Some things hit differently and the realization of it makes you re-evaluate and stick to what you feel is important to you. The heart feels differently too, so the way you'd think and do things won't necessarily be the way others would do those things so before we use our moral compass to judge others, it's better if we listen to them and make sense out of the reasons they give because we see things differently, feel things differently too.
There was this video I watched many years ago about a lecturer who was in a class and decided to test a married woman who was in his class. He asked for someone to volunteer and this married woman came forward. He gave her a marker and then asked her to list, in no particular order, 30 names of those who she feels are important to her and she did - husband, son, parents and even colleagues and neighbours. She felt good about herself not knowing the bombshell would come where she would have to make decisions in split seconds.
The lecturer asked her to reduce the list of 30 she wrote to 15 people and she was heartbroken. She made the hard choice and decided to reduce the list to 15. She was asked further to reduce the list to just 5 and as though she was deleting them from her life in real life, she was shedding those tears because it was real to her and she valued these people.
Painstakingly, she reduced them to just her husband, son, two parents and one more person. The shocking twist continued and she was told to reduce the list again to just 2. There was an obvious silence in the class that day and with shaking hands and tears filled face, she left just her husband and her son.
The lecturer looked around the class and he could feel the tension and fear on the faces of everyone and he told her to reduce the list to just one and that was when she broke down into tears. She was hesitant and almost said she wouldn't go on with it anymore but she was persuaded and told to continue. She cleaned the name of her son, leaving just her husband and everyone was shocked when they noticed this. Even the lecturer was puzzled but everyone was eager to know why she would do that rather than hold on to her son in case the husband decides to leave.
Even with tears rolling down her cheeks and with her dad countenance, she said she couldn't pick her parents because they have a life of theirs at least, when she left them, they still had each other. She further said she wouldn't pick her son also because he wouldn't be with her forever as he would go on to have a family of his own too but he chose his husband because he had been that ever-present figure in his life and when everyone walked out, he stayed and when everyone would walk out, he would still stay.
This made me understand that relationship's experience is different for everyone. Most people would question what if the husband leaves but only she could explain why she opted for her husband because she has seen how he had been with her. Never use other people's relationships as a gauge for yours. Draw strength from theirs but make sure you have your own experience and not import other people's drama into yours when it's unwarranted.
Loyalty is important in marriage and it's funny that even though you might not get what you showed sometimes, but at least satisfy your mind by rewarding loyalty and by being loyal too.
It doesn't mean her son isn't important to her or she loves him less but she understands how life works and she decided to look out for herself. This is why it is important not to pick your partner based on looks alone and the reason for picking your partner has to run deeper than what is obvious to many. There would be situations that would threaten your love for one another but never forget why you picked that person in the first place. You need to go for the character too because you wouldn't want anyone who would be hell-bent on abusing you emotionally and physically too.
Love needs constant attention and because you have gotten that heart doesn't mean you stop watering his or her plant (heart). Most people forget how to love the moment they have married. Maybe they see marriage as a goal rather than a daily effort to be better and improve.
A lot of people seek an escape route even before they tie the knots. There are so many insecurities flying around with people that wouldn't make them venture their heart fully based on terrible experiences of the past and as I said earlier, it's easier to judge others without understanding why they are the way they are. As humans, we need to be better for ourselves while also getting ready.
Being ready for a relationship means you have gotten to the point where you wouldn't allow your past to hinder your future. It's okay to feel sad with what you've been through before now but let your present reality and your future potential be a reminder that better days are nearby and of course, let the person you have decided to go into a relationship with, be a constant reminder that better days are ahead. Don't go for looks, go for someone with a good heart because only then can you explain your past to him or her and that person would be more than willing to help you banish the ghosts of the past.
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Thank you for your time.
Last year I didn't even have one name to put on this list. Sometimes a week would pass and no one would call me. Out of the few calls I received most were from people who want to borrow money.
But in my loneliness I found God. Why? - I asked God, why people forget the good things I did for them, but only call when they need something from me? God answered: when you needed something, you prayed and I gave. Did you remember me when you were happy? No, I forgot about God at all. I turned to God only when I needed.
Now I met the love of my life, and have a family at last. God gave me the biggest gift he/she can't ever have him-/herself - a spouse. But now every single day and hour I remember the blessings of God and am grateful for even smallest things in my life.
May you never be that alone till the point starting to lose sanity!