021222

Everything too much is bad. Everything less is also not good. How can you tell if it's too much or needs more? I know you have to keep it balanced but how can you? How can I?

Last week, I posted an article Road to 1BCH wherein I kept track on my earnings for 5months. Surprisingly, I also doubled time posting articles here on read.cash. For the past few days, weeks or months, I've been exceeding my goals. I know I worked hard for it and I am very thankful. I am happy that I am exceeding my daily/weekly/monthly goal so I can at least help my parents and my family too.

Too much time writing articles?

I've been trying to post 2 articles per day so I can maintain my earnings or exceed more but there are still days when I feel that I needed to slow down. Why? My sleep and quality time with Lil B was compromised.

Lil B is a little bit clingly for the past few days. I noticed that she cries differently when I get out of her sight. Literally. She doesn't want to be put down on the crib, she doesn't want to sit on the hair chair, she doesn't want to let go of me when I carry her. I ended up carrying her while sitting down. I know that it's a part of being a growing baby but, I still feel guilty. Yesterday, she doesn't want to be put down but she's very very sleepy and she fell asleep in my arms. I realized that I miss putting her to sleep that way.

As much as I want to carry her, my back cannot handle it most of the time. I also do not know why everytime I carry her for 10mins or longer, my chest hurts. It could be a muscular pain due to lifting something heavy, like my Lil B. When she fell asleep in my arms, I cried a little bit and told her 'I'm sorry'.

She also seeks attention most of the time now, and if she wants my attention she grabs my eyeglasses. Most of the time that pisses me off because duh it's my eyeglasses (I needed to control my temper because she's a baby and I don't want to turn out to be a hard tough lover kind of parent). I just want to get my eyeglasses broken because I get headaches and it might affect my mood. I don't want my temper to affect Lil B. For now, I am trying to train her to understand the concept of some words. I know it's a long process for her so fully understand but I need to keep trying.

I sometimes appreciate her for noticing that I am getting angry because she cries without a sound. Her eyes turn red with tears and doesn't cry out loud. I felt guilty when she does that too. In short, I feel guilty for whatever I do. Haaaaaay mother life.

Needs more..

I need more sleep but I feel like I need more time so I can be consistent on Read.cash for a little more earnings.

I need more time with Lil B.

I need more understanding.

I need more patience.

I need more strength.

I need no time for worries.

For a first time mom, it's hard to balance everything.

Game plan?

I'll still try to post 2 articles per day as long as my mind and time allows me to but I will always prioritize Lil B.

It's really fascinating how fast a child's development can be. As what they say, start them young.

I also noticed that when we go to bed in the evening, I would always use my phone while nursing her to sleep. I just realized last night that she acts out more when I do that so I will focus my attention to her especially when it's time to bed. I will not touch my phone until she falls asleep.

I have drafted diffent topics here on read.cash but can't finish them yet. I don't know but sometimes I think that my mind is not letting me finish an article so my body can take care of Lil B. Quite a pretty good deal actually. The good thing of drafting different topics is I have a reserved article/s for the next following days.

You'll be showered with attention for now Lil B. I know you need it, just for now. I love you for being such a good girl.

Valentine's Day

Just a few more days, I don't have a valentine date but my husband is coming home next week after a month. I can't wait to see him :)

No more videocall for a few days while he's here and I think that my drafted articles will be posted once he's here.

I just need to let this out babaho na to kapag hindi ko inilabas eh hahahaha.

Thanks for reading!

lead image from unsplash and pictures posted are mine.