One day, I'm OK without you

Back then, I was so alright being alone. I enjoy my own company and I didn't bothered myself being alone. Honestly, I enjoy those moments because I'm not worried about the judgement of the others people. I live on the accordance of my will and desire. One thing is for sure , I am happy and complete.

But then, you came into my life. I didn't plan to enter into a romantic relationship because I promise to myself that I will focus on my studies especially since I'm the eldest. But your persistence really catch my heart. You never failed me. Even I push you away, you still come closer to me to court me. I asked so many signs to Him, and he gives all of those signs. I'm at the church that time and I asked the last sign, " Lord, if it is the right guy for me please give me a sign." Then after I pray, I saw you standing at the door of the church. But the thing that I notice is a light towards you. Is it the sign? Maybe . I admit that time , I already have a feeling for you but I'm not sure if I'm ready to dive into it. But now, I ready to take the risk so I give you a chance to be part of my life. You prove to me that I you are worth it to be love and I made a right decision.

But everything has its own ending. I woke up in a dark room without your hugs. I can't find you anywhere. Even your shadows seems hiding at me. Where did you go? You left without saying a word. If you are tired on my mood swings, I should know that. If you are sick to my attitude, I should know that. If you are really tired, I should your rest . If you don't want anymore, you should tell me. I'm ready to change for you but I think that I didn't deserve to be left behind without a proper goodbye.

You know that I can do anything to make you stay at my side but it seems that you already choose our destination. I'm not ready to it, it never comes to my mind. But here we are, you are at somewhere while I'm here stuck nowhere drowning on my own tears. If I know it at the very beginning, I should never let you in.

I wish that before you leave me, please tell me the reason behind. Why you ruin my peace if you can't stand to it until the end? That peace I have before you came turns into broken pieces. Thin air, sad songs ft. broken heart. Leaving me puzzled to the things that I never know. You leave without a trace but instead many questions running into my head. Did you really in love with me or are you just bored that's why you disturb me that time? Now, I don't know where to start. I don't where to find that peace again. I don't know how I can stop this tears because to be honest I cried enough. For the first time I let myself to fell in love but on the other hand, I also let myself to be hurt again. Hayst, you're so unfair to this part but I know that I'm also at fault. I let you enter to my world. Unlike before, I guess it's the biggest mistake that I've ever made. To let someone ruin me while I'm still healing myself. Maybe we are really meant. Meant to hurt and ruin me. Meant to mess up with me. Meant to be apart to each other. We are meant but not mean to each other. Maybe you are really the sign. Sign of lessons and reflections for me. Pretty sure, one day I'm ok without you.

I'm not closing my heart to fell in love again. I believe that it's not love who hurts us but it's the person. It's not love who abandoned us but it's the person. We should not blame love at all. Love is not really blind instead it's our decisions and choices who makes us blind. I wish that when the time has come that I already mastered how to fell in love again, I wish that He gives me the right person for me. Not only a person but the one who becomes my safe haven. Now, I should let the tears flow and tomorrow I should start to fix myself again. It's not easy I know but it's the least that I can do for myself . Not now, but I will be healed soon.

All images from Unsplash

Greetings!!

Hey there crazy dreamers of read cash universe. Hope that you are doing good today. As am I relaxing right now while listening to a broken songs. I'm not brokenhearted to be clear, I just exhausted since Monday so I decided to take a break for a day with my comfort sounds into my ears. Life is just so full of unexpected problems but still ,it's a great day to be alive. Keep safe always dreamers and never let yourself to be tired. 🤗