Male and Female Bestie
So I got the idea for this article from a friend of mine @Ellawrites . She wrote an article about why men leave when their advances are rejected by women. She was wondering why they couldn't just stay as friends. She asked the all important question how can you tell a man no and he will still stay in your life as a friend.
There is no direct answer to this question as different men have different reactions to rejection. Although most of them will walk out of the lady life not forever but for a long period of time just to get themselves back together. Rejection isn't something you just get over and most women find that difficult to understand. How do you expect a man to recover after you've literally shattered his heart into a million pieces smaller than an atom.
The man gave you his all. His mind, spirit, soul and body and you just rejected it expecting him to take it like a man. Men are also human beings who have emotions and can be very fragile at time. This is why the highest suicide rate is among men because they have no one to share their emotions with and just bottle it up. This is why when they open up to you and you reject them it takes a long time for them to process it and get back to the right state of mind if they are able to.
If a man says that he likes you he really does unless he is a promiscuous man in that case don't believe a word that he says. He puts all of his emotions out there hoping that you will accept him. This is something men rarely do. So when they don't get the desired response it's kind of difficult for them.
I think I have answered your question but there are some exceptions. Some will actually stay in your life under the guise of being your friend or should I say bestie but actually want to be more and so wait around hoping to see an opportunity to enter your heart.
I learnt this from the love doctor himself @Oluwa_damilare . He has said this time and time again in his articles. He gets his inspiration from Steve Harvey TV show. He was the one that introduced me to him and I think I am starting to get addicted. He basically said that men always go after what they want and if they can't have it they leave or stick around like an hyena waiting for an opportunity to pounce.
In a sense what I am trying to say is that it is very rare for a guy to stay in your life with no ulterior motive. He might be your friend at least for now but something deep within him wants you guys to be more than friends. That is why most male friends leave when a lady gets married. They do this because;
Out of respect for her husband. He should be the only man that close to her now that she is married
They don't have any chance again. She is married and as such not looking for any relationship again
I and some other guys on a group chat engaged in a conversation with her about her article and explained to her how it is almost impossible to stay friends. She listened to our point of view and understood.
There is nothing wrong with you for telling him no and for him leaving. That's his choice and you shouldn't feel bad at all. If you don't want him you tell him directly so that he can move on with his life and stop chasing you. If he is still staying in your life as a friend hoping that one day you become more than that tell him No now so that he will stop living in self denial.
So that is my 2 cents on the issue. There is so much more to talk about but I will stop here.
Reading your article, I made my past when I was in college. We were all five girls and he was the only boy. We've been friends since the beginning of college. At that time I had a relationship with a senior for about 3 years. my relationship with senior ended. Suddenly he expressed his love for me very surprised because we have been friends for a long time. It is with great regret that I refuse. Obviously he was disappointed, then he wrote a lot of letters from the beginning we became friends even I had a relationship with a senior he had liked the letter for a long time and contained his feelings for him and he was disappointed in me, 😅😅🤭 I'm so confused. Since then he seems to keep our distance until the end of our college graduation . It's just a piece of the past and we've had our own lives. I was married and he was also married to my friend's older sister. He got married though eventually divorced and there is no more news about him. Some of my other friends are still in communication