My Opinion About The Viral News of The Father Who Killed His Son.
I know sometimes realizing the real meaning of being in this world is not on our age or how long we already live in this world. It's not about our experiences or how we deal with things to know that is the meaning why we are here.
Last time, after making an article and after renewing some sponsorship, I suddenly noticed that I'm so afraid from the reality where sometimes there's the possibility where we can go up. Where things can teach us on how we grow up, or why we need to grow up According to that circumstances. I also realized, that **being a child** sometimes is better because just enjoying things and we just laughing as much as we want.
***But not all kids are lucky, do you guys seen the viral now? The father who killed his own child by hitting his head on the wall?***
After seeing the video and after the report said that the kid died already I feel so sad, I feel angry and I feel the hatred where sometimes I was avoiding.
They said, the father was taking a dr*gs and that's the reason how did he do that. I can't blame the father because maybe that thing was supposed to happened because the kid's time is not for now being here in this world.
As they said, **all things have reasons.**
However, that's not what all matters now. I wanna blame the father because he takes medicine that were not allowed and he do that to his own son. Before doing that, can't he just think about his son's life? Or about his son's presence? That kid was so young, I mean he was just a 4yearold kid to experience those brutal things. Now the kid was dead, is he feel devastated because of what happened?
And for those who's just watching, why no one helped the kid? For God sake! He was just a 4yearold boy! He has no idea about what's happening around the world so why people keep watching the father to that do his own child?
If the motorcycle guy didn't come and punch the father, no one will help the kid? Of the motorcycle guy didn't came, so the audience will just watched and will start posting it on social media? When the motorcycle guy arrived, and punch the father that's the only thing where the people who surrounded them gives help.
*Where's the humanity?*
It's so hard to see the kid suffered while the people are just watching, it's so hurt to see that no one was able to help the kid not until the motorcycle guy came. Why? ***Is it that hard to help someone who's in the edge of dead?***
I know everyone will going to react to this article of mine, but wait.. that's a kid. You can grab a knife and stab the father as a protection, *the kid died and no one is willing to help the kid not until the motorcycle guy came.*
Final Thoughts.
I really feel sorry for the kid because of what what happened to him, I wish he can meet the justice amd I'm wishing that he's at heaven now. I am triggered, I hate seeing someone brutally hitting who's so much Younger than them but the thing is it was a kid.
I hope, all the parents who's not taking care of their children surrender their child to the DSWD for the good intentions.
That's all from me now, I'm sorry for being inactive. I'm trying mybest not to but I'm in the middle of academy training right now.
Song Review: Shape Of My Heart By Backstreet Boys.
Hi! So I can't deny the fact that I am super inactive nowadays and I really hate it when I can't publish any article to this website and whenever I can't read some of them. I'm so sorry for being inactive, I'm trying my best not to but right now I have a online class academy at Sitel and that's the one that makes me more busier than ever.
So this article titled, "***Song Review: Shape Of My Heart By Backstreet Boys***." By the ay, I'm gonna renew some sponsorship and sorry for the late renewal.
There's a line on this song where it said, "**I'm looking back on things I've done. I never wanna play the same old part.**" I heard this line again last time and I remember all the sacrifices, sadness and loneliness that sometimes we feel. Yet, we are not perfect to make ourselves happy, we are not perfect to make someone happy, not even us.
When the line said, "***I'm looking back on things I've done.*****",** It was referring to movements that we done doing, it was referring to some moments where everything seems so wrong. Whatever happens before and now, sometimes it was the result of our madness decision where we didn't give enough time for ourselves to decide into the exact way that we really want. Sometimes, looking back to them is the only a path way for us to correct everything on the future.
*One of my teacher said, we can only make one decision if our entire life. But if you asked me what decision it was? I'll choose to become more positive. The only decision, and goal that i have is to stay positive even into the darkest day.*
So what is the reason why we keep looking back especially to the things we've done? I only realized the line when I met my partner. She told me that whenever that she took a glimpse from the past, she can feel that she regret about the things that she did, I even told myself that I also feel regret about what I've done just to make the things follow according to what I want. As you guys knew, I am a type of person where I lost myself because of one person before where I really regretting everything.
When the line said, "**I never wanna play the same old part.**", there's always part of us where we don't want to bring back especially the attitude or anything that destroy us way back before. there's a lot of things where we don't up to show up in the future because we want to abandoned it.
Final Thoughts.
By the way, I'm ending my article here. I just done my academia lesson and my back hurt, I noticed that I became so really inactive this last few days. Please owe me an apology for not visiting all of your articles.
A Dream: Away From Reality.
I already tell a story about this one on telegram group actually, the title was away from reality talaga since this is the second time that I experience the same scenario that I experienced when I was still a child.
*It's all started when I was still in laspiñas, I don't know what age I am here but I'm a kind of person who don't believe into paranormal things even if it was happening to me.*
I was just a kid back then when I first encounter the things that the kid shouldn't. I remember seeing some boy but his eye are pure black and he was really pale. I am from my auntie's funeral at my mother side during this time and I don't know what kind of element that kid is. I am so sleepy during that time when someone slapped me out of nowhere, when I opened my eyes, I saw the kid in front of me and he was going back at his place again. ***And all the paranormal things has already begun.***
After that ghost or element voy slapped me, I've got a high fever. At first, they brought me to the hospital since I always having a headache and yeah sickness didn't leave me eversince. The result was normal and my headache was super high so they didn't know what the reason is, not until when I'm all calmed down we went home already.
One of our tenants is a psychic or albularyo, they decided to talked to her since every night I am walking while sleeping and just staying at the big indian mango at the backyard, all I can remember is someone is calling my name repeatedly and nothing else.
When we moved at iloilo, I thought everything will be stop but I'm wrong. What happen is I can see ghost, I can sense them and I even have premonitions about death.
So last night, me and my partner's cousin were talking about the paranormal things that happened to him while he was still alone at my partner's boarding house. At first I was shock, since his experience and mine are not that far and what happened to him is always happening to me also especially when I have no one here at my partner's boarding house.
He also told me that my partner can sense something but all they was saying that it was "**Normal**.", I just laugh and said, "**Normal, but a paraNORMAL."**
So while me and my partner are sleeping, I dreamed about some kid who were smiling widely, he looks dirty and terrible. The scene have so many tall trees that looks like a forest, I can hear the bugs and the insects, what most creepy is his lips are not moving and he said, "*You guys were talking to me earlier.*" The voice was so cold, it was so cold like you can't sense if he was dead or he's not a ghost but an element.
I even dreamed that he was catching me while he was smiling widely and I am running away from him, after that I hear a voice saying my name I know that I am dreaming and I am trying to wake myself up but I can't, it so heavy. Afterwards, I hear that voice repeatedly called my name, I'm still dreaming that I'm in a forest and I can still see him smiling widely while following me and while someone is calling me.
I noticed myself that I stand up but I'm still sleeping, when I start noticing myself that I am standing, everything went black. The voice that were calling me were all gone, and that's the time where I opened my eyes. It creeps me out when I realized that I'm really standing. I lay down suddenly and pray that whoever it was, I hope they can rest in peace. And I even say, "**In the name of Jesus, you can't touch me**."
What do you guys think? Who's the kid and why he wants me to notice him? Why someone is calling my name and why I dreamed that way even if I'm not thinking about it. All I am thinking last night is food, yeah. Everytime that I wanna go to sleep I'm always thinking about the foods that I wanna eat so I was wondering why I suddenly dream about that away from reality but close enough to what we called paranormal things.
I hope this experience will end up, I hate sensing them. This sensitivity of mine was become widely eversince I came here.
Final thoughts
The end of month are coming! Let's aim for another goal for the next month.
Sleepless Nigh: A Itchy Body.
Last night me and my partner made a vegetable lumpia and I forgot what the english name of it sorry. Idk how much oil that she used but ate @Lhes recommended to use an olive oil since it was used by the people who have a health problems or issues.
I was thinking that maybe my body reacted to the wrapper where it was Cooked with a oil with, yes it was a wrapper only. I ate the only left lumpia earlier and my body didn't react, so maybe that was the reason why my body reacted.
I was moving around last night since I can't sleep. I felt like something is touching my body with a peak on it and it was itchy. I hug my partner and maybe she noticed that I can't sleep so she asked me if what's the problem and after I said it, she hugged me back. She's a sweet person hehe. *I miss her hug again.*
I don't know if it was the side effect of my pcos, because since I was diagnosed with pcos I can't no longer eat oily foods with a high insulin on it, my obgyne told me that I should avoid eating them and I need to eat more veggies and fruits. She told me that I should eat more healthy foods and yeah, this is the only time where I really agree on what she said.
And I have this problem where my body are not responding at the generic medicines, only at the brandy one. I don't know why but I have this issue for a long time already.
By the way, is there someone here who can easily forgot one person's face? I'm a type of person where I can totally forgot the one person's face and everything is become blurry to my memories. I can easily remember who they were whenever when I saw them but when it's not, everything was just blurred and I don't even know their faces.
I am planning not to publish today since I just got woke up but when I do that, I already lost 5 articles this month and my goal was only 3 articles, but sadly it's already 4.
I still want to sleep, my head feels dizzy and I still want to take a rest.
By the way, is there anyone who have pcos here also? I need recommendation if what food are they eating and how they can still eat friend foods. I'm allergic to seafood and I am afraid thag maybe when I eat fish, my body will be react. I want to buy a bangus fish and eat the tummy of it.
Hey, I have this funny moments where I am sleeping but ended up laughing. I was dreaming about langgonisa and a hot dog swinging their hips while I am singing "**Jumbo Hotdog kaya mo bato**."
(*Ps: jumbo hotdog is a filipino song where it was all about hotdogs.*)
I felt like I wrote a nonsense article again and being productive is not on my way Right now since my body was still itchy.
This article may not be long, and I'll just going to end this up here.
Final Thoughts
GOODNIGHT EVERYONE!
Lead image source: https://www.sleepfoundation.org/insomnia/what-causes-insomnia
A Teacher Who Acts Like A Student.
Before I start, I would like to say that, I didn't publish any article again last day and I just slept all day and all night, read articles afterwards and yeah. Welp, this article is a **birthday greeting** for one of my fav teacher when I reach my college level last last year.
To be honest, I am scared to transfer here at Baguio since I am new to this place and I don't know about my teacher or advisers/professor is. I am scared that maybe they are not like the professor that I have at my old school, I really admire all of my teacher when I reached my college level.
***Sadly, I don't have any time to say good bye to my old school but I am happy to experience the life where no one's bullied me for more than 2 years. I am also sad, since I can't no longer see them in person when there's a f2f comeback. I can't no longer laugh with my classmates, go somewhere with my friends, bonding with everyone, take a picture with them, and I can't no longer touch them and see them physically.***
I'm already at WVSU eversince 2018, it's all started when I reach my SHS, and as I said to my old old article, all of us met a teacher or a professor who acts like one of his student, and we all like it. So let's proceed to the main topic of this article!
***We all have this one teacher*** who were close to us and who were acting like one of a student, a teacher who will laugh with you and a teacher who will make a joke like they don't care if they are a teacher or a friend. ***We all have this one teacher*** who can understand how stubborn we is, how we take things not so serious. A teacher that have a background stories that no one knows, a teacher who will love to play with you, that will greet you all a best morning. And the one who will going to start their day with their unknown emotions.
Wayback at elementary, I have this one teacher of mine where I was still at Manila, she was so strict and basically all the old teacher hurting their student just to discipline them. At first I was so scared at her since I already knew that she hate someone who can't answer her simple question, but when I get to know her closely, she was a teacher who can give you sa guinely smile and who can give you a smile where you can say that it was perfect.
