My New Journey At The 23rd Of March.

As you guys knew, I'll moving out to Baguio next month at March 23, to be honest this will be the new journey of my life where when I leave my hometown I want to forget everything especially the pain that I felt on how many years of staying there.

All of my neighbors including my auntie's were all Marites, last last day one of my auntie who live in California talk to me. She told me that I should give support to my auntie who's living here in Iloilo.

I suddenly kept quiet because I know that they're not my obligation, and my only obligation is all about my family and not them. It's like I want to asked them if they were joking or not because all of us knew that even piso or centavo we didn't receive anything from them.

But who am I to complain? I have no any reason to complain since I knew that in the end I am the one who will get scolded by them.

So let me share what I want when I leave here.

I want to have a PEACEFUL MIND.

• I'm so tired of thinking about the things that I am going through, my cousin always saying that I already had enough. She wants me to get oit from the things that were giving pressure to me because she wanted me to be happy.

Even me, I want to be happy, I want to be free from them, I want to enjoy everything and I want to do the things that I still didn't do. I want those tears to have a prize, and I want those imaginable problems have a solution.

I already said that I am guilty because my baby is the one who will going to catch the responsibilities that ain't her, then gusto ko bumawi if ever I'm already there. She had my full support at anything that she wants to her life, I wanna be her no.1 who will going to support her at anything. I love her, and what I feel about her is genuine.

I want to be genuinely HAPPY.

I didn't feel happiness eversince I go back at where my parents is, what I feel is like I put everything into edges where myself are not ready to go back.

When I go back where my parents at because of the pandemic, U realized that ny life is not the same as before. I became a prisoner myself because of ny own parents, I'm not allowed to go out, I'm not allowed to go somewhere, even buying outside is not allowed. We need to tell them anything that we want to buy so that they can buy it for us.

There are times where I can only go out uf there's a school schedule, or when I'm going to visit my grandma at the cemetery. Kinda unfair right?

I want to SMILE again.

To be honest, I'm not smiling when I'm only inside the house, the reason? It's because of my family. They always telling me that why I'm still smiling even though I know we're going through something.

It it bad to smile? Lmao, and yeah do you know the fake smile? I'm always doing that not until one of my friend confronted me and said I look like that I'm forcing myself to be happy.

I want a genuine smile that's coming out from my face.

I'm getting ready for my new life journey, the journey where I'm going to start my new healing process away from everyone who caused stress to me. The healing process where I need to help at myself because I need to, the healing process where I need to boost my confidence at all things because that the things that I'll need.

I said to myself, that whenever I'm already there I'll start a new life away from the stress and depression that I've been through. I want to start with zero again, forget everything and start to move forward. While the day was running, I realized that this things were happening for a purpose. I mean, who knew this time would come?

Gusto ko bumawi, I can see how she was putting her effort to the relationship that both of us have. I want to say thankyou to her personally, I want to say everything that I want her to hear out from me.

Wala sa usapan to, before we already told each other that settling soon is kinda early so instead, I just said to her that I'm going to take a vacation to her place for like a month and she agree with it. Because she will hoing to work as OFW after my vacation, but instead it didn't happened.

My cousin Areum, told me that she was going to book a flight for me going to Baguio. She said, she was planning to be a nun and she said that was a belated and advance birthday gift for me and my baby. My baby's birthday was June 23, while me was July 4.

To be honest, at first I thought she was joking not until she asked for a permission and my baby agreed. She suddenly booked a ticket and I was shocked, like "Why are they helping me this much?."

My cousin talj to me and said, "Stop questioning yourself. You deserve every of this." I even asked my baby many times if she was agree with it and don't have any problem. She told me that, "I'm going to help you first before myself."

If I had my worst lovelife years ago, then she was the best gift that I've received year ago. She's the only one who can make me calm when everything was messed up.

That's why, I want to pay everything whenever I see her personally.

Well, my heart is graciously thankful because of her. Because she came, because she's become part of my life.

Everyone that's become part of my life is a precious thing that I've received from above, my baby, my virtual friends from this platform, the one who kept me updated at messenger.

I'm thankful to the users who give strength to me when I'm in the middle pf disaster, to the users who help me when I'm in the middle of nowhere. I'm not mentioning you guys, you know how much you all mean to me. I love you!

Final Thoughts

I'm kinda inactive because I'm having a hard time facing dysmenorrhea, my head feels so dizzy, I feel like I'm going to vomit, I can't move well, I can't stand up and I felt like my body was so heavy. To be honest, I don't know how to deal with this because I'm having a real bad time right now.

I try hot compress, I also drink hot water but the pain inside was so intense. The reason why I didn't read article last day and today it's because whenever that I'm reading I'm going to vomit.

I hate it, this dysmenorrhea was really bad.

Thankyou so much @Lucifer01 for renewing your sponsorship sir! And to all who's sponsoring and supporting me thankyou so much!

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