Am I in love again? 🤔

I am not the type that has this time for ladies, most times I joke a lot and when ladies feel I make them laugh so much then they would just keep beating and beating thinking they are playing. So I made up my mind to reduce my interactions with ladies especially when it comes to joking.

This got to the extent that I don’t even have many feelings for ladies again since I have been ignoring them and limiting my time and actions with them. It continued like that for years and I could feel changes in my life. But how would I cope with my wife if I had to continue this way?

I had to tell myself, “you have to start relating with them again and make sure you learn how to control yourself”. I understood the message I passed across to myself and I decided to go for a girl I felt I would like over time.

Yeah, it worked out. She accepted me and I started to maintain my first relationship with a girl. It wasn’t really bad as a first-timer but I noticed something strange about the relationship. She is always the “asking” type and not ready to support. I felt I already pushed myself into this. So there is no backing out. I made a write-up about her, don’t know maybe it’s on this platform or others I am not so certain.

Then all of a sudden there was a day Mum called me to ask about my relationship with her, I said nothing much. Then she told me to forget about her. I took the step with immediate effect and broke up. Since I already started to have some ill feelings about her.

It broke my heart and hers too, she kept asking the reason for the sudden break up for days but I gave no answer. I was just so sorry.

Since then I never asked any lady out because I don’t want what happened at first to happen again. Not until my 3rd year in the university that I came across this lady. I had a crush on her but it seems she never noticed me. So I decided to throw my card. I expressed myself to her but she never gave a direct response. She seems to like me but something is holding her back. I thought she was trying to play hard not until I realized that ever since I have been calling her on my call log and messages, she never called me or messaged me once. That’s when I realized she is a no-go area for me.

I suffered another heartbreak but it was just for a little while. I moved on with my life. Meanwhile, my relationship with ladies kept on reducing after each experience.

Fast forward to my after-school days and when to go for our youth service corps. I met a lady. We were on the same bus to the state where I was deployed. Seems she was a friend to a friend of mine. From there I knew her name and nothing more.

We camped for 21days and I have gotta see her often, but I just wave at her and move on. I can’t experience another breakup again. After camping all of my friends moved to another state. But I remained where I was posted. I got my place of primary assignment and tried settling down. The next morning it was this same lady I saw next door.

I approached her and she said she was also posted to the same place of primary assignment. I was at least happy that I would have someone to talk to again. I won’t be lonely after losing all my friends.

I got her contact number since she is the only one I knew partially from camp and the same bus too. Then gradually we got fond of each other and our chat became more consistent. From there I felt some attraction towards her. I don’t know if she has any. But I could feel it.

Right now I am in a state of confusion as to whether I should express my feelings to her or just keep the friendship going between us. And I don't know if I am ready to love again after a long time.

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©Adeleye

10:35 pm Thursday, 20th January 2022.