It's so good to have a teacher who can be so close to her or his students without favoritism even if the class are not still on face to face. I really admire this kind of advisers.
As we guys know, some authors here are also a teacher, and for me, *friendship is all matter*.
*Welp that's enough! I'll proceed to the greetings now.*
*Hi sir!*
*I told you that I'll make a blog that contain a greeting from one of your student and send you this link afterwards. This blog may not be great as it was but I know, you'll appreciate this simple greetings from mine. I know being a teacher is hard, I've read enough about how hard to apply a time management when you have many things to do and many things to finish. So am I sir.*
*When I became a writer/author/blogger, that's the time where I understand how hard to life is when you know that you'll have the responsibilities where you can't depend on your parents anymore, actually I'm not depending on my parents many years ago, but soon as my age added.. that's where I realized it all. I really appreciate when you asked me about my operation, if how it was and how I am. You are the first teacher that asked me about my health condition during the interview for your subject.*
*Some of the students were stressed and depressed at their own home, so having a teacher who can make his or her students laugh is the best feeling and the best scenario that everyone could imagine.*
*We are glad that you are one of the best part that me and my classmate had wayback 2021, sadly they didn't give you any chance to be one of our subject teacher again. The most saddest part is this is the last year/months/weeks/days that you are still in the university at where I came from. Sooner, you'll be in a place where everything was still new and where you will meet this new people who will be part of your daily life.*
*Being one of your student is what I'm proud of, being one of a WVSU student is what I am proud of also. I'm not in Calinog anymore and I may not know how was my advisers, classmates and friends doing and also I don't know how my family was.*
*There will be a life struggle where it will force us to bring us down but always remember that you have many people who loves you and who believes in you. Whenever I see your myday, I'm not sure if your stress or depressed or broken, but let's keep our head out even in the most stressful day. Maybe there are people who can't understand and who can't stay by ourside, but those people are the proof that we can stand alone without them. They are the proof that we can still fight with or without them.*
*And because it's your birthday, I wish you a great happy birthday and more birthday also a more blessings to come. Stay what you are and keep your students happy and also you sir. May you find the happiness to the path where you want to go. God is always with you, and also with your spirit. Amen (chereret.)*
**Final Thoughts**
ALSO HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO @Fyangzee24 ! Pasayahin mga pupils mo! Nawa'y happy ka sa lovelife mo sooner 💕 DON'T LET THE NEGATIVITY EAT YOUUUU. LOVE YOU AND STAY SAFE!
Ps: LutangNanamanAkongNagsulat. Chers
"Tiredness, Tiredness...please go away"
"***The reason they're trampling on you is because you don't have the courage to talk back***", this words was said by @mommykim to my last article. After she said those words, I realized that I was too scared to stand up and fight. That I was too scared to speak up, that I am too scared to talk back.
Eversince I was a kid, I don't have any courage to talked back to my parents not until I reached the age of 16, I learn how to fight back but it ended up that to the worst way. That's the first time where my father slapped me hard, where he said that he regretting that my mother gave birth to me. *Those words were still echoing to my head whenever that I don't feel okay.*
The reason why I fight back, it's because they were forcing me to give all I can just to bring back the scholarship that I didn't give attention and just let it to be gone when my grades become low. *It's my fault*, yes.
**At the age of 10**, I'm already tired of all responsibilities that I am facing of even if I'm just a grade 4 student that time. I learn how to sell my family's business just to earn money every weekdays, and I used it whenever I need to pay something at school. **At the age of 10**, I already learned to wake up at 2am so that I can help them to finish the business that they were doing.
Those money that they were collecting, are just wasting at the playing cards or casino every afternoon, while me, I'm just inside the house and waiting for them to comeback because I have no one to talked to.
At that age, I was asking myself already if when I can feel the happiness that has no sadness, where is the happiness that will teach me to be me again.
*I already mentioned to my last article that I am selling buko juice before.*
**Every weekdays**, I was selling 30cups of buko juice where it was 10php (.1$) per cup but the commission was just 2php ($.01). My parents let me to keep the money that I earnedbduring those times. I can earned 300php or 6$ that time where I saved it to my piggy bank and I'm not touching them.
To be honest, I know I have a huge responsibilities since they were old already. But I don't know why I am too tired to go on, I am too tired to tell myself that I still can go. I'm tored to speak, I'm tired to open up, I'm tired to say what I really feel. Everything makes me feel tired, even the simplest thing makes me feel tired.
***I feel like, I still have a huge responsibilities to go on and I still have a long road to go on. Even if I'm sleeping, I can't stop thinking about the future, I can't stop thinking about the possible things that I need to go through, if how I will continue to the next day, next week, next year, next decades. Or if I was still alive for the next decade, if where I will going to put all my strength for them not to drain.***
I have a peace of mind here at Baguio, but it was ruined when my father called last day, all the words that he saidnto me years ago, they keep coming back to my head like it was from last day and it's driving me insane. *I want to erase my existence*, that's all what I can say.
Trying to be happy is okay, not until, you will feel sad again because of a small things that keep rounding above your head, where the result is you will start asking yourself why this and that happened. It's all matter, we all knownthat everything is matter.
Final Thoughts
My insomia hit me hard last night and it makes me stay awake until 5am and I slept only for like 2hours because I woke up at 7am again. This head of mine was already spinning, and I am happy because I finished all of the house thingy here at my partner's place and I am thinking to sleep so soon not until I remembered that I still need to cut a paper for her hamster. Even if I just have 2 hrs of sleep, it's still enjoyable though.
So how's everyone? I can barely visit all of your articles, I still need to renew some sponsorship to my list later at night when the connection was a bit faster already.
By the way, I wanma say thankyou @Talecharm for the sponsorship! And also for those who renew their sponsorship to me, thankyou so much 💓
My Bad Morning With Upsetting Day.
I already rant this at telegram because I really have a bad day due of what happened and all I want is to chill my mood. But the thing is, due of my bad day, I also forgot the plastic strainer of my partner where I put it into a pan where I am boiling some two eggs and the side of it are already melting when I remember it.
So earlier today, I received a chat from my parents asking about what am I posting at facebook, I'm shock since I know I'm just sharing a meme regarding the things at whatever I can see there. He said that my auntie tell them that I am posting anything and I said ***that,"I'm just sharing, what's wrong with it?***."
My monthly period is right here and I'm mot doing better since I felt like my body were all tired, and I have this issue where everytime I have a monthly period, my lower abdomen to the right side were hurting bad so I'm just laying for a whole day and taking a rest. But since my partner were not here, I don't have a choice but to move myself. *Is it hurt? Yes it was*. But I left no choice since I need to endure this. My obgyne said, my body are still adjusting since I have one ovary left to me and it was the one who's cacthing everything.
So when I was sleeping again, I receive a phone call from my parent where they used the telephone to call me, my dad scolding me asking about the attitude the I have.
***Imagine, I was distracted by my sleeping due of their and got scolded by my parents, who else will not going to cry because of that upsetting event right? I suddenly feel that my tears will going to fall down and I start wiping them while holding my breath and listening to my father's cursed words.***
I can't imagine myself suffering from the same thing that I suffered before, I get too emotional all of sudden maybe it's because of my period or maybe I my sleep was just disrupted or maybe...I just got hurt when I here my father shouted.
I even here when my mother said, "**Breathe hon, let's her speak.**" And my father answered her, "**Kaya nasasanay anak mo kasi kinokonsenti mo**!.", he also shouted to my mother. I was too stunned to speak, my body were trembling bad and it's so hard to breathe earlier due of nervousness that I feel.
When my mother was turn to speak, when I hear her saying, "Hello?.", I just ended up the call without any words because I was trembling bad and I can't control what I feel. ftee I ended up the call, that's where I breath all my way in and ended up losing my consciousness because of being too nervous. I'm glad because I was laying down when that thing happened, I really feel how heavy my head was and how blurred my surroundings is.
And I start asking myself if I do something wrong, or if I even deserve this? My anxiety was kinda triggered because of what happened. I was wondering and left speechless about everything. It was already a months since the last day that I feel this, it's been a months already since I last trembled like this. They always like that, acting up like they asked me first but they didn't, they will act up according to what they think and what they know that it's correct for them. *I'm so enough for this, I can't believe this anymore*.
I'm already here at Baguio, but why? Why they are still trying to destroy and to put me down? They're my parents and supposed to be they are listened about what I'm saying, right? They supposed to be listening to what I'm talking about. But no, they are acting according to their will. For them, I'm just a useless daughter that was raised by my own parents.
I know this one is not correct way of thinking, I'm sorry. I may just be upset because of what happened.
Final Thoughts
I'm sorry about this rant, it was just hard for me to think that he's my father, but he didn't listen to me first before saying random words. It's broke me.
When A Promise Turns Into Sorry: Midterm Day.
So before this one start, this article is related to one of @Fyangzee24 's fictional article, I already forgot what title it is but it was about promises. I like to bring back my old schedule where am I publishing afternoon and not evening. I'm kinda active by reading some articles today but I need more time to finish them all. My screen was keep loading on loading and sometimes its not even loading.
By the way, I dont know what will his topic end up but I wanna type and type and type since I don't have any idea like what kind of article I want to write this day or whatsoever.
Sometimes **promises are meant to be broken**, some of them are already fulfilled and some are not. Do you ever asked sometimes why there are promises turns into sorry? Example to someone you love who promised that she or he will bring you something or will provide something to the relationship that you both have.
You will feel hurt right?, then that's the time where you'll start asking yourself where did everything go wrong at the same moment of the time right?.
When someone promised that ***they will not leave you but did they***, did you asked for your worth? Even hearing a single word from them that can hurt our feelings, that one were affecting us like how things were hitting us.
I remember when one of my friend have a baptismal for her daughter, I asked my parents if they will going to let me go at her place despite of pandemic, they answered me a "**Yes**" where I also believe on it. I also asked them if they will gonna keep their promise and they answered "**Yes**" again. Ofcourse, as a long term friend of her I told her that my parents both agreed. But when the day of the baptismal are already near, my parents both change their mind and instead of letting me, they revoked their promise and told me that I'm not allowed to go.
Ofcourse, I don't know how to say it to my friend because she might get angry since she was expecting me to come. I'm a person to who don't know how to explain a thing especially when I made a promise.
I was amgry that time, I want to yell at my parents because they were always like that whenever I want to go somewhere or I have a school practice. Even if there's a permission, they want tthat the teacher will the one who will talk to them.
So because of what happened, I lost my trust to my parents about asking them if I can go out or go somewhere, there are times where I'm going outside without their permission. I hate it when I need to go especially to my school practice but still they will not going to allow me.
That happened many times already when I'm still at Iloilo, and I hate to admit it that sometimes they were too much already.
So I still have 8 pending movies left that I need to watch and make an essay for them. I'm already done with the 2 and their essay was already ready and I just need to write them down, I'm too lazy to do my task since I need to make an article and the internet was slow. I have no idea what I need to do with my life anymore.
Final Thoughts
I have a 2 days absent now here at readcash, I can't complete my whole month with mo absent. Hehe
So I know I have so many absence where I can't visit all of your article but I am trying to do it using the sponsorships that I was renewing. I am so happy when you guys are still supporting me despite of my absences 💓
Thankyou so much ate @Adrielle1214 for the sponsorship renewal and also for the other sponsors, Thank you so much!
