My Mother's Words Vs. What I Want To Say.

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A lot of you knows how many rants I am doing just to feel fine, and now here we are again. There are words where I can't say it straight to her so I let her say what she wants and I let her spill everything that she wanted, even though it was hard for me.

I am shy to open up because I felt like it's just a waste of time for them so I choose to quiet and spill it out here than verbally.


When my mother said, "You should be thankful because I didn't even think to abort you because it was wrong. So stop talking to me as if I am your child!."

This was happened earlier. I woke up at 5am and I feel uncomfortable, like I felt like something will haopen but I'm not sure what it was. At 8am, she asked me for some money, pamasahe papuntang palengke. And I told her that she's the one who's holding my wallet last day so why would she asked me that? I already give my spare allowance to her.

I asked my baby to send me 200 (4$) but instead she send 5$. By the way, I'm using her bitcoin wallet so that I can save up na di ko talaga magagalaw yung yung pera.

It's because I go to school last day and I don't have any allowance left since I paid my money when I get signature to the alumni. I paid 500php or 10$ to it. Before I go home last day, I direct to 7/11 to eat some foot long and ice cream. I cost 0.6$ for a foot long and 0.5 for an icecream so I still have 2$ and 0.8$ left. When I got home, I gave her what's left on me so that she kept her mouth quiet for a moment but still no. She kept nagging and said, "this is it? You're writing for many days why you give this is only.?", I didn't answer her, I just go inside of my room and minding my own business.

If I can only say a word, I will told her that:

Nay, I didn't wish to be here. If I only can go back as a spirit and choose to wander around, maybe I'll just watching everyone having their bad and good days, maybe I'm just a spirit who's freely wandering around and start making scenes that will makes me happy without worrying or anything. I know you guys didn't expected me to be the result of your wrongdoings, even me I didn't expecting to be born and to give a new life where I should be thankful but instead I'm not. When I was a child, you kept telling me that when I grew up I need to help you and everyone who's beside me. But now that I grow up, you makes me realize that prioritizing everything and having thisnkind of responsibilities makes me tired. I'm not sure what's happening but you're not the same mother that I have years ago.


When my mother said, "look at your big sister's son, he's working and spoiling her parents. How bout you? When are you planning to spoil us again? Once you're in Baguio dapat yung responsibilities mo di mo iwan."

Even if I'm working before and doing a double part time, I didn't forgot about my responsibilities, not even once. I'm trying mybest to fulfill everything that they want so that can be satisfied, as I said, I only earned 7-8k or 140$ or 160$ per month before. I'm paying to my boarding house 60$ a month or 3000 including the electricity and I spend only 20$ for a food and another 20$ for the expenses and personal things. Yung sobra binibigay ko sakanila.

And what I want to say is:

As your daughter, I didn't forget any of my responsibilities except forgetting my own self just to satisfied you. Everything went well whenever I'm giving a money, but now, why it's not? I'm having a hard time too... I'm not complaining even if you were forcing me to give you a money, if you were asking me everyday about it. I just feel miserable everytime your telling me I'm not a good daughter because I can't give you some. Do I look like a robot to you where I can't feel anything? I'm not even deaf not to hear every words you spill. I'm not selfish when if comes to you because you're my mother. But how come it's easy for you to spill those words?


When my mother said, "I hope you die!", And I answered her, "Sana nga mauna ako". I didn't mean it, I don't want to die and I don't want to end my life for a moment. To be honest, I feel hopeless that my mother will change, her attitude towards me is sometimes okay and sometimes it's not. I don't really understand it, I felt like she only needs me because of a money.

And I wanna say;

This life of mine were precious, given by the God above that the one who knows until when I'm going to be alive. If there's a choices, like "Be alive", or "not."? I'll choose the second one. I didn't wish to be here, I didn't wish to be alive, I didn't wish to be your daughter, I didn't wish to disappoint you. If I disappointed you because of being born, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to disappoint you, I didn't mean to be here. I know, both of you are not expecting that you'll be pregnant and become a mother again, this child of yours don't have any idea how you suffer before because of the judgement, me too..you have no idea how am I cursing myself because of being here.


