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It Is Different For Everyone.

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Written by Β Β 414
3 months ago

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Some things hit differently and the realization of it makes you re-evaluate and stick to what you feel is important to you. The heart feels differently too, so the way you'd think and do things won't necessarily be the way others would do those things so before we use our moral compass to judge others, it's better if we listen to them and make sense out of the reasons they give because we see things differently, feel things differently too.

There was this video I watched many years ago about a lecturer who was in a class and decided to test a married woman who was in his class. He asked for someone to volunteer and this married woman came forward. He gave her a marker and then asked her to list, in no particular order, 30 names of those who she feels are important to her and she did - husband, son, parents and even colleagues and neighbours. She felt good about herself not knowing the bombshell would come where she would have to make decisions in split seconds.

The lecturer asked her to reduce the list of 30 she wrote to 15 people and she was heartbroken. She made the hard choice and decided to reduce the list to 15. She was asked further to reduce the list to just 5 and as though she was deleting them from her life in real life, she was shedding those tears because it was real to her and she valued these people.

Painstakingly, she reduced them to just her husband, son, two parents and one more person. The shocking twist continued and she was told to reduce the list again to just 2. There was an obvious silence in the class that day and with shaking hands and tears filled face, she left just her husband and her son.

The lecturer looked around the class and he could feel the tension and fear on the faces of everyone and he told her to reduce the list to just one and that was when she broke down into tears. She was hesitant and almost said she wouldn't go on with it anymore but she was persuaded and told to continue. She cleaned the name of her son, leaving just her husband and everyone was shocked when they noticed this. Even the lecturer was puzzled but everyone was eager to know why she would do that rather than hold on to her son in case the husband decides to leave.

Even with tears rolling down her cheeks and with her dad countenance, she said she couldn't pick her parents because they have a life of theirs at least, when she left them, they still had each other. She further said she wouldn't pick her son also because he wouldn't be with her forever as he would go on to have a family of his own too but he chose his husband because he had been that ever-present figure in his life and when everyone walked out, he stayed and when everyone would walk out, he would still stay.

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This made me understand that relationship's experience is different for everyone. Most people would question what if the husband leaves but only she could explain why she opted for her husband because she has seen how he had been with her. Never use other people's relationships as a gauge for yours. Draw strength from theirs but make sure you have your own experience and not import other people's drama into yours when it's unwarranted.

Loyalty is important in marriage and it's funny that even though you might not get what you showed sometimes, but at least satisfy your mind by rewarding loyalty and by being loyal too.

It doesn't mean her son isn't important to her or she loves him less but she understands how life works and she decided to look out for herself. This is why it is important not to pick your partner based on looks alone and the reason for picking your partner has to run deeper than what is obvious to many. There would be situations that would threaten your love for one another but never forget why you picked that person in the first place. You need to go for the character too because you wouldn't want anyone who would be hell-bent on abusing you emotionally and physically too.

Love needs constant attention and because you have gotten that heart doesn't mean you stop watering his or her plant (heart). Most people forget how to love the moment they have married. Maybe they see marriage as a goal rather than a daily effort to be better and improve.

A lot of people seek an escape route even before they tie the knots. There are so many insecurities flying around with people that wouldn't make them venture their heart fully based on terrible experiences of the past and as I said earlier, it's easier to judge others without understanding why they are the way they are. As humans, we need to be better for ourselves while also getting ready.

Being ready for a relationship means you have gotten to the point where you wouldn't allow your past to hinder your future. It's okay to feel sad with what you've been through before now but let your present reality and your future potential be a reminder that better days are nearby and of course, let the person you have decided to go into a relationship with, be a constant reminder that better days are ahead. Don't go for looks, go for someone with a good heart because only then can you explain your past to him or her and that person would be more than willing to help you banish the ghosts of the past.

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Thank you for your time.

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Written by Β Β 414
3 months ago
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Comments

Last year I didn't even have one name to put on this list. Sometimes a week would pass and no one would call me. Out of the few calls I received most were from people who want to borrow money.

But in my loneliness I found God. Why? - I asked God, why people forget the good things I did for them, but only call when they need something from me? God answered: when you needed something, you prayed and I gave. Did you remember me when you were happy? No, I forgot about God at all. I turned to God only when I needed.

Now I met the love of my life, and have a family at last. God gave me the biggest gift he/she can't ever have him-/herself - a spouse. But now every single day and hour I remember the blessings of God and am grateful for even smallest things in my life.

May you never be that alone till the point starting to lose sanity!

$ 0.03
3 months ago

This touched me and I have a few of those too who only remember me when they needed something. They didn't care but they wanted me around because of what they might likely get and that's life. I do the bit I can do and leave them to their conscience, if they still have one.

Finding God means finding everything we need and I am glad you found Him and also her. This delights me. Well done.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

You need to be sure to choose your person who wants to be with, but yeah there's nothing sure in loving, we just need to accept the consequences, and all the ifs, choosing your partner is like choosing your life that you want to live for the rest. This ones great actually and I agree with you that love needs constant attention.