A Busy Schedule So Let's Do A Question Diary PART 15
Since I have too many unfinished task, I'm going to write a question diary first hehe. This is a part 15 where I am done with 1-150 questions of it, now let's start.
What is one thing you take with you everywhere?
Phoneee. I always have my phone with me whenever I am going everywhere. Except if I'm taking a bath. I am afraid to lose my phone since the money that I used here is from also here from readcash. That's my earnings for like 2 months.
I buy Infinix Hot 10 Lite from the Shoppe Mall last September 28, last year. Before that, I have my Iphone6 where that's already a 3 years old that time to me but it's still here. The problem is, the resdcash website are not available anymore to it's safari and maybe because of the old version of it. And this phone was good, this one was smooth but the problem is, my phone have a slow internet connection here at my partner's place.
Would you like to live in a different decade?
This one was **YES**. I want to live for the year 2090 or higher than that. Maybe for the year 3001. I want to see how's everything went to that decade, I mean that was a hundread of years and a many decades to go, no one around from all of us here are still alive during that time.
I want to see how the earth revolving, maybe if I'm still alive or if I was still alive but living in a different body, I wish I still can remember how this life of mind goes. *Who doesn't*? Everyone of us were wishing to see our past life and how we did before.
What are things you want to learn?
There are many things that I still want to learn, I'm still learning and growing. All of us are still learning, everybody were still growing. Even if the people who already at their nineties or eighties are still learning, we all continue to grow because the world is revolving.
We can't learn to the things faster, someone we used on how the past works and that one is always matter to us. When I moved here to Baguio, I have a food restriction where I didn't have when I'm still at Iloilo. But I'm still thankful because ny oartner got a long patience and she just doing it for my health, so I'm not wishing and hoping for anything.
What is the first movie that made you cry?
***A Letters To God***. This movie is about a kid who have a brain cancer and still fighting to his life, he also want to live his life a happiest life even if the people who surrounds him are all negative because of what he's going through. He is the kid who write a letter to God every day and giving it to the mail man, the mail man don't have any beliefs to God but because of that letter, he gained his trust again to the God.
This ketter taught me that I should be thankful because I live, rhis story was based on a real events and I was recommending this to everyone who's losing faith about their life already.
So I have this rant.
Tomorrow is my midterm and my teacher add a new tasks where everyone of us are still finishing the last task that he gave, he want everyone to watch a 10 movies and make an essay about their characters on how that character tribute something for the movie.
This one were driving me insane since I'm using Data only where every 3 days I'm asking for a load, I already wasted a lot of load huhu. *Donate some please hehe.*
By the way, I'll ended up this article here, sorry for my absence! I'll do my module first and I'll be focusing here after everything. Godbless everyone 💕
What's Happening To Me Now?
What you can see above is the picture that I take while I'm at the 3rd floor so that I can find some signal. I need to go up to the roadside sometimes for that, but tonight, I plan to stay here and look above where I can clearly saw the clouds with the moon on it.
It's been 3 weeks.
It's been 3 weeks since I got here to Baguio, at my partner place. I'm so thankful for some moments because I can feel the ease of mind that I am looking for. Whenever that I'm at the outside, I can see how friendly the people here. They always smiling to you and greeted you like they already know you for a long time. The people here at my partner's place are not like someone who will keep asking you about where you from or what is the reason why you move here. I still have no friends here since I am a new person to this area.
I even able to laugh with no worries because of my partner love teasing me whenever that she eating food which is not allowed to me, sometimes I feel like an idiot whenever she was saying that, "**Pst, did you know that this was yummy? Oh sorry I forgot you can't eat something like this.**"I was just taking a long breath in and out just to maintain my patience. But even if she's like that, sometimes she will bring food to home and start teasing me again.
*See? She loves teasing with foods that I'm can't take*.
But enough of this, I'm writing up to share the peace of mind that I am experiencing now.
Until now, I'm still looking for a job where I can work. I try to apply at ***TaskUs La Union*** but I failed the Logic assessment. *Sis, I'm not good at logic. That's where I am mostly looks like a fool.* I also applied at Sitel, they said that I'm up into their academy and they will just going to text me but lol, it's already 1 week I still didn't receive any text messages from them. *Ghoster lang?* Hehe.
I just noticed that Sitel and Inspiro are quite the same, I passed the Initial Interview at Inspiro but I didn't get a call again for a final interview which is I knew that I was not capable of. They need to be frank, instead of telling someone that they passed even if they didn't. Also, I didn't write any article from last day because I took a day off since I feel devastated but a little bit. And my internet were acting up maybe due the rain where it cause so much internet slow connection. Where I don't really have an internet connection even if I try to go up
I have no plan to published an article today, my body feels heavy because of my monthly period and I'm not on the mood to continue the things that I am doing now. I want to eat something that can make my stomach hot because I feels like I'm upset, or maybe it's just because of my hormones. I'm happy that I'm already finish to my 3 months ***Althea pills*** or one of a birth control pills for a hormonal imbalance.
Also, It's a waste if I didn't publish any article. It's good that the BCH was kinda low and I am thinking if I can reach my goal of maybe I can't. I have a goal for 1BCH like it's akready 2 years (*2020-2022*) but I still didn't manage to claim it since I always spending my money to the things that I need.
***It's only me who support myself. I'm happy because my partner didn't ask me to pay a rent for her boarding house but I'm planning to tell her that I want to pay the half of it when her cousin is gone. Plus, she was kind enough to accept me here and even she's the one who were providing everything for me.***
And also, I'm earning wnough money here at RC and I'm happy to it so that I can manage to spend q money for myself without asking my partner for it. I am kind of someone where I hate depending on others when it comes to money. All I want is to provide them myself and nothing more, I was also ashamed when I'm asking my oartner for something whenever that she's on her duty or on the outside.
**Okay so what's happening to me now?**
There's nothing serious about what is happening to me, I'm still looking for a job or any kind of job thay I can get here so that I can help my family and also I can help my partner. Plus, readcash feels like a full time job where you can spend your whole time reading articles and leaving a comment, share an opinion or even talk about something.
Final Thoughts
By the way, I only have 2 days before my midterm but I still didn't finish all modules that I need to submit online. Plus, I'm spending my while day sleeping now because My body feels so much heavy because of my monthly period. I hope that everyone is well, Godbless!
OGLU2022
<4/18/22>
A Memories Years Ago.
Years ago, when I was still in my junior highschool days, I already have a part time job at a college university next to my school. It was a small karinderya or a small cafeteria who was owned by the auntie's of a man who like me for like 2 years when I'm on my senior high wayalready.
*When you look at her, she looks like a strict woman and you'll never know that she had a pure heart.*
What I do there is I'm just washing plates or taking and handling every students order. During this time, I still don't have any oart time job at one of the hardware at my place. I'm at g10 already when I do a double part time job just to sustain my daily needs.
They were paying me 100php up to 150php or 2$ and 3$ each day, but sometimes they're not paying me and instead they just giving me some free foods where it's from their store and instead of putting it into garbage, they just giving it out for those who want to eat it. I'm always ashamed to accept what she's giving to me but what she doing is she taking my arm out and put it there. If there's an occasion, they always inviting me so that I can have free meal because every saturday and sunday I have no part time.
I'm already a boarder that time, I am living around my town where it was kinda close to my parent's house. I am paying 1k or 20$ to my first boarding house where there are the 4 of us and the room was kinda crowded. I'm not close to the boarders since they are a college students already and I'm just a junior high back then.
***To be honest, it's hard to live with especially when they were drinking and they make a lot of noise. I'm not a party person so I'm aginst going to a party or anything that contains alcoholic drinks.***
A Back Story.
When I reach 13, I already plan to moved out since I already have enough savings to get a condo and to live alone. If you guys didn't know, my family have a business called "Buko Juice." Where it contains just buko juice, water and sugar. There's no artifici flavor on it since *ambilis mapanis* if you conclude a milk.
I got an apartment where everything is concluded, the water bill, electricity and I just provide anything inside of the apartment. My parents agreed that i will not going to live with them anymore since I told them that I want to be independent. At first, ofcourse everything went well. Not until when I'm selling some buko juice at the market, when I got home someone's get inside and I forgot to lock my apartment before. I lost everything including my money and I can't do anything about it. My father is angry since it was a huge amount of money but what can we do? It's already gone.
See? I'm so reckless. And I will not deny that I'm a kind of person where I always lost my wallet or losing my money, that's why I want them to be inside of my coins.ph so that I'll just withdraw them if I need to.
Welp, I'm aware about my fault hehe.
Final Thoughts
By the way, I'm gonna end it here right now. I'm going to sleep so I'll publish this a kinda early schedule.
Take care everyone!
When I Was Saved From The Edge Of Death: Ovarian Cyst/Cancer.
I crossed to @FarmGirl 's article titled "Living... Aging... & Some Laws" where she said, "**Life Is Short**." *Indeed*. https://read.cash/@FarmGirl/living-aging-some-laws-b6127e3f
Her article reminds me of my survival when I was admitted to the hospital due of my ovarian cyst. Today, I wanna share my thoughts about when I was saved from the edge of death during those times.
Sorry for the grammatical error, I was sleepy right now and the time is 3:31am yet I can't sleep because I need to finish this article for tomorrow.
Today was friday, I have 5 days keft before my midterm, I take a rest day. I feel tired and idk why.
I was on my 9th grade when I figure out that there's something wrong to my body. I start gaining weight, even if I'm not eating. My period became delays and I still didn't go to a doctor that time and yes, I am aware that it was wrong.
And, ***that's where my battle start***.
When I'm done with my operation, my big brother told me to agree with biopsy so that they can figure out what is the result of my cyst, and the result was "**Malignant**.", I remember during the operation, I was still conscious that time and I'm not even sleepy. I feel like my energy was all recharge and I can hear all of them asking for the tools that they are using.
My obgyne suddenly said, "**Oh, this is gonna be complicated.**" And she asked the nurses if my parents are on the outside, she goes outside and asked a permission which is I didn't know what is it. After that, when she go inside, she look at me if I am awake and she said, "**Gyra, I'm gonna take away your left ovary okay?.**" At first, I want to disagree because I don't want to lose one of my ovary and I thought it was only the cyst that needs to remove. I was going to say "**No**." But I can't blurt out any words so I just nod my head as a "**no**."
I heard her cough and said, "**I can't do that, I already asked your parents and they agreed. Your left ovary can't handle any longer and it has a child already, whenever your cyst rapture, everything will be complicated**." After she said that I don't have any reason to say no so I just nodded as a yes. She took a deep breath and said, "**You're still young, why you already have this kind of sickness?.**"
And when the biopsy has released, I'm sad when I figure out that the result was malignant. But at the same time I am thankful because I am alive. But the thing is, recovering is kinda struggling than what I'm expecting hehe. Until now I can feel the inside of my tummy xd
That time, I just realized that life was really too short. I didn't pay attention to my health before and that was the results of my wrong doings, where I really regret everything. I didn't even know that life is really important, and I'm slowly killing my own self just to satisfy my happiness.
I'm just doing it because of *bullying*, *the feeling of being unloved,* *those offended jokes who was said by my classmate and teacher were really affecting me*.
The reason why I became too quiet and why I'm choosing the people who's wants to become part of my life, it's because I hate someone who will bring me down, who will judge me, the people who just need me whenever they need answers to their quizzes. *To be honest*, ***you guys love saying offended jokes and insulting words without being aware that someone is being affected by that***.
If I will ask a question, *is that making you guys happy*? Then sorry but not sorry. All I can say is, when you love to offend and to insult someone, *****you don't deserve to be human*****.
