What I Realized Being Far Away From My Parents.
I'm always trying my best during the time that I am still living to tem, I try t understand everything and anthing accordin to my own understanding and idea, but not all the time I can figure out what's the best for veryone, and what's the best for me.
They knew that i'm nt that kkind of person where I usually do m sual things juust to make me happy, yet that one is insulting me already since I knew that all of the time they can't understand my side and they will never ever listening to me. I understand that they are my parents and ofcourse I am oblidged t listen to hem and to follow themm. But there ar times where II can't anage t understand something that is from them.
I have a huge expectation that everything will change when I'm not there, but instead I am wrong. I talked to my niece last day and I opened up to her about what I think and what's on my mind. She also told me that they have another issue at my famiy because my sister caught covid for the 3rd time already, ofcourse I know they will be feel stressed again because the source of my income was only my step sister on my father's side.
**There are few things that I realized when I got here to Baguio recenty, alllow me to share them.**
**Even if I'm away, everything wil not be change.**
I realized that no matter how we tried to understand everthing, we'll be end up stuck on one thing where we knew nothing will change. I'm trying my best to be okay on thhe things that im not supposed to think enough.
Do I have a wish? Yes, we all have a wish where w think it's better than oher things. My only wish is, I'm hoping one day that my parents will changed and their mind will be open just like what am I wishing for.
**They will not understand what I feel because their focus is only at their want.**
My niece told me this last niight when I talk to her. She said, no matter how I tried to talk and tel them at I really feel it's so rare that they will listen r they will gonna understand my feeling. I couldn't agree more because even before, they alawys like that already.
Wanna know the reason why? They ony focus on the past, I mean, for them the past is the reflection of what you are right now and a reflection f what you be in the future, That's how they look into you without having their own bsuiness because they will going to judge you easy related on the past that they already seen.
I am their daughter but what I can hear from the is the wrong doings of my step siblings years ago, it's hard for me t understand their intention since they always like that. e, all of the new geneation of the family was strugglng because of wrong doings that was happened before. It was so hard to understand them since that always telling other people a different story.
**They only believe on what they think is correct, than asking you first.**
They will not allow you to make a decision because hey think it was nothing and it was the worst decision ever. Idk what's on their mind but whenever that you sharing any of your ideas and plan, they will judging you all of sudden.
**imagine? having a parents who have ths kind of mindset.**
Lately, I hate explaining my side to them and I hate telling more thigs if I have a plan or whatever it is. It makes me tired tryng to explain my side and trying to understand their side too.
I am planning to take a rest for a while while gaining a peace of mind. That's all I'm planning right now. My head is spinning thinking about things that's happening right now, especially the attitude of my mother.
My nice who's in the same age of me tried to borrow a mone from them but they didn't give it. tbh, I a the one who feel insulted because of their doings.
**Final Thoughts.**
Naiinis ako kasi ayaw ko sa lahat yung sakim sa pera, 100 lang yun eh di na kalakihan tapos pagdadamutan pa. Sobrang higpit nila sa pera nakakaasar.
OfficaialGamboaLikeUs
March26.2022
A Filipino Mindset: Salary Expectations of Other People.
sometimes we just allowing someone to expect like we can achieve this kind of what they're imagining, or that kind of what they want.
I cross to the article of @Murakamii.7 where she said, "**As a family, everyone should take part in meeting the needs of the family.**", I couldn't agree more. i am more than 150% about what she said. I have this question to my head where I want to ask everyone, is there any mistake if all of your family members help each other to achieve their needs? why only one person is working to this kind of environmental thingy?
Everything that she said was correct, tbh my head was boiling anytime that I am talking with my mother. Why? It's because she kept asking the same question like when I am planning to have a work or when I am planning to get a job. *Oh gosh, I want a rest for a bit.*
Lmao, they even ask me earlier if I'm not sad here. I answer them honestly that I'm not because it's too quiet 😅. They told me to call them always when I'm not doing a thing.
Okay so as Filipino, we already knew what kind of sacrifices that the person do just to fulfill their family needs, just to give the family wants or just to provide them something regarding to what they want. We filipino, we already knew how spoiled and demanding one person was. Like, they will ask for something like this and will end up to something like we're not expecting.
**One of the example,** is when someone asked you to buy them an Iphone Pro Max but it cost too much and you only have enough salary every month, or week. Ofcourse, that person is already expecting you to buy as their requested but you ended up decline it because of having enough salary. *But take note*, you're working outside and that person lives at where you origin of. Ofcourse as person, we can already see what the results is. That's where they going to judge you like, "**Nagtatrabaho ka sa labas pero di mo maibigay kailangan ng pamilya mo.**", (*you're working outside but you can't give what your family needs.*)
**As a result,** we feel how insulting it was, right? We can feel that everything we're doing is not enough to maintain everything especially their needs. We ended up being depressed, being stressed. Or worst, some people is ending up their life because they feel useless.
And **another example is**, one of your friend knows that you're working outside, so they kept asking something for you especially the money. You just had enough because the salary was not too high, but they ended up telling that you changed, or worst you're not the people they knew before. **Insulting right?**
There are questions in our mind where it can't be fulfill by a simple answer, like asking yourself what will you do just to feel that everything was enough, and why do they feel like all of your sacrifices was nothing. Why they are acting like they already knew how hard your life is just to reach your qouta each day or anything that is related to your work.
This is what I feel when I'm still in my parent's place, I can't stop asking myself why I feel sad instead of feeling happy whenever that I'm with them. They are my family but I didn't even remember that I feel safe and comfortable inside the house, what I feel is being useless and nothing at the same time. I'm trying to understand everything, give what they want but ended up they take me for granted.
*Should I feel angry? Should I feel disappointed? Is it correct to feel that I'm not enough to them? That they are my family but they only want my pocket?*
Sometimes, I want to open up everything to them that what am I doing is also for them.
But most of the time, I can't think enough.
When I got here to Baguio, the way that I feel was kinda lessen but still I can feel stress and pressure. The reason? Too many HAHA.
**Final Thoughts**
I can't barely read all articles right now, my net was so slow and maybe my phone are still adjusting because I'm in a new place. Welp, I like my new place rn at where my partner is.
There too many users who's waiting for my love story after days of being with her 🥲 I'll try to write some when something came up to my mind 🤣.
I'm so sorry if I can visit your article late, it's just the net was too slow and it's not enough to load everything hehe.
I wanna say thankyou to @Carewind for renewing his sponsorship, thankyou so much lods!
OGLU2022
MARCH25.2022
3-23-22: A First Flight To Naia 3 Terminal and A Baguio Day One.
Before we start this article, I would like to say that I'm super sleepy. I fall asleep at 9pm and I woke up around 11pm and ended up being awake until 2am. When I did not fall asleep again, I already began to prepare. I'm begin being 50/50 thinking if I'm gonna bring backpack or shoulder back and ended up bring backpack, shoulder bag and a small bag.
Before that, I prepare everything that I needed and put it inside the bag. But honestly, not all the time the faith is allowing you to bring everything.
I bring my diary where the year was around 2018-2020 and a book called, "**The Book Of Yesterday**", but my niece borrowed it while we're still in a van and ended up not putting it back.
This day, I am so **lutang**, *literal na lutang.*
I didn't know that I have a motion sickness since I love traveling back and forth before. But right now, seems like my body don't want to cooperate with me. Lmao, I almost fell at the bus stairs because I feel dizzy after the flight.
But I fell, ofcourse. That 3 steps stairs didn't know how to adjust 🥲, that was almost embarassing if I'm in the front. Luckily I sit at the back and not in the front, or else I know I'm the one who'll become a clown at that time.
So I was kinda bangag since I didn't know that I have a sickness motion, welps. *Sounds terrible though*.
Plus, I want to vomit last day. I literally want to vomite because of what I feel. I want to take a rest but I still can't because the place was kinda far but it was far. It took us almost 5hours to go there but she took only 3hours before she got into Cubao.
**So how's my day last day and today?**
It all went well, I'm avoiding talking to my parents for a moments right now and I'm only chatting with my niece. If they call I'm answering their call and that's it, I want a peaceful mind as long as I'm already far from them, when I got to Baguio last day, my partner told me if I'm still okay to go at somewhere but nah. I have many energy left last day but I prefer to go home early because I want to take a bath.
She told me na para daw akong masungit, I also wanna laugh last day because my partner was too quiet when it comes to a call or video call but last day it was all different. She speaks too much and she's a vibing person.
*To be honest, allow me to share my expression.*
This is the first time where I saw a hige mountain in the front of my eyes. Yes, this is the first time where I was amazed by the nature like jow nature works to that they can look perfectly greenish. I already saw a forest in a far away, but not a mountain where the cars are driving. I was amazed, I was truly amazed.
I'm not feeling well eversince in the last 5 days, I feel like my body was tired and I don't know the reason is. When I got here last day, I already feel that I'm not feeling well but still I want to take a bath because for me I can't stay long without taking a bath hehe. Ngayon ko lang nafeel yung lamig 😅, kahapon sobrang naiinitan ako dahil narin ata sa hinaba ng byahe at baka nanibago ako.
Pero what can I say about Baguio ba? Maayos naman lahat. Natutuwa ako sa mga pine tree at medyo naging matawhay ang aking pagiisip.
*Matawhay* • is the ilonggo term of **mapayapa. (***I even called my niece to ask her if she knows the tagalog of matawhay HAHA sorry.***)**
I caught sneezy nose 5 days before my travel period, luckily I didn't caught a cough because it would be hard and I'm afraid that they'll ask about antigen or swab test if I have a mild symptoms.
By the way, I'll end up the article here. I am doing my modules and activities right now so that I can finish this earlier.
OfficialGamboaLikeUs
Tomorrow Is The Day: A Tavel Day and A Long Distance Relationship Meet-up.
**I'm nervous, I'm not scared, I'm excited, I'm happy.**
That's what I feel right now, all I know is I am excited to see the person who I love for more than a year now. Being in a ***long distance relationship*** needs a huge trust and there it is, both of us promised and tell each other that we're going to see each other soon but we did not expect to turn out this way.
Maybe this article is all about for you, it's because you're too special for me.
How it is happened?
**Months ago, I mean last year**. You saw how I struggled to my own family where I know I can't do nothing about it. You keep reminding me that I don't have any wrongs about this things because at first we both do our best and I didn't wish for this kind of family. You became a bestfriend type, a lovable partner, a parent and a guidance to me. You became the everything that I didn't expecting.
You knew how hard the life for me is. I kept pretending that I'm happy, I kept pretending that I'm okay. Not until you the one who noticed the sadness in my eyes which it shocked me the most.
**We're not the best couple, maybe we're not the best one. But you are the person who makes me feel that everything is find and everything is better day by day.**
Everyday, you force me to have my checkup so that we can make sure that I'm still okay. I still remember when I cried because of too much back pain due of my monthly period, *inili-ili mo pa ako* but you fall asleep all of sudden. I just smiled and laugh, remembering that you as my partner you always making me happy and smile all of the time.
**I'm not a kind of person who will show you my real emotion**, you know how secretive I am. But you're the most secretive that I am.
I feel guilty anytime that I am scolding you about the things what I noticed. You just kept saying sorry and promise me not to repeat it again, I can see how you changed habang tumatagal tayo.
****You become the most better person than the first time that I met you.****
You become the person who used to listen and to follow everytime that I am telling you to do that, and this. You became the person who shows how you deal with something you really want to, with someone who you really want to.
Each day you're upgrading, haha chars. Each day you become the better version of you where you ended up making sure that everything was fine, and everything was good. Aww, my heart is melting everytime that you explaining what you really feels.
You just open up once, you just open up about what you feel wheneve that I am quiet about what I really feel. We both stressed that time, but ended up listening to each other and emphasizing each other's feeling.
**Tomorrow is the day**, where I am going to leave this hometown of mine and go travel outside of my comfort zone.
**Tomorrow is the day**, where they said, my real journey will begin. I am excited at the same time I'm nervous. I know everything will not be the same as always just like what I used to.
New people, and new environment. Adjustment if needed, and I need to be stronger and I need to be confident enough to face new things. I know I beed a huge adjustment at everything, and it makes me feel kinda nervous to think about what my parents will say.
This time I don't need their help i want to stand with my own two feet. I feel like im becoming a independent woman just dor this, I know its hard and it wasn't easy to ba a independent woman but ill see what i can do and how far I'll go.
For many years of praying and wishing,hoping, finally tomorrow is the day when im finally able to achieve one of my goals,wish.
For months of enduring hardwork and months of enduring pain finally ill be able to free from my shackles as I will be achieving my goals
**Final Thoughts.**
Heyoo everybody! I'm not sure if I can make an article tomorrow or not. Jusko dalawa na absent ko this month or 3? Ayaw ko dagdagan ng pangapat.
By the way, thankyou for those who wished me luck sa travel. I'm still a noobie and I'm nervous HAHAHAHA.
2022
MARCH22.2022
The Day After Tomorrow: Reminiscing Good And Bad Days.
I am 50/50 if I'm going to write an article for today or just let the day pass until tomorrow but heck, this platform is calling me to make an article.
So today, since I still have the last 2 nights sleeping here at where I am from, I want to reminisce all memories that makes me cry, sad, and happy.
This article containing the happiest and saddest memories that I gain for the past few years since I was a child while I am still here. The memories where I can say. I experience both.
**The article title was for March 23, where it's my flight date. Wish me luck!**
This is the first time that I visited iloilo with my family. I didn't know that the time will come, I'm going to stay here after. I thought, this was onky temporary and we'll be back at manila but no. As I grew older, I realized that something was wrong. And yes, I just figure out why my family choose to live here at iloilo despite of having a good life in manila.
The image was me and my father, my mother used to be a lovable kind person when I'm still kid. And right now, I don't know. She's not the mother that I have before, she changed so much. As I grew old, I see what kind of changes that appear. And I didn't like it, because it seems like as I grow older, dhe knew that she can get something to me. *And I am allowing her to take me for granted*. Which is I super regretting now hehe.
*I'm not a selfie girl during this years so I just have limited photo, and this one is from one of my old facebook account.*
This picture was took at Small Ville here at Iloilo, lmao I still remember when I got lost at small ville because I go to the beach alone. I'm a kind or person who used to go at random place alone and ended up thinking where I need to go to come back home lol.
**When I'm still in Grade 2**, i still remember that I have many pencils with barbie style, or winnie the pooh in there. And I have many small radio I guess? I forgot what it it's called like but it looks like a keypad version of phone and have an antenna and also you need to put a headset on it so that you can hear what it plays. I know a lot of users remember this. It was a mp3 player but bigger than that and it was a radio, but it's only have PM on it. My teacher during my grade 2 days love me so much, she taught me well and even guarded me. She gets angry when some students were bullying me.
