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Let's go back to those days when we feel the excitement everytime our hands met and every inch of us come close.
Let's go back to the days when we wish to be nights so we can see each other until midnight.
Let's go back to those nights when we both are drunk with the beers and sweet words.
Let's see each other again like it was the first time. The first time when you fixed your gaze at me as I am to you. And there's no one else we can see.
Let's meet again for the first time.
What is this I'm feeling? I can't explain. Sometimes I feel love and sometimes I don't. Is it because I over think too much or because I just fell out of love, again? But if I fell out of love, was there really love at all? They said if you're in love, you will never get tired of that person. Well, I'm not tired yet. I just feel like my feelings have changed over time. It's not the usual feeling I have for him.
These days I really don't understand what I'm going through. I'm shutting my doors to everyone yet I long for comfort. I need someone to reach me out but I don't want anyone to come close and see how down I am.
Being in the room with one person I love and not talking to each other for a day is peace for me. But why do I feel sad if that's the peace I want? Why do I over think that maybe love is gone. And if there's something left, it's just respect. Respect because we already started everything and none of us would dare to talk about ending. Perhaps, we're just waiting for each other to start the conversation.
There are times love is alive. Those are the times when his touch gives me the feeling. The kind of feeling that's telling me I'm important and I matter. He doesn't know how to show his love through words and that's the reason why I misunderstood his language. He's also not the type of person who's expressive both in words and actions. So how can I say if love is still there?
Before, when the relationship was new, everything was perfect. Everyday is a perfect day. No problems, no arguments and conflicts. It feels like I own his world and mine was his. I can't forget one of my exes told me that I am just happy and in love because it's just the start of the relationship and after that first romantic stage, everything expires. He even said he wished that this man can love me the way he did. (I can still remember his pain when he told me this).
What can I do? I was still lost in love during that time and I also lost my mind to think if I'm doing everything right. I just go with the flow of love and left behind the man who does everything for me. Yeah, you can say I haven't move on yet. I'm also feeling the same.
I know this is my choice but why do I feel lonely after choosing this path? Am I the problem? Maybe. This is the reason why I want to go back in time. To feel the love again and make myself believe that there's still love left in me.
If it's possible, can we meet each other again for the first time?
I am thinking too much. Sorry. Lol.
Thank you so much guys for reading! You've been so kind to me since day one.