For those who loves to hurt someone's heart, *****you don't deserve to be part of their life.*****
However, I am thankful because of my partner I was saved. If ever she didn't force me to undergo with the operation, maybe I'm no longer into this world since I know that my body was already against with this life of mine. And I am thankful for those people who choose to support me when I got hospitalized, everything was not easy.
I thought, I was going to die early just like what I am wishing for but I'm wrong. I even realized that life is important and I'm wrong to choose death than being alive.
Final Thoughts
Sometimes, we often wish for something that we may not. Like dying early or giving up into this world, but as for my experience. I have this experience where I realize how important the life is and how important everything is. I love how I live right now, I love how I see myself returning to the happy version of me. If ever I go back to the gloomy me, I swear that I'll be back there stronger than those old past days.
By the way, black friday everyone! Black friday everyone! Have a essential day.
"One Moment In Life: I Don't Deserve This."
**Disclaimer**: before we start, I would like to say that this is a fictional story and none of this were on a true life. But the scene were based on a true story where everyone can't deny the fact that they experience this also. So feel free to share your opinion!
This story contains suicide thought, this is for those people who took their life while trying their best but still no one appreciate it.
Title: **One Moment In Life.**
©️OfficialGamboaLikeUs2022.
"***You should know why we agree to have you, so follow and listen to what we said before I make up my mind to throw you away*****."** I just took a deep breath remembering what my father said before going out from the house. I was wondering why he said that to me and why he wanted to throw me out, *I'm not their favorite daughter after all.*
"**Carley? Are you listening?**"
"***How come you've come this far?! I already said that let your sister to be the top of your university but you still steal the top from her! How dare you?!***", yeah, I didn't mean to steal her university top 1.
"**CARLEY**!". I suddenly stand up when my professor shout my name, I was occupied by the memories earlier and last day about what happened. I mean, this is always happening to me. And I only have one friend who's by my side all the time, how come I can't take this all away? I still have one person on me.
"**I'm so sorry miss, I wasn't listenin**g.", I said while sitting dow again. My professor took a deep sigh, "**If you're not feeling well, just excuse even for oke day okay? Stop pressuring yourself. Okay class dismissed**." I chase her and also give thanks to her when she's out of the room, I'm lucky to have a teacher like her who can understand the situation that she's not aware of.
"**Carley are you okay? Looks like you're not in yourself earlier**.", Darling said. Darling was my only friend eversince we were still on elementary. She's the one who's listening to me always, and she knows about my life, about me.
"**Yes, I'm just s--**"
"**Look where you going bch**.", I suddenly look at the side where I bumped into someone. It was my twin sister.
My twin sister have a pretty face, she got everything. She can dance, she can sing, she also can act, *everything*. I didn't say a word and I just grab Darling's hand so that we can get out from there.
"**Your twin sister is a somekind of devil.**", Darling said while rolling her eyes. I just smiled and didn't say any single words. I really understand what she means, it's not like she can't understand me. She hate my twin sister because my parent's were always listening to her. While me? I'm just nothing compared to her. *I can't even do a single thing*.
I have a scare on my cheeks, I get this when I save my sister from the accident when we were still 11. And this scar become a cursed where even my parents hated me, because they said I'm not beautiful and I look ugly.
"**Let's go Darling, I'm already starving**.", She look at me like she don't have a choice but to agree that she was too starving.
When we were on a cafeteria, I was hiding ny face since I was ashamed of it. "**Oh look who's here? Is that Carly's twin sister? I mean, her ugly twin sister**." And they all laugh. I was embarrassed, this was always happening to me but I am still embarrassed. I hate myself, I hate my face.
My whole morning and afternoon class ended, and I went home.
"**I told you to come early.**" My father calmly said, I suddenly felt all my nerves are nervous because of his tone. Something seems not right, *I want to run*. He suddenly look at me and grab my neck, I can't say a word. I was too stunt to say a word. "**How dare you to bump your sister?!, If I bump you with a car, are you be happy with that?**.", He said angrily. My tears starts flowing and I still can't speak. "**I will give you one minute to explain, go.**" He said and he let go of my neck.
"**F-father, I swear I di-didn't see her while I am w-walking. I didn't mean it**." I said while holding my breath not to burst out. If I burst out then everything will be on a bad condition.
"**You! Stop telling lies! I'm just walking with my friends earlier and you bumped me! You literally saw me before that**." My twin said while crying. I was shock, I know that in the end I can't defend myself since they're not listening to me.
When I look into my father's face, I can't explain how angry he was, how set up his face was. All my body trembled, I felt like something will happened and I'm not wrong. My father beat me up in the front of my sister, while I saw my sister grin and said whisper the word "*Deserve*."
*Do i really deserve this? I'm not, right?*
And because of that, I made up my mind. I sneak out the kitchen knife, and end up everything, leaving a note behind.
**What do you think was on the note that left behind?**
**Is it correct that Carley ender up her life because of what happened?**
**What can you say about her family? And her mother? Let's findout from your opinions!**
Final thoughts
So I made a story again after a month! I hope you guys enjoy this one. I know some of us experienced this kind of scenery where our parents are not listening to us. I'm so sorry about the ending, sending loves to everyone!
I Accidentally Throw Away The Module That I'm Done Answering.
So sometimes being *so lutang* makes me wanna cry. I'm regretting that when I was too focus at doing things and ended up misplaces to the papers and things that we human always using or we human always need.
This past few days, I was too focus on answering my module and do something stuffs like cleaning and look up to the hamster that was owned by my partner. I have a list paper here where I finish and unfinished everything that I don't need to do and I still to do. While I am busy at taking care at my partner's hamster where they are too cute to look at huhu. *I am planning to have a cat and her hamster will be my cat food.* Just kidding, she'll be angry if I do that.
**So let me share something regarding to my crazy situation where I forgot that I'm still not done computerize everything on my partner's laptop and ended up throwing some of them hehe.**
When our mind is occupied, we almost think or the easiest way to finish everything faster than we usually do. Actually, having a focus is kinda hard to me since hen someone distracted me I already losing my focus for a LONG PERIOD of time instead of a short period of it. So instead, when someone or something is distracting me, I often put my attention instead on what I'm doing than minding that thing that has been distracting me.
I didn't say that I was distracted by something, but kinda yes?
Plus, when I'm doing something, I can't avoid thinking to the way on how can I make an article and finish this day with a new article each. Time management is kinda hard and it's always been. Gladly I have too many spare time at night when my partner was already home. When she was asleep, I am the one who left awake and I can't even fall asleep at all so I'm just making an article so that I can publish every next day.
As you guys noticed, I've become so inactive to the point where I am rarely visiting all of your articles works. I can visit once or twice up to 5 user and 10 each day but I can't visit everybody, but even if I am thankful because you guys are so supportive and still keep commenting despite of my absences.
So today, I was doing my module when i noticed that the whole Unit 2 of it was missing. This module was done answering when I was still on Iloilo, because I'm planning t make it computerize when I came here to baguio, but yeah, sorry because I became so forgetful after my surgery and I can easily forget about thing.
I was confused if I misplace it but i suddenly remember that I throw them out last week when I'm still alone at her boarding house because her cousin go back to their place.
I was just caught off guard since unit 2 was kinda long and I need to repeat it again.
*Diba? mas pinahirapan ko sarli ko.*
Plus, I'm looking for a job where it was a office based, I am lucky because readcash is still here and guiding us to earn more and to have some extra money when we really need it.
So how's everyone? I can't keep my time longer staying here because of the activities and other stuffs that is waiting for me to do them, I hope everyone is doing well and doing their best everyday, i might be inactive but I'll be back more active soon when my school year is already finish.
Final Thoughts
Holy week na holy week pero sandamakmak kmi ng gawain, okay lang tanggap ko naman. Laban Secretary, ika nga HAHAHAHAH. welp, mas matrabaho parin pagiging secretary soon.
Tumawag sitel pero diko nasagot, ang busy ko sa pagtatype nakakaiyak huhu.
So I have some chika, may alam ba kayo na natanggap as chat moderator without experience? I need to find a job, maski homebased sana as long super legit sya mga guysu.
Why Self Respect Matters More Than Others and A Typhoon Update.
Each generations the fashion were upgrading into the new one and the old one was already ignored. **Fashion, trends, styles**...this are the things that always changing each decades or each year.
**Answering to the olders** with **respect** is also a must. Some o teenagers now-a-days don't know how to respect the olders since we all have our different looks and perspective in life, in other words sometimes we already forgot how to respect them from the moment that we were talking to them or we were noticed by them .
Some olders were saying, "**Can you stop wearing that/this?."** It's not because they can't follow to the fashion that we had right now, it is because sometimes we can't even control ourselves especially when there are moments where we saw the new trends on Facebook, TikTok, twitter or in other social platform while we are scrolling to our phones and social apps.
So before I start this article, I just want to make sure that this article is from what I am seeing and everything inside of this context is from my own opinion so please, *don't get triggered when you read something that can offend you.*
Whenever that we say self-respect, this is something that everyone whould have, not the teenagers only, not the kids but also the olders. Even if we denied it or not, most of olders always said, that the teenagers now-a-days or the kids have no respect. For me, they just earned how and when to give respect.
Also, I am a kind of person where I don't care about fashions and other things. So, even if I saw you wearing this and that, I will not judge you since that was your body and I love all fashions that is one of a trends right now, but the problem is some of teenagers were wearing them in a wrong way. I mean, there's a lot where they will wear something where they bo*bs or butt are already exposing, and some olders or middle age man can't help their self but to *pagpantasyahan* the others.
**About rape-victim**, whether you are fat or thin, wearing sexy or ordinary clothes, this kind of mindset have no options but to touch the person who's alone and who's with them. Their devil mindset can't help but to continue the things that they aren't allowed to do, and ended up killing that person.
Ofcourse, self respect is really a must because that's where the people will based on you especially the people who loves looking inside of a person.
**About Typhoon Update:**
I called my niece earlier and she said there's already a flood there and there's no electricity. The Jaluar dam was already opened and it caused a lot of flood in the lowest area of the province. I also check the news update about there and look this out:
I really feel sorry for those who were affected by the typhoon agaton, it's been already 9 years since the Typhoon quinta caused a flood at my hometown and 1 decades since the yolanda Hit the visayas region.
Last year, Typhoon Odette bring a huge disaster at visayas and here we are again at typhoon agaton.
I hope everyone who were affected by the typhoon are safe, keep safe everybody!
Final Thoughts
I was currently at the outside right now because the internet connection was so slow inside, and I love this fogs😭
It was raining here a lil bit but too cold to be here outside. By the way, I'll end up my article here. Godbless everyone!
10 Days Before Midterm: A Question and Answer Journal Diary Part 14.
Since I have too many modules that I need to answer right now, I'm gonna make some Question Diary part 14 where everyone can enjoy this one and where everyone can join when they don't have any topic left.
As you guys noticed, it's rare for me to visit all of your article, *at once.* Since I need to focus on finishing my module. But let do this Question Diary part 14!
I am doing a multi-task where I am typing this to my phone while typing to the laptop.
**So let's start! I want to finish this article early, time check it's 3:21am and the date is April 11, 2022.**
What is your relationship with technology?
My relationship with it? My phone is my partner whever that I am bored. Laptop is my oartner at doing module when I need to computerize them, I don't have any tablet here and I only have my phone while the laptop was to my partner. So I'm just borrowing it since she's not using it anymore. She also have a smart box here where she watch netflix when she's not busy but it's rare to see her watch horror scenes. I don't know about the other technologies and that is the one that I can share with you guys.