***And I used to be the most behave student among her student because I am a transferred student from laspiñas and I can't understand hiligaynon that time lol.***
**When I reach grade 3**, among students always bullying me. Not among but most of them, I experience being guarded outside, where they will get my bag and throw it somewhere. It's gard, it was really hard. I also experience crying outside of the room because my teacher was bullying me also.
This time, I still can't talk to my parents like being open to them. ***The reason?***, they're busy playing tongits or pusoy and when they didn't win, ofcourse the badluck was on me. They used to blame me whenever that they are lose. That's the time where I can hear their words like, "**You're good for nothing**.", "**You're useless**.", I'm still a kid back then but it was hell hurt. What am I doing is to hide inside of the room and just ket myself cry.
***I'm afraid to get caught by them because my father will beat me if he saw me crying.***
**When I'm already at grade 4**, my life is kinda better. It's where the time where everything was smooth, I have many friends to play with and they are friendly. I thought my whole elemtary year will be like this but I'm wrong, I'm being bullied again by one of my classmate.
At this grade, my trauma hit me hard because one of my classmate touch my upper part and down there, I just cried and cried and my teacher was really shock why I suddenly cried. I explain everything but she didn't know that I have a childhood trauma, she thought that it was just because my boy classmate touch me.
***Since then, I became a lesbian lover. This one will explain why I became a lesbian lover, why I became like this. And yes, it was because of my trauma.***
**At Grade 5**, this was one of the most insane bullying experience that I've ever experienced in my whole life. Someone used to throw foods on me since I am chubby and that's not what am I expecting. There are times when someone used to get my chair and she's the one who's gonna sit there.
I remember when I am praying that I hope she's absent and not present because everytime that she's present my life was a hell.
Lmao, she even get my weekly allowance and buy what she want. I'm not even sure why she's like that to me but heck, I wish I can fight back then.
Okay let's stop there.
There are no happy moments during my school days, I always got bullied just because of what they saw to me. Not until I reach Senior high, my life change when I transferred to the another school.
Everyone was so friendky, they used to smile to each other whether u know them or not. They even supporting you even if they are not familiar to you, *that's what you called family.*
That time I also become active and even joining school activities, and until now I'm still one of their student hehe.
What I can say is, even if ny childhood and teenage year js not okay, I'm thankful because I'm alive and I'm still kicking.
**Final Thoughts:**
Hi everyone! So hows everybody? Some of us are too busy because we doing our modules. But this time, I'm taking vreak since I'm done all of my task until april 12. I still have many days to do the others hehehe.
OGLU2022.
MARCH22,2021
Someone Is Attempting To Reset My Facebook Password.
So in this past few months, someone is trying to reset my passord all the TIME. The reason why I didn't noticed it because the "**Do not disturb.**" On my phone was always open and I didn't turning it off, because I always forgetting about to turn it off.
I remove the sign earlier, and this messages pop up out of nowhere.
**To be honest**, I am wondering why someone keep resetting my password like they don't know how to giveup. My facebook account was also reported for something that I didn't know what kind.
So years ago, there's someone who's very angry to me because of her partner who likes me also. I kept explaining that me and her partner has nothing to do with it since I'm still taken that time and I'm not that kind of person who used to say yes at someone everywhere I was. She knows my phone number and the resetting it.
Not until, one day my account was disabled all of sudden because of resetting that password. The facebook didn't give my account back and instead, they give my account last 2020 when the covid hit. So imagine, it started at 2019 but ended up at 2020. It took me too long to used it again, but I am thankful becausr facebook didn't disabled my account.
And here's the amother thing, I'm not using any applications or sites to log in using my account. I'm not even clicking any websites or platforms where the hackers can hack my account or where the hackers can access it.
This one is confusing, really confusing. Why?
**I'm not fighting anybody**. I may be love commenting random things that can insult others but that was before. I was like 13 yearsold back then lol. I'm turning 21 so I'm not doing it again. And frankly speaking, I'm not a person who loves sharing sensitive stuffs only the memes.
**I don't know anybody who's angry to me**. That person maybe angry to me for a long time, and can't think enough for something so that he or she just choose to reset my password many times already. This was happened to me like more than 5x and I am curious if who it was.
**I mean, if you guys are angry to me, and if you guys don't like me, let's be straight forward, okay? I didn't even know what the reason why you guys didn't like me at all. I am a straight forward person, I'm not that kind of person who will acc fake in front or in anyone at you, I'm being honest being who am I, I am honest being what I am.**
If I trigger you because of being too frankly, then *it's none of my business.*
I'm not that person who will say, "***aww you're good.***", everyone can be good their own ways. We have our different ways to be unique, to be the real us and to be what we are. Whatever things you read from me, and about me, that's only from my understanding about what kind of people are you.
**This one is giving me confusion**. This person can send me dm or pm to know what my facebook password is, I will literally give it like I don't care because I can make a new account. But this person seems didn't know the word, "**Giving up.**", Is he or she have other options? Yes, it was to kept resetting my fb password until I get pissed off.
Did I even do something wrong for you to do this to me?
Final Thoughts
I'll end thisnarticle here, sorry I'm kinda busy kasi inaayos ko yun handcarry ko na dadalhin for 23. God bless everyone!
El Niño: The Life Of Having A Hot Temperature (A 3-4days Countdown).
First of all, I wanna say thankyou for those who commented their inspirational or motivational comment to my last article. I really appreciate everything that you said guys! Sorry for being too inactive.
***Did you know?***
Here in province, the temperature here hit **32**⁰ as for now, last year the Temperature hits **38**⁰ and last 2010 the temperature here hits **40**⁰, last 2015 the temperature was cool down at **29**⁰ for the whole year.
**I still remember last 2010,** the temperature was so unbearable. The electricity always run out like the brownout goes at 8am and it retuns at 6pm **EVERYDAY**, *I'm living in hell that time*. I can't deny the fact the my body can't stand this mind of temperature. I mean, when I'm still in manila the heat was too much for me and I always got some trangkaso or flu because of it. Out house there was made of rock and the steam inside the house was too much hot to handle.
We have a cooler that time but it didn't last long since it was open for like 24/7, because it's super duper hot.
Last last year, I buy a mini aircoon Cooler when I'm still at my boarding house. But my aunt borrow it and didn't bring it back, *can you guys please bring back the items or furniture that you were borrowing from others*? I tried to ask them to give it to me, but they said they left it at Bingawan. I was shock, like why that one is already at bingawan when we're living at calinog? Bingawan is far away from here already and it was 1hr and a minutes away from here.
***So they took it to another province without telling me that they will?***
Oh...
So take note,
When the temperature is already reach too much hot, can you guys still can handle it? There's too many people who's having stroke or mild stroke because of this temperature. **40**⁰ already felt like a fire who's burning your skin whenever you try to get out from the house or walk outside without an umbrella. Whenever the temperature was reach 40⁰ here at province, it's too much to handle. What I do is I get some towel, put a water on it and put it in my head so that it can cool me down.
*Why am I doing this?*
Because, as for now my body temperature reach 37.3 because of too much heat. I got flu easily when it's hot than it's cold.
My body feels okay when it's cold, or even I feel too much coldness here. Not until the **El Niño** attacked and I start having flu and other symptoms of it. I don't know, but my body weakened when it's **El Niño**. I've been like this everysince I was a kid, when it's too hot, my body can't handle it. I can have fever, or sneezy nose, even cough.
*****And right now, I have sneezy nose.*****
If someone here lives in province, you already knew the feeling of living in hell for a temporary moment HAHAHAHA.
Okay so earlier, I received a email from Cebu Pacific where I need to check in. After clicking the link, I alreadyc check-in and just wait for my day flight.
I'm kinda nervous since this was the first time that I'm going to travel alone, I have someone to come with me who's looking for the same traveler that day. But she's not replying to me anymore so I'm not sure if she's come with me or I will going inside of the airport alone. She's not even seeing my messages and I'm just hoping that she's gonna reply me when the time arrives.
So because El Ñino is here, stay hydrated everyone!
For additional, let me add this some questions from random diaries:
**I deserve happiness because…**
Because I am cute? Char. It's because I know that everyone deserves happiness also, not the fake one but the real one.
Some of us thinks that the happiness is just only for those who really deserves it. Like when we're depressed, or stressed it turns out that we not deserves anything. That's the wrongdoings of our mind, and yeah.
That's why I'm so thankful for those users here who kept commenting to my last article and giving their advices. I really appreciate you all, thank you!
**What kind of things really makes you laugh?**
Uhm, it was my lutang moments.
Yes, honestly the only thing that can make me laugh is my lutang moments, as you can see, I already share some of them and there's still a lot.
Lol there are moments where I left the panty on my head while heading out because I'm going to buy something. Imagine how the peope laugh hard because of that?
*Atleast, I make their day happy.*
Final Thoughts
Hey, it's still days before my flight. I'm getting excited and nervous at the same time. I have no idea what will I'm doing inside the airport, first timer feels like.
By the way, keep you body hydrated. God bless everyone!
Maybe I can't reply or not replying to all comments but I already read them all, I'm just leaving tips also for some users hehe. Sorry for not kinda interacting!
8 Years ago: To the future me, are you happy? Or you're in a loneliness?
**March 17, 2022.**
This was my father's birthday, it's his 79th birthday. But no one sees something unexpected might happened, guess what it is? ***My father asked my mother to broke up with him.***
I know it's normal since that thing happened many times, but I don't know the reason why I really feel down today. I mean, it's not like me who's gonna feel this way. Earlier in the morning today, I heard my mother and father were talking to each other. He asked my mother about her plan and he said, "***I already told you when you're still pregnant but you still insist to keep her.***"
So I guess, they was talking about me.
**I'm still me, what I used to be years ago.** I didn't change, maybe the fact that I'm just being like this because of my surroundings. I mean, there's nothing wrong about me, about myself. It's just that, I don't feel well being around with my family. There's a voice inside me and a sadness that I felt whenever that they're around me.
**I'm still me, what I used to be years ago**. The fact that I can still smile despite of having a bad day, despite of knowing that my life is never been happy just like what it was. The things and people that I met now, I'm thankful of it.
I scanned my old notebook days ago which is from my grade 8 diaries, there's a question there saying, "**To the future me, are you happy? Or you're in a loneliness?**", That question was stuck on my mind up until now. It took me several days to figure out why I choose to write that, and I remembered that it was the time where my step sister on ny father's side tell me a story about what happened to the past and why they hated my mother that much.
Everything becomes clear, maybe before I still didn't understand why it is happening, why my stepsister told me the truth.
**What's the reason why did she speak up.**
**What's the reason why she opened up everything.**
**What's the reason why she let me know about it.**
I was still in grade 8, when my sister told me that my mother is going to abort me but instead, she choose to kept me.
There's a lot of questions inside my head that keeps bugging me, *kulang nalang iiyak at isigaw ko lahat hanggang maging manhid nararamdaman ko*.
She told me, during the time that they caught my mother and my father doing adult things, they didn't expecting that I am the result, *that there will be a result*. I know I shouldn't question my self about this but I can't. I keept questioning myself and I keep asking myself, about **why's**.
**~~As I become older, I realized how life run.. it's never been easy...~~**
I just a clear answer, as I'm becoming okder, I'm looking for the answers where my questions are connected, but still I can't find them.
I feel the sadness between me keeping those questions who's breaking me apart all the time, I feel the thorn inside me asking myself if I am worthy to handle this life of mine where God gave me. *I'm full of questions, questions where it's bugging me.*
Last night, I want to cry, I want to shout and I want to let my feelings flow, that time I was talking to my partner. But I don't have a choice but to wipe my eyes and pretend that I am happy, that I don't have any problems that was on my mind.
I don't want them to exist, as long as I can smile and I can hide the sadnesses and pain inside me, I don't want to think that they are existing. Because for me, I'm no longer existing to the old me, but still this was me... **it's still me.**
I just can't explain how bad I feel right now.
I can't explain how this things was tearing me apart, bow this things was hurting me secretly without showing them the emotions that I have.
**I'm so tired** to the point where I am hiding my feelings everytime, where **I'm pretending** that I'm happy even though that I'm not. Where when someone asked me if how I am, but I keep answering them that "**I'm okay.**"
To be honest, whenever that I am answering those question, parang may bara sa lalamunan ko where I don't want to answer them honestly. Maybe, all this time I living to this word where everything for me was unappreciated.
What I want
**I want a peace of mind**, where I'll be happy thinking that I'm good of everything. That the people who surrounds me want a good attention and not the messy one.
**I want happiness**, seriously? I am wishing for this instead? Haha unbelievable.
Final Thought,
I'm so sorry for being too much inactive, I'm just not in the mood for like many days. I'll be renewing some of the sponsorship soon. Godbless everyone :)
Ps: sorry, this article was supposed a life rant again
7th Batch Of Question Diary: How honest are you with yourself right now?
Good day everyone! I feel like I'm leaving in hell where the hot temperature are not lessening even if I put ice on the towel and out it inside my head.
The fan blows fire, because it was too hot. The wind blows hot temperature too, everything was hot.
I want to live inside of the refrigerator where I can teleport anywhere, *Milo at Ang Kwaderno lang ang peg*?
By the way, let's start the 7th batch of this Question Diary where everyone can join whenever you don't have a topic! Just tag me so that I can read your entry.
**Let's proceed**!
Name someone that means a lot to you and why?
Renren, ofcourse because she was my partner.
The reason why she means a lot to me, it's because she was the first person sho literally saw me, what I mean is my emotion through me. There one time where she told me that my eyes were sad and I am shock, she was too observant also to the point where I'm just shock because I'm not the person who's crying in front of others but instead, she ask me why I look too stressed and I started crying. ***I'm a crybaby, yes.*** I'm a person who used to cry everytime that I don't feel well, not the part where I always cry, but because I can't handle the emotion inside me where I want to burst put anytime and everytime.
I love this person too much, I'm getting excited thinking that I can see her 6 days from now.
What is your hobby? Why do you enjoy it?
I have too many hobbies. Playing, eating, watching random stuff and writing.
But the most hobby that I enjoyed a lot was making a short story just like what I did last time. Do you guys still remember the, "**Ikaw Pa Rin**.", Story that I wrote here?
That one was from my wattpad account where I just unpublished it and posted it here, the original story of the "**Ikaw Pa Rin.**", Was far away from the story that I made at wattpad. Because that was a Rom-Com (*Romance, comedy*) but I make it as a Romance only. It's really hard for me to finish that story because the original story was far away from what I wrote here.
That was the original version of "**Ikaw Pa Rin.**", Made by me. As you can see, I have the same username here and from the wattpad. And that's the reason why I choose OfficialGamboaLikeUs than the other username.
That's already make sense, right?
How can you make your self happy?
By watching random stuff.