$ 0.01
3 months ago

I am glad you read from you and hear your feedback. Thanks a lot for this.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

I'm not a married person but I cried while reading this.. At first, I thought she didn't choose the son because they can make a new one anyway. But her explanation is really true.. Time will come that our children will leave us once they learn how to stand on their own...and she's lucky to have a husband like that.. But since I am a single one..if there is someone I want to choose, it would be my mother. Because she never leaves me and hurts me.. 😭

$ 0.03
3 months ago

Awww... I am sorry it made you cry, Janeyyy. Yes, her explanation seems logical and she must have made that decision knowing how amazing her husband was. It was an emotional one for her, really.

Awww... A big shout out to your mum. Send her plenty of hugs for me, would you? 😍πŸ₯°β€

$ 0.00
3 months ago

If it was me, I wouldn't even find 30 people to write down πŸ˜… I'm so bad! I keep my circle very small. Like you said - different people, different approach though πŸ’™

$ 0.02
3 months ago

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ˜‚ I can suggest someone you can write. You know...πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€£

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Haha, I wonder who could this be? 🀣🀣🀣

$ 0.01
3 months ago

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ of course, you know... The face and age matched.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Really? Tell me the age and I might have a guess 😁

$ 0.00
3 months ago

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€£ 21

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Don't don this 🀣🀣🀣

$ 0.00
3 months ago

πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ€£πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Hmmmm I think she choose what she think was best for her and her family. Sometimes when there is no attention in relationship or marriage it makes the love to fade quickly

$ 0.01
3 months ago

Exactly the point.. She did what she felt was good for her and others might pick differently and that's totally fine too

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3 months ago

Well if some other choose otherwise then that's what they think it's the best as well

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3 months ago

Exactly...

$ 0.00
3 months ago

😁😁

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Wait! She didn't choose her child! But that's the emotional one decision. Oh dear!

$ 0.01
3 months ago

Quite emotional and unexpected too.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

I always fall in love with your doses because its always blow my mind.

Yeah, you made me to remember the story too, I've came across the story before and I love it the way you use it in your article. The majority of people will say all sorts of things for removing his son , because they don't know the reason why he made that decision.

I know her husband has been good to her, if not she could have removed him instead of his son, he knows the importance of his husband to her , and she might not survive it if she loose him because of the intimacy between them.

That's why it is very important to go with the person whom we are sure to live the rest if our life with. Look - it might be deceiving Beauty- it will definitely fade away Wealth - it might not last forever. We should go for person who will always stand with us to bring out the best in us.

I love this article.

$ 0.03
3 months ago

I always enjoy your deep understanding of things. Absolutely, most people would look upon her differently because they would make a different choice but that was her choice and only her can understand why she did what she did.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Exactly! So we should view things before judging from our perspective. That's what she choose and she's okay with that, but some hypocrite will always see things at their own end without getting to the root.

$ 0.01
3 months ago

Yes... Everyone likes brandishing the moral compass forgetting that only those in those shoes can truly explain why they acted the way they did.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

I perceive a lot of lovers just show emotion and not time to really display the intent of their live to their partners. Well, she did what she could best even though it pains.

$ 0.02
3 months ago

Yes, it was quite painful and she made a hard choice.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Wise words. I was also thinking she would have to erase her husband but was shocked to see her remove her son. But after pure explanation I realized her reason was indeed worth it.

And marriage indeed has a lot to be sacrificed.

$ 0.02
3 months ago

Yes, brother... I was as surprised as everyone else too but only she can understand her choices and yes, it's a huge sacrifice.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Giving up on Son would have been the hardest decision a Mom could take.. but my concern is, what if in the future, she had to taste her own medicine when her partner leaves her? that's rough

$ 0.02
3 months ago

That's a big question and she must have known her partner to some extent for her to make that decision. It's a hard one I must say.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

We really should not look solely on the physical aspect of an individual (your partner) but also their substance. Physical appearance fades but good character will last for a lifetime. What an interesting article! ❀❀❀

$ 0.01
3 months ago

Thank you so much for this. Deeply appreciated. ❀

$ 0.00
3 months ago

❀❀❀

$ 0.00
3 months ago

You stated that "Love needs constant attention." I would agree. How do we fulfill this? By doing. Love isn't just an emotion. Rather, it is doing for others, it is taking on the role of a servant (like Jesus) and making positive contributions to their lives.

$ 0.02
3 months ago

Love is in doing... Most people would rather love in words than by actions. God demonstrated His love by doing because He GAVE.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

It is emotionally to me thinking about removing people from one's life.

I believe that we have different thoughts and opinions which determines the kind of decisions we make in life. What makes sense to A might not be cool with B and we must respect others choices because the way other peoples choice looks weird to us so does our decisions look weird to others...