What are you most grateful for in life?
That I am still alive until now. My family both sides was prone to cancer, my two auntie to my father's side died because of breast cancer while my aunt to my mother side died due of ovarian cancer. And now, the cousin of my dad was suffering from breast cancer again.
The one that I heritage was the ovarian cancer from my mother side, if my partner didn't force me to undergo operation then I am dead by now. That's why I'm not regretting any of food restrictions that she was doing to me because I know it's for my health. My obgyne already told me that I need to be vegetarian until my period came back to it's normal cycle all the time and I need to avoid gain weight again.
***But munching and munching is nice 😭.***
Describe yourself positively in 10 worlds.
Cheerful
Always laughing
Love to eat
Facing up
Lovable
Trusted
Honest
Polite
Early bird
Always using po and opo.
I guess some of them are not positive words 🤣. Sorry HAHAHAAH, It's just making me feel happy and cute when I add them. Lovey'll!
What are your top priorities?
Right now, one of my top priorities were to find a job quickly as I can, I know finding a job will takes me more than a month or a weeks. But I am wishing that the luck will be on my side so that I can find some quickly.
I'm just enjoying finding a job and I am praying that I can find one soon while I am maintaining RC.
If someone is a callcenter here with a location here at Baguio, refer me please 🤣
What is the one thing you would change about your daily life?
Having a positive mind. I am a negative person where I used to. I just became positive when I came here at Baguio. She's a positive person who maybe I inherited it from her.
By the way, I have this creepy experience where I thought my partner's cousin was on her boarding house already while I am sleeping because I can here loud noise of paper where someone is changing the pages. I'm already awake that time so I'm not hallucinating or what, when I get up, I'm shock because I am alone and nobody was here at her boarding house.
I always experiencing this kind of event here, where I thought somebody was here even if I'm just alone. Welp, I'm not alone but those are not human.
**Final thoughts**
I'll end this here! Thank you so much for visiting my article. I'm so sorry for being inactive and unable to busy, I'm just doibg my pending module and later on I'll do my best to interact with you again guys!.
When You Failed, Don't Be Ever Feel Disappointed: A life lesson.
Failure is a part of our daily life. **Failure in love**, **failure in life**, **failure in work**, and sometimes we **fail** to our **plans.** But before that, what does the failure means to everyone? Is it something when someone rejected us? Or they didn't accept the application that we had when we're applying? Is it when they're looking for more than what our limitation is?
***But why we don't need to feel disappointed***? Of course, everyone of us are not the same person. There are people who's happy with their failures and they will try again until they succeed, and there are people who can't accept that they fail because they can do better than others.
When we failed, that's what we called a ****life lesson.****
***For me, whenever that I failed to reach something, instead of feeling disappointed I just do my best for the next thing that I will do. I will put my efforts there and here until I achieve them. What is the result of disappointment?***
It is that I will not able to grow if I can't accept that I fail this time, because there's always tomorrow and there's always an another day to celebrate our victory.
**The best sample is here on Read.cash**
If you're a newbie, we always expecting that we still don't have subscriber or we have 0 subscriber, you are expecting that you'll earn a lot into this platform but you have a difficulty to gain subscriber and to interact with them. Your only plan is to get rusty attention to gain some money without interaction.
Because of that you are disappointed and you're thinking to stop writing and find something instead. As a result, after a few months, you regret it that you didn't write here and you didn't earn something.
**Always remember that everything is working on hard-works and hardships. If you have a difficulty to interact with some users, change it. Nothing will happen if you remain something that you used to, once a user here said,** ***we all start at 0 subscriber.***
*****Everyone find it difficult to learn and earn and gain what they have right now*****, it's not just you, it's not just me but everyone on this platform. **If you're having a hard time** to understand how to write an article, then write a short story first or a life experience related so that you can make some. Stop thinking that you can't do this, you can't do that and you don't know how to it while you're active at playing online games and do random stuffs that cannot benefit your future or your wallet.
When I start here at read.cash, I also having a hard time to interact with everybody, l started at 0 subscriber, getting discriminate, or anything. I have no closest friends unlike now. That's because I changed my habits. I'm a user who used not to interact with everybody hehe. I just start interacting not so long ago, that's when I'm already a 6 months user here. See? *Life changes eh?*
Always remember that gaining life experience thru failure is the b est than nothing!
Final thoughts
I finished my first 14 units! I stil have another 14 u its and essays left. 10 days before the midterm, still need to study 🤣 djxhdjdjdj
By the way, sorry for the small amount of renewing sponsorship, I'll make it to the exact amount next time.
OGLU2022
APRIL 10.2022
The Pressure On My Tummy Makes Me Feel Weak: Hysterectomy Surgery.
So as you guys know, I've been operated months ago, like 10 months ago. Whenever I feel the pressure, my body were reacting and that's where I'll feel that I don't feel well. My body will rest up early, I'll find things heavy to finish, I can easily get tired and all I can feel is... there's a pressure inside of me where I can't easily get rid off.
This feeling is all started when I got my operation, it's easy to me to pit myself under pressure and I don't know why. Sometimes I want to understand everything but this one is stopping me for thst kind of thing, I felt like I have no enough energy for today to continue everything, to continue my day, to continue the rest of the time. I want something so comfortable, I want something that can make my tummy so comfortable.
Last night, I slept for like 4 hours and when I woke up, I still want to sleep. So I slept for like another 4 hours and when I woke up again, I know that I don't feel well. I even put my girdle back because of my tummy's pressure.
Whenever that I feel this way, all I want is to rest up and let the things flow for a moment it's because I really feel weak. I'm not even on the mood to say a word, or to say speak one word. I want this eyes of mine to rest up, my body to rest up. But nvm, I'm not even sure why I feel this way.
I really feel so weak today and even last day 🥲, I can't explain what kind of feeling that I feel. I just feel weak. I hate this feeling eversince that I got operated, *jusko mga ate yung tahi ko until now ang sakit sa loob.*
Everytime that I can feel this, it feels like there's a pressure inside of me where I don't want to feel anymore, something heavy, something that I can't explain. My body just feel weak, yes.
I just think that maybe this one is a side effect, since my left ovary was gone already and I have right ovary left. I can't even eat pork, or anything that has so many oil on it because of my PCOS. I can get allergies easily and acne whenever that I'm eating something oily, my obgyne even told me to avoid eating them and eat more veggies and fruits.
***I can't deny the fact that I envy those people who can eat what they want.***
A every little steps of mine.
There are times where I really feel weak, where the weakness and tiredness are driving me into the corner. There are times where the sadness and self insecurities are not leaving me, and there a times where my body can easily caught pressure than it was before.
I have a baby steps where am I trying to do my best to be good at anything, where I am trying to surpassed my limit, but it was all ended up like I was tired during that day and I don't feel well. Where I am just resting 24/7 without finishing every little things.
Everytime that tiredness or fatigue were dragging me into the corner, I want to tell my partner that I don't feel well, or I'm not feeling well, but yeah... it's just me who was afraid to voice everything?
I don't know why I'm thinking this way but, I'm afraid to voice out. I am afraid to tell her about what I feel, or what I really feel. Maybe because, I don't want to cause any headache to hee since I'm just *naninirahan lang dito.*
I'm not aware that everything will change when I undergo surgery, like I became moody, I can feel tiredness easily whenever that my tummy are not feeling well. Sometimes, I am asking myself if it's wrong that I undergo surgery, or I'm not? Because if I didn't, for sure right now I'm already *dead*.
My left ovary where the cyst is can't stand any longer, it was soon to be raptured when I scheduled myself to undergo surgery, my doctor said if it burst out then there's a high rate that I'll be positive of what they called **cancer** and I may not be able to be cured. I'm already aware about it, that the cancer can spread to my body, but still I didn't pay attention to it because all I was thinking is I want to leave this world behind where all of my heartache is present.
But then again, God didn't allowed me to take my own life or to be dead.
***Why everytime you want to ended up everything, something is coming up and that one is saving you again?***
By the way, as am I writing this I also doing my module, a multi-tasker yes. I still have 11 days before my midterm and I need to finish everything up. So I guess, I need to put more focus and more tension answering them starting now so that I can legally finished and send them through their email when the time comes.
Final Thoughts
I don't even know that my time management will be affected so bad. I still have many case digest to finish and I don't know why I have this kind of activity when I am taking a course of ***BS Office Administration***.
Some users here are from that course also and I know they already knew how hard to study to that subject since the major or main subject was gregg shortgand or what they called steno.
I Failed To My Assessment As Call Center: The Reason Why I'm Still Happy.
This past few days I felt like I am floating again, and again. I'm being so straight forward to my module, as the result, I'm not even sure if my answer were correct or my teacher will be angry.
So today, I'm going to sitel for their harver assessment, I'm not nervous and I feel nothing. Lol, I remember last year when I'm applying at one of the cc company at Iloilo, I just want to try how the interview works so I take a lot of them. Somehow, I managed to passed them until their final interview but the problem is, because it's just a trial, I didn't take their offer.
I felt like my asthma will attacked earlier when we go up walking. My poor body can't take it since I'm not used walking to a high hills and only at *patag. Lol,* I am thankful because I am a slow walker because my partner forgot her wallet and I have a chance to rest up when she told me that she'll be back. I can't even able to say a word earlier because I felt like I'm going to passed out when I spoke even a one letter.
She kept talking to me but I kept quiet, that time I know that my body can't take it any longer since for me it was too high already.But chereret, let me tell you guys how's my day went off HAHAHAHA.
So, I woke up at 6AM to do my module, I mean I set an alarm for 6am but I ended waking up at 6;45am. I feel sleepy and I felt like I don't have any enough sleep yet, after waking up, I already set my partner's laptop to start right away, and also I put some undistilled water to her coffee heater, that's the one that I'm using whenever that I'm taking a bat. And I start typing right away, the one that I am answering earlier was Ethics, it's all about pinoys and I can't think well. So instead, this is my answer on one of my activities:
This life of mine being a straight forward can get me into trouble, who wouldn't? Right?, I mean, my activity were asking for some feedback about how that things affect filipino life but I ended up telling those negative things about them.
Okay so after that I already pur the hot water to my timba and take a bath. Undertaking a bath, I already prepared, and by the way my partner come to me at sitel because I don't know it's location. When I got there, there's a lady asking if the one who go inside were applicants, trainees or even worker/agent. She giving people a small paper to write if they have someone to refer and I give some.
I'm still a noob since I don't have any experience at work, after taking a harver exam, they told me to wait, so I wait. I waited for like 3-4hours and they didn't let me know that the one who's handling me were taking a lunch and I should take too since it was free.
*I failed my first harver assessment and he told me that he will give me a class and after taking it for like 3 days, they will gonna give me a second chance to correct my wrong.*
I'm not even sure if I still have a chance or I need to apply for another one.
I'm even failed at **TaskUs**, but it's okay. There's no easy and we need to work hard always to achieve something.
Plus, I'm happy to this little steps of mine
**Okay so what's the reason why I'm still happy and contented?** It's because I gained experience where I also enjoy it. Passing things right away has no thrill. I can reapply and reapply until the time that I'll achieve it.
I have no time to be disappointed, just because I failed.
There's many reason why I failed, it's maybe this company was not for me and maybe I still need to improve myself more. I already expecting everything so I wasn't shock at all. Plus, I enjoy what I go through today.
I'm still willing to learn, and to practice everything. I don't want to give up easily just because of a one failure.
Final Thoughts,
for those who's having a hard time there, let's continue to fight!.