Anyways, I can always be happy whenever that I want to. It's just sometimes I forgot how because of too many problems. But there are times where I am laughing too much then afterwards I am become dramatic again HAHAHAHA. I am a person who used to smile even in a small things, but I always crying over the very little small things. I guess this heart of mine was soft to the point where I am really soft hearted.
Are you holding on to something you need to let go of?
Yes, the hatred.
I'm not going to explain this why, I already explain this to my last article days ago and you already know why it was.
How do you show people you care?
By asking how they are.
I am a person who's always concern to others, I kept asking if how are they and how was their feelings. You guys knew that since I was replying to your mayday's at facebook whenever I saw something That's okay for me.
I used to care at everybody, and I am a person who used to be friendly.
But one time, my partner got jealous because there are one person who loves doraemon and have the same vibes at me when it comes to movies. And also, I am too friendly that time so I can't blame her. Hehe, *di nako umulit.*
She's cute when she's jealous, not until her pride suddenly got up and I can't cope it up, so it's better for me to ask her anytime and to limit all of my moves so that I can't do something that can cause a breakup to the relationship that I Kept.
How honest are you with yourself right now?
100%.
I can't say a lie, or anything because it makes me feel guilty. I always says what I feel and what I observed, I can't hide my emotions after all. Being honest is all I can, it makes me hard to say something that was just made up or not.
***Because of being too honest, there are times where I am crying because I feel guilty when I'm not telling the truth. I can't even make an eye to eye contact, and my face was turning red anytime that I am lying so I'm not safe.***
What good habits do you need to reach my goals?
I don't need habits. I need confidence HAHAAHAH. I need strength and confidence, welp I'm confident enough when it comes to job but when we're talking about goals? Nah, talk to me when my mind is not floating anymore.
I just can't reach my goal, like now. I skip 1 day even if I know that I need to publish everyday, *it's sucks.*
I hate making goals without following them, I can't blame me wither since I was too busy answering entrepreneur subject and ethics also HUM. It's all essay, yes all of them are essays 🥲. *I deserve and explanation, char.*
Final Thoughts
Sorry for leaving tips only, I don't have enough time since I am busy answering module. I wanna say thankyou for those user who kept commenting to my article even if I'm too busy or too late to leave a reply. Thankyou!
OfficialGamboaLikeUs2022
ArticleNo.15
The Feelings That I Can't Understand Now: The Life That Full Of Why's.
So last day I saw some article here containing this kind of topic and I forgot who it was, you have your credits here, sorry I can't remember you.
**Sometimes**, life is hard and life is unpredictable. They said, life is too short so we need to enjoy every little seconds of it, every seconds that contains our dreams, contains our goals, or full it of memories that the others can remember too when we died.
So this what ifs, contains every what ifs of my life that I always thinking to. The what ifs, that sometimes I can't stop thinking, I can't stop wondering and I can't stop asking ny self, *why*?
**What if, I'm dead?** Until now I can't answer this question of mine, how can I answer this if this one was referring about my death? About my dream that other people don't want to.
I always thinking that it's better if I died, no, it's really better if I died.
***Why***? Eversince after ny operation, my mother always want me to give something to them. There are moments that she really mentioning about the food, and how she manage to give birth to me. It makes me guilty when she was reminding me that I may be not in this world if she choose to abort me. I just say to myself, *maybe that's better than keeping me*.
This article maybe look like rant, allow me to burst out for a moment, allow me to say everything that my heart does. Because I can't really stand still for today, I felt like there's a huge thorn inside ny heart where whenever I'm breathing, it's becoming bad and feels like I don't want to breathe.
Ealier, I was she talk to me. Forcing me to give here 1k or 20$, she said that was the last time that she'll asked me about money. Ofcourse who am I to believe? She's always like that and nothing new. Throwing words, throwing everything that she can say. She even bringing up the past during the time that I'm not still existing. It's not that I hate my life, of whatsoever it is. It's just that, even if I try to understand everything, I always ended up that I can't really understand them after all..
Where is my mother spending all of her money?
So a lot of you maybe have an idea already about **Fairy Derma** set.
Last last week, I didn't know that she used my shopee acc to buy what she want. She knows that I withdraw my monthly allowance where I asked my partner to send 30$ to my wallet. I didn't notice the shopee notification since the "**Do Not Disturb**" on my phone was open. It's always open and so that I can avoid receiving notifications and even messenger messages whenever I'm doing my module. I'm turning it off when I'm talking with my partner via VC.
So she asked me if I have still extra money, and I told her ***why***? She said she was just asking because maybe I need some. At some point it's weird because she never asked me about having a money. I told her that, "**I still have 10$ here, don't give me some**.", And she just walk away without saying anything.
I ordered sandal to shopee and I didn't check it since I'm just waiting for it to be delivered to my house.
**What funny is,**
Days After the sandal delivered, some shopee rider came to my house and my dog was sniffing into him. Maybe he got panic because I have a big brown dog where it was a Red Labrador, he ran away and my dog chase him. Lol he even make a call saying, "**Ma'am tabangi ko! Mapatay ako aga pa.**", (*ma'am help me! I'm dying early.*) I can't help but to laugh hard while saying, "**Stop running, he'll not bite you, he just chasing you because he taught you're playing with him**." But no, he kept shouting and shouting until my mother got him and scold my baby big dog.
I was wondering how come I have a shopee delivery since I didn't order anything. My mother suddenly came to me and whisper, "***Pay that, I'll pay you when you'll going to Baguio.***" To be honest, I didn't react aby since I was shock. *When did my mother become like this*? I mean, is that the reason why she asked me if I still have money left on me? For that one?
I didn't say a word, that time I wanna cry, I can feel my eyes becomes teary and I just paid the rider with his tipped.
But wait, instead of saying "**Thankyou**." She told me that, "**Babayaran mo rin naman pala kapag inorder ko ng di mo alam."**, (*You will also pay when I ordered something you didn't know*.) I didn't react, I didn't say any words, I didn't say even one word. I just go inside and cried.
I left asking myself, ***when did the things become like this***?
Why I felt like, ***I'm just an investment for my own mother***?
Like why? ***She always do what she want without asking me first***.
Even if I want to say something, it's hard for me since I already know that it will end up nothing. She'll just remind me that I am her daughter and she is my mother, so I must respect her at all cost.
**I'm getting tired of this set up, I'm getting tired of life.**
It's just simple, she can talk to me and say what she wants in a good day, I'll give it to her. But it was no matter how much I talked to her, no matter how many words that I need to say, she's mot listening.
She will not going to listen, why? ***Because she was comparing her old life to me.***
Final Thoughts:
I didn't published an article last day since I was too busy answering my module, I finish all the tasked from 1 to 7 where it was full of essays and explanation. I did them for like just one day because of my mix emotions. When I finished answering all, I feel relieved and my mind works totally fine because of thinking with too much problem.
I just want to tell you guys that, no matter how I tried to talk to my mother. She will not going to listen, because whenever I'm doing that, she's throwing tantrums and saying a word like, "**don't forget that I am your mother and you're just my daughter, it's your responsibilities to give what we want because without us you're not here.**"
"***~~The virtual world is better than reality, but it contains feelings where the users always want to forget about~~***." -OGLU2022
I'm sorry! I just want to vent out.
I would like to say thankyou to ate @Adrielle1214 for renewing your sponsorship, salamat ng madami ate!
Article No.14 on the month of march
March15.2022
GOOD EVENING EVERYONEEE! THISNIS FOR MY MODULE ONLY SINCE I DON'T KNOW SOMEONE WHO'S ALWAYS AT THE STARBUCKS. Please help me with this 🤣
What is their popular product? Hehe.
Women's Month Awareness: My Experience When I didn't Know I Have Ovarian Cyst.
**Disclaimer**: This article is a warning for those who experienced being delayed but still didn't want to have check-ups. ***Please learn from me.*** Enjoy reading!
So what is **Ovarian Cyst**? It is **Bad**? Or what does it feels like?
So this month, because it was Women's day Awareness, allow me to share my experience when I didn't know that I am positive with an ovarian cyst, my ovary was about to raptured when I didn't go operation, and I felt like my body is about to give up because of what I feel about my abdomen where I can't totally explain how hurt it was like I can feel there's a huge sharp inside of my tummy.
So a lot of you knows that I undergo surgery or what we called hysterectomy surgery where the ovaries or one of your ovaries will be removed because it's not functioning, I spent already more than 20k for my medicines and vitamins because I need it for my body to heal up.
**So let me share my experience, years ago during the time where the cyst is still developing:**
*I was still at grade 9 when I experience being delayed like 3-4months, at first I didn't pay attention to it since I was still young and I thought it was normal.*
I already noticed that there's something wrong with my body, I already lose weight when I reach grade 7 but when I reach grade 9, I start gaining weight again everytime that my period are not appearing come each month. So for me it was just normal bcuz I am chubby eversince that I was a kid.
***Everything was normal at first***, like I can do a lot of activities where I can do my part time well and anything that my body was looking for. Not until my period came after 4months of being delayed, it was the first time that I experienced something like my lower abdomen was really hurtful. I can't move, I can't stand and I start vomiting whenever I'm forcing my body ro do something. I just think that it was just a dysmenorrhea, but I already knew there's something wrong about it.
**It was june 2016**, I was so stressed at everything, stress at lovelife, stress at school, stress with the family and stress at life. After months of being so stressed that's where my delayed period starts. I can't remember it well, but last ***October 2016*****,** I lost my consciousness while I'm in my grandparents grave at the cemetery.
When I woke up, I'm already at the hospital and my blood pressure was really low that time, the nurse told me to rest well and avoid stressing myself. She said I was so pale when someone brought me there, I don't know who it was but the nurse ask some questions to me little did I know it was the Obgyne doctor. She said I'm bleeding too much that time and maybe that was the reason why I loss my consciousness.
***She asked me if I was pregnant***, and I told her everything about being delayed like 4months but ofcourse I'm not pregnant. *No one touch me yet,* lol. She gave me a paper with the ultrasound request on it and she said I need to go for a check-up.
Because of being too stubborn, I didn't follow her lol.
**At year 2017**, same thing happened again, my period was delayed but this time it was different, I was delayed for like 1 year and go to check up at year **2018.**
My period didn't came starting ***July 2017*** until ***oct 2018***, imagine how stubborn am I to avoid getting checkups hehe. So because of that, I plan to schedule a check up and my obgyne ultrasounded me and she give me another request for the ultrasound.
And because the ultrasound cost 900php or 80$ I still didn't go for a check up. And I didn't know something worst was coming.
When I go back last **January 2019,** my obgybe told me that looks like I have a cyst already. For me it was just nothing, that I just need to have period so that it will be disappear. So I didn't pay attention to it either.
Until it reach **August 2019,** that's where I experience an extreme pain sharp object at my lower abdomen. I really vomited and I don't feel well. I got chills and a high fever where causes me not to overworked my body.
**August 2019** was the last time where I appoint my last checkup, my cyst was already 8cm that time and the doctor told me to buy this medicine because said maybe the medicine can still cure it, but I didn't listen and I continue being stubborn. *I have a deep meaning why, so please don't judge me or say anything.*
I already knew that my mother's sister died because of ovarian cyst, her cyst already reach 18cm and her ovary can't handle it anymore. It raptured inside that causes her to bleed so much and causes her death months after that. And my period didn't came again because I didn't drink any medicine.
Not until, **March 2021** came. I'm already living with my parents house this time due of covid. This is the month where I open up everything to my partner, it was hard for me to open up everything because I thinking that my partner will leave me if she find it out. *And that's where I am so wrong*.
She start convincing me to run a test again, I told her I didn't want to but she kept pleasing me. It makes me feel guilty if I'm not going to listen.
After my first check up, my obgyne told me to have an ultrasound, and I did it. The cyst was already 11cm that time and I was shock, maybe that's the reason why my body doesn't feel alright.
She told me to have another ultrasound at the city, that was a 2nd opinion so that I can have surgery.
And when I go there 1month and weeks after my 1st ultrasound, the cyst grow at 13cm and the doctor told me if I'm aware that I have a cyst, I forgot what kind of ultrasound this is but it was where there's a small ball that will going inside your butt to see your tummy inside, *it was hurt!*
My surgery scheduled was last **June 9, 2021,** that was hell. I'm still conscious until my surgery finished. I don't want to experience to have anesthesia again, surgery is fine but injecting it to your spine? *The hdmdkekdkeiei that was the real hell.*
**Imagine being injected to you back spine and you can feel the needle going inside of your bone** 😭 **I wanna run away that time because of what I feel at my back. They repeat it like 3x when that I was laying, and 3x again when they told me to sit.**
Everything went well, I'm so thankful to the person who pursue me to have my check up and to go to my followup checkups. I appreciate it well, I really appreciate it well.
Until now, I'm still healing inside but I can feel the big line inside of my tummy, I mean I can feel the wound inside of me where when I feel stressed, there's a pressure.
The difference when my left ovary was gone.
I become too dramatic, yes. The real thing is, having one ovary make me feel so much stress and my anxiety didn't go well after.
I'm not like this before, whenever I have problems before I can still smile and happy. And I can't let them pressure me, it was really easy for me to understand things. But when I'm done with my surgery, something is different. It was hard for me to handle my mood anymore, I'm crying easily and my ob said it was because I only have 1 ovary left at my right and it was because of my pcos. And she told me that I must avoid stress and pressure as long as I'm not okay, because the healing will be slowed down by them. *But doc, it was really hard huhu.*
**There are some signs where we couldn't ignore, this is according to my experience:**
When you're hungry but when you start eating you feel full faster then the normal one.
When you feel sharp object in your lower.
You can easily get tired without doing anything.
When you have your period, you experiencing more than dysmenorrhea.
When you experienced a back pain where you really can't handle it.
So wait, before my sugery, I really experience this backpain where I felt like my body will give up. It was really hurt where I didn't feel I still can breathe, i felt like there's no air going inside of my body, so I'll end up this article here!.
Final Thoughts
Happy women's month! I hope you enjoy this article.
Please if you experiencing this things, kindly appoint a checkup and follow your doctor. Don't copy me where I wish for a death but God gave me a person and that person saved me.
I would like to say thankyou ate Jane for renewing your sponsorship, and for those who kept supporting me, thank you so much!
OGLU2022
MARCH13.2022
Additional Part:
For those who have PCOS, always remember that you're not chubby. PCOS causes obesity not OBESITY causes PCOS.
That's why there's a woman who's having a hard time to lose weight, it's because of PCOS. **Why**? Because it makes their body tired easily. And that's the reason why I'm taking vitamins supplement each day because it was preventing me to feel tired after a long period of time. And I thank God because I still feel energetic even if I do a lot of things to that day.
