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Know Their Place.

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Written by   661
3 months ago

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There is a place for everyone in your life and sometimes it depends on the occasion. There is a place for your friends and there is a place for your family members. When you are in a relationship, you don't relegate your friends and family to the side because you are in love. I understand that in extreme cases you have to be watchful of the kinds of friends you keep because some can be toxic to your life but that begs the question as to why you are still with such a toxic person anyway?

As I was saying, there is a place for everyone. Most people major on the minor and then minor on the major. As a married person, you have to understand the place of your friends and family members. I've seen situations where others play the moral card the moment they got married. They stopped relating to their single friends because they feel they are no longer in the same class. It shouldn't be and doesn't have to be but prioritizing helps a lot to understand what matters to you because when the value of a thing isn't known, abuse is inevitable.

Your marriage is the most important relationship you have and it should come first. You don't prioritize your friends over your marriage. I understand it's all about understanding but when push comes to shove and you have to choose in extreme cases, your marriage should come first. It’s important to know the kind of relationships that could potentially cause problems in your marriage and then leave them behind. It doesn't mean you have to ditch everyone because you don't get along with them but you can set healthy boundaries and determine the time you spend with those family and friends.

Marriage is a private affair and as I would call it a private party between two people, so three is definitely a crowd. They all have their place which is to pray with you, share ideas with you and help you see opportunities. This is why I said you can't rule them out but you have to understand their place and know your immediate family is more important. It doesn't mean you have to go blabbing to them when anything happens (except in extreme cases of domestic violence) but you can build up closeness with them and not at the cost of your marriage anyway.

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Set Boundaries.

I know most people struggle with parents that show up uninvited and in fear of not causing enmity most couples just take it in stride while they suffer in silence. As a couple, if that person is from your side, then you are the one to set the ground rules and let them understand that they need to call you before they visit. I recently told someone this when it happened that her mother-in-law always shows up uninvited and even the son, which is the husband isn't too pleased with it.

I told them when it's getting near to the weekend that she usually shows up, they should find a place to go. In fact, I asked them to visit me that weekend and they did. So, when the mother shows up (because she lives nearby and I presume she has a key too) and she didn't meet them at home, naturally it becomes an easy conversation for them to have with her that she needs to call before visiting to avoid such a situation next time. When it happens more than once, she would learn how to call. The same thing applies to friendship. You have to agree with your spouse and when the agreement cannot be reached, you have to prioritize your marriage instead.

Stand Your Ground.

Standing your ground doesn't mean you have to be rude about it. It's about making them aware of what's obvious. You have a date with your husband or wife and your mother or your friend wants you to follow her to a family function just to mark attendance. I think it's a no-brainer that you have to choose being with your husband or your wife over that family function. Standing your ground would make them understand that you have a family that should be prioritized and it's not disrespecting to them but loyalty to the family you are trying to grow.

Be Your Partner's Advocate.

Don't tell me what's being said about me but tell me why they are comfortable telling it to you. That statement is so true and real. When others badmouth your partner you need to be able to stand up to them and tell them you don't appreciate it, especially when they have no proof and they just pick up on the kind of choice you made. People that respect you are the ones that would respect your choices despite their reservations. Your friends and family members need to understand that you have a life to live and if they want to be a part of it they need to respect your choices. It doesn't mean you won't listen to their advice but you have to choose between speculation and reality.

With all that being said, your partner cannot be everything to you which is why I said you still need your family and friends but boundaries must be set. You need your family and friends for the sake of accountability and support; it could be emotional or financial or just their presence alone around you. You also need them around to encourage you because everything won't be smooth sailing. When you are both down, you need someone trusted to help you both to get back on your feet when life happens in any of the many ways that life can happen.

Thank you for your time.

My pen doesn't bleed, it speaks. I am love's chemical content in human form and that's why  I advise people to take a dose of "Olawalium" daily. 🙈

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Written by   661
3 months ago
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Comments

I read this first in your hive account but got here through dreemport :)

$ 0.01
3 months ago

I'm happy to have you here, my friend.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Yup, this is the way that it should be, theoretically, and it should be done early in the relationship. If it's not done early, it becomes more and more difficult to straighten things out. The only thing I have to say about it is we've been married for almost 46 years. This post was obtained through Dreemport @https://staging.dreemport.com

$ 0.03
3 months ago

That is such a long time I must say. I agree with you, it becomes so difficult to break out from if we don't nick it in the bud early enough.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Marriage is like a partnership. Your partner should know how to cover up when they make a mistake. Likewise, he should be able to act in the same way. mutual love and tolerance

$ 0.02
3 months ago

Exactly...they should be able to cover up, act in mutual love, respect and tolerance. A lot of people throw their partners under the bus rather than support them.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

if they're going to do that, they shouldn't get married, right? Come NoiseCash https://noise.cash/u/Marazow

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Exactly. They shouldn't get married if they can't show support.

Would check you out on Noise.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Definitely dude. Thank you

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Anytime. No worries.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

☺☺

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Indeed! Oh I don't have anything to say but just to agree with all that you said.

A married person must know how to put boundaries and so he/she can still prioritize her/ his own family. It's not that the married person is pushing his/her friends and family or letting them feel to have a distance with him/her, it's just a matter a time and situation.Setting a boundaries is just knowing their right place. Not at all times they can call the married person to be with them or accompany/entertain them, Because they're must be also a family time, a quality time for her/his immediate family. However I know that sometimes this is hard to do, but it must be set so there's no broken relationship that may happen because of misunderstanding.