13 Days Before The Midterm: A Busy Schedule.
So I have 13 days keft before the midterm and I'm not sure what am I doing into my life lmao HAHAHAAHAH. I still have many things that I need to finish but I don't want to be inactive here at making article, plus I need the money that I earned here so that I still can get and buy what I want. *Oh what-a-life*.
Maybe some of you noticed that I just leaving a tip without comment or sometimes with a small comment. It's because I have no time to read them since I am doing my module, I am a user who loves leaving comment at the section where I can interact to users. I also renewing sponsorships only when I saw that there are some that will ended up now or later.
This scheduled of mine were killing mo to create a new article or maybe to leave the day without making a new one, the reason is I have too many things that I need to finished and it's not the only one. I have 48units one of my subject which is Ethics and that one is making my head spinning all over again. Due of the circumstances, my teacher told us to focus with him and stop doing random things.
***Lmao, we really have one teacher where they are so superior even if they're not the one who's giving us our main subject.***
So because of being too busy, I don't have a choice but to pick up random times to read and to publish, but everything is not going on it's own. I'm cleaning the house and doing house choirs at the same time, while I need to think what article will I'm going to make and what will I do next to answer my module. I still need to feed up the hamster, and wipe the floors. *This things making me so busy but I love doing it*, I'm enjoying cleaning and I have nothing wrong with it. Plus, I am spoiled with love from my partner so it doesn't matter hehe.
I tried to apply at Concentrix, they called me but they said they need atleast 6months experience at field or any kind of job where you can show a certificate. Sadly, readcash don't have any work certificate related about being a content writer. I wish they have one so we can use this as our job experience for being self employed. So what can I do? I'm still looking for some call center who accepting agents or clients without work experience.
I want to have a job before this month ends or the job where I can start up next month, but still I can't find some related to it. Some of call center were looking for atleast 6months job experience so I guess this one will gonna be tough for me to find one.
I am planning where I'll be applying for to get my first job experience, but it's kind tough to find some. (*Lol, after typing this sitel called me to said that I have an appointment tomorrow at their site.)* That was kinda exciting though I can go anywhere that I like when my partner is on her duty. But the problem is, I'm still not familiar at this place and I guess I need more time to adjust about this place. I asked her earlier if I can go elsewhere but the problem is, I'm not even sure where am I going hehe.
I wish I have a friend before going here pr someone I know for a long time so that they can travel me everywhere. Hehe
Final Thoughts
Final to finale HAHAHAHA sorry diko alam gagawin ko.
I Keep Dreaming The Same woman.
So eversince I was a child, I can sense my surroundings already and there are times where I can see what human eye can't see. I am from laspiñas metro manila and I moved out to Iloilo when I was 6, to the firdt moment that I laid my eyes to my aunt place, I feel something strange where thebinner me can't explain.
But my afternoon went well that time and there's nothing happened, I just continued having a good life and a good day when I first came there.
*But when the night was already there, that's the first and weirdest thing where everything began.*
I wa sitting at my aunt little store when I suddenly look at the window where you can see the inside of the house. At first, I didn't pay attention to it since I didn't see anything. But when I look to it at the second time, I saw a woman who's looking at me. She has no expression, her eyes were black and she looks really pale. I really see her face. And guess what happened?
I can't move my body, I was too stunned to move, too stunned to speak. That the first time that I really feel scared, that I feel the fears inside of me.
My aunt partner approaches me and asked me if I want to go inside, that's the time where I moved my body all of sudden. I just said yes and she came with me. And I didn't see that woman after that night.
I thought, it will never be happened again but when I'm already at my 3rd grade, I saw her again. But this time she was floating. My father asked me to get the blanket at the back of the house and when I got it, I suddenly see her in front of me floating. Her dress were full of bloods and her emotion was still nothing and her eyes were all black. I can't move, i really can't move. I feel the fear again inside of me where it's already gone for a year. *The feeling of something is sucking your soul*, that's what it feels like.
I am close to the soul who's owned my the dead ones, I don't know why but most of the time I can sense them or else they are alleariyto my dreams and asking for help.
So this past few days something weird is going on at my surrounding, first I have a nightmare where there's a woman crying and asking why did I leave her, she's angry and she's questioning me why did I leave to that place without telling her. *Is it weird?* For me it is. I mean, how come I'll dream about her if in the first place I'm not even sure if who she is.
*Yes. I don't know her and I don't really know what she wanted and why she keep appearing to my dreams.*
**The second one**, is I dreamt about her again and she's staring at me. I saw sadness on her emotionless face and it's kinda hurt me for the reason that I'm not sure. I can't imagine how heavy I feel when I woke up, like there's some question in my head asking if who she was and why she need me.
There's a heaviness in my heart where I can't deny that it hurt me so much when I saw the sadness to her eyes even if she was emotionless. Maybe I know her for some reason, but yet I still can't remember her.
**The third dream is,** I told the telegram group about this one and I explain it to them. Iamarryandmerry told me to rebuke them by saying "***In jesus name.***" So what happened is I saw her that she's angry and she wanted to hurt me. The place was on my aunt place at Iloilo. So I try to avoid her as much as I want when I saw my grandma, she told me that, "**You don't need to be scared, she can't hurt you.**" And she hold my hand, that moment I feel that someone really grab my hand while I'm sleeping, but I'm alone that time at my partner's boarding house.
After that I dreamt to my uncle who's priest, he gave me his rosary and told me to pray. So I pray, "**Our father.**", But in ilonggo version. When I finished praying them, I suddenly woke up and I looked to my surroundings. I just signed and thanks the God because nothing happened while I'm sleeping.
*That was a scary experience though.*
So I didn't publish any article day!
I was absent for like 1 day, and I'll
Just try to be active hehe.
Father and Daughter: I Am A Daddy's Girl And I'm Worried About His Situation.
Since I have no enough time to make an article, I'll make this one instead where everyone can join. Just tag me so that I can read all of your article! And this article includes the story of my father who don't want to have a check up since his cough became worst at the same time.
What does the word 'courage' mean to you?
It's when we have enough strength to pursue our dreams, and to pursue everything that we wanted. We may have dreams where sometimes it was messed up or whatsoever but we still have ourselves where we are putting everything back to it's places.
For me, courage is what everyone have when we're in the middle of nowhere. There are times where courage will be the answer for us to go on and for us to fight. No matter how hard the life is, it's still there for us to remember that life is always here and courage is always there.
"*While we're alive, the courage was still inside.*"
**How do you make decisions?**
I'm making decisions by how people says a feedback to me. I am asking people about their feedback like how am I applying things and whatever the result I'm accepting it.
That's the only time where I'll make decisions that can be good to me or can cause good things to me.
Making decisions is sometimes hard for us right? We asking for the right thing to do and to the right plan that we need to. We keep reminding ourselves what if during this time we fail, or what if we can't do our best to make this decision possible as it was.
**Are you being the person you want to be?**
To be honest, yes. When I got to Baguio, the pain and the stress that I feel was lessen already. There are times where I can really laugh without having a sad thoughts, rather than laughing but deep inside I feel the sadness that I don't want to feel.
I'm a daddy's girl eversince I was a child, I am more closed to my father than to my mother because of my mother's attitude. My father were a hot head but I was not which is I was proud of lol.
Okay so let's go back to the topic, last night I called my niece because I have nothing to do. Little that I know my father's cough became worst yet he didn't tell me about it.
We all have this hard headed parents where we were telling them to get check-up but they are not listening. Looks like for them we're just jokingly around where making my head boil for some moment.
After figuring put about my father's situation, I immediately told him that I'll send some money for him to have a check-up and this is his respond.
**Me**: *get Check-up dad, I will send you 2k (40$). To the hospital so that you can have medicine, your cough was already too long and it should okay right now. Baka mamaya pneumonia o di kaya that's a Tuberculosis already.*
**Him**: *Thank you, okay I'll have my check up.*
**Him***: I am worried about you. You might run out of money but if you really want to send some then thank you. I have a bad cough last night and I didn't allow the doctor said that I need to have x-ray so I'm planning to have xray when you send me money.*
(**I was crying while typing this, I may be angry because of the attitude that they was showing to me weeks ago before I go here to Baguio but when it comes to my parents I am deadly worried. I am their only daughter at their side and my siblings have their own families so I'm not expecting them to help their dad since they don't have any contact to each other and they don't care about him anymore**.)
****And this is my response:****
**Me**: *Don't think about it cause I have an extra, think about your situation because you're old already. (By the way he is 79 already.) You can't ignore yourself because it might get worst and that's the time that you'll have check up, be alert early so that we can figure it out.*
I am aware about his situation months ago before I got here, I thought it was just a normal cough since it's all started at january this year but it stopped weeks before my flight. And days before my flight schedule, his cough came back and it became really worst.
Sometimes I was pissed off because of his attitude but I still love him as my father. Gladly that I saved enough money so that whenever that there's an emergency, I can send some right away. I can't stop asking myself if I am a bad child for them since maybe they think that I don't give a care at all, not to mentioned that I love them more than myself.
I may be have many rants about them or whatsoever it is but I love them, I really love them more than to the situation where I want to cut off everything. *I am their daughter after all, I can't abandoned them.*
**Final thoughts**
Do you think I became a bad daughter? Because I felt like that I am. I really feel bad about everything, I didn't do any wrong but it's that I just feel bad for not telling him to have a checkup early. Maybe because I don't have enough money that time and that's why.
April 4.2022
ArticleNo.4
Can You Answer The Question, "How can we change impossible things into possible?."
Glimpse of *the past*, glimpse of *the present*, glimpse of *the future*. There are many things that we took a glimpse, sometimes we also find a reason for that thing to go on, or to stop, or think, and especially when we nmeed to take a rest.
***Whenever that we took a glimpse on our past,*** we always can see how complicated the things are. We can always see how the things are made of and how they are applying yet complaining into minor and major thing that our life has been of.
**Whenever that we took a glimpse to our present,** we can't stop wondering if how will the things or how will the day will be finished wihout having a little bit of problem when it comes to life that we have. *Sometimes,* we may full of complaints, we may full of questions and we may fll of something that we kee wondering behind our mind and also that is referring to something behind our past.
***Whenever that we took a glimpse to our future***, there's a worry inside of ourselves where we can't stop wondering what if the thing will goes this way, or what if the things will go on the wrong way. *Who knows the future?* Only God knows what will happened to the future so it's okay if we feel worry at the same time of our life.
They said, every **sooner** can change into **finally,** but there are still a questions inside of our mind asking, "*how? that's so impossible.",* for sure if I spill this word, someone will pop out while saying, "**Who said things are impossible? Then make it possible."**
But the question is, "***How can we change impossible things into possible?",*** the question was too easy to ask and was too easy to give an answer right? But do you have a correct answer on how we can make all things possible without asking too much like if we will it difficulty or easy?
**I'm not denying the fact that I became so negative back to the things that I used to be. That I became so much negative to the things that I need to reconsider or what so ever it is.**
We all have our weakness, who doesn't? Maybe right now we feel so okay, we feel strong, we feel alright or whatever it is, but we don't know that maybe sooner or later we'll feel horrible again about the thing that can seen by the human eyes. *Can you understand what I'm saying?* I know some and most of us are on the same side where we can't help but to asked ourselves and to ask what we feel. We can't help but to make sure that things are still on its right way.
It's not wrong to feel horrible, Its not wromg to feel that we're not okay. We just need time sometimes so that we can adjust more and we can learn new things.