*That why, don't judge them. You didn't know the full story behind.*
**Photo after my surgery:**
Sorry it's not clear, I spend 11hours inside of the recovery room and when I got to my room the water or whatever liquid it is, is already looks like that.
Conyo Time: Type Of Teachers That I Met Online (And A Question Diary 6th Batch).
As of today, I feel like I am maloloka because of too many school works and gawain mga dzai, one f my teacher feeling niya siya lang nag gigive ng mga sasagutan huhu. And eto namang si google room, why they don’tput a limit ba? Are they getting their revenge ba because nung student pa sila their teacher also pinahirap rin them? Huhu.
And here pa mga dzai, before I make an article my english was already naubos na because of my essays that too much dami talagaaaa. Jusko, this article maybe walang kwenta pero bear with this muna because I am naloloka na sa dami ng need answeran huhu. I want to chill for a saglit muna but ayun ngaaaaaa, I have too many gawain to do pa and mga task to do rin. Do youw know feeling for maloloka because of sa daming gawain? Like there’s a quiz here, there’s a quiz there, omg why not naubos? I’m done answering the others then afterwards there’s a notification ulit from my other teacher that there’s a bagong sasagutan.
**Essays that need 300 words**.
Me is merong subject where all of my essays need 300 words per number nila huhu. As in buong sasagutan namin sakaniya is essays and I’m done answering some of them and I Feel like my english is biglang na gone because I always make 1k+ words and subitted them. This is the first time that I encountered some teacher who’s like that. I mean, somene who will give you too may essays because she said it’s only an online and not a face to face. So it means, when the face to face was already present we will have an essay where Ined to write 1-3yellow pad?
I already experience kaya ung tipong theywill ive too many essays then sa isa we need 600 words pa. Eh class ko each subject is 2 and 30 min, so she added another 100 where the total words is 700. I finish 5 yellow pad pa then di pa naman maintinidhan sulat ko huhu, that was years ago during my senior high.
**The Double Checker Teacher**
Okay who wants to have this kind of teachers ba? Like you already do the
hack where you’ll just need to add some and more space to reach the max number of the essay that you
need to do. Lol, that hack will not going to work to this kind of teacher because he always checking the actual number of words.
Jusko, lagi niya sinasabing di daw namin siya mauuto sa ginagawa namin. He was one of my professor before during senior high, he walked out because he said pinaguusaoan daw namin siya pero that time the place was so quiet na pati insekto maririnig mo, san usapan dun? Maybe he's imagining that time.
The typical energetic teacher.
So I met this teacher of mine who's really energetic while teaching her lesson. Like instead of explaining the lesson what will happened is she's telling her life stories where we student like it.
Why naman not diba? It's rare to have a teacher who loves tellong their life story instead of giving quizzes and exams.
Okay so let's stop muna here.
**So additional for this topic, I make a 6th batch of question diary where everyone can enjoy and join this also whenever you don't have a topic**, ***let's start!***
Playlist of your mood-boosting songs.
It's all japanese songs 🤣 Japanese and Chinese songs. I love their genre than the other songs hehe.
When did you feel saddest? What happened?
Actually yes, I talked to my auntie earlier and she want me to support her sister if ever I already have a work. I don't understand why since her sister didn't helped my family, not even once.
Final Thoughts
I want this article to be longer but I'm still busy answering all of my quizzes hehehe.
Good hapon sa tanan!
What Am I Doing To Publish An Article Each Day Depite of A Busy Schedule: Tips and Ideas.
So the classes started and we have all different schedules since it started, some of us were graduating, some of us are just new to college, some of us are in their last year at senior and junior high. But yeah, even the users who's already graduate are busy. In short, we're all busy!
So ever since the class started, I am busy with answering modules doing have choirs or anything that I can do inside the house like cleaning doing laundry and anything else.
What am I doing that I can still write and publish an article?
Ok so as we know we can use google speaker or dictation I don't know what is it called but yeah something like that, why doing how squires I am recording my voice so that i can finish my article for this day but I don't have much time to read and comment some articles that I can see to my notification.
As you can see when I reread my article I you a lot of miss pronunciation words where I didn't checked before I published this article or my past article because I am busy doing modules while speaking speaking to finish this article. So I have a main problem here, my problem is I have a entrepreneur subject and I need someone who's willing to answer my interview and who's feeling that a google play card that so that I have a copy and a proof that the interview that I conduct is real and not fake.
***Well, some of you noticed*** that whenever I'm reading an article there's always a comment there I'm always leaving a comment but now I can't do that since I have a short schedule and my time is not at long enough to spend here at readcash. Google dictation is very useful for me because whenever I'm doing some house chores and i have one thing on my mind I can just speak and dictation is the one who's going to put it to my to this article and it's kinda exciting.
Since I have a shorter schedule now than before I realized that **google dictation** or **voice recording** is the most useful thing for the busy students or people like us to make an article, which you don't need to type and we just can speak and speak and speak and speak anything that on our mind as long as as your place is quiet so that there's no extra voice can join.
It's not hassle since you can do a lot of things you can *wash your plates*, you can *answer your modules*, you can *do your activities* while speaking and logical dictation or the voice recorder to the thing for your article.
**I'm not good at speaking english** but for me this is a practice already since i want to apply as a call center agent someday when i got to Baguio.
Every Monday,
So my laundry time is monday, every 5:00 p.m. or every 7:00 p.m. monday is a busy day for me, because during monday I am helping my niece to answer her modules because she was answering her little brother's module, and every monday I have some particular activities from school where I need to finish answering them and submitted it to google classroom.
So i remember this monday i have a class one of my subject, and i really forgot to answer my assignment because i am doing article when my teacher announced that we have an assignment to answer last thursday. So instead of going into her class, I just told her that i'm not in the house and I am in other place, and ***I really feel sorry for telling lies because i forgot to answer my assignment.***
**So what can you do to maintain your schedule even if you are too busy to do an article or to publish today?**
*****Always use Google Dictation*****. it doesn't matter if you don't have enough time to do them, or your hands are tired to type and you have so much busy schedule than the normal one. What you can do is to turn on your google dictation and start spilling what's on you mind and let the dictation do it for you. *Don't worry, you can always check your article before publishing them.*
***If something pop up on your mind, list them down using notepad or notes***. this one helps me since I'm a college student and most of a college students are busy. So what Am I doing is whenever there's a topic inside my head, I'm opening my google notes or notepad or notes and start writing them up so that when I have a spare time to open my readcash I can copy paste them all and just add a lil bit so that I can reach my 5-6mins reading minutes time.
***If you have a spare time even if it's just a minute, try to write.*** This is one of my things. Even if I only have 3-5mins as long as I have something on my mind I'm listing them down and kaboom! I can publish once a day but still can't res all of your articles :(.
I promised myself that this month I will grind so let's do this.
Final Thoughts
I wanna say thankyou @JustMaryel for the sponsorship! Thankyou so much sis!
And for those who's sponsoring me continuously, thank you!
OGLU2022
MARCH11,2022
ARTICLENO.11
GOOD DAY! Sino dito may success business? Need ko lang sana interviewhin for my entrepreneur subject. Via call po sana, walang gustong may magpainterview dito sa bayan namin 🤣
Thankyou sa sasagot and tutulong!
What Is Your Most Funny Moments?.
How's everyone? So last day I receive a chat from one of the users here on my TG account saying thankyou because my last article makes her feel okay.
I didn't know that it has a big impact to someone because my article last day is just a self reminder where I can read it myself whenever that I feel down. I feel so happy when she said that I make her feelings better because she's not feeling well in this last few days.
And last day I also talked one of my friend in messenger that's also a user here, he asked me if how am I and I asked him back also because he's article were not looking good in this past few days. Last day was so very productive day because I receive many chats asking *how am I,* and if *I feel better or good*.
I'm not going to mention you guys, you already knew who you are. Just kept on fighting whenever life is hard, let's continue to fight! ****insert Kiss emojie****.
So this article was made month ago but I didn't manage to publish this because I didn't finish answering all questions and have a new topic to publish that time already, so instead I'll making this ****5th batch of questions diary**** where everyone can join this also.
***Okay so let's start!***
What is your favorite story about yourself?
It's when my mind were floating and instead of letting the priest put the holy bread on my mount, I suddenly bite his finger HAHAHAAH SORRY. (***please don't laugh.***)
I still remember before the covid starts, I go back here at calinog and I'm from iloilo that time, I still don't have any sleep this time because I am from my OJT site where it was a Call center company and I have a shifting schedule that time, it was 8pm to 5am and when I got to my Boarding house, I still need to pack my things because at the next day it will be a lockdown so I need to go home and I don't have a choice. So I attended the mass since it was already years ago about my church last visit. So when there's a line already, I also fall in line.
When father said, "**Lawas ni Cristo**.", (*Body of Christ*), I said amen and open my mouth widely. Idk what's on my mind that time because when he's going to enter the holy bread I suddenly bite his finger like I'm gonna eat some food. He suddenly shout, "**Aguy**", *(Ouch)* when I bite him and he pulled out his finger while winawagayway niya.
Omg mga sis I hear the crowd laughing hard even the mga apostles na kasama niya.
*Do you guys imagine the bite like you're eating a hard food*? **That's how I bite the priest.**
Even some of the choir who saw what I did suddenly laugh loud, even the next line beside me and the people who's at my back laugh also and even the people who's near that time, they laugh. ***I'm embarrassed.***
Sorry huhu.
What is the biggest lie you have ever told?
When I said that I end tge communication between me and my 3years ex because ny cousins and parents got angry due of her attitude towards me. But I didn't.
It still continue until January 2021, I really end up everything and told her that she already knew that we broke up 2years ago that time. But still she insisted that I still love her that's why I can't live without her. Okay? *Where did you get that bro*?
What are you thankful for?
That someone came to my life and trying to save me all the time that I'm stressed or depressed.
To be honest, I'm not the persone who shows emotion at other people even to my bestfriend. I always cry in silent, I don't want them to see me crying because of the things that they don't understand. The only person who can literally see my emotion was, *my partner.*
To be honest I was shock because of her being so observant, yes she's really observant. Like there are times where I'm not online until the time that she woke up and waited for me to online but still I didn't. Lmao, I'm not expecting that she will going to call me because of that. I was shock when she said that she already knew my waking up schedule and my attitude. Lmao, it makes me fall hard for her. She's the only one who did that to me, and yeah..I was so very thankful that I met her.
I have a huge problem about my family, she was the only person who tried to **understand** it. She's the only person who **Believe** that **I can**, she's the only one who give me **happiness** that the people who surrounds me can't give.
***It's always her, yes... it's always her.***
What would make you happy right now?
*A 13 days countdown*. To be honest, I already forgot that me and my partner have a monthsary, coming 1 year and 1month already because I'm too excited for the 13 days countdown where I can actually see her.
I still don't know what will be my reaction but I'll be happy to see her smiling at the first meet up. It doesn't matter if I hug her tight or not because I know shyness will eat me before the airplane landed.
*But yeah, I'll share here my experience if I'm not tired that day.*
Say things for yourself that you want to say.
Keep fighting, life is hard and it was tougher. World is also fighting on its own but still it was spinning continuesly, so you must too.
Keep on thinking that no matter how hard the situation is, you're stronger than what you think you are.
It's not wrong to feel bad about anything, you do your best and keep doing it!.
Cry, if you want to cry just cry. But comeback stronger okay?
**This is the words that I want to say to myself, despite of being weak, I want to go back stronger than I was before.**
Final Thoughts
Sorry I can't reply to all comments at my article. I'm busy doing modules and all I do is to visit random articles and give them tips without commenting hehe.
I wanna say to @Mictorrani and @Sweetiepie for renewing their sponsorships and for those who renew their sponsorships and for those who keeps supporting me, thankyou so much guys!
OFFICIALGAMBOALIKEUS2022
ARTICLENO.10
MARCH 10,2022
If You're Not Feeling Well: It's Okay Not To Be Okay.
Nightbirde once said, "***You can't wait until life isn't hard anymore before you decide to be happy.***" You feel that? Of course, you are. No one deserves to **feel bad in this world**, no one deserves to **cry**, no one deserves to be in **pain**, no one deserves to be in **grief**, no one deserves to experience **life survival**.
But how can we be sure that *we're strong enough* without them? How can we be sure that *we can face any problems* without them? **Life becomes meaningless**, right? Everything becomes meaningless when there's no pain in life. We're just ***honest***, we're just being honest about what we really feel and what kind of things that making us feel bad.
***You're not good at english***? That's okay!, not everyone can speak a correct grammer. Even the Americans or the native English speakers can pronounce their words incorrect.
***You're not good at being sociable?*** That's okay! Not everyone can be friendly just like others because there are people who loves being alone than being surrounded by a group of people.
***You're worrying about how you look?*** We're same, but despite that I'm always thinking that people were not basing there but it's on how I deal with a lot of peope.
***They're kept on bullying you***? Well show them what you've got! I've being bullied when I was still a elementary student until I become junior highschool student. No wonder why I hate school, and why I become an introvert. *It's because of that*.
***You're depressed? And you're anxiety is bad?*** Hey, that's okay also. No one knows what you're going through. It's okay if you're not willing to say everything or to spill them out, always remember that problems is just a problems. Its the reason why each day we becoming strong, it's the reason why each day we decided to fight.
**As you guys knew, I'm not feeling well in this past few weeks because of my family, but look at me, even if there's a tears in my eyes, I'm always choosing to feel good and to feel okay. I'm always choosing to smile, I'm always choosing to keep my chin up.**
**You wanna cry**? Go on, you can cry and let your emotions and feelings flow. That's okay also, but once you wipe up your tears always think that you're strong okay? You'll be back stronger than before. If they told you that ***you're not lovable***, don't ever pay attention to it. It's just them but not yourself, we ourself we need to love the bad things that we're experiencing, in that case we can find a solution on how making them much lighters than making them more *heavy*.
If you'll going to ask me, I hate being me and I hate being my family's daughter, I hate being with them in one house, but kept on mind that you don't have rights so judge me. *Since, I have my reasons*.
**If you'll ask me why, this is the reason.**
*My mother is a greedy person*, all I can hear from her is all about money, money, money and everything is about money.
If you think that everyday I feel *alright*? Well, no. How can you feel alright with that kind of circumstances? Maybe everyday you're just wishing that you want your head will be hitted accidentally so that you can have an amnesia, chars.
***Let's go back to the topic***,
Sometimes, we feel sad because of something that we didn't intend to. We're not expecting or hoping into some kind of things that can make us feel less guilt or whatsoever, everyday we feel the hatred that we wish we didn't do. We feel the sadness that we can't bare, we feel the stress that sometimes we don't want to.
Whenever that I'm sad, or about to cry. What I do is I letting myself cry until I calm again, it's hard to calm yourself when you're about to burst out. It's hard to calm yourself when I'm about to cry, all we can do is to let our feelings out and let the time pass where we can feel that we're okay again and we can go on the flow of life again.