An Open Letter.

You know, I'm trying my best also. I'm not touching my weekly allowance so that I can give it you everytime you need it. I'm not being madamot or selfish, sometimes I need it also that's why I'm just putting it inside of my wallet. If I don't givr you a money, it doesn't mean that I am selfish. It's just that I need it also, I need it because I don't want to ask some money to the both of you to avoid any conflict. I'm respecting you anytime that you were insulting me, I'm still respectful to you even if says random story to other people which is not true. I am your daughter but why are you like that? You're acting like I'm not your daughter. You keot comparing me to the people who were successful in life at the young age, I want it too...but I have my limitations and I'm just a beginner in life who want to take a risk at everything.


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Comments

Masasabi ko lang maam pray ka lang ma'am god is always by our side kahit GANYAN Ang nararanasan mo ma'am just keep it up yung buhay kung saan ka masaya ma'am always choose to be happy.

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2 years ago

Oh my gussh..Its really sad to know about your situation dear.But dont worry dear sis. GOD is always be with us, surely HE will solve this problem. May Allah help you dear sis.

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2 years ago

This is so sad to read my friend. I know how hard it is on your part. I don't know what to say, I'm speechless because I feel hurt for you :(

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2 years ago

Oh my, this is very sad. How I wish I can cheer you up, I'm really sorry for what you are going through this time. It might be so difficult and complicated in your part, but I hope God won't allow negative thoughts comes to your mind, keep on fighting sis.

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2 years ago

I understand you and I feel sorry to read your article, I don't know how to cheer you up since I'm only a virtual friend but I want to tell you that you should continue your side hustle at least you are earning right now.

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2 years ago

Aweee! Pwede moko e message bi. Usap tayo 🥺

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2 years ago

Nahihiya ako ate eh, pakiramdam ko kasi nakakaistorbo ako

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2 years ago

times like that are in a very deep dilemma, sometimes we remember the role of a mother to her child, because she has taken care of and raised him and it is a mother's love that will never be erased by time but sometimes parents are often in a situation that often makes children feel bored even in a state of guilt. respecting parents is an obligation because they remember their sacrifices but what about their attitude that cannot make children respect them. this is a dilemma and is in the wrong position. keep it up friend

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2 years ago

Yes sis, I already told her that I'm still resoecting her even if she's like that to me. I'm trying to understand everything but there are times where I can't

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2 years ago

I've also experienced things like this and sometimes I get sick of it, but as a child what you have to respect them is to find a way to survive. pray for them because often they lose control whether we realize it or not we are still finite human beings. stay patient life partner is a trial and we must endure.

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2 years ago

Yes, thankyouu.

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2 years ago

Ang hirap magkaroon ng ganyang magulang. Dati, ang immature ko din mag isip Pero ako din di ako nanumbat sakanila. Tikom lang bibig ko. I tried din na gawin yung isang bagay na hindi dapat pero diko magawa. Even if they gave me a lot of pain, wala sila natanggap sakin na salita.

I hope your Parents will know and realized your worth. Maybe, you should work hard more marengs for sure kapag nakapag graduate kana, tapos stable na ang buhay mo, doon sila magmamakaawa. But, can you forgive them? Can you still help them? I bet yes, because You can make them as an inspiration to work hard and a ladder to your success.

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2 years ago

Oo mareng, lagi ko sila napapatawad agad kahit ang hirap nila intindihin, wala akong rights e

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2 years ago

It is totally impossible for me to believe that she is your real biological mother. Really sorry for what is happening to you, I can't believe that mothers can be like this. Don't worry Sis, all the things which are messing up in your life will be alright one day. More power to you sis and more success to you Sis and I wish may your mother's behavior towards you change.