The bottom line is staying loyal in our relationship

$ 0.02
3 months ago

Thank you so much, brother. Yes, we have to respect the opinions of others even when we disagree with them. It's different strokes for different folks.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Interesting! The wife went through the hardest situation in life when we have to choose among our lovedones. All of her decisions made sense though it broke my heart knowing she didn't choose her son.

$ 0.01
3 months ago

Yes, it can be heartbreaking, no doubt. She did what she felt was the best for her.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Sometimes there were reasons that even after been explained we still couldn't find a way on how to understand it. She might be right, but somehow, there might be a question that may also follow, what if after choosing her husband,her husband leave her?

$ 0.01
3 months ago

Exactly my point. So many ifs... A lot could go wrong and it's not a good position to imagine. Very tough choices.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

That's what they say, choosing your partner is choosing your future.

$ 0.01
3 months ago

That's very accurate, my friend.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

While I'm reading, I'm trying to answer as well. But my heart was broken when I have to just pick one. I can't. I feel her. And indeed it is different for everyone. My reason is not your reason. My life is not your life. I have my drama and you have yours. Some people will not understand other people's choices. So we can't really judge others based on what we know. We know nothing.

$ 0.02
3 months ago

This is sweeeeeeeet! Thank you for this, momma. We know nothing, actually and you hit that nail on the head there. We judge people based on how we expect them to act and it's wrong. We have different lives and that means we would make different choices.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

I wonder what caused the tears. It was simply an evaluation and she cried for no reason at all.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

She has a right to her emotions and because you wouldn't act that way and I wouldn't doesn't mean she is not entitled to it.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

This is really confusing but very emotional as well....I wouldn't argue with her decision. she alone practically knows why... but I'm sure a son to a mothers bond is far greater than that of a husband....good write up and a good lesson to cherish what you have and Express love.

$ 0.02
3 months ago

You are right, my friend. She alone understands why she did that because even me, I expected her to choose her son since she has had better days with her husband.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

That is the reality. She with her husband can still get another children and both of them has become another family entirely

$ 0.01
3 months ago

It's always a tough choice to make to decide between both and like you said, she made the best one for herself.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Omg. It's 5:13 am and here I am crying because of this reflective story. Thank you for this my friend. It really touched my heart and opened my heart more. I am glad I found someone who's there for me and willing to go forward with me. I always thanked God with it for he gave me a son also. Now, I have something to say and hold for my partner and we will surely hold each other tight no matter what situation it is. Sometimes I always chose my son over him coz I can't live without my son but now I understand how unfair I am to my partner. That is why thank my friedn for you opened my eyes with the reality.

$ 0.02
3 months ago

Yaaaaay...my friend. It feels so good to have you here and read from you. It means a lot. Glad you picked up something from the post too... Loyalty should go both ways and glad you found yourself an awesome man for a husband.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Hahaha but you made me in tears as I went back here 🀣 Anyway, actually everytime we talked, we always say to keep our son. And that we should both choose our son. He said it's oaky for both of us to suffer rather than our son. But yeah, we're both praying it won't happen though that we need choose. ☺️

$ 0.01
3 months ago

I am sorry I made you shed tears. I really pray you both won't be in that situation because it is never an easy choice to make.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

You are right my friend. It's terrifying. That's why I prayed hard for my families safety and that God may bless us.

Have a nice day my friend. πŸ€—

$ 0.00
3 months ago

God will keep your family safe, my friend. Stay blessed and safe.

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3 months ago

God bless you and your family also. Take care always ☺️

$ 0.00
3 months ago

Amen and you too. Thank you so much, my friend.

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3 months ago

If I were to make sense of his choice, I think he was just logical. I don't think such a choice would be made in an emotional context. If asked the same, I would choose my son without thinking. Because we've had enough, it's still small and a part of us. In the absence of us, I would have made an explanation that he would be the continuation of the family. Most of the time I defend the logical answers, but not the one here! The logic here seems a bit selfish to me.

$ 0.01
3 months ago

You can't call it selfish if you were not in her shoes and like I said earlier, it's easier to decide differently because we are all different. She could easily have argued you were disloyal either. Like I said, everyone would make the right decision for themselves and there is no right or wrong in it because we grow up differently and experienced life differently. She stood by her choice and that's all that matters, not what you and I think.

$ 0.00
3 months ago

I was really surprised that she chose her husband instead of her son. This reminds me of some movies I have seen where a woman is in labour and about to lose her life and the husband is asked to pick one of them to prioritize; either the wife or the baby

$ 0.01
3 months ago

Ah... I think I saw that movie too. It can never be an easy choice to make. I think he went with the wife. Trying to remember the movie as I typed this.

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3 months ago

Exactly, he picked the wife. He couldn't bear the thought of losing her

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3 months ago

Yeah...and some would say they would pick their child. Different strokes for different folks.

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3 months ago

A great thought provoking article, I thought she would choose the son, but she gave great reasoning for choosing her husband.

$ 0.02
3 months ago

No doubt, I was surprised too especially with the way mothers are with their children...

$ 0.00
3 months ago