There are a line from the song "You Say", that said, "***I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I'm not enough***." It's a song sang by Lauren Daigle.
Right? Sometimes we feel nonetheless and worthless, there's a voice inside our head where sometimes we about to give up to. We also forgotten why we kept choosing to fight despite on how bad the situation is.
There's also a line from the song, "***Every single line that tells me I will never measure up.***" What does this line means to you? It's like being in a corner where no one see you as who you are. It's like being in a corner where no one can touch you but only yourself.
When you think or we think that ***we're not measured up***, no...we all got it wrong. Because we deserve anything and everything.
We deserve the **pain**, we deserve the **hatred**, we deserve being **worthless,** we deserve it **ALL.** Why**?** Because that's the only FIGHT that we can comeback MORE STRONGER than the usual problems that we are encountering.
And always remember,
****"The stars were still shining even if there's a cloud covering them."****
Final Thoughts
This article is a self reminder because I feel useless and nothing at the same time. So I make this to kept my self remembering that I am strong, we're all strong, no matter how hard the life is.
OFFICIALGAMBOALIKEUS2022
March 9, 2022.
Article No. 9 for the month of MARCH
Get To Know Me More And Life Rantings.
So last day I read @dziefem article titled, "Mindset ba mindset.", Actually the title makes me laugh hard last day even if my anxiety was quite bad. https://read.cash/@dziefem/mindset-ba-mindset-143e47b9
I feel normal last night, but today I don't again.
To be honest, ***anxiety*** is the most ****weirdest mental health condition**** for me. Why? Because it's like you have a multiple people inside your head where the first **one** is happy, the **second** one is sad, the **third** one is angry, the **fourth** one is don't have appetite, the **fifth** one is want to party or anything that people can feel also.
What is your favorite game or sport to watch and play?
***Badminton.*** During my elementary days, I often play and join any badminton competition at school. But of course my parents are not allowing me since I have an asthma and over fatigue is bad for my health, but I really love playing badminton ang also pingpong hehehe.
I still remember when I have a game tomorrow during ny junior high school, I spend my weekends by playing adminton like whole day and half night. I totally forgot that I'm going to play when monday comes, I over fatigue myself and ended up overslept and unable to wakeup from the alarms and call. When I woke up it already 1pm and I received a 50+ missed calls and chats from my friends and also my teammates. I just say sorry and explained everything.
Would you rather ride a bike, ride a horse, or drive a car?
**Ride a car**, I love sleeping inside the car, van or bus. Yes, I can fall asleep easily when my surroundings were not noisy, but in house, I can only sleep peacefully at night because when the morning came until evening it's so noisy here. All you can hear is shouting.
There are times also where I woke up suddenly because of too much noise or someone will suddenly shouting. That's depressing, tbh.
Have you ever had a nickname? What is it?
Yes, I have many nicknames and let me list them down below.
**Gygy**- this name was called by my aunties, they were calling me gygy since they said it was easy than gyra.
**Alexandra**- when my teachers can't pronounce my name Gyra *(Jay-ra)* they were calling me with my 2nd name which is Alexandra. Some teachers where calling me "Gay-ra" *literal na bakla mga sis.*
**Xie**- some of my friends were calling me Xie because I'm always saying "*****Thankyou*****" when they were giving me things.
**Ry**- my ingame name is ry, lot of my virtual friends inside of the game were calling me "Ate ry" or ry, they also know me by calling "Ryz", "Raxie", "Raxiella", see? I have a great name inside the game.
But yeah, they all calling me ***sleepyhead*** since I love sleeping.
Some of users here were calling me ate Gamboa or ate gyra, feel free to call on anything you like hehe.
What did you want to be when you were small?
A **nurse**, I love nurses and Idk why. A lot of my family were Doctor or a nurse, some of there were **IT** or **electrical Engineering,** when I reach g7, I realized that I want to be a lawyer. I took Pol-sci at the main campus of **West Visayas State University**, but the tuition was quite huge so I dropout and switch into Office Ad because I want to work at the law firm.
But wait, learning Stenography as offixe ad student was hard. I mean, you can't be wrong on ever stroke or else it will be creating another word instead of what you mean. And I feel like I'm learning ABC again.
Are you a clean or messy person?
**Clean person**, I hate being messy. I'm just being messy when I wanna clean the house. Every night I'm putting things out from their places so that in the next morning laziness will not going to attack me.
Whenever I see the house messy, I always clean them because I hate seeing dirty little things on the floor. Lmao, I always have walis paypay on my side.
My life rants.
So I buy a sandal from shopee sized 42, It's for my father since his sandal is not on a good condition already this and looks like it was going to give up. It was good and has a soft foam where you feet will feel comfortable.
When I give it to my father a birthday gift earlier, instead of saying thankyou he got angry and told me why I buy him a sandal. My mother like it but my father were not, I feel hurt at the same time because I spend my money to buy him a sandal.
He scolded me and told me to stop giving him anything on his birthday. Kinuha niya saka nilagay niya bigla sa sunugan, my mother told him not to because it was really a good looking black sandal. It was really hurt me, because when others give them a gift they were keeping it but when it's from me, he hates it.
I wanna ask my father why, so that I can figure out his reasons why whenever I try it he doesn't talk to me not unless it's not about his birthday.
I'm not planting any sama ng loob sakaniya, I still respect him because he's my father. I hope everything will change when the time comes.
OGLU2022
MARCH 8, 2022
BLOG 8 ON THE MONTH OR MARCH.
4th Batch of Question Diaries: time heals all wounds?
So last night, my anxiety hit me hard and I cried for like 3hrs. When I woke up today, I felt like my head were spinning like a rollercoaster and I feel the tension inside my head. I want to have a rest today but I still need to make an article.
So instead, I'll be making this 4th batch of question diary where everyone can answer this also. Enjoy!
Write out 5 compliments you can give yourself.
Oh, I don't know how to compliment myself but let's try.
**You're lovable**. *Always remember that.*
**You deserve everything that you received**. *Stop thinking you're not*.
**You're strong enough to handle everything**. *Keep on your head that you are a strong woman who can keep everything on its place.*
**You've got a pretty good grades, don't worry**. *I know you lost your scholar because of the unsubmitted projects to PE dur of operation and that's okay, you still do your best.*
**You're good dealing with them, there will be a good result soon**. *I know life is hard, but you still kept your heads up.*
Can you accept compliments easily?
Uhm, no. It's actually hard for me to accept compliments that were from others. I can't compliment myself sho whenever that I receive a compliment, I was having a hard time to believe them and to listen to what they said. For me, complimenting me is just a joke because I don't have any self confidence that was made for myself. I even told the others that, I feel sorry anutime that they were complimenting me because I can't even accepted it.
**To be honest, I don't know the reason why I'm having a hard time to accept any compliments that were said by others. When they said that I am good at everything, for me they just saying it so that I can have more self confidence.**
Do you believe people can really change?
Of course, there a lot of people who already change. There are people who used to make a big crimes but look at them now. They were more successful than the normal human being, plys if they didn't changed it will be hard for them to do things that they know they can do.
**Even the most depressed and stress person can change,** they can be the most happiest person that the world can have. **Even the people who's regretting their life can change**, they can be the people who will full of lives. **Even the atheist can change,** because there are people who starts believing in God after receiving a miracle.
See? A lot of people can change according to their role and lesson. And I know, every struggle have their answers. **Not now, but soon.**
What's a goal you want to accomplish and why?
To be honest I want to be a lawyer, I'm a pol-sci student but I switch into Office Ad because the tuition was huge and I can't afford to pay them.
Okay so story time.
Some of you know that I was molested by my ninang's husband and my step-sister's son, No one listened to me back then. They said that I was just telling and stories and maybe I was just joking. When they asked me what what happened, I explained that my ninang's husband blabla (*I'm not going to say the details of what happened, this one were so confidential.*)
But his wife, told my family that maybe he was just playing. But a lot of villagers at laspiñas already knew that he was a maniac person but still my parents didn't believe me because they give a good deeds to my parents.
**So why I want to be a lawyer**? I want to save someone who's been molested but not able to raise their voice to the public. Actually, I'm regretting the fact that I didn't fight back that time it's because I was too young. What happened before is the result of my strong personality right now, I'm thankful because the past have no effect now but still there's a lesson that teach me how to deal with those things now that I am a lady.
If my body could talk, it would say…
"Don't be ashamed, you're beautiful and have a sexy curved body that was love by everyone. You just need confidence."
What are you looking forward to today?
A peace of mind, I already spent my night crying because of the family issue again. I feel drained and I need to rest up.
Until now I can feel the tension above my head, I feels like it was going to explode. To be honest, my head were hurting and I can't explain how hurt it was. I just don't feel okay and doesn't have any appetite to do something even to write.
Maybe because of the pressure and tension, I wish I can have a peacef mind before leaving here. *I can't take it anymore.*
Do you think time heals all wounds?
Unfortunately, yes. Wounds can heal when the time passes. There are wounds that can't heal after many times, years, decades, and days or weeks it's because of the trauma that they've been through.
We can't blame those people who's still living to their past life, because sometimes **it was the only way to connect everything that gone a good thing to us until now**. And there are people who can't leave their past because of being **afraid** or **scared**, they are afraid that it could be repeated or someone keep reminding them about that.
Most of the times, letting the time flow teaching us to let go of everything also to let the time heal us from the traumatic event that occured to our past experiences. But still, *this one takes time*. It's true that time heals all wounds but also letting it heal us takes time because ***we need to adjust first.***
The reason why I can't let go of my past before, it's because my 3 years ex kept reminding me about that. She also abused my dignity because of my past, I'm just a coward to not realizing them before. *Welp, she's my first one so I can't blame myself. What important is everything was already ended.*
Final Thought
Hey! There's a song where I recommend to listen.
**Kindly click the video below:**
https://youtu.be/2qzcHLyv3N0
This was published 3weeks ago, it's so soootthiiingggg and good to hear, I felt like this one has the good sounds at all musics that I've heard🥺💕.
Hope you guys like it!
OGLU2022
MARCH 07, 2022
For The People Who Deserves a True and Faithful Love.
I was reading an article when I read @Carewind and @Aiah05 articles regarding their heartbreak. And now, I'm about to share my thoughts about it.
Allow me to share my experience where there's a huge lesson taught me not to play someone's heart.
As you guys know, I've been broken and devastated years ago because of my 3 years ex. There are times where I want to play someone's heart because I want to get **revenge**, I want to play with someone because I want them to feel ***how badly hurt am I.***
But I didn't do it, even if there's a voice inside my head saying, "**Do it. You'll not going to regret it.**", Oh no, my consequences was quite huge and I can't do that kind of sh*t to hurt someone just because of what I've experienced.
But things got worst, I never thought that one day will come where I'm going to ghost everybody who wants to court me, and I didn't know that it will hurt me a lot. There were one time where there was 5 people who wants to court me, I answered them that it's okay and after that I suddenly disappeared and block them. I even changed my simcard so that no one can contact me again.
After that, I receive a chat, let's call him Mel. Mel is a guy who used to like me eversince I was in highschool, he was 7 years ahead from my age and all I can say is he was good. He's friendly, he's a good guy to be honest. He was asking me if he do something wrong for me to avoid him, at first I didn't pay attention to what he said, all I want is to avoid them as much as I want and as much as I like.
**So here's what happened;** ***year 2019*****.**
There is one guy who really like me, that guy showed his love to me everyday, but yeah..sadly, *I'm not into boys.*
He like me since I was in highschool, her auntie used to be one of my family business reseller. I can see all of his efforts, I already told him to stopped but still he insisted. So what happened is I avoid him, that's the time that he asked me if he did something wrong.
I know that time that he deserves someone better who's going to love him and going to show what love is, the one who can fight for him and yhe one who can reach their dreams for their own. I can see that he has a big potential when it comes to things and others, but no matter how much effort he put, I always ended up being creep out because I'm really not into boys.
There are times where there are words inside my head saying, why I didn't try to play with him? Since it was easy for me to ghost someone. *But wait no*, I might hurt his feeling if I do that.
When morning came, I receive a call and a chat from him saying he wants to see me and talk to me. I agree about it, we met at 7/11 and that's where he start asking me. I told him everything, that I only see him as my big brother that's why I told him to stop before. I said that he deserves someone who can love him back and who can love him more than what he is. I td him that I'm not that girlz I'm not the one who can love him and fight for him.
*Because I know he deserves someone better than me.*
Last January 2021, he invited me to his wedding. At first I was shock since I don't have any idea that he's going to get married. But I can't come since it was far from my place. I congratulate him, and I just said to myself that, "My decision were right, he really deserve someone."
Lesson:
I'm not regretting anything that I rejected him many times, if there's something that I'm going to regret to is it's where I'm become a coward or tanga into my 3years ex hehehehe.
Well, what I learn is it's better not to play with someone's heart but instead be honest with your feelings also.
I ghosted like 30+ people already that who wants to be part of mylife, except the person who I love right now. I'm not that kind of person who's serious when it comes to love because of the traumatic event, not until I learn to love this person because of her small gestures even if borh of us are on the **Long distance relationship**.
**After 2 years of being afraid about commitment, someone suddenly grab my heart without a warning. And I really love that person right now.** ***Hey, you know how much you're important to me. See u in the next 17 days.***
I was laughing to myself since it was the first time that I give my trust again to someone who's far away from me, I used to think that someday she will going to left me and find someone better in the midst of nowhere.
I didn't open up to her about my situation that I have a cyst, because whenever that I'm doing that, all I can think is she's going to leave me also just like what my ex did. *Don't blame me, I'm just traumatic during that time.*
Because of the traumatic events that occurred years ago, it was hard for me to think that I'm enough, I'm worthy, and I'm lovable. All I am thinking is I'm just a useless person who wants some attention but not worth it for everything, that's how my mind works. ***Not long enough***, she asked me about my situation and I try to open up to her. I am ready to her response, like maybe after I told her the truth, she's going to leave me and find someone who's better than me. But wait, **I'm wrong**. After I told her the real situation that I have, she's the one who pursue me to under go check-ups again.
*Do you guys even know how shock I am that time?* 🥲.
I was like, "***Wait, what's happening?.***", I'm expecting that she's going to broke up with me but instead she's the one who remind me each day and almost *EVERYDAY* about my check up.
She told me that I deserve everything that she was showing, at first I'm not agree because I know the issue between me and myself.
***Okay so let's proceed to the topic,***
For The People Who Deserves a True and Faithful Love.
I read an article where that user or author questioning herself because of being single. Girl, no...stop.
Don't ask yourself why you're still single, the right one was already on its way. God is working on it right now, always remember that someone will just come into your life when you're not wishing for it. If it happen, trust me, you can't feel anything but only being comfortable with that person. However, let's still guard our heart if ever there's something going to happen.
Let's just pray for the best, the right person will come. That person
Trust the process always girl, the love that you're looking for will be there soon 😘
OGLU2022
March 06, 2022.
My Father's Bday Is Near: What Should I Do?
Last 2018, my father hit his diamond year which is 75 years of age. This year he will be on his 79th birthday. He will be turning 79 at March 17.
So I'm not sure what will I do since I can't touch my money because I'll going to Baguio this 23. And I was thinking about the gift that I'm going to give and all of sudden I remember something that happened years ago when he hit his diamond year.
**I was in Senior Highschool during this time,** when they texted me that they want me to go home since it was my father's birthday. I agree to it since it was just once for a while, so I was thinking about the gift that he wanted. My father's love perfume so I think it would he nice to buy him a perfume and give it to him.
Everyone knows about ***Davidof*** perfume right? Davidof perfume is a perfume where it has a nice smell and I love the women's version of this product. I'm using this for like a years now eversince I was in Jhs and it cost me a lot. So because it has a nice smell, I buy my father that cost 30$ or 1500php it was smell too nice. I like it also, but I didn't know that my mother were expecting that I will give money to my father instead.
When the day arrived, I'm excited to go home since it was a months already when I last go home. I already packed everything that I'll be using while staying at house for like a days, I was like a kid who's excited about everything. It was already 1pm when I got home, the party was ended but still there's a lot of people who's in there.
I greeted my father and my mother also the other part of my family, ***my mother was laughing*** while looking to my aunties like she said something but I don't know what it is.
Hours passed it's already night, me and my whole family where inside of the kitchen while having a dinner with the keft over foods from the afternoon, my mother asked me if I have something for my father since it was his birthday and I said yes. She laugh and said, "**Give it to him already.**" My father said, "**Give it later just finish your food first.**", I thought everything was fine since they were acting nicely, without an idea what will going to happen next.
So after we took a dinner, I go to my room, and get the perfume inside of my bag and give it to my father. It was wrapped with a gift, instead of being happy they told me that they are disappointed. My mother even told me that, "**I thought you were going to give him a money**." I can't react at all, my feelings were hurt and I feel useless.
My dad said it was okay, but they looked disappointed. They even show the receipt if how much the perfume is, but instead of being thankful, my dad said, "*Sana cinash mo nalang*." After hearing this word, I just go inside of my room and start crying. I felt like they don't feel my effort at all. They want more than what I can do, and my mother always want the cash instead of things.
After that, one of my cousin whos already on her 40's go to our house. My father suddenly mentioned about the perfume that I gave to him, he said, "**You can have this perfume since I don't want to use it** ", my cousin as him if he was sure because it was looking expensive.
And that's where my heart suddenly crashed...
**I felt like, everytime that I'm giving something to others they will going to reject it and give it to others.**
It's always happening each year, last 2020 it's where the covid starts, to be honest I don't have any allowance left from my pocket. It's already enough to buy a cake, no one can go out except me so I buy a cake for my father. He didn't say thank you at all, he just grab it and throw it to the garbage saying, "**I don't need that cake. I can buy for my own.**" That cake was cost 600php or 12$.
I want to ask him why did he do that, why everytime I'm giving him a cake he always handling it out to the others? ***Why he didn't say thank you at me even once?***
To be honest, because of that I'm not sure of I'm going to give my father a gift at his birthday because he's always not accepting it, and my mother wants me to do a Money cake or cake money where the cake have a money inside, she told me to surprise my dad with that but I don't have enough money for that, she told me that it was for next year.
To be honest, I'm not sure what Imma gonna do this this.
**Final Thoughts**:
This was a raining afternoon to all! I'm answering my modules while watching Kdramas and ended up not finishing them all, HAHAHAHA and while doing article also. Ok I'm doing multi-tasking HAHAAHAH
By the way, thank you so much for cheering me up about being chubby. I really appreciate all of your words. Thank you guys!
OGLU2022
My Self Insecurities Were Attacking: Flaws And Imperfections (I reach 10k Readers).
Last day, I suddenly feel not okay because of what I feel. Is it me or same as you guys? Sometimes my head were fine, I love my imperfections, I love my flaws. But there are times where I hate myself, I can't accept my flaws, I can't accept my imperfections. I'm suddenly loosing my self confidence, I feel like I'm nothing but just a waste.
Until now, I can feel the pressure inside my head where there's a voice saying, "**You know that you're not enough, someday the people you love will leave you because they will find someone better**." *Yes, I know*. I'm aware that I'm not enough, that I have many imperfections, that I have many flaws. The **flaws** where sometimes it's hard for me to accept it**,** the **flaws** where sometimes my self insecurities were telling me that ***I'm not enough***.
As we know, being chubby is all the matter, *they said*. People always hear me saying, "**It's okay to be chubby as long as I'm cute**." But no, it's just a words that I often say but there's more... it's the *opposite*.
I'm so jealous whenever I saw someone chubby who has a big confident about their curved body, etc. While me, I feel useless and just a waste dealing with my self.
**I'm not PRETTY**, people often say that they love my chubby cheeks, they love how I look always, they love when they saw me dressing fit clothes because my body curves were showing where they said I look sexy. They love the way I act, the kindness that I have...but behind that, *they didn't know that I hate myself. I hate myself more than being of what am I.*
**I'm not SEXY**, I have a curved body where all girls hate from their selves too. I can't wear sexy clothes because I'm not a fan of it, I love big size tshirt, plus size of whatever that I can wear. When I was a kid, I often wear sexy clothes that's look nice on me. But when I reached highschool, I experienced being harass with my TLE teacher. He often say that I look *yummy*, this one triggered the trauma that I have when I was a kid.
A lot of you read my old article which is 8months from now, where I share what happened to me during my childhood.
After that, I already dumped all of my sexy clothes. And stop wearing like that again, and my self insecurities added because of my 2 exes.
**I have so many FUR in my body**. This one insecure me the most, they said I looks fine because it was attractive to look. I admit it that most of people who I met said I was attractive, but me myself I am questioning myself why i felt like I'm just nothing and a wasted person who's not important by anyone. Sometimes, I want to be ***skinny***, and to live a perfect life where I feel good at everything. My friends always saying that, I don't need to feel insecure about what I look. Because they said, at the first place I already look attractive. It's just me who thinks that I'm not doing enough good for myself.
**I have my IMPERFECTIONS.** I make mistakes, I'm not good at making decisions for myself, I'm not good at anything, I'm not good at everything. I'm not the kind of person where you can see me always being with others, no. I hate being in public, going out public makes me feel something weird. I hate being surrounded by many people, I hate being with the noisy ones. I love being in a quiet place, the place where I can't hear anything but only the wind, or the insects. I'm a type of person where I don't judge, but I'm judging myself. I'm the type of person wheere I hate to insult others, but I'm always insulting myself.
**I have a CHUBBY body**. I was born being chubby, I often hear a words from others like, "Why don't you try to loss weight?", Ey, lemme tell u something. '***I'm trying okay? But still malusog parin and I was born in this way na. That's why I have a big self issue because of this things even if I know I need to value and to love myself more.*** The most matter to me is, I survived each year pretending that I'm happy.
*I have this imperfections, where I know I'm always lack of something.*
****But keep your eyes here, I have no problem with this. It's just my head, because like what I've said, there are times where I love myself, and there are times where my mind was hitting me hard.****
I have this moment where sometimes I hate life, sometimes I love life. There are times where I love my imperfections, I love my flaws and anything that surrounds me. There are times where I hate my imperfections, I also hate my flaws and anything that surrounds me. **To be honest**, even if some people are cheering me up to feel okay I always ended up feeking worthless. I'm just smiling at them like I was okay already but deep inside, I was questioning myself over and over again like why I am living different from others.
**What I mean about being different**? I'm a type of person where I usually don't engaged myself to a lot of people. Whenever I see a group of people that looks happy, I'm just admiring them but I'm avoiding to experience it myself. When my friends were having fun around, I'm always going to the corner and just stay there alone. When they asked me while I love spending my time alone, I'm just reasoning out because I don't feel okay at all being with them.
There are times where they were complaining because sometimes I was too loud and sometimes I was too quiet, seems like I have 2 personalities where the other half of me were just quiet all day long and the other half of me were noisy at some point.
Sometimes, I often think that my partner can find someone who's all in one, omfg sorry I'm already downgrading myself.
Final Thoughts:
Gusto ko umabsent pero sinabi ko na sa self kong mag gigrind ako ngayong buwan kaya laban!
So last last day, there's a notification that suddenly appear saying I reached 10,000 article readers and I'm happy about it!
Thankyou so much for supporting me! This one means a lot to me, I can't explain how happy am I. Thank you so much!
OfficialGamboaLikeUs2022
March 03, 2022: The 3rd Batch Of Question Diary.
Good day people! So I go back from school today to fill-up some form and a classcard. I easily got tired because maybe I didn't eat before going out or there's something going on inside of my body again.
Months after my operation, they said the internal of my body were just starting to heal. Sometimes, I feel like my body inside have some pressure. Do you understand what I mean? What I mean is, I feel something pressure inside of me. Where I can feel tiredness running through my body even if I'm not doing anything.
So this is the 3rd batch of a Question Diary, hope you enjoy reading this!
***A conyo time.***
Which of the Seven Wonders of the world do you want to visit the most?
What is sever wonders ba? Chereret, as I do my research, I see that this one is a ancient places. Hmmm, maybe I have no pupuntahan. Because me have no money to gala-gala here so I need to stay at home nalang. Chereret langs.
I want to visit pyramid for a very long time na talaga, as I know it was located at Egypt right. Correct me if I'm mali. Why? Because sabi nila before there's a human inside the pyramid body daw. I want to know if it's true isa pa it's a big opportunity for me to go here and see Egypt. Once in a life time lang rin eh.
**Write about the word confidence.**
For me confidence is where you are confident enough to show your flaws, to show your skills, to accept who you are, and to accept that everything you show is already enough. Well, I'm not this confident enough to show people about my flaws.
I have a big self insecurities where I know I do everything that's best for me and for anybody but I always ended up like I am nothing and I'm not enough.
But wait, I don't know what does the confidence really means so sorry.
1 thing you don't want to be with someone.
Well, I guess I'm gonna share the 1 thing that I really don't want to be. This is nothing personal so.
**Being a panakip butas.**
I already experience being a panakip butas to someone. It was my 2nd ex that's from the same place here at iloilo.
*So let me tell you a story;*
Let's all her Irene, irene is the kind of person where she was really kind at the eyes of others but not mine. I met her during my Junior Highschool, but we just begin noticing each other when I'm already in grade 11. It was Sept 12, 2018 when I first meet her. To be honest, i thought she was the kind of person who's not judging anybody but I'm wrong. It I have a worst 3 years ex then she was the in real life version of that ex.
I know that she was just using me, lol I even read her chat to one of her classmate where she told that, "**I'm just messing with her, it was easy for her to believe something.**", Lol? Little did she know that I'm just playing with her also.
Do you engage in activities to escape your reality?
Yes, playing online games.
I'm always stress and depressed when it comes to personal things. Sometimes, I just wasting my time playing online games so that I can forget what it is and what I feel. Before I ended up breaking down, I start telling myself to, "Calm down.", It's really hard for me when my anxiety is approaching, because there are times where I can't control myself and ended up hurting myself also.
So today, I go back from school and go home afterwards.
Nah, I don't feel my energy at all. I felt like I was tired of something. Like my body wants to rest, I want to sleep all day and do nothing, whenever that I'm feeling this way I know that there's something wrong inside me. Eversince that my surgery are already on its 7months, I noticed that my body were looking for more rest. That my body want to have more rest than the usual one, and here we are again. I don't have any appetite to eat, any appetite to do something or what.
I just felt like my body was on its weak spot for now.
When negative thoughts arise, how do you deal with them?
By praying and making myself more calm. When negative thoughts were arriving I know that I'm already having a hard time to control me from time to time.
Welp, meditation helped me to improve my move and to make myself comfortable in the midst of nowhere. Also writing helps me to express them even if after writing there's no change at all.
So this article may not long, I just don't feel okay right now xD
**Have a blessed day everyone!**
Little Things You Know.
***Disclaimer***: this is a fictional story only!
A car pulled in front of me and as I thought, '*Yes it was him.*' I grinned and start remembering how this days, years has passed but I still can't forget him. He cheated so why would I? *How dare me*?.
He is Carl, my 7years boyfriend who's with me eversince college days. He's also my workmate, and the girl that he changed is also one of my workmate. It's hard for me to adjust at first, but none of my business already.
*I know my worth.*
What you read above is just a joke, I maybe know my worth but I'm also a coward and an idiot who pleased him to stay and not to leave me. "**Girl stop staring at him, you making me feel nervous.**" Marilyn said, marilyn is my best friend starting the day that I worked here. I just look at her and give her a little bit of smile. "**You shouldn't try look at me when I'm staring**." I answered her and we just both laugh.
"**Hey did you know that Cloreline were pregnant? And Carl was not the father**.", She said to me in whisper. *Oh, really*? How I feel sorry about Carl, it's his karma by the way.
"**Oh really? Come on girl tell me more. Where did you get that news?**", I asked with confusion. She looked left and right before heading towards where my ear is. "**You didn't know? That's already on a discussion server. Did you just go back from Jupiter? Pluto? What planet you came from?**", she said sarcastically. I just look at her and them laugh again.
I'm sure that I'm not happy, I'm just pretending because that's what life is right?, *Fake 'til you make it.*
We ended up lwughing to each other while geading to the cafeteria when I suddenly bump into someone, "**Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean it.**", Said by a husky voice. My heart beats faster after hearing that voice, I know it's not familiar but, *what is this electricity that I feel?*
"**Hey, Steph you okay**?", Marilyn asked. I looked at ger for a second and look for the guy that I bumped just to say sorry.
"**Hey, did you see the guy that I bumped into?**", I asked. "**Oh, you mean Lovermier?, He's the new recruit that I am talking about last last day. He was kinda hot.**", She said while looking at him also. "**Nevermind, I can't see him. I just want to say sorry.**"
After eating, we directly go to our own station to do some work. And I can't stop thinking about Carl, *is he okay*?
I want to asked him but I'm shy, I'm not attracted at him...but maybe still. '*Stop that steph. Carl cheated on you so choose wisely, you suffered too much already.* Oh yes correct, I must stop thinking about him already.
"**Miss? Are you bus--**"
"**shut the f*ck up, oh I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, I'm thinking about something.**" I repeatedly said sorry, it was Lovermier. I don't know what bring him here but I guess it was something important.
"**No it's okay, I just eant to ask you if this is yours? I saw this on the floor earlier at where you bumped into me. Its have your name so...**" He said while smiling, oh my...he saw my diary book. But maybe *he didn't look into it right*?
"**Uhm, thankyou..**", *oh my steph, I'm ashamed.*
"**Don't worry, I'm not gonna tell anybody about it.**", He said while laughing. At that moment, I felt like my world stop spinning around. *He looks inside of it*?!
"**Wait, what are you saying**?.", I said like I can't believe about what he said. "**You know.**", He didn't finished what he's going to say and he's suddenly left me out wondering.
"**Are you done flirting with him?**," Someone said at back and when I turned back I saw Carl. He looks like he's not on the mood, *wait what's happening? .*
**"Am I flirting with whom?"**
"**With that new recruit Employee, is he your type?.**" He said while is one eyebrow is up. *Sounds jealous huh?.*
"**If he's my type it's none of your business.**", I said to him while looking at his eyes. He go near me and grab my waist, all of sudden I feel something weird. "**I'll bring you back to me.",** After he said that he pressed his lips to mine.
My body reacted about what he did, *I missed him..I really missed him.*
"**Ehem, ehem. Where we guys at?.**" One of my co-workers said when she entered the office. I suddenly push Carl away and avoid looking at his eyes.
*Even if I deny it or not, I really missed him.*
"**Oh really? He said that to you? Girl you already knew what happened before when he choose Cloreline. Do you want to look stupid again?**" Marilyn said, he was stressing out about what happened. Even me, I don't know what I'll gonna do. I can't decide.
"**No, that's not.. it's just I feel something weird when he kissed me. And I can't deny the fact that I still love him, what if I give him another chance? Since I know him for a long time**." I said while looking at the garden. It's not bad to give an another chance right?
"**Oh my Steph, that was a kiss only. We don't know that maybe he's just joking around because he knew that you still love him.**" She said while holding her head.
Yes I know, Marilyn have her point. But what if?
"**Steph, you know I'm not against about what you want. But he cheated, you deserve someone more than him Steph. Someone who's not going to cheat, who's not going to hurt you. You know, love supposed to heal you and not to break you.**" I took a deep breath after what she said. She has a big point, but I'm not sure..I really can't decide.
"***You must decide, one wrong move and you'll be back from stupidity again.***" - Marilyn.
Good day everyone! So what's your opinion? If someone cheated on you before and that person want you back, are you willing to give a 2nd change? 3rd chance? 4th chance or etc, or you'll give them up because you know that you worth something more than the person who cheated on you?
There's no part 2 in this fictional story!
My comment section were welcome about your discussions.
Final Thoughts
I'm starting to renew some of the sponsorships now. Sorry for the late renew! And thankyou so much @Carewind for sponsoring me, and thankyou so much for those who keep supporting me! May the God bless us all!
Let's grind and grind and grind this new month of March!
OFFICIALGAMBOALIKEUS
A 22 Days To Go Before My New Journey: A Monthly Income.
March 01, 2022
By:<> OfficialGamboaLikeUs
So in the next 22 days, my new journey will begin and I'm kinda nervous. Why am I nervous? It's because I know that this one will be a new chapter for me where I'm not on my comfort zone, but they said, getting out from the comfort zone is better for us to find ourselves more.
Okay so I'm having a hard time doing my daily routine since I have so much school works to do and to answer before getting out from this place so that I can handle it to my advisers.
I have no rants roday, only a story telling of how my days went.
I was renewing some of the sponsorships on my list when I noticed that there's so many users that I am sponsoring that are not active anymore here. I check their profile and some of them are active a month and weeks ago, I don't know them since I can only communicate to them thru to this platform. I don't know what their telegram is, or any of their social accounts.
So today, I accumulated my earnings and this is the result:
My total earnings for the month of February was 100.50$ or 5,152php. *Not bad.*
Congratulations everyone!
I know it's not easy for you guys to think a topic that we should write up everyday, or what topic do we need each day. Some of us were already giving up because rusty is not visiting us, but no..just don't.
I already give up writing last few months because Rusty's presence were gone but I have another reason why I stopped writing.
When I become inactive here, the reason was I'm dealing with my anxiety that becomes bad after dealing with some personal problems. To be honest it's not easy, there are times where I'm so down.
I just noticed that when my left ovary is already gone, I become more sensitive than the usual one. I'm not this sensitive person, not at all. If I'm dealing with some problems I just don't care about that at all. But it all change since my left ovary were gone, it was easy for me to get affected by a small things.
So **22 days to go,** I'll entering my new life journey. There are some factors that I want to do when I'm already out of my comfort zone:
Improve My Self More.
As human, we all need some improvements for us to gain new lessons and adjectives in life. I'm already aware that going out from a comfortzone will be dealing some new important things in life because we don't know what will might be happened next.
I'm still lack of learnings on what life I need to deal off if ever I'm already out from my comfort zone.
I already experienced being away from my parents years ago because I want to be independent and I want to gain and to learn new things. That was easy for me since it was giving me peace where I can't find now, when I go back here all things didn't become that easy. We all have different kinds of freedom, there was a time when i need to get far away from my parents and it feels refreshing it feels like im free from my shackles.
They always say that a world of an adult is too far from our world, now i understand what they meant by it that it wasn't easy to be an adult. Now that im an adult i totally understand them, i totally understand how hard it is.
Thinking about money,foods, clothes, electricity,water, rent,etc. Dividing your money to pay what you need and save those extra money so you can earn.
Now that i think of that im thankful for my parents for probiding me anything i need, they never missed anything i need they gave it to me, Im thankful for that and willing to repay them back someday.
When i was young i thought that it was easy to be an adult so i wished to grow up fast and enjoy, but it isn't like that its far from what i imagined.
So the time is near where i can finally live independently and work, i can finally achieve one of my dreams this step will take me to failures and success and i hope that during that time i wouldn't give up , because im halfway from my dreams.
Taking my first step outside this house, outside this comfort zone what will happen? Am i gonna regret my decisions? Am i gonna be happy?
*Well that questions will be answered once that time come and i hope I'll stay as i am now. This will be my unforgettable first step outside my zone.*
What journey awaits me in my outside zone? Will i like it? Or will i get scared to the environment im not used to? There's so much questions i had in my mind that's seeking answer i want but i know that all this questions will be answered by the time comes.
This is where the true problems arise about my experience and same as the problems as my parents had, the problems of living. Im exited to see how much will i improve and haw many obstacles ill pass and take my step little by little from my goals.
To Gain New Experiences.
Gaining new experience from my new work,new life, new things,new environment. Will it help me? Of course! Experience make things easier.
Im really hoping and looking forward to that time im so excited that every night i am imagining about it and imagining the things that ill have trouble with and preparing myself mentally and physically to things that it may seems that i can't make it but ill promise to overcome it.
Hopes and excitements are overflowing.
To Get Away From The Stressed.
As you guys knew, I am full of rantings about my mothers attitude towards me, and yes right now it was kinda stressful again but I don't want to pay attention to it since I want to enjoy my day today.
She just asking me to give her money and I told her that I don't have any. I need to save it from this month so I'm sorry for her.
**Final thoughts**
So this month,I didn't reach my goal which is I'm planning to earn 200$ but instead I just save up 100$, it's understandable since I just change my wallet to my part when the middle of the February hit.
On the next 22 days, I know a huge difference will hit me. I hope, luck will be on my side.
OfficialGamboaLikeUs
After The Worst Love: Applying Forgiveness.
I don't know how to apply forgiveness, I'm not sure where Can I start applying them or where can I start putting them. As I remember, before I really hate forgiving my ex because of what she do and what she did. But after I gained some lesson, I realized that forgiving someone is also forgiving yourself for something that you do but you're not allowed to do.
*She was asking for forgiveness,* little did she knew that I already forgive her but the only thing is I still can't talk to her because it makes my heart beats fast and my anxiety were triggering me.
Last night, she called my cousin and also called my baby. My baby said she was looking for me and when she called me, she also added my ex to a call so that she can talk to me. But when I hear her voice, I suddenly got scared for the reason that I'm not sure. Maybe the trauma was still alive and I'm not aware of it.
My ex kept calling my name last night, I ended up the call andeave the groupchat, for me I can forgive her but I don't want to hear her voice again.
I still remember when I fight my parents because of her, they got angry and told me to leave the house. My dad also slapped me, they hate my ex because of her vices. Like drinking, smoking..she always do that every night. She don't have any work, or a part time, I am the one who's giving her some money and also a load.
*Stupid, right?*
Well she was my first ex so the answer is given already.
**Last September, 2018**
I called her but the one who answered is her friend. Let's call her Nick, Nick is also my best friend ex and nick is also the same as my ex. They have the same attitude, same vibes, same vices and everything. Well, lot of her friends were back stabbers. If I knew some ilocanos who's friendly, sweet and hardworker then they are different.
All of my ex friends were like, plastic, back stabbers, marites, etc. ***Wanna know the reason why?***
There's someone who named Vhic, this person used to be my ex boss who used to asked my ex about everything. All they were doing was posting on social media about me. Like, "*Someone kept calling g***** while at work.*", Or, "*This girl is stupid because her partner was already cheating but she didn't care*.", "*This two are in Long Distance but the girl was a coward.*"
After reading their post, I suddenly feel upset because they can talked to me directly than posting it on social media.
I mean, why are they targeting me? She's on her 30's already but I don't know why are they acting like a kid. I talked to her and tell them everything, I even send the picture that I'm not the one who's calling my ex but it was my ex who's calling me.
But that b$($( was so good at lying and she called me again, when I answer the call she suddenly said, "**Why are you kept calling me?**.", I hear laugh on her background and it insult. I told her that, "**Stop putting that drama, I'm not doing anything about your stupidity.**"
Lmao, the other line become quiet all of sudden. Maybe because that is the first time that I fight back to her when someone is listening.
She asked her friend to tell me that she already want to broke me up, and I told her friend that, "***Oh sure, no problem. Tell her to make sure that she's mot going to call me again***." I hear her laugh, maybe because she didn't know that I'm dead serious about what I've said lol.
After 3 days, I received a call for her asking me why I didn't call her, I was like, "*Wth is her problem? She broke up with me and then she's going to question me why I didn't calling her?.*"
And the drama starts.
She threatened me that if I stop calling her she will going to kill herself, there are even times where her oldest sister kept calling me and throw badwords to me because she said, because of me her sister caught"Pneumonia.", Eh? It's not my wrong since her sister loves drinking and smoking.
For me, **Forgiving her is setting myself FREE.**
She was my worst love, my worst enemy, the worst version of people that I met, the sadgirl. But despite that, she is the best lesson that I ever learned.
Even if I admit it or not, this may be the worst love that I've ever experienced but it was the best life lesson that I ever learned in my life.
If I'm going to choose, past or present? I'll choose present.
It's good to go back from the past, but ***I'll choose the present*** instead. The reason is, what am I now is because of what happened before. So I must be thankful because even if I experienced the worst of it, but still God gave me reasons why it is happening.
Maybe I receive the worst love experience of my life, but I received the greatest gift above of that.
STORY TIMEEE
So I went to iloilo today and I got lost, I mean I remember where the unitap was but when I got there, my mind got rumbled easily and I kept thinking like, "Where's the unitap again?", Little did I know it was the huge place at where am I staying earlier :)
I'm in the city of chineseee! Chars.
Okay so I'm kinda tired today, good day everyone!
OfficialGamboaLikeUs
Rating My Childhood Pamalo: my today's today is weird.
Do you guys still remember how your parents palo-palo you because of pagiging pasaway? How your parents palo-palo us because we don't want to sleep every afternoon? Yung every wrong there's a palo there, palo here, palo everywhere **crying**, char.
So today because badvibes is kinakain me so I'm going to make this topic nalang as pambalik goodvibes for my mood and for those who have their bad days.
Siraulo kasi tita ko, ikaw ba naman ipatawag sa kabilang bahay just to tell you they buy a new phone and someone gave them another phone? Wait, do I care ba, hah? Do I care? That feeling when you're busy thinking about the article that you want to write today but they ruined it and this one suddenly came up to your mind so thank you *everything*.
So ayun nga, let's be marites muna. My auntie called me kasi in their house, I thought they will going to asked me about something because they kept calling me 5x in a row to clean and wash something but this one is different.
They just called me to show their new buy RealMe with 4 cameras sa likod and color crystal cyan, *okay I'm crying.*
So I was like, "**Am I Asking**?," Of course I don't wanna be rude to them so instead of spilling the beans I just said, "*Ah*.", But waittt, why they were bragging about the phone that they buy? If I only knew that my mother will get my extra money then sana I buy an expensive phone that time. But nvm.
****SMART INFINIX FOR THE WIN!****
Chars, I'm kinda hyper because of what happened.
Okay so enough of this blabla dingding let's proceed now to the topic.
Belt 100/10
Jusko mga dzai, everytime that my father palo-palo me this I'm always kamot-kamot my pwet. Okay lang sana if yung dulo pero yung bakal niya talagaaa. There are times when he palo me with this and nagkapeklat ako at the fever got me, and it says, "*Gutchu*."
Ps: *Sabog ata ako ngayon.*
So let me tell you a kwento, when I was a kid, I used to run outside of the house with my nephew who's in the same age as me. Because I'm a marites when I was a kid, I told him about my mother and father trying to have a 2nd child, I'm so dumb to share that kind of credentials and trying to explain what are they doing OMG I can't **crying*.* Char, okay so he's so interesado talaga to listen so I continue kwento-kwento to him. So what happened is, omy mga sisters and brother he also told my family about it and said, "***Para saan po yun***?", And the reality hit when they knew that, "****Kid knows nothing.****"
My father is hinabol me ng sinturon after that. Most memorable childhood memories ko to huhu.
Meters Stick 4/10
Okay so let's go back from grade 5, my teacher told us to bring meters stick as a school project. I bring mine an guess what happened?
Yung room namin before is room for special child also, so there's one special child called fritz. Okay so he was so makulittttt, he loves trolling around and he was so magulo talaga. There are one time when their teacher is not in the room and they told us to guard them muna. He's close to me so I don't mind. I'm just sitting lang naman then I didn't notice na he gets my school project and bigla pinalo sakin 😭 actually my face turned red that time kasi nakaupo ako nun sa sahig and nagbabasa ng ebook. That's hurt uy, I ended up wiping my tears. When the teacher got into classroom she told my classmate to buy and ice and inapply sa face ko.
Walis Paypay 7/10
Di ako pinalo pero binato oo.
At laspiñas even a small frop of rain is nagpapabaha na. Eh I love wagayway this sa baha and umact na para syang buntot ng sirena. So my mother got angry and she throw me this hehe.
So wait, ayan lang marerate ko kasi my parents always using sinturon or belt talaga to palo-palo me.
Sabog akong gumawa ng article sorry for being conyo.
So I was wondering what is my business to my auntie and why did she needs to show me her new buy phone and the phone that someone gave her? I didn't asked her naman about it, also I'm not the kind of person where I have a pakielam to them so I was wondering why.
I want to laugh because of their actions, there's nothing wrong about what they did pero for me it was wrong na ikekwnto pa sakin na someone give them a phone kuno and they buy anew one that cost 120$ or 8,000php. She even compare my phone to me. I buy my phone for like 100$ only or 5,000php but my phone have a good specs.
Smart Infinix is smooth, I recommend this phone for anyone. It's good for gaming, good for social media, good for selfies. All in one built-up nasya sa phone.
I want to make a phone review pero tinatamad ako, but If there's a rating? Irerate ko ng 100000000000/10 ang smart infinix.
Final Thoughts
If you're looking for a smartphone who's friendly when it comes to budget, and those who wants to have a good phone. O really recommend Smart Infinix, sa 5k mo may 4/64 kana, 5999 or 6k may 6/128 kana and sa 10k may 8/256 kana.
I buy 4/64 since di ako mahilig sa mabibigat na games and ginagamit ko lang sya to watch. So goods narin.
Ps: this one is from my own review talaga since I'm using smart infinix.
OfficialGamboaLikeUs
A Question Diary: Are You Honest With Your Answers?
Good day everyone! So today I'm going to answer another, "*Question Diary.*", So how's your life everyone?
So there so many users who tagged me regarding to my first post about this one. Today let's make an another round.
**Note:** ***Please be honest answering this question. Answer them regarding on what you really feel.***
What is the scariest dream you have ever had?
It's when I found myself dying with my own two eyes.
Okay so let me tell you a story, this one happened before I undergo operation. I just undergo to it because my baby told me so, she's the one who change my mind and pursue me to have a check-ups, so before that I dreamed about myself.
This dream is the most scariest dream that I've ever experienced, because I saw myself having a last breath while in the hospital with a lot of people surrounds me. My mother was crying, saying sorry about what she did and say, she said she regretted the fact that she's not being a good mother when I'm still alive.
The second one is my baby, because she's at Baguio and I'm in Iloilo, I saw her crying all over the time and kept chatting and updating me. There are times where I saw her calling me even if she knew that I'll not going to answer that because I'm gone. She kept saying, "I miss you." And sometimes she's already Falling asleep while crying.
When I woke up, I saw her peacefully sleeping via VC and I can't help it but to cry while looking at her.
*When I know that I'm going to leave this world, I'll set everyone free first.*
What is a mistake people often make about you?
About being snobby. Lololol, I'm not smiling when I'm on the ouside, even the people who greeting me a good morning or etc. Sometimes I'm smilyto them but most of the time I'm just looking to their eyes and just not greeting them back.
But the most important matter is, they always said that I have my own world and snobbish without knowing that I am friendly and I love being around with people but I'm just shy to say or utter a world. I prefer being quiet when I'm on the side where there's too many people and a few people around me.
Brothers and sisters, I am a friendly person okay? It's just that I'm shy when it comes to other people so I'm sorry xd.
How can you love yourself more?
I'm not sure how to answer this question, but how can I love myself more? It's not quite a while since I start giving myself an importance, I mean it I don't know how I give importance to myself. All matters I have were trying to love me even more.
If I love myself, then I love myself. I just starting loving myself a while ago and it's not that long since I'm not giving importance about me anymore. When I'm talking to myself, I know selflove is a must but the only question that are on my mind is, "*How and why?,*" So it was always on my mind and nothing more.
What is the biggest secret you have kept from your parents?
That i regret being their daughter.
I know that we have no choice to choose who were want to be our family, or what kind of family do we like. We can't choose our life, we can't choose something that is not according to our life purposes. The only reason why I say this it's because I'm struggling already when I'm with them. Whenever that I'm talking to them, I can feel how I hate my life, how I hate being born, how I hate being in this world.
I know it has nothing to do with me anymore, their past I mean. But they kept persisting that their past is connected to me. As their daughter, I'm not allowed to say what I feel, to say what I want because for them it's a lack of being respectful.
I know respectful is not demanded, it's a choices between the person what that person deserves it or not, but for them as long as their are the older, as long as you are the youngest, you need to respect them like how they think you will respect them. Or else, they will going to get angry and they will going to scold you and they will going to compare you to others.
*That's how my family works. Downgrading to them is a must, even if you're their child, or not.*
How do you feel about this last week/month/year?
Everything's good because they know that I'm going away. They were acting like a real parents because I'm already not here and they knew that when the march stepped in, they will start counting the days where I am about to go out where am I now.
The only question for me is, it's quite strange. I mean, they're not acting like that when I'm staying here for a long time. Only now when they knew that I'm going away, what's the deal?
The questions on my mind is, "What is their deal?.", Why are they acting like they do care but when I'm not going anywhere they were acting kike I'm their financial needs. What is going on? Everything seems to be mysterious for me.
Final thoughts
Is someone experience to shiever all of sudden because you feel anxious? Or it's just my anxiety? My stomach were hurting and both of my hands and feet are also cold.
Plus, my dysmenorrhea is bad. I've been suffering from this for like 3days now huhu.
OfficialGamboaLikeUs
My New Journey At The 23rd Of March.
As you guys knew, I'll moving out to Baguio next month at March 23, to be honest this will be the new journey of my life where when I leave my hometown I want to forget everything especially the pain that I felt on how many years of staying there.
All of my neighbors including my auntie's were all *Marites*, last last day one of my auntie who live in California talk to me. She told me that I should give support to my auntie who's living here in ***Iloilo***.
I suddenly kept quiet because I know that they're not my obligation, and my only obligation is all about my family and not them. It's like I want to asked them if they were joking or not because all of us knew that even piso or centavo we didn't receive anything from them.
But who am I to complain? I have no any reason to complain since I knew that in the end I am the one who will get scolded by them.
*So let me share what I want when I leave here.*
**I want to have a** ***PEACEFUL MIND.***
I'm so tired of thinking about the things that I am going through, my cousin always saying that I already had enough. She wants me to get oit from the things that were giving pressure to me because she wanted me to be happy.
Even me, I want to be happy, I want to be free from them, I want to enjoy everything and I want to do the things that I still didn't do. I want those tears to have a prize, and I want those imaginable problems have a solution.
I already said that I am guilty because my baby is the one who will going to catch the responsibilities that ain't her, then gusto ko bumawi if ever I'm already there. She had my full support at anything that she wants to her life, I wanna be her no.1 who will going to support her at anything. I love her, and what I feel about her is genuine.
**I want to be genuinely** ***HAPPY*****.**
I didn't feel happiness eversince I go back at where my parents is, what I feel is like I put everything into edges where myself are not ready to go back.
When I go back where my parents at because of the pandemic, U realized that ny life is not the same as before. I became a prisoner myself because of ny own parents, I'm not allowed to go out, I'm not allowed to go somewhere, even buying outside is not allowed. We need to tell them anything that we want to buy so that they can buy it for us.
There are times where I can only go out uf there's a school schedule, or when I'm going to visit my grandma at the cemetery. Kinda unfair right?
**I want to** ***SMILE*** **again.**
To be honest, I'm not smiling when I'm only inside the house, the reason? It's because of my family. They always telling me that why I'm still smiling even though I know we're going through something.
It it bad to smile? Lmao, and yeah do you know the fake smile? I'm always doing that not until one of my friend confronted me and said I look like that I'm forcing myself to be happy.
I want a genuine smile that's coming out from my face.
I'm getting ready for my new life journey, the journey where I'm going to start my new healing process away from everyone who caused stress to me. The healing process where I need to help at myself because I need to, the healing process where I need to boost my confidence at all things because that the things that I'll need.
I said to myself, that whenever I'm already there I'll start a new life away from the stress and depression that I've been through. I want to start with zero again, forget everything and start to move forward. While the day was running, I realized that this things were happening for a purpose. I mean, who knew this time would come?
*Gusto ko bumawi*, I can see how she was putting her effort to the relationship that both of us have. I want to say thankyou to her personally, I want to say everything that I want her to hear out from me.
Wala sa usapan to, before we already told each other that settling soon is kinda early so instead, I just said to her that I'm going to take a vacation to her place for like a month and she agree with it. Because she will hoing to work as OFW after my vacation, but instead it didn't happened.
My cousin Areum, told me that she was going to book a flight for me going to Baguio. She said, she was planning to be a nun and she said that was a belated and advance birthday gift for me and my baby. My baby's birthday was June 23, while me was July 4.
To be honest, at first I thought she was joking not until she asked for a permission and my baby agreed. She suddenly booked a ticket and I was shocked, like "*Why are they helping me this much?*."
My cousin talj to me and said, "***Stop questioning yourself. You deserve every of this***." I even asked my baby many times if she was agree with it and don't have any problem. She told me that, "**I'm going to help you first before myself**."
If I had my worst lovelife years ago, then she was the best gift that I've received year ago. She's the only one who can make me calm when everything was messed up.
That's why, I want to pay everything whenever I see her personally.
Well, my heart is graciously thankful because of her. Because she came, because she's become part of my life.
Everyone that's become part of my life is a precious thing that I've received from above, my baby, my virtual friends from this platform, the one who kept me updated at messenger.
I'm thankful to the users who give strength to me when I'm in the middle pf disaster, to the users who help me when I'm in the middle of nowhere. I'm not mentioning you guys, you know how much you all mean to me. I love you!
Final Thoughts
I'm kinda inactive because I'm having a hard time facing dysmenorrhea, my head feels so dizzy, I feel like I'm going to vomit, I can't move well, I can't stand up and I felt like my body was so heavy. To be honest, I don't know how to deal with this because I'm having a real bad time right now.
I try hot compress, I also drink hot water but the pain inside was so intense. The reason why I didn't read article last day and today it's because whenever that I'm reading I'm going to vomit.
I hate it, this dysmenorrhea was really bad.
Thankyou so much @Lucifer01 for renewing your sponsorship sir! And to all who's sponsoring and supporting me thankyou so much!
OfficialGamboaLikeUs
Funny Dreams and Creepy Experience: Pre-Halloween Horror Experience.
Okay, so I woke up today like 6am in the morning and I felt like I am high out of the sight. Oh my, I guess I'm kinda lutang today. I feel sleepy and I still want to sleeeeppp but I have so many things to do and yeah, talo nanaman ako sa chess.
My baby is a good chess player, *matalino sa math to basta ganyan, char.*
So earlier, when I woke up I start scrolling through my phone, at the menu where you can see your phone application. So what I did is just I kept scrolling through it up and down and do nothing, I'm just wondering why am I holding my phone with no one to chat since my baby has a morning duty which is 7am. I know it's mot just me who experienced this kind of being high.
**Let me share my dream.**
Last night, I'm dreaming about some kind of product where when you try to put it into your food, the food will become bigger and one kind of a giant. I'm not sure what Am I thinking about this day while I'm sleeping why the dream of mine was kinda weird, but it was super weird at all.
So in my dreams, me, my niece only the two of us were having a snacks and I saw a small piece of a chicken. And then the powder beside of it, I asked her on ny dreams if what it was and she answered me that she don't know. So I put it all at the plate I said to ny self to roll the small chicken there that's why I did it.
When I put it, I was shock because the chicken becomes bigger and I can eat a lot of it. Me and my niece grab it and start eating them while talking, I was laughing through my dream and when I woke up I'm also laughing. Okay, this one was weird HAHAHAH
*Maybe I'm thinking about food.*
**My creepy experience.**
So last last week, I am having this weird sleep paralysis kung saan dama kong may humihipo sa pwet ko while I'm facing the wall. Last few days, I feek something inside my room which is kinda creepy but yeah it was creepy. Not until earlier I experienced this again.
I suddenly woke up at 2:30AM and I felt like someone is watching over me, when I opened my eyes, I saw someone who's sitting in front of me. I suddenly closed my eyes and said to myself, "*Oh crap, I forgot to bring out the chair*."
This is always happening to me, I still remember when I saw a floating lady when I was still a grade 3 at where the house build when I reach my 7th grade. To be honest, I'm not sure who's this lady was and I'm not familiar with her. As I remember, when I saw her I suddenly got stunned and not even able to move. I still remember how she was looks like. Until my father scholded me because I was staring at nothing, when I look again to the tree the girl was not there already.
Last time, my baby was ranting about hearing some noise but this one is many months ago after I undergo my operation. She said, she was hearing noises and she thought I was doing something. I was wondering at first like what she was talking about? I was asleep for the whole night because my body was still resting. And she said, she hear something that is moving things or doing some particular movements. It feels creepy at the same time because I'm aware to myself that I was sleeping and I can't do some movements that time due of my operation.
There also times where my parents here something in my room, someone's knock and they thought it was me. When they check my room. They saw me sleeping while having a VC to my baby. And it's repeat again 3x, when it repeated, they woke me up and asked me what wm I doing. I was wondering what is going on and they said, they here a **Blag** inside my room 3x. They thought something fall from the walls and I told them, "**No, I wasn't sure. I'm sleeping.**" After I said this, they suddenly became quiet and not even sure what to say.
**And this thing was happened weeks ago,**
I was sleeping and my baby was still awake that time. At the morning, she asked me if I'm doing something on my phone and I told her that I'm not. I asked her why and she said, she thought that my phone were moving. This was happening when I forgot to ask for a *gabay* before I sleep. I don't know what the gabay in english but it was when you asked for protection before sleeping, going somewhere or etc.
When this things were happening, all I can think is prayer is the best solution for them. Tbh, I'm experiencing nightmares, creepy things and others this past few days. I'm not sure why, I don't even know what's the reason why I can feel something again. This already fade months ago, and now I can sense them again.
*If I can only know the reasons why, I'll asked them without hesitation*.
Final Thoughts
I can feel spirit eversince I was a child, there's no explanation through it, there's no answer why. All I know is sometimes I hate the feeling whenever that I'm sensing them. Do you know the feeling? It was cold at the same time it was hot. There are times where I can see them through my vision, there are times I can see them like clouds and slowly fading away. There are times where I can talk to them through my dreams, there are times where I can feel them beside me.
Lol, last day my parents aren't here because they went to my auntie's uncle who died due of yeart attack, they stayed there over night and came home at 5am. Tbh, I felt like something is wrong inside the house. I felt lik there was many people inside even if there are only the 3 of us including my niece and nephew. At temperature was a chill one with a hot temper on it, not the Temperature that you can feel when it's hot or cold.
So I'm trying not to feel any tension thru it, and just pray for them to be disappear asap.
Thankyou ate @Bloghound for renewing your sponsorship po, and also thankyou so much everyone for continue giving support to me! 💓
OfficialGamboaLikeUs
@OfficialGamboaLikeUs