$ 0.03
3 months ago

Thank you so much, Garreth. Thanks for your deep understanding of this post. Everyone need to know their right place. I often wonder how they can make out time to intrude on another family when they should be building their own as well. It's a tricky situation that should be dealt with wisdom so it won't create enmity.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Yes, tell me why they are comfortable saying it to you. Marriage is a union between two people and that bond needs to be cherished and respected by both mothers for they have theirs also. I do not like unannounced visits and my friends know they need to call before coming no matter how close their house may be. That's what we term privacy, they are times the husband and wife just want to be home alone doing nothing and just staring at each other, those moments add beauty to marriage and nobody should deprive them of that.

$ 0.03
3 months ago

Exactly. Most people think you have nothing doing and they can just barge in as if they are the ones paying your rents. Even if they are, they need to draw the lines and let couples grow together. Too much intrusion won't make them grow at the rate they are supposed to.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

You nailed It right there Mr. Square, too many intrusions won't make them grow.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Thank you so much, Balikis. I always enjoy reading from you.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Your writings make my comments flow. Thanks for the daily dose.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

I am glad. Thanks sugar.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

You see that parents or family involvement in married couples that is the one that is extreme because I don’t see a reason why parents would want to be involved in a grown up man’s home with his wife.

I would save this for when I am ready to be in a relationship

$ 0.02
3 months ago

Exactly. I can't understand why they need to intrude. It's excessive and most couples indulge them at their own detriment.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Alot of people get this wrong, there should be a set rule, a line that shouldn't be crossed by another, we are supposed to choose our family in everything but some will choose their friends over their partner which is quite wrong, we should learn to set standards.

$ 0.02
3 months ago

Exactly...this is why I always say that those who don't have the basic understanding of what marriage is shouldn't force themselves to be married. Priorities matters and the home should take that center stage.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

I think I am the number one guy in setting boundaries 😅 make everybody dey their dey

$ 0.01
3 months ago

😂😂🤣😂😂🤣 trust me, it's for the best.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Truely said be your partner advocate...it is important to speak for each other instead of bringing up your partner as topic of discussion to your friends or family members

$ 0.02
3 months ago

Most people do this and I find it annoying. It's shocking to even see guys engage in this.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Yes. i try so hard not to, having friends that discuss theirs then is your turn to about yours😊..I avoid those association

$ 0.01
3 months ago

😂😂🤣🤣🤣 that's so true. They take turns to speak. It's best to avoid it.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Marriage brings two different people together to become one. Vows were made that for better for worse, the two partners will spend the whole of their life together. So with this, no one outside their marriage is permitted to be on top of their list. Not even their families. Boundaries is so important when it comes to marriage.

$ 0.03
3 months ago

I love this. Yes, the vows are between them, not external parties. External parties are only witnesses and they shouldn't influence our decisions. They can suggest and advice but it's left to us to decide together as couples.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Uncle dm you on TG. Help

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Ah. So sorry. Let me run and check it.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

I love the way you delivered your thoughts especially when you mentioned about life of being marriage. Yes, i agree that we should set our positive boundaries to our friends and family. We need them for either financial or emotional support but doesn't mean we should always focus on them.

$ 0.03
3 months ago

Exactly...we don't always have to focus on them. Thank you so much and I am happy you enjoyed it.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Even though I haven't been ripe enough to go into marriage, I can clearly understand all that you have said, when two come together they become one and they must fight for each other. Our partner comes first in everything cos it's a forever thing. I will need marriage counselling from you when the time comes.

$ 0.03
3 months ago

Yes, most couples fight against each other rather than fight for each other which is shameful. To some it's about painting the other person black just to score a point.

Hahaha he said he isn't ripe for marriage 😂😂🤣. I felt that.

Thank you so much brother. I'm honoured.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

🙈🙈🙈😅 I never ripe, I am just 5 yrs old yesterday.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Hahahaha you have no business on read cash 🤣🤣😂. You should still be drinking milk. What do you know about money! 😂🤣😂

$ 0.00
3 months ago

😅😅😅 I want to be young and getting it.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Hahaha.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Marriage is somehow a relationship that brings to another level. A lot of things might change but what's important is that understand each other. Communication is a must

$ 0.02
3 months ago

Understand each other, that's so important. I love what you said too, communication is a must. Should never be negotiated.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

These are the things that most of us need to learn even in relationships, not just in marriage. I know I've been guilty of this, especially in my last relationship where I did not set some kind of boundaries with some of my friends all in the fear of not losing them. But I ended up losing someone who genuinely loved me.

And our African parents as well have to understand that as we grow up they need to let us be with our own choices and stop intruding. Thank you for sharing this with us!

$ 0.05
3 months ago

Thank you so much for this and you spoke my mind accurately. Thank you for sharing a part of you too which I am sure others would see, read and also learn from. Deeply appreciated.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

It's always good to share a part of me in situations like this as I feel it helps others learn from my own mistakes and takes something off my shoulders. Thank you for inspiring me

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Absolutely and I enjoyed your contribution. Thanks a lot for that.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Taking stand for the partner is really very important that gave realization of security, sincerity and loyalty by your side to your partner. Every relationship is important but the family is important in all

$ 0.02
3 months ago

Absolutely...family is important. A lot of people would sell their family short to start prioritizing relationships they shouldn't place over their marriage or home.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

I am not a married person so I don't know much about things in marriage. But I think boundaries should really be set.

$ 0.02
3 months ago

Yes, it should be...even in every aspect of our lives, not only in marriage.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Everything created by some sort of value and self esteem. We should not overlap between these things. Everyone has proper place in Society as well as in our heart so we should give respect to these special peoples. Brother marriage is sacred bond that connects two souls togather.

$ 0.03
3 months ago

I totally agree. This is why we need to place appropriate value on it because it matters. A lot of people still allow external influences to determine what goes on in their homes.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

It is bad practice. We should tackle our most of matters ourselves.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Exactly. They can guide us but the decisions are left to us.

$ 0.00
3 months ago