There are moments where we already lost our faith, where we already lost to the negative things and where we became so much weak that even the people who surrounds us can make us feel okay, but all we can feel is we feel nothing but a ***trash,*** where we still in a reality but our minds already lives in difficulty of times. We didn't wished for this, we didn't like this and we didn't ask for this. It's just the we feel nothing and we feel worthless.
When you have a ***dream,*** *but you don't know how to reach it, you'll start asking yourself like, "How can I make this possible?", "how can I reach my dreams?",*
**Let's start from the easy one,**
**Why do you have that dream?**
Maybe because you think you can fit for that dream of yours, or it's that what tyou really want to be. Like you want to be a fire fighter, someone ill asked you, "**why did you choose this job?**", you'll answer it like, "**Because I want to save people.**"
But the reality is, you just chooses that because you don't have any other choice but that only, or we can say, you choose that because you really committed.
Final Thoughts
I fall asleep while doing this article lol HAHAHAAH. So how's everyone? I hope you guys are doing great! Have a nice day!
My Daily Life: A Productive Day Of Mine Eversince I Came to Baguio.
Since I moved here, my connection is not good from the start and I am having a hard time to look for a connection that can fit to my phone. Maybe the problem was my phone already it's because was the same to his cousin who also livng on the same apartment of her. She told me that the sim "TNT" was slow here but I have slow internet connection on both simcards.
***But it gave me a reason to be productive than I was before.***
So I woke up everyday at around 6 or 7am in the morning, because my partner always want a cuddle around that time. Or I'm waking up on my own while she was sleeping peacefully.
Whenever I'm waking up, what I do is I go outside to have some fresh wind and to ease my mind. I go out to have a fresh of mind and also to have some sun stanning hehe idk what it was called pero para magpainit HAHAHAHA, sadly the sun shadow was also cold and I want a lil bit hotter of that. After that, I go inside and whenever that she's awake I'm hugging her and start cuddling AHAHAH skl *natatapos buong araw at oras ko sa lambingan madalas.*
Whenever that shes'gone to work, I start cleaning up the bed. put the things to it's order, brooming the floor and I start washing plates. Due of my internet problem, I can't check my readcash without going outsude so I don't have a choice but to stay outsde again for more than an hour to have a good internet connection. *****But today, I used her tape and put and put it in a higher place HAHAHAHA.*****
I feel sorry for the pocket wifi but it was april 2 now and I need to write up. I'm not lazy..I just need a good internet connection to go out through the day.
I remember when I first got here. ***Sorry I forgot to take a picture for documentary***, but when I go outside Imma take some so that I can sahre my first travel experience here at Baguio.
I was amazed how foggy the place was while I'm still inside of the bus. It's like that I can't deny that the Baguio have a beautiful scenery where you can see the houses at the high place of it. I was amazed on how high the mountain was, I was even ask my partner if there's a landslide going on here and she said there's none. But one time there's an accident at the mining area I guess where tha soil giveup and there's a miner below. I remember that Iwatch a news about landslide that killed a many miners below the soil and washed away alot of houses. I don't know if that it was so maybe?
When I was on the bus, I didn't able get a sleep not even once because I was busy looking outside. I was even amazed when I saw how big the Arena and the stadium was HAHAHAHA sorry.
***Okay, let's go back to the topic I'm getting away from it already.***
after making a short article, I'm checking the time and I start going outside again to take a nap. I can't move well when her cousin was on the same apartment because I am shy. I'm not used to it hehe.
So everyday, that as my daily routine, and I'm taking a nap for like 4-5 hours. I'm not a person who sleeps so much so Idk when was the first time that I slept for like that long time. Maybe, my body was looking for a enough time of rest since I can't rest well when I'm still at the house.
when I woke up. It's already 4 or 6pm so I'm taking a bath already and start brooming the tiles again lol HAHAAHHA.
Anyway, I'm not eating rice because it was a heavy meal and my stomach was upsetcwhenever that I am eating them. So what I do it I just ate bread and nothing more.
Final Thoughts:
That's how my daily day life was ended. It all start from the beginning and repeat the same pattern for like a week now. I am planning to apply at some work now bt I want to be ready for the interview since I wat to apply at a call center company.
This thing is a new adventure to me so i am hoping that I can find my luck here.
That's all for today! Thankyou for reading.!
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OffciailGamboaLikeUs2022
April 1. 2022
Monthly Income: March Record (130$) And Being Anxious Again.
So I became inactive but I am happy that I reached my goal which is 100$ per month. I accumulated the total of 130$ or 6500php and that's a huge one already. I don't know where I'm gonna input my total earnings so instead I write them off. (*Including the today's earning.*)
Well, I am happy to have this kind of earning at the month of march and I'll be more thankful because I reached my total goal which is 100$, I'm planning to each 200$ per month but I became inactive so this one will do and I am contented with this.
So enough of this first, because tonight, something happened which is I didn't expecting tho.
Last night, or we should say last last night, I talked to my step sister which is the 2nd oldest child at my mother's side. I asked her why she's angry with my mother and she opened up her side that she was just feel envy because I grow up with my mother, it's my thing to asked her since I am happy to know what the reason behind why she didn't try to find me and waited for my another stepsister which is the first oldest child of my mother find me.
**Everything became a puzzle, honestly**.
I can't stop thinking all day long why, and how did this end up like this. I mean, I already knew eversince I was a child that she was my big sister but my mother always telling me that she's not, she even told me not to go near to here, and the reason? *I don't know.*
That was the only time where I talked close to my step sister because we not talking to each other like we're so close or whatsoever it is. ***So why everything became a puzzle?*** I know that I'm not into right side to asked my mother why she denied that they were my siblings. Why my mother choose to let me grow up not knowing them or not even talking to them. I still remember everything, *this may be look like rant because yes this was.*
Tonight, too many question was appeared to my mind. I'm the person who used not to stay outside especially when it's called because it was easy for me to catch a cold. But it's not the reason for me to stay outside even if the atmosphere was cold. Maybe, I have too many questions regarding to what happened before. I'm really curious, I know curiosity kills a cat but I'm so damn curious to know the reasons why because a lot of questions was bugging me, the inside of me.
I can't stop thinking while I'm on the outside and letting the wind to catch over my emotions, *I'm too sad to cry* but full of curiosity why.
I don't know if it's wrong to be full of questions or whatsoever regarding to what happened before or it's just me.
What she said really bugging me, what she said was driving me into curiosity. I felt like there's something that was happened before and they didn't want me to know. She told me that my father was told them to stay away from me or not to go near me, maybe that's the reason why my mother choose to turn me away from them and instead she told me that she's not a sister of mine.
When everything becomes curious, I can feel the anxiousness inside me where I'm not comfortable and I don't feel good. I became too quiet and I don't want to talk, I'm just talking to myself earlier saying that, maybe there's a reason why this thing happened, that there's a huge lesson why they denied everything.
*That hurt me, that's really hurt me. Who said being a breadwinner as only child not knowing that you have a sibling was easy? Ofcourse they aren't. Not everything we see and not everything we knew became easy as it was. Sometimes it's become the reason why things breaking us over and over again. Especially when you have many questions where you can't answer all or them in on term or in one answer.*
**This curiosity turned me into feeling anxious.**
I am guilty, I am guilty for not finding out everything early but instead it took me 20 and almost 21 years to figure out that all of my life, I was wrong.
**I was anxious** to know the reason that what my mother tells or my father was all wrong.
**I was anxious** to figure out that everything happened before was driving me crazy as of now.
**I was anxious** to know that I was at fault...
*~~**I can't say no more, all I know is I'm anxious and I don't feel alright.**~~*
I don't like this feeling if mine, **I don't like how I feel sad, how I feel not okay, how I feel anxious, how I feel uncomfortable**. Everything around me was making me not feel so comfortable, maybe **if I have one wish left,** that is to figure out what really happened before. To figure out how this things ended up like this.
What's the beginning and what's the end, **if I have one wish left**, I want everything to go back to it's own place. It's not important if my existence may erase, or I'll still existing but into another version of me.
It's not important, I just want everything to go back to normal, where they can still undone their wrongdoings.
***Because in reality, I really feel guilty to know that I broke someone's family...due of my existence.***
Final Thoughts.
Sorry for this kind of article, I'm not just feel okay hehe.
Inactivity: The Reason Behind of Being So Inactive.
Lately, since I came here at Baguio I noticed how became inactive I am. My publishing hour like 4:30 in the afternoon is not followed already and I have my new publishing hours which is 6:30pm to 7pm. I can't even read all articles and I can't enjoy surfing here at RC. I am glad that I reach my goal before this month end and I'm contented with it. Yet, I need to be more active again like before.
The reasons why I became Inactive.
**Slow Internet Connection.**
Wayback to Iloilo, I used wifi to my phone to publish or to read articles and do stuffs using wifi also. I thought, my phone has a good connection here at my partner place so instead I didn't took back the pocket wifi that my friend borrowed even if she said that she'll give it back.
I'm really became inactive due of connection problem. The site that I am staying for is always kept loading for a long period of time and sometimes all I can see is "**Connection Lost**", or, "**You** **Don't Have Internet Connection**." Although, I'm trying my best to become active again but the internet are not partnering with me. I guess, my phone is the problem since my partner's phone was have a strength internet connection, while mine I have a super slow internet connection. Maybe my phone can't adjust that too well so I need to adjust more than my phone 🥲.
**I can't type too well.**
Due of connectivity problems, my phone can't adjust and maybe the network of this phone is not this good at my partner place. Whenever that I'm typing, this RC site shows a sign about "**Connectivity Problem**." And I can't save my article that I wrote here. So I need to adjust again to have a good internet connection through the day. It's not saving up so sometimes when I refresh the webpage, the thing that I wrote is disappearing and I can't even find that on my rc timeline.
***But the problem is, whenever that I'm watching to netflix my internet was good. But idk why when it comes to rc.***
I maybe inactive but I am still trying my best to be active, I can't read all articles and I'm just dropping sometimes and leave upvotes. That's why I am thankful to the users who kept commenting and who keep reading my article despite of ny absence. Thankyou so much.
So I have this lil problem of mine where I can't really bring back the old time of my publishing hour eversince I came here, some of you maybe noticed how became inactive I am while me I'm still trying my best to become active and do my things just like before yet it's hard for me since I guess my signal are still adjusting.
**Hi! So last day I didn't finish my questions diary article so let me allow to put them here:**
What is currently worrying you?
The day when I finished drinking althea. Whenever that I have ny period, I'm taking Althea. Reason? I need to took it for almost 3 months because I need to and that's what my doctor's prescribed me.
Whenever that I am stopping taking them, what happened is my blood flow is becoming strong. Sometimes I hate it already since my right abdomen was hurting so bad.
What brings you the most joy? How can you make time for it?
Whenever there's food 😭. Actually, I love eating but I'm a oerson who can easily feel my tummy full for like a minutes of eating and it makes me sad sometimes.
Except when I'm having my menstrual period, I became a bossy eater where I want to eat and eat and I can feel my tummy growl. Lol, maybe that's what my tummy was made of..feel hungry whenever that my period is here.
Final Thoughts
So how's everyone? Being inactive is kinda sucks right? I can't enjoy writing and reading at the same time due of my connectivity problem. It's unfair when in my partner's phone, the connection was strong but on ny phone it was weak. Maybe the connection hated me that much, char.
So this is not a long article again, hopefully my internet connection can get better so that I can do well again. Godbless everyone!
Let's Do a Question Diary Part 12: What's on your mind?
So before we start, I would like to say thank you to anyone who sponsored me, who renewed their sponsorship and for those who's supporting me. I know I'm not this active like before but I'm still trying my best so that I can keep my activeness alive.
