After The Worst Love: Applying Forgiveness.

I don't know how to apply forgiveness, I'm not sure where Can I start applying them or where can I start putting them. As I remember, before I really hate forgiving my ex because of what she do and what she did. But after I gained some lesson, I realized that forgiving someone is also forgiving yourself for something that you do but you're not allowed to do.

She was asking for forgiveness, little did she knew that I already forgive her but the only thing is I still can't talk to her because it makes my heart beats fast and my anxiety were triggering me.

Last night, she called my cousin and also called my baby. My baby said she was looking for me and when she called me, she also added my ex to a call so that she can talk to me. But when I hear her voice, I suddenly got scared for the reason that I'm not sure. Maybe the trauma was still alive and I'm not aware of it.

My ex kept calling my name last night, I ended up the call andeave the groupchat, for me I can forgive her but I don't want to hear her voice again.

I still remember when I fight my parents because of her, they got angry and told me to leave the house. My dad also slapped me, they hate my ex because of her vices. Like drinking, smoking..she always do that every night. She don't have any work, or a part time, I am the one who's giving her some money and also a load.

Stupid, right?

Well she was my first ex so the answer is given already.

Last September, 2018

I called her but the one who answered is her friend. Let's call her Nick, Nick is also my best friend ex and nick is also the same as my ex. They have the same attitude, same vibes, same vices and everything. Well, lot of her friends were back stabbers. If I knew some ilocanos who's friendly, sweet and hardworker then they are different.

All of my ex friends were like, plastic, back stabbers, marites, etc. Wanna know the reason why?

There's someone who named Vhic, this person used to be my ex boss who used to asked my ex about everything. All they were doing was posting on social media about me. Like, "Someone kept calling g***** while at work.", Or, "This girl is stupid because her partner was already cheating but she didn't care.", "This two are in Long Distance but the girl was a coward."

After reading their post, I suddenly feel upset because they can talked to me directly than posting it on social media.

I mean, why are they targeting me? She's on her 30's already but I don't know why are they acting like a kid. I talked to her and tell them everything, I even send the picture that I'm not the one who's calling my ex but it was my ex who's calling me.

But that b$($( was so good at lying and she called me again, when I answer the call she suddenly said, "Why are you kept calling me?.", I hear laugh on her background and it insult. I told her that, "Stop putting that drama, I'm not doing anything about your stupidity."

Lmao, the other line become quiet all of sudden. Maybe because that is the first time that I fight back to her when someone is listening.

She asked her friend to tell me that she already want to broke me up, and I told her friend that, "Oh sure, no problem. Tell her to make sure that she's mot going to call me again." I hear her laugh, maybe because she didn't know that I'm dead serious about what I've said lol.

After 3 days, I received a call for her asking me why I didn't call her, I was like, "Wth is her problem? She broke up with me and then she's going to question me why I didn't calling her?."

And the drama starts.

She threatened me that if I stop calling her she will going to kill herself, there are even times where her oldest sister kept calling me and throw badwords to me because she said, because of me her sister caught"Pneumonia.", Eh? It's not my wrong since her sister loves drinking and smoking.

For me, Forgiving her is setting myself FREE.

• She was my worst love, my worst enemy, the worst version of people that I met, the sadgirl. But despite that, she is the best lesson that I ever learned.

Even if I admit it or not, this may be the worst love that I've ever experienced but it was the best life lesson that I ever learned in my life.

If I'm going to choose, past or present? I'll choose present.

It's good to go back from the past, but I'll choose the present instead. The reason is, what am I now is because of what happened before. So I must be thankful because even if I experienced the worst of it, but still God gave me reasons why it is happening.

Maybe I receive the worst love experience of my life, but I received the greatest gift above of that.

STORY TIMEEE

So I went to iloilo today and I got lost, I mean I remember where the unitap was but when I got there, my mind got rumbled easily and I kept thinking like, "Where's the unitap again?", Little did I know it was the huge place at where am I staying earlier :)

I'm in the city of chineseee! Chars.

Okay so I'm kinda tired today, good day everyone!

OfficialGamboaLikeUs