When I became a Mom : Challenge for Moms

After a couple of challenges that I entered, there's one which I admire - @MizLhaine 's motherhood challenge and as soon as I found her article posted on my notifications, I immediately started making a draft for my entry.

I know mothers out there can relate to what she mentioned in her article, if you are interested, you may check it here: When I became a Mom : Challenge for Moms

My baby was born on July 25th, 2020, I gave birth to a bouncing 4.5 kg baby boy on my maternal grandfather's birthday and so my mother was very happy knowing it. After five years, God has bestowed upon us a gift of a child.

But three years ago, I had a miscarriage due to ectopic pregnancy, my case was an abdominal miscarriage, the baby dropped towards the back of my uterus, sticking to my stomach thus I had to be operated on, my stomach has to be cut to take the bruises caused by the growing baby. It was a painful experience but it was all part of God's will and plan. 

Now that we have our baby Matti, we can't help but praise God for making us his parents. True enough, the moment we knew that we were expecting a baby, everything changed.

When I became a mother, I found my greatest "WHY" for living.

I wonder when is a woman called a mother, is it when the baby comes out of the womb or when she learned that she is pregnant?

For me, it is when she learned that she is pregnant because from that point on, a mother lives not just for herself but for the baby as well.

It was when my husband and I were in South Korea that I sensed something is odd. I used to love the food that is in front of me but I dislike its odor at that time, I have no appetite, I only eat for the sake of eating since we were on a trip. And I was already two weeks delayed at that time.

Upon reaching the Philippines, I did a test and true enough, the test showed a positive result. It was a joyous day for the two of us and the rest of the family.

From that time on, I had exerted efforts in making sure that I eat right, take my vitamins and drink the necessary fluids for the welfare of my growing child and oh, exercise!

I spent hours of research on what are the things to avoid and what I must do to keep the baby healthy inside. There were a lot of fears and doubts but the joy of grasping that there's an individual growing inside of me was mind-blowing, it was a miracle!

When I became a mother, I became selfless.

Ever heard of stories from our neighbors, relatives, and friends telling us that when they became moms themselves, they had somehow stopped buying clothes and other stuff for themselves? That's true! 

I always find myself looking for items not for myself but my little one. While he was still in my tummy and even until today that he is already one year old, I just can't help but prioritize his needs.

This is indeed selflessness. I didn't understand it until I became a mother and although some may think it is too much, that we as mothers must also learn to take care of ourselves and give ourselves a break, buy something for ourselves and all, it still boils down to the question if my baby has already all his needs? If yes, then it's time for momma but if the answer is no, then momma can wait.

When I became a mother, I sacrificed.

When an expecting woman starts to undergo pain during active labor, we always say that she is on the verge of losing her life in the process. That through this phase, every single bone in the body is like being fractured and we perceive the pain (except if you had anesthesia), we feel every inch of contraction as our cervix dilates and the contractions getting stronger and stronger.

I was blessed that my active labor was only short, I felt the pain, I remember punching the labor room's wall in every contraction and my OB just massaging my back.

It's a sacrificial scene going through the delivery process, the what I felt like unending pushes, the fundal push from the doctors helped but I also felt like I was being beaten and then the tear and the things that happened afterward. The recovery process, all of them were not simple things yet, we sacrifice, I sacrificed for my baby.

When I became a mother, I learned that sleep is a luxury!

I recalled my friend telling me while I was still very pregnant that I must get the sleep I needed. I was always sleepy, I slept at ten in the morning, I again sleep during the afternoon, and then I sleep early in the evening. 

Then I recognized, I guess the reason for the sleepiness is to prepare us for the sleepless nights.

True enough, sleep is for the weak! I was weak, I needed sleep but I have to keep my eyes open as my newborn requires my full attention, direct latch, and the unlimited change of diapers. I have to endure both the pain of my healing wound down there together with the pain of breastfeeding.

Sleep for two hours was already luxury and I am grateful for my husband who was also sleep deprived but would carry the baby for me when I needed rest. 

Indeed, the saying that goes the nights are long but the days are short is true. That phase, when my baby was still a newborn, I miss a lot. I treasure those days.

When I became a mother, I realized that I could stare at my baby for hours.

Staring at my baby was one of the things that I don't mind doing for hours. I inspect every inch of him, his forehead, his nose, his eyes, his mouth, his ears, down to his body, and his toes. Time flies away so fast, I was even intending to sleep but then gazing at him was better than sleeping.

It's funny when others urge us to sleep and have rest when the baby is napping but it is just so hard to resist when the baby's in our arms. I can't help it, I was mesmerized at the beauty of God's mercy and favor for giving us a baby boy.

When I became a mother, I never thought my tiny heart could contain this huge love.

I don't think I could explain this in words, I can't fully articulate how big a mother's love has for the child, more so for first-time mothers. But I believe that when a mother gives birth to her second or third child, the love is not divided, it is actually multiplied.

Our hearts, tiny as it is is capable of containing this love so huge, so true and so pure.

When I became a mother, I loved my husband more.

Taking care of my newborn until today would have been tougher without my husband. When our baby was born, my husband became a father he never thought he could be.

He was hands-on, he would diligently wake up every single day to sunbathe the baby and do skin-to-skin. He does the burping, he supported me with my breastfeeding journey, he would not sleep while I am resting.

When we first arrived home, he did all the work from cooking, washing the dishes, preparing for the table and my vitamins, getting the baby's bathtub ready for bathing, and even did the laundry. He was the one who did the baby's cloth diapers, even washing those soiled ones.

His paternal leave was only for two weeks but he continued doing these tasks even while working. The work-from-home setup was favorable to our situation.

I saw his efforts and I loved him even more.

When I became a mother, I understood my mother.

Back then, I would get annoyed when my mother nags at us for not making our bed, for not following her commands, and a lot more. But when I became a mother, I recognized that a mother's mind is indeed running 24/7 with all the things that she wants to take care of.

The dishes must be cleaned well before this specific time comes. The laundry must be washed, the floor must be swept scrubbed and then there's cooking. And more are in our heads, although we know that we can't get everything done in a day, we try to and it frustrates us when things are not accomplished.

Thus, the nagging comes and I understood it by this time. I know how hard she tries to make sure her house is spotless and tidy when our father arrives from the office. She wanted to make everything pleasing but the many other things that need to be done are keeping her from fulfilling everything.

This is happening to me as well today and although I don't nag like her (Praise God for giving me patience), I know how it feels to be occupied with so many things yet getting frustrated with accomplishing so little.

They say we become like our mothers and I believe this might be true to some but what I know is that I understand my mother now more than ever.

Thank you for reading! I invite @tired_momma , @z_graeden and @Bloghound to join as well in this challenge. Sorry for tagging you guys but I am interested to know your take in this topic.

xoxo,

mommy jean of momentswithmatti

Love harder than any pain you've ever felt.