So before we start. I have some today's chika, how to deal with untog ba? HAHAAHAH. I'm always nauuntog 24/7 without knowing whyyy, I mean, gladly I'm not nabubukulan ng malala pero even if how many times ko isipin na double deck tong kasama I always ended up na nauuntog. Natatawa nalang jowa ko, pero she keep reminding me naman na baka mauntog nanaman daw ako at hinay-hinay lang.
So stop with the chika, let's proceed na.
What's on your mind right now?
Bath HAHAAHAH. I want to take a bath already but I want to make my article first so that later I'm not into panic mode while finishing everything. I'm done eating. Washing dishes and also I'm done na magwalis.
So what's on my mind ba? Nothing. I've got nothing inside my head but to take a bath. I'm alone right now because my partner is on her work and her cousin is on his class, I always left alone when monday, wednesday and friday came. So what I'm doing is, that's the time where I'll move and move and move around to do house thingy since I'm not used to move around when someone is on the same place as mine.
**If I have other something on my mind, it's about to read some article since I just read 3 articles for today. My internet was not that good inside of my partner's boarding house so I need to come outside and start doing ny article and reading thingyy.**
When you wake up in the morning, how do you most want to feel?
Being too comfortable, actually when I'm still at my parent's place I always woking up uncomfortable because of my parents shouting voices or because of their loud sound outside of the house, it's never been peaceful just like now.
When I move out to their house, this is the first time where I feel comfortable at everything. I wish this worries of mine will be fade of forever even if I know that it can't be. Ofcourse, I know that there are still times where worries will eat me away and where my depression will be bad again.
When I don't feel alright at all, especially when my partner is at my side, all I do is keepinv my emotions calm and try not to burst out.
**But wait lol, there are one time where I really burst out and I just go outside to take a fresh wind. She's home already that time. She go outside also and noticed me, she asked my why I'm crying and what happened. Ehdehdhej, I hate crying when there's someone at my side so I just hold it back and try to say everything.**
*I don't even know how she can understand my whole situation and my whole emotion since my family was messed up but yet she can really understand it lol.*
What big changes do you want to make in your life?
Simple! I want to change the weak me into the stronger one. You guys knew how negative I am when things are approaching. I hate it and I literally don't like it, like how can you guys be so positive when the negative things was raging off?
I was amazed by the people who good at handling things like this. I mean, they were means a lot to someone who have a weak mind vecause they are full of positive energy where everyone can get.
**Final Thoughts.**
I'm more on question diary right now, soon I'll try to write a normal writings again. I'm just too busy lang rin kasi.
When Happiness and Sadness, Fighting Over Your Emotions.
*"What is sadness?", "What is happiness?".*
We, as human, we often ask ourselves like, "**Why am I sad**?.", "**Why I am feeling this way?**." or, we always said, "**This day was unbelievable, I am so happy."**, So the exacty question, oes this two emotion is fighting over your feelings? Is life sometimes makes you feel unbelievable? Makes you feel your worthy, and sometimes you aren't? We may build too many questions regarding of what our heart felt, regarding on how some shows their interaction towards you or towards other.
Deal with the question, "***Why is my emotions were fighting?, what for?.***" There are times where we feel really happy and there are times where we feel really sad, it's not that we wished or we want that, it's just that no matter how we tried to go on and to be okay, we always up ended up asking ourself if we really happy or if we feel sad.
Lol, I'm a kind of person where I really want to ask myself everytime if this day, I will be happy or I will be sad? Sometimes I ended up laughing to myself because I'm become a bossy type to my emotions lol.
*It's all above our head*. What do I mean about it? It's all alive inside of our head, he reality is they're just existing in our head. I know sometimes that the pain was made up by our minds and nothing more. That somtimes everything was just because of what we are thinking that's why we ended up in the situatin where sadness is eating us.
All of sudden my mind went blank HAHAHA oh sorry.
So instead, let me add this questions for Question Diary part 11, hope you enjoyed this!
What makes you unique?
Hmm, I think the right question is. What making us unique? We have our different possibilities qhen it comes for being unique, right?
Sometimes, we unique by the action that we showed off. We're unique by the movements that we do, we're unique by the attitude that we have towards other people and other person. But what makes us more unique? It's us.
For me, the only thing that making us unique is ourselves. The way on how we look to ourself without depending on someone.
Do you spend more time thinking ahead or reliving the past?
I have both, I have much time thinking about whatwill happened ahead of time and I have much time reliving the past and start thinking everything like mixing up.
Why am I like this? Maybe because I love thinking about the result of my doings? I mean, I'm trying to connect them, to connect everything like they used to be. I'm not against to the reason where am I supposed not to understand everything, lmao I didn't understand any bit of them so...
Do you wake up excited for the new possibilities of a new day?
Yes, especially when I feel the hug of my partner.
Wait, for those who were confused, let me tell you one thing, I'm not lesbian but a lesbian lover or femme. I don't know what is the correct term for it or whatsoever, but I'm not a lesbian po mga lods.
Nagkakagusto ako sa lesbian? Yes. Actually, sa lesbian lang talaga ako nagkakagusto, not sa girls, not sa boys, only lesbians lang.
So when you'll asked me when I started being like this, it's already since child. When I was still a kid I was molested and some of you knew that, so that time I became afraid to boys except to my father. But days went, that trauma of mine was fading away and it all started to change.
I started to love everyone who surrounds me and who gives support to me. It's started to change where I learn to trust boys again yet I can't love them HAHAHA sorry. I'm a lesbian lover so I'll stay what I was.
**Final thoughts**
Gusto ko ibalik yung 4:30 ko na publishing hour pero diko magawa jusko 🥲
Me and My Partner: And A Question Diary Part 10.
Me and my partner was LDR for like 1year and 1month, this is the first 5 days that I'm with her and everything was too good. She's sweet, she's the type of person who will kept asking me about the food that I want EACH day.
She'll asked me if I'm eating this, and that. She kept reminding me to eat my food and not to forget to take rest. I'm always resting lol, I'm just cleaning and doing some random stuffs and nothing more. Every morning, I woke up with her little movements where she was hugging me tightly and always want a cuddle. She looks like a 12 yearsold for me, she really looks like a kid.
Today, I wanna share the things that I really like about her and why I like that kind of attitude about her.
Because you guys are waiting for this article for the last 5 days so here we are. Let me share them now.
She's sweet and always looking for a cuddle.
*Masungit masyado sa chat to.* At first, I thought her attitude was like on what she is on a chat. But I'm wrong, she's sweet, caring and most of all she loves to cuddle.
I like her attitude where when she's done to her duty and got home at night, she'll suddenly go to my side and hug me. I love her eversince the day that I met her, I love the little things about her, I love how what kind of attitude that she was showing, I love how caring she is, all I can say is...
***She's lovable.***
I'm the kind of person who have a big problem about my family, I am a person who easily can adopt a negative energy from my surroundings, yet she's the person who shows positive vibes all the time.
Tbh, eversince that I'm with her, all I can notice is how noisy and how sweet she is. I can't help but to smile andaugh all the time that I'm with her.
I'm longer looking for her presence, her smile, her eyes, her scent, how she pissed me off and how she laugh whenever that my head hitting her deck due I'm not into double bed deck person.
When I first met her during my flight, I just laugh off because she looks like a kid but me and her have the same height which is I'm thankful for HAHAHAHA.
I thought she was a serious type person who used not to talk because she's always like that via call. But im wrong, she's a noisy type and you'll never know when she's serious because she's always joking around, I still love her by the way she is heheeh.
**By the way, since I am sleepy, let me finish this by adding some question diary part 10.**
Do you enjoy talking about yourself?
Uhm, someone who talked to me or me talking about me? It's both. Sometimes I enjoyed them and sometimes I'm not, I'm a person who loves being in public and ended but being a really public person. No, I often more silent when it comes to my life because I don't want others to compare me with someone they knew. I hate it HAHAAH.
My life is completely messed up because of my family and I don't want that to add up. If they want to judge me then they can do what they want by not asking me about something lol.
What are you most grateful for?
When someone tried to understand me despite of having a mess family and a messy mind. But what I am grateful most is when I flee from the surrounding who makes me feel worthless and makes me feel hurt.
And I am grateful also to my partner, I'm not gonna say the reason why. I'm grateful and also thankful for the same reason. That's what keeping my love fire on her.
Final Thoughts.
Hiii! So I'm visiting random artixles and trying to read some, my internet was not too good so sorry for my absence.!
Question Diary: The 9th Batch of Answering Questions.
We start making promise to ourselves when everything is become harder and harder each seconds, hurs or even days and years. We can't take back the words that our mouth was spitting yet we can change the future by the way of how we deal with things.
The promise of *****becoming better*****, the promise of *****becoming okay*****. The promise to ***feel great***, and the promise that we will feel ***less worry***.
We keep praying, hoping that the better days are coming, that the worries we have will have an ending. That the problems that we were going through have a limitation, going through with something is never been easy. Maybe sometimes we feel ease but ot of times worries is eating us and also our conciousness.
Does things make it clearer? Or make it more blurrier? Welp, out of this topic let's start answering now.
What are some things that make you feel nervous?
My family, they are the only things that making me feel nervous right now due of the circumstances where I know they can control me again because of what they want. I am afraid that the things can be tougher than I am imagining because of it.
I felt like I'm hiding from other people's judgement but it was a family of mine. It was bullshit to think that I supposed to feel comfortable with them but ended but being uncomfortable and all I feel is danger. I don't know what the reason is, but yeah maybe there's a reason behind.
What is something you would love to learn?
The reality, beyond reality. Get it or not? I just love learning then and Idk the reason. Nothing, learning about reality is something that we should know hehehe.
Why I love this because it was connected from the future. When everything was become messy this one is the one that will connect you from everything. So for this moment, you can understand them afterwards.
What is going right in your life?
What's going on in my life right now was kinda messy but the most chill one. *Di naman magulo diba*? What I mean is, my life right now is kinda confusing but at the same moment it was not.
I live in Baguio now at where my partner lives, I still didn't say thank you to her but honestly this decision was good so far. I have this peace of mind where I can sleep peacefully and think of things peacefully. When things are not into its places, what I do is go outside and start to look upward where I can see the skies and stars. It's not brighter as it was, but it was the most chilliest self time that I have.
What actions, if taken, would make you proud of yourself, regardless of the outcome?
*Cutting communication to my parents*, my peace of mind was too much whenever that I'm not talking to them. I feel kike I'm contented and I feel like I'm okay when I'm not talking to them, not until I start talking to them and make the things more complicated.
We can't avoid to have things complication, especially to the people who means to us. But what we can do is to try out best avoiding the most hardly way and make it nore easier regardless of the result.
What helps you slow down and feel more present?
My partner's presence, whenever that ny mind is messy, all I can do is to hug her and not letting my emotions see by her. At the end, everything is slowing down and I even breathing back and forth just to make myself more cleared.
I still remember when she's away from me, when I'm still in iloilo. Everytime that I'm not okay, everything is so messy and I can't take it slow down. There's a huge difference now and before and I am thankful for that.
Final Thoughts.
Omg, I have this problem with my monthly period. It feels heavy and I can't take it.
Parnag nangangatog buong katawan ko kada tumatayo ako, ang ngalwy pa sa katawan. Nakakaiyak.
I'm done renewing some kf the sponsorship, sorry kung late. Also thankyou po ateee @Bloghound for the sponsorship renewal, thankyou so much po talagaaa.
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