you don't want that garbage in your life which is why I said you should let him go because men like him would cage you all in the name of marriage. You have wings, you should fly and you are already on the runway why would you let someone clip your wings?

Going ahead with this relationship means you will end up resenting yourself and then hating him for not making you achieve as much as you want because it's only a matter of time before he would tell you that you shouldn't be working and stay at home with the kids while he keeps taking the rent from your apartment to either womanize or go on drinking spree because there is no telling the kind of weird mentality he would have if he feels he is the man and he is expected to have everything, so it's possible for him to think like a man he can do just anything also and you just have to sit down at home and obey.

For the love of your future and your family, don't marry this man. Let him go on his own and find his kind. Marriage is not a do or die affair and if your partner won't allow you to dream and become better, even than him, then you are in the wrong relationship. A relationship is to help each other not to subject the other person to slavery. I thought slavery was abolished many years ago? As it looks some people are still a prisoner to it and you have a choice, young lady, please, take the walk.

I hope you read this letter with an open mind and do as advised because you don't want to live your life in regrets where you will end up hating him, filing for divorce, hurting him or even going into a depression where you might slip into that hole of committing suicide. You have your whole life ahead of you, take charge of your life and do what's best for you. You are doing great without him and marriage is not an achievement. If someone cannot fit into your achievements then they don't deserve to have you in the first place.

Cheers.

Yours truly,

Your love doctor.

Thank you for your time.

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