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2 years ago

Thankyou, I'm hoping too that someday she'll change

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2 years ago

There is nothing I can say to this. But I would love to feel you as a friend to take it easy with her. No matter what she is still your mother and would always remain your mother.

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2 years ago

Don't worry, I'm always forgiving her bcuz she's my mother

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2 years ago

That's so good and you and kind also. My prayers and love are with you dear

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2 years ago

Grabe naman yung mama mo sayo sis. Napaka sakit magsalita huhu. I am sending my warm virtual hugsss sayo sis. 🤗

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2 years ago

Ganyan talagabsya sis e sanayan nalang sa ugali nya

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2 years ago

Words really won't be expressed but we were here Gyra, believed that there will come a day that your mother will eventually realize those words, kapit lang survive and let change the future. Death will never be the best solution.

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2 years ago

Yes, promise natin na di tayo tutulad sakanila

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2 years ago

Your mother is too blessed lods that she has a daughter like you, if she was my mother, those painful words will bounce back to her right at the moment she'll say it to me. Hehe

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2 years ago

Sasapakin mo lods? 🤣

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2 years ago

Sasapakin lods, dahil di onligasyun ng anak ang buhayin ang magulang haha

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2 years ago

I felt sorry because at the first place, your parents should not say that you have a responsibilities to them. Maybe may utang na loob tayo somehow but it doesn't mean na kailangan habang buhay nilang sasabihin sayo yun. I can't imagine your situation there sis huhu😔😔*hugs

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2 years ago

Oo nga sis eh, kahit rin ako diko maintindihan masyado

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2 years ago

I just really feel so sad that some parents are like this. Seems like you are raise by them because they want you to become their investment like what??? Is that a right thing? Sorry with that sis, I hope ylu will be given so much strength by God as always.

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2 years ago

Nahit mo point ate, if mababasa mo sa past articles ko oo nashare ko nung sinabihan nyako na dapat daw sustentuhan ko sila kase sila nagpalaki sakin

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2 years ago

D nmn yan dpat. Grabe nu ganyan sya mag isip prang hindi ina..

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2 years ago

Yakaaap ❤️. I don't know what to say since I am not in the position to say something pero ang masasabi ko lang sayo ngayon is hindi mo responsibilidad parents mo habambuhay. U can help them sometimes pero not all the times. Its your effort and time ang ginugugol mo para makapag earn ng pera. Be more kind to urself

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2 years ago

Sa "be more kind to urself." Ata need ko pagaralan para sa sarili ko 🥲

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2 years ago

Allow me to quote.... "You should be thankful because I didn't even think to abort you because it was wrong. So stop talking to me as if I am your child!."----- These are very harsh words, I don't think any mother should say such.

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2 years ago

Even me kris. I'm still trying to understand her but sometimes it was too much

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2 years ago

Sorry about nito Langga. Hindi ko lang maintindihan bat ganun. 🥺 Pamilya mo sila dapat tutulungan ka nila at susuportahan. Ipag pray mo lang sila langga. Praying na ma fix at ma okay na ang lahat. 🙏

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2 years ago

Super praying rin ako ate, minsan kasi nakakaoagod na talaga umitindi.

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2 years ago

Naintindihan kita langga. Sobrang hirap yung ganun pero laban lang Langga.

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2 years ago

Hindi Naman talaga natin ginusto na mabuhay dito at maranasan lahat ng hirap kung meron man. Bakit kasi lumalabas sa big ng mga magulang yon no. Kakaurat

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User's avatar Yen
2 years ago

True ate, tas pagnasagot mo kasalanan mo pa.

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2 years ago

Si papa mismo nagsabi sakin non hehe.

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User's avatar Yen
2 years ago

Baliktad tayo te, papa sayo mama saken. Bat kaa ganyan HAHAHAAH

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2 years ago