Last day, all of my patience suddenly lost when she replied to me via messenger that she don't have any care about my patience. I already plan to leave the boarding house and find somewhere to stay with but not that far at where I'm going to work. I'm already independent enough to leave everything behind. She told me that she already lost her patience and she just want to think about herself. That's where I reacted.

I told her that I'm not doing anything wrong for her to lose her patience, I also told her that if she don't have any patience left then how am I? I'm already losing my patience and I already lost it when she replied again.

But something unexpected happened.

When she got home, I heard the door slammed like she was angry or what but I didn't pay attention to it. I'm done, I'm already done. After that scene, she just suddenly goes to bed and pulled the comforter and hug me. I heard her crying while she was hugging me tightly. I can't explain what I feel, I just feel guilty all of sudden. Maybe I was angry because of what she did but my love for her is always at the top.

At first, I thought it was just my feelings that she was crying but after a while, I just suddenly feel that it's not. I also hug her back, I can't deny tge fact that no matter how angry am I, the love that I feel for her are always at the top. I can't let my anger burst out to I stay quiet. When she said sorry while she was crying, that's where I start crying also. I feel like my anxiety will attacked me last night and I tried to breathe in and breathe out. She hugged me while tapping my back, and I can't breathe because of what I feel.

I have this moment when my emotion birst out, I'm having a hard time to control my breathe and also there are times where I can't really breathe. I can feel my body shaking but not that much. Yes, my anxiety can be bad as it was when my body started to shake.

She start wiping my tears while saying sorry. I'm just angry, but I love her. The only thing is, I can't let myself to be hurt again by the same reason that's why I planned to leave when everything didn't go on its right path. I can feel how guilty she was and how hard it was on her side. If I leave last day when she's not still around, and when that happens while my facebook are deactivated I know she will kept looking on me everywhere. Plus, it was night already to go somewhere.

She explained that she was just tired that's why she feel that she's also tired at everything. I also told her that no matter what her emotion is, I still love her.

By the way, I really hate calling the house because everytime that I'm talking to them all I can hear is money. Sometimes I want to hear the word, "how are you?." From my parents not the word, "When will you be sending money?.", Like hey! I'm still on training. I still have many ways to go and I really need a moral support from them 🥺 it hurt me a lot. I don't understand why they can't ask me if how am I, why they are always like that. There's so many things that's bugging me hays.

Final Thoughts

Sometimes its so sad if there's no any compliment from our parents, like they only cared about our money and payment slip. Like they can remember you because they need money or anything. It hurts me a lot tbh HAHAHAHA.

By the way, how's everyone?! I really missed you guys!. I hope I can go back here like being active after my training! But there's a huge responsibilities where I can't publish any longer because of being too busy.

I hope you guys are alright!