The rest of you are probably not aware that I had surgery because my left ovary had to be removed. I will retell the story of how my life turned out when I had to make choices in my life, in all the decisions, I failed to save my health when I was fine. I will make the important words italic and bold so that everyone will saw the sign of it.

Which is the decision you regret the most?

I neglected my health. Because to be honest, I feel so guilty about myself these days. I neglected myself so much because I should have taken care of myself before. Because since my surgery, my body is different and not like before.

A Story to tell.

I wrote an article one year ago about the operation and the rest of you gave a donation which is super helpful since it covered our other lack for medicine and other things I needed. 2016, when I found out I had an Ovarian Cyst. At first, it wasn't me who noticed but my classmate. I was thin during these times, not fat and not thin either. One of my classmates told me that I was getting fatter and fatter, at that time I knew something was wrong with me because my period also came a little late. I told him that maybe he just thought it was because my uniform was big, so we just ignored it. Not until, when I was in grade 10. When I was in grade, my period didn't come for almost 1 year. Of course I just let it go because I thought, that's fine, I don't have a problem. Until I experienced abdominal pain, the pain even when you don't have a period.

I remembered, this day was very memorable for me. When it happened, we visited the cemetery to fix my grandmother's grave because we were going to change our flower plants because the others had died. While I was doing that, I felt a super pain in my abdomen but I didn't pay attention. Until less than a few minutes later, it hurt more and my vision started to darken. I lost consciousness this time, I didn't know anything about what was happening around me. I just woke up and I was at home, they asked me what the problem was and then I told them everything.

This is where they decided to check me up, when I checked up, it was seen on the ultrasound that I have a cyst and the size is about 4cm. I was given medicine to make my period come again, and when it came I thought that the cyst would also disappear if I continued to menstruate. But here I was wrong, I became bloated, gained a lot of weight and almost never had my periods. After a few years, I didn't check up. I stopped my medicine because it was too expensive and I couldn't afford it.

When I met my partner last year, and said I told her everything. I was still very scared, because of my mindset and she won't accept me and she won't love me but I was wrong. she is the one who encouraged me, she is also the one who pushed me to have surgery. So I thought again and again, how lucky I was that this person came. Helped me with everything, and never left me alone. Because if it was different, I might have been left.

When I was operated on, the cyst was 15cm. They had to take out my left ovary because the cyst had eaten it, and it gave birth too. Because of what happened, I realized. I realized that what I did to myself was so wrong, that it shouldn't be. I couldn't do anything but accept the truth, accept that it was also my fault why that happened to me. Because if I had realized it at the beginning, the result might not be like this.

It was very difficult to undergo surgery, since I was operated on, I am not as strong as before. I am also very prone to the flu. Back then, I could stay up even if I only slept for one or two hours, now it's not like that anymore. So I have no choice but to let go of my job, to choose my health. Because of what happened then, I can no longer sacrifice my health for my wants.

I know that people around me don't understand this, especially at work and only a few do, so it's okay with me even if they make up a story that I'm leaving because of this and that reason. It's up to them, I don't want to explain because it's a waste of my time for closed minded people.

Final Thoughts

So to those who don't listen to that and feel something in their body, don't say you want to die. Because when you are on the verge of death, you will